the sun comes back even after the darkest of nights
the coldest of winters
when every other source of light in life is gone
no matter if you're in a good mood or bad
no matter if you yell at or not
no matter if you forget for a second that you love it
even after thirty days of night in the ******* arctic.
you never did.

the 23 of each month for the past year i've written to you.
expressed how much I miss you, each month I've survived without you.
Today, october 23 its been a single year since your blue eyes stared aimlessly into the distance.
Some people attempt to show me comfort saying things like "hes in a better place"
In all honestly, I would have cared for him the rest of my life
dealing with his sickness, if only he were here today.
Cancer killed the most important man in my life, single handedly tortured him until he couldn't walk
couldn't talk
the last communication we made was in the hospice bed.
Whispering "I love you, dad" our hands clasped together, you squeezed my hand unable to talk this was your "I love you, good bye"    
You waited until both your daughters weren't present in the room to let go. For 3 years we knew the day would come where we couldn't bring you home from a hospital bed. Coming home without you was something, strange. One year later, and this house is just as empty as the day we left that hospital room without you.

home is love
broken home
broken hearts

hi how high are you?
my body is shaking within my own skin
my grin shows how high my state of mind is
my thoughts lined with pleasant daydreams
theme undecided
nothing guided
only my imagination
with my own narration
long duration
**** hits, never quits
visits from old memories
carries me away
as if a glistening new boat
was swaying me away from shore
I swore my body was moving to the feel of the waves
moving, and grooving
proving I am who I am
through my dreadlocks
and poetry
this is my story
glory, just exquisite
no, not really its ordinary
I'm going to cut to the chase
life is no race, I'm slowing growing
flowing through my deepest emotions
my devotion is enlightenment  
brighten my eyes and live in the moment
all thats crucial, with the brutal past
and the frightening future
let my worries
become flurries of snowflakes
laid upon the earth and not my shoulders
weight like a boulder
in the eye of the beholder
I hear sweet tunes of floyd
feel the keys on my fingertips with every motion
smell the stale smoke of cigarettes and marijuana
this high as brought nothing but good thoughts
and positive energy
and talkative vibes
nothing describes the uplifting enjoyment
won't stop drifting
shifting from planet earth
to my own birth of reality

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you. The day you said that your own problem was because I was born, I heard gun shots strike me but no physical wound. All my life you’ve smacked me around with words like I hate you. Overall, I would have taken more   blows to the head than those bullets struck at me.  
Does my existence burden your entire life, starting at 6 years old?
Theres no halo hovering above me, I’m willing to admit what I’ve done. I wasn’t the perfect little sister, but I didn’t have an ideal role model either.
I could sit here and point the finger at you, but that’d make me nothing but a hypocrite.
I don’t hold you accountable for my self loathing, its my own mistake for letting you drag me down thinkin’ I’m nothing but dirt.