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Jun 2014 · 411
Mother always says...
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
My mother always says "you don't need a person to be happy."
But I don't think she understands; because when you're not around my heart feels like its caving in,
It trys to stop beating but the little reminder of you keeps it going,
My limbs feel weak and I fall everytime I try to walk because You're not holding my hand or holding me up,
My breathing slows down to just abouy nothing and I pretty much need my inhaler 24/7,
I am only happy when I am with you,
You keep my heart from caving in and you keep it from stopping,
You keep my limbs from going weak,
You keep me from falling, you hold me up and hold my hand,
You keep my breathing at an almost normal pace,
So I guess so my mother is wrong because I need you to be happy.
Jun 2014 · 422
Worth more than words???
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
most of the time when I try to write about you,
all of my words get mixed up and I end up not saying the things I really intend to say,
the feelings I try so hard to explain sound so bland and untrue when I read them or write them down,
It is very hard to write about you,
Because no amount of words written down could muster up enough of who you are,
How great you are,
Or how much I love you.
Words are nothing
But
Writers block is everything,
When I try to write about you.
You're the thoughts and ideas,
The sky and the ground,
But when I try to write you down
You're like fire and water
I pretty much get nowhere when I try to write about you
But that is okay because you're more than words on paper to me..
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
I've only been camping a handful of times and this is the first we've been in about a year and its very nice and the outdoors is very comforting.  The stars in the sky shine so bright tonight, they remind me of my lovers smile. The bugs chirp and make so many noises it keeps me up, at late hours. The weather is hot and its humid so my hair sticks to my face and I sweat. I have to *** so bad but everyone is asleep and the bathrooms are unbearably disgusting. It took us almost an hour to set the tent up and we had hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner. The bonfire was warm. I can't wait to get out and go swimming in the lake later. Camping is alright.
This has no purpose really just felt like getting thoughts out..
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
i love you
i love your voice
even at 4 a.m. when you're so tired its raspy
because it is my favorite sound
i love your smile
even if you fake it
because it could light up the whole town
i love your laugh
even though you think its obnoxious
because its a nice sound in my ears
i love your eyes
even though you wish they were any color but green and you hate the dark circles underneath
because they're like nobody elses
mossy and obvious that you're tired and can't sleep
i love your hair
even though you cut it because you don't
because its soft and you let me play with it
i love your tummy
even though you'd like to lose weight
because its cute and pudgy
i like your personality
even though you don't know why
because its original
i like how you're complicated
even though you question why i do
i like how you make me fall in love with you even more each day because i would have never thought that was possible
i like it that you don't always agree with me
because its okay to argue every now and then
i like how it is so easy for you to make me laugh
or make me cry
because the emotions you give me are important
the way you make me feel is extraordinary
you're extraordinary, important
you're so interesting
like the stars in the sky
or the footprints at a crime scene
no matter what you see as a flaw I'll always find something great about it
you're so much more than what you think you are
you're not just plaster on a wall
you're bright, colorful, paint
you're worth everything in this world
and everything more than this world
if you're lost
that's okay
I'll take your hand and guide you into my heart
climb in
carve a niche
let it be your home
i promise it'll be warm and safe and you'll never feel like something less than bright, colorful paint
i love you.
Jun 2014 · 261
Last summer.
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
I think back to last summer when everything seemed okay,
but just under the surface, everything wasn't.
I wasn't truly happy with anything.
I'd stay out of the house till 3 a.m. with the boys,
getting high and pretending I was an explorer.
I lost so many people that summer, but still had the boys,
we'd get high every night
so high it was like we were forever stuck in the clouds.
I got addicted to nicotine that summer, the bitter taste of sadness in my mouth and reminders of everything bad.
I turned to getting high and nicotine instead of self harm and thought everything would be better.
But I was wrong.
I wanted a cigarette again and again and again.
I wanted to be high again and again and again.
I was still harming myself all over again,
I didn't care and neither did the boys as long as I was chilling with them it didn't matter about our health.
And I think that's why I got so lost last summer,
because I found friends that didn't care,
I didn't care.
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
When I think about our future,
I think about lounging on the couch, Sunday afternoon,
watching our favorite t.v. show and eating pizza hut in our underwear; because we were too lazy to cook dinner and we like being comfy.
I think about playing hide-n-seek, tag, and many other childish games because deep down we'll never truly grow up.
I think about having our own privacy,
exploring each others bodies like they're undiscovered art at the bottom of the ocean.
I think about having to wake up early for work,
how we'd kiss goodbye and say "I love you."
(we'd always say "I love you." too much)
I think about how I'd always call during lunch breaks,
and if you happened to not answer I'd leave a voicemail just so you could hear my voice and know I was thinking of you.
I think about getting home late, running through the front door and yelling "Honey, I'm home!" at the top of my lungs; being showered in kisses and being carried to bed.
I think about how I'd make up silly rules like "No clothes allowed!"
how you'd just laugh at me for being such a dork,
but you'd still follow the rule.
You'd strip down to nothing then pick me up and carry me to our bedroom and take my clothes off of me,
laughing when you fumbled with my bra strap and me laughing along as I helped you.
I think about how after making love we'd just lay there together and sleep.
Two messes all tangled up in bed sheets.
I think about how some nights we'll keep each other up late at night,
talking for hours about anything and everything.
I think about how we'll treat each other like we're a king and a queen living in a castle for all eternity.
I think about how we'll fight- not a lot, but believe me we will.
Though of course, with a fight, will always come a make-up.
And boy, will we make-up.
We'll cry and hold each other no matter how tough life gets.
We're invincible, me and you.
Jun 2014 · 268
Untitled
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
The sun is out today.
Do you remember the day I ran around outside with joy?
The smile I had on my face?
My uncontrollable laughter?
The way I kissed your cheek and asked "isn't today lovely?"

