Numbness
It feels nice
In comparison
To the ****
You made me feel
On purpose

You had just gone.
I heard your door close.
You'd touched my hair and smiled at me
And left
And I'd called after that you were beautiful,
That I meant it.
And when I'd heard the click,
The tears had started
And I'd let them come.
Crying over you feels like being saved.
I let my head fall back
As if basking in a summer rain
And eventually those tears brought me to my knees-
There is always a backlash, to feeling saved-
And I curled up as tight as I could on the floor
And- I don't know why I said it,
I never say things like this, never-
But I remember whispering very softly,
"I'm still here. Please know I'm still here.
Please come back out and check.
Please... I'm still here."
And a moment passed
In utter silence,
And I hauled myself off the ground,
Wiped away a good part of the tears,
Turned to the window to let the cold air kiss my face
And brace me for the walk back to my room

And I heard the door open.
No, it can't be...

You heard me.
You came back,
And took me in your arms,
And nobody
Has ever done that for me before.

I have a friend, I dont know why.
But she looks in the mirror, and starts to cry.
She doesn't see herself as you or i.
So then i ask her,
"Why?"

And so she says,
After a deep breath,
About her past,
That lays at rest.

She's been scarred,
Above the rest.
Because of things
That aren't the best.

How can people be so cruel?
Cruel enough to make her ask herself,
"Why am I still alive?"

As she picks up the blade
please put down the knife
And thinks of all the pain,
And so much strife.
don't end your life

She contemplates just
How much it would hurt,
But it would be the very last time,
Before she's in the dirt.

And she's done it before,
Many a time,
So now it doesn't hurt,
She isn't even crying.

But I am,
As she tells me,
And today I still cry,
To think of what would have happened
If she had died.

And I know that
Everyday
On the bus home,
She clenches the chair,
To keep her in her zone.
As she passes the store,
Where she used to buy knives.

Everyday that she stays,
Is a day she has strength,
Not to get off that bus,
And go to great lengths.

But every time she gets off
Almost ends her life.

She's tried to get better,
Believe me she's tried.
Just nothing is working,
And so she just lies.

She takes all the pills,
Sometimes too many,
She goes to the sessions,
Trust me, there are plenty.

And despite all the
Pain and the darkness and the sad,
She keeps on going,
Even through the bad,
And I know she is strong.

And even though she is with us,
I know that inside,
Every day she is pushing,
Is a day she has died.

The smell of cigarettes remind me of you

So I smoke one

And another two

So I can taste you

So I can feel your kisses linger along my lips

So I smoke three

And another four

So my head can be rushed with memories of you

So I can feel you one last time

I cannot stop smoking

I cannot stop thinking of you

Will these cigarettes **** me first or you?

I think of all my problems.
I think of all my pain.
I think of all my sorrows,
Until I go insane.
I think of all the smiles I've worn,
Which hide sorrows underneath.
No one seems to notice,
That I go through so much grief.
My tears seem to keep flowing,
Inside my tired eyes.
Each time i want to tell you,
The words come out as lies.
These days I'm feeling distant,
Far away and weak.
My sadness pulls me farther,
From the happiness i seek.
I've just begun to realize,
That my hopes and dreams are gone,
I'm walking down a dead-end road,
Humming a tuneless song.

what she (sadly) accepted after
quite some (time) is that
with the (leaves) that fell
he (no) longer existed
from across the (room) she remembers
how long she truly had him (for),
and in (fulfilling) what she had wanted for quite some time
he smothered any (dreams) that she might have dreamt the night after