I love you. I'm sorry you weren't and aren't happy with me. I'm sorry I kissed Tracy Saturday.
Even though we are broken up, it still felt like I was cheating. You were still mad.
I just...needed to feel something that wasn't ******* pain.
It wasn't that good. I wasn't trying to make you jealous. If I was, I certainly would have told you the second it happened.
But I am sorry you had to find out through other people.
I can't seem to let you go. I love you so **** much. All I can do is cry and throw up. I tried cutting myself. Four cuts on my leg and I couldn't bring myself to keep on going. What a ***** I am.
If you go to prom it'll be so heartbreaking. Both of us in our navy blue, but dancing separately.
I don't know if I'll be able to stand it.
I think I'll need a drink or two this Saturday.
I just miss you so ******* much. You were (are) my world.
I was so sure of you. I'm so stupid. So trusting, even after everything that happened. I wish you knew how much longer this "time alone" would take for you, because it's driving me out of my mind.

Now ladies and gentlemen, an all too familiar tale of a broken hearted girl who ****** up....

Jump in a window, land on a bed.
Kick off boots, grab a bottle
Of raspberry-or watermelon-*****.
Drink it like its water.
Can't believe I saw her...
Can't believe I didn't kiss her.
No she doesn't want that

No she doesn't want you
And she doesn't know what she wants.
But I do.
And I can't have it...

So I keep on drinking and
Wash three Ritalin down.
The room is spinning,
There was never a rush of Ritalin,
Probably because I was drunk.

It snuck up, giving me drunk
Never-ending energy.
And amazing dancing abilities.

"Come, dance on Sammy Lindsey get it"
"Lindsey I want a lap dance"

Grinding bodies everywhere, laughter
And bass booming through our skulls.
Hours passed.
Hours passed.
Hours passed.
Without sleep.


Now, I have been awake since 7am Saturday.
It's 1am Monday.
**Ive been up for 42 hours

I knew it was too good
To be true.
How could somebody like me
Deserve someone like you?
I now see I have worn
You to the bone,
Your eyes dim where
They once shone.
I'm to selfish and
I'm too greedy
To let you go because
I'm just that needy.
I'll hold onto you
Until you push me away
And even then I'll
Unevenly whisper "stay".

Your beautiful blue eyes
Once holding fathomless love
Now show I'm not at all
What you dreamed of.

How could I be as good
As you thought?
Now you can see all I have
Inside me is rot.

Kissing me leaves your
Tongue bitter,
And all you can think of is
"I've got to quit her."

Its okay,
I understand.
I'll always fall asleep
Holding my own hand.

You changed into something
Harder,
Something
Colder.

Something
     Almost
                  Out
                          Of
                                Reach.

I still cling to you
But it gets harder for you
To answer my texts
And to pick up the phone
Every day.

I still need you
But it gets harder for you
To kiss me back
And need me too.

You, you are not all there.
I am wearisome.

And I have worn you down
To the bone.

I feel my life
Moving on without me
Because I'm stuck in the past
In stuck on the way she kissed me
I'm stuck on the way he held me

Im stuck in the way she left me
Im stuck in the way he criticized me

Help me I'm so stuck
I'm drowning in my emotions
And Khayllia is my sinking lifeboat

12-14: Jacob Harris.
14-16: Mykayla Bradshaw.
16: Raymond Crawford.
16: Gin Berry.
16: Mickaela Maxwell.
17-present: Khayllia Harrell.

I gave Jacob my Innocence.
I gave Mykayla my Trust.
I gave Ray my Self-esteem.
I gave Gin my Confidence.
I gave **** my Hope.
I am giving Khayllia my Brokenness.

Sometimes
I dont even want to live
Each breath hurts my lungs
Labored and uneasy

And some days
I can feel my heart
Shrinking and
Turning into stone

I remember bursting
With life to the point
I felt I was going to
Tear out of my own skin

Now I feel I've shrunk
To my lungs and hurting heart
Because that's all I can feel