Sometimes you wake up
At 4am
And realise you're in love
Sometimes you wake up
At 4am
And realise you're not

I don't know which one
Is worse

I feel as If
I am basking in the warm light
of a star that died long ago
As if I am the moon
refusing to disappear from the morning sky
I am the raccoon
who could escape his trap
if he would only let go of that shiny metal object
A trout swimming against the current
to a birthplace no longer there
A man trying to fill the void of lost love
which he knows was one of a kind.

Someday
I will belong

where everyone else is like me
silent but not awkward
all the charm
of rot

Someday
it won't be long

I am the running child.
Running. Always running far from love,
Far from emotion or attachment
Running till I could self-destruct.

Until I met you.

I never considered meeting you would save my soul.
That one moment with you could make me so euphoric,
That not even hell on earth could drag me down.

And believe me, I have come to know hell.
I stare at the devil in every empty bottle,
and at the end of every cigarette.

Its almost surrealism: Like a dream left unfulfilled for years,
Finally shown with focus and careful attention.
Like the aging of time pieces left in the sand
I patiently stare past the brass and tarnish
And see you as you really are.

All those years ago, I fell.
I defied my own heart that told me not to love -- and I did.
But fear got the better at the end and I lived up to my title of running child.
Always running from safety and stability
Into the cold abyss, leaving you stranded in my wake.

But you still waited.
Until I ran back to you.

And who could have guessed that you would bring rest
To my porcelain heart and calloused soles
Though sometimes I want to run;
Your love seems to do wonders, like an anchor.
Making me realize I should have come home to you
Long before now.

It was one of those mornings
where you peer out your bottom floor window,
and look up at the raindrops freshly fallen.

You feel broken,
and yet rushed with an unexplainable emotion.
but you know it’s a good one simply with a bad aftertaste.

You see people everyday, no, you stare at them.
You wish for relationships you once had.
Others you wish you could hold,
and those you could never give up.

Have you ever heard the saying about faking a smile?
It’s an understatement.
It’s not sadness, or anger really, just pain.

It doesn't start out as pain, it just evolves, over time.
The madness results in Emotionally caused Physical pain.
The pain doesn't hurt, it just...sits.

This emotion that we've nicknamed pain, rushes through the body,
Arms numbs, legs shaking, eyes holding back, everything.
It’s all caused from sight, with a drop of longing.

You see this person everyday.
You long for the same people every single day.
And your body just longs for them.

It’s not as lustful as it sounds.
You just possess an attraction to these people.
An attraction that even the most specific and descriptive of words could not describe.

You sit there and you are bound by society’s lock on intermingling.
You are bound by the mock and disgust of others.
You are bound by that person of which you desire.
You are bound simply by yourself.

All this.
All of this Emotion, if you will, was bound in that little drop that clings to the window.
That was but a drop of what I feel every single day.

You can’t imagine
but don't let me sound as if I am exaggerating.
For I am not.

I have felt wonderful things.
Things I am not sure most of you have felt.
Though I wish you could.

I wish I could place my hand on your chest
I wish that all of that energy, that emotion, would flow into you and then back into me.
I could look into your eyes, and I would know, that you know, how I feel.

You could understand everything.
You could sympathise.
but the fact of the matter is, you simply can’t.

I do not believe you have felt what I have felt too, no.
Different version and variations, yes.
But this feeling of impossibility, I know you have not felt.

You are common rebel,
this is not bad, no not at all,
you have more opportunities to release this emotion than I ever will.

And i envy you. All of you. Every Last one.

You look away from the rain drops.
You go back to living.
You go back to hiding.
You go back to solitude.

Yeah, it was just one of those mornings I guess.