You just nodded and I could tell that you were uninterested.
I asked you what you would like to do,
but you just shrugged...

You seemed a million miles away from me and I remember just sitting down next to you,
trying to figure out where you were...

The next day you disappeared,
the sun didn't shine,
it rained all day,
I didn't know what to do.

How could you leave me?
Why didn't you tell me you felt so wrong inside?
Why didn't you let me help?

I'm so sorry...

It's been a year now,
I'm still having trouble coping,
you left me,
now I'm going to leave too..
Jun 2014 · 222
Untitled
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
i miss you
as the rain pours
my tears follow
falling to the ground
in a storm of emotions
Jun 2014 · 1.9k
Curse.
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
Curse you
bad habits
I have bitten my fingernails down to the nub

Curse you
bad habits
I cannot shut my mouth
and words spill out

Curse you
bad habits
food calls my name
so I eat and eat

Curse you
bad habits
my hair is just about dead
I have dyed it so much

Curse you
bad habits
I've found a love so strong
and I'll never let go

Curse you
bad habits.
Jun 2014 · 1.7k
Blessing.
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
Bless you
my dear
for showing me a love that is so deep
not even the ocean can compare

Bless you
my dear
for the happiness inside of me
that dwells to escape everytime
I see your face

Bless you
my dear
for the comfort of your arms
and the warmth of your words

Bless you
my dear
for being there for me
even when I'm not there for you

Bless you
my dear.
Jun 2014 · 361
Haikus (8)
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
I have purple hair,
that is wavy like the sea,
bright as violets.

My eyes are dark brown,
like whiskey in a bottle,
and brown like brownies.

Shining stars in sky,
moon rising bringing grave quiet,
waves still crash on shore.

Peacefully swaying,
golden grass with wisps of green,
calmness in meadow.

The leaves fall like rain,
crunching, loud, beneath my shoes,
beautiful colors.

The air is frigid,
I am shivering,
the warmth is nonexistent.

No school in summer,
too hot to do anything,
sipping lemonade.

