expressing my thoughts
and feelings
i've come far
i deserve to show it
feel it
live in it

we all fall
i have too many times for me
to feel proud any more
but i am returning
to my heart and soul
still running from the darkness

So this is what we've become
unrecognized numbers
appearing on a screen
after it all
all the parts of myself
I put into you

I only wanted to tell you
Happy Birthday

Time ago when your skeletons jumped out
your closet
i ran
took the first ticket i could find
away from that broken home
to a city of lights and comfort by the bay
I can remember holding back tears
in the cab to my hotel
wishing it was you next to me
instead of an empty seat being filled
by my sorrow

this weekend I went back
to that same city
of a cold breeze and bread bowls
and i thought of you for a moment
how shredded my heart was in my
previous time here
the moments I couldn't stop checking my phone
waiting to see your name

then my heart felt filled
with pride and love
for myself
letting you go
and sewing the shreds together
enjoying the beauty
I couldn't see
through clouded eyes

I've come to the truth
this isn't about you
but about me
how I hurt
and how I loved

It has nothing to do with you
it's only me recovering
and I can feel you slipping
out my heart
I feel sorry

because I promised to love you
forever

It was like nothing happened
we never hurt
or cried
I never broke
sitting across from you
trying to figure out what goes on in your mind
when you see me

The sad thing is
each time
I want you to make me feel
glad that you're gone
but I never do
because I really do see you
and all you are capable of living
all that we were capable of having

You continued to say
you wish this never got here
that you never became lost
I wish that too, peach
but for whatever reason
we aren't meant to be
in this life

I can see the loss hurts
us both
you lost what you say was your
true love
and i was forced to turn away
neither of us got
what we wanted

No longer will i only
write for you
I know there may never be a
final piece about you
But no longer
will you be my only muse

This broken piece I still carry
the one that fits in the empty
space of your heart
has grown too heavy
and it's time
to leave it be

The time has come
for me to mend my heart
without your name slipping through
its cracks