You left me
With very few words
Said.
No fights,
No falling out,
Just a soft thud
Of a heart falling
To my feet.

It feels so good to talk
To you now.
Like I can breathe again.
Just fresh air full of
Khaylliakhaylliakhayllia
Until I have to go
And my lungs cramp up
And tears threaten to spill.

You say you're empty inside.
I say you were the last thing
That could ever keep me full.

He looked at the cuts on my leg and
Quit talking.
I could feel him staring.

Are those because of...her?

I nodded. And felt shame.

Stupid. I know.  I shouldn't have done it. I muttered.

He shook his head, told me
It wasn't stupid.
He smiled.

I've got some pretty gnarly ones too.

He lifted up his shirt and across his left pectoral were three or four deep white scars.

If people ask I just say a dog attacked me or something. Nobody really knows...

I nodded. Understanding.

Later on that night I
Kissed his scars above his heart.
I heard him sigh
And I fell asleep
Wrapped in his arms.

I thought you cared about me.
I thought you loved me.
I thought you wanted this to be a forever
Kind
Of
Thing.

Now I know it was all a lie.
You and Sam are
"Together but not together"
So I'm letting you go.

I've been hurt before.
Just stop lying and own up to
What you do.

You don't care enough about me.
Its all about her now.
She is new, exciting,
Shiny.
My body is boring now.

Whatever.

I don't have a perfect smile
With pearly straight teeth
I don't have volumious hair
That cascades over my shoulders
I don't have long lashes
That naturally bat themselves
I don't have smooth flawless skin
That people can't stop touching
I don't have slender arms
I don't have skinny legs
I don't have soft cheeks
I don't have small fingers.

But I do have a smile
That brightens peoples days.
I do have long blond hair that
Reaches my waist.
I do have eyes that can smile
And pull anyone in with a look
I do have naturally warm skin
That is inviting to people
I do have muscular arms
I have ropey legs
I have warm red cheeks
And small warm hands to match.

I promise to hold you while you sleep
And listen to your favorite songs
I will always run my fingers
Through your hair and
Find a way to make you laugh.

I will love you with every fiber of my
Imperfect being,
If you let me.

No, I'm not okay.
No, I'm not happier without you.

I just want to be with you.
Only you.
I love you.

You are worth more than every star
That has ever existed,
I want you more than the air I
Breathe through my lungs.

Your smile is worth more than a
Billion of mine.
One of your kisses better than
All past lovers' kisses combined.

I love you so much, it keeps
Me up at night
Knowing I cannot be yours anymore.
I toss and turn,
Waiting for a bleak sleep
To come so I can wake up
And start my bleak day.

I love you. I'm sorry you weren't and aren't happy with me. I'm sorry I kissed Tracy Saturday.
Even though we are broken up, it still felt like I was cheating. You were still mad.
I just...needed to feel something that wasn't ******* pain.
It wasn't that good. I wasn't trying to make you jealous. If I was, I certainly would have told you the second it happened.
But I am sorry you had to find out through other people.
I can't seem to let you go. I love you so **** much. All I can do is cry and throw up. I tried cutting myself. Four cuts on my leg and I couldn't bring myself to keep on going. What a ***** I am.
If you go to prom it'll be so heartbreaking. Both of us in our navy blue, but dancing separately.
I don't know if I'll be able to stand it.
I think I'll need a drink or two this Saturday.
I just miss you so ******* much. You were (are) my world.
I was so sure of you. I'm so stupid. So trusting, even after everything that happened. I wish you knew how much longer this "time alone" would take for you, because it's driving me out of my mind.

Now ladies and gentlemen, an all too familiar tale of a broken hearted girl who ****** up....

Jump in a window, land on a bed.
Kick off boots, grab a bottle
Of raspberry-or watermelon-*****.
Drink it like its water.
Can't believe I saw her...
Can't believe I didn't kiss her.
No she doesn't want that

No she doesn't want you
And she doesn't know what she wants.
But I do.
And I can't have it...

So I keep on drinking and
Wash three Ritalin down.
The room is spinning,
There was never a rush of Ritalin,
Probably because I was drunk.

It snuck up, giving me drunk
Never-ending energy.
And amazing dancing abilities.

"Come, dance on Sammy Lindsey get it"
"Lindsey I want a lap dance"

Grinding bodies everywhere, laughter
And bass booming through our skulls.
Hours passed.
Hours passed.
Hours passed.
Without sleep.


Now, I have been awake since 7am Saturday.
It's 1am Monday.
**Ive been up for 42 hours