Flowers are blooming,
the grass beneath my feet feels,
better than bee stings.
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
Her scars are only reminders of the pain she went through,
the giant black hole she was stuck in for so long, that she never thought she'd get out of.
She never thought that she'd find someone kind enough to grab her hand and pull her up out of the hole and through the dark.
She didn't find anyone,
but someone found her.

He took her hand and looked into her eyes,
wondered how someone so beautiful would ever want to harm themselves.
He was there for her through everything.
He brought her out of the dark, and into the light.
He tought her how to be happy, how to love, and be loved,
He taught her what real love felt like and how to love herself.
He taught her that a mirror masks everything and lies to you.

He is the light that shines through her,
he is her smile and her laugh, and every inch of happiness within her,
he is her life.

He is the only light she has ever known.
Jun 2014 · 391
Too late.
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
She looked at me like I was a crime scene,
so fragile, yet so horrific that she didn't know what to say.
Instead she cried,
she cried simply because her daughter was gone.
She cried because her daughter felt so alone, and took her life.
She cried because her daughter couldn't find a way out.
She cried because she didn't even notice the pain that her daughter hid, and she cried because her daughter hid the pain so well, like she'd had plenty of practice.
She remembered the hot days when her daughter would come out of her room wearing jeans and a sweater despite the blazing heat.
The days when her smile seemed a little off, too forced.
She never had a clue that her little girl was falling apart right in front of her; slipping into oblivion.

She looked at her daughter lying on a metal table in a morgue, naked and forever exposed.
She grabbed her hand and began to cry.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed.
Her skin was so cold and so pale.
She thought to herself, "if only I was there."
She tried to tell herself it was okay, that it wasn't her fault, but she knew it wasn't okay and it wouldn't really be okay ever again; and that if she would have just asked maybe she wouldn't be standing in a morgue, mourning the loss of her only daughter.
She found herself asking so many 'what if's'
but what if's were inevitable, and it was too late.
Jun 2014 · 432
Untitled
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
He is the definition of perfection,
the condition, state, or quality of being free, or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.

His touch leaves me breathless like seeing fish at an aquarium.

Everything he does warms my heart.

His eyes are green like mossy stones by a creek.

My home is in his heart.
Jun 2014 · 296
missing you
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
i am sitting here missing you, and it hurts.
missing you hurts.
not like the pain of accidentally giving yourself a paper cut, or being punched, but a pain so deep that i wonder which is deeper,
the ocean or the pain in me from missing you.
the bottom of me is so mysterious, perhaps not as mysterious as the bottom of the ocean, but what is so mysterious?
its quite difficult to describe my pain of missing you,
its like when you're absent from my side i can feel that you have taken half of me, the same feeling from when you become so used to having or using something and then losing it.
when you lose it, you can feel the absence.
it saddens you.
my chest closes in, i shake and panic,
i dont want to spend any second of my life without you,
i am frightened at the fact that without you,
there'd be no me.
Jun 2014 · 299
These be...(3)
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
These be
comfortable
things: tea on a rainy
day... a kiss on the cheek from your
love... sleep.  
                                                                         These be
                                                                         three sharp things: knifes...
                                                                          the edge of a table...
                                                                          being stabbed in the back by
                                                                          a friend.

These be
three unknown things:
when the world will end... num-
ber of stars in the sky... heaven and hell.
Jun 2014 · 2.1k
Boogeyman
Sam Kirk Jun 2014
The boogeyman sleeps on your side of the bed,
whispers in my ear "you're better off dead."
He fills my dreams with sirens and lights of regret,
and kisses me gently when I wake up in sweat.
You crossed the water, left me ashore,
it killed me enough but you wanted more.
You blew up the bridge, a mad terrorist waved from your side.
You threw me a kiss.
I tried to follow, but realized too late,
there was nothing but air beneath my feet.
Finally I felt beat.
First you inspected me,
then dissected me,
at last you rejected me.
I wait for the day that you will resurrect me.

— The End —