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Lizzie May 2018
dissociating from life

melting into my sheet less bed

feel the pressure of every homework assignment i never turned in, every excuse i made to avoid hanging out, every person's feelings i ever disregarded

but also feel absolutely nothing

hearing all the beats of the song, every lyric feels like the writer wrote them just to connect to you

but also having the sound drown out and everything goes deafening quiet

i'm tired of existing
of simply living

breathing is hard to do.
79 · Aug 2018
Lizzie Aug 2018
i always wanted to graduate and leave the hellhole of high school
i always expected that when i was graduating that i would receive a scholarship from some state college
i always imagined i'd fall in love with someone between high school and college and that would be the love of my life

i wish i could have left high school when i knew what i wanted to do with my life
no colleges want me & no one was there to fall in love with me

if i stayed in high school until i knew what i wanted to do, i think i would be in high school until i passed on.
77 · Jun 2018
so close
Lizzie Jun 2018
right side of bed
top drawer
tiny blade
blood stained

right of drawer
vertical cabinet
and a lighter

here's to forgetting you
Lizzie Aug 2018
i figured you didn't love me anymore.

i assumed it didn't hurt.

i believed being hurt and loving them went hand in hand.

i love you so much still, that it hurts to think of being without you.

i thought you didn't love me, so you were glad when you were without me.
i'm sorry, and i really do mean it. i'm sorry for believing you were fine, and i'm sorry for pushing things over the line.

i really do still love you.
even though now it doesn't seem the same.
72 · Mar 6
"best friend"
Lizzie Mar 6
you are not my best friend
you're petty and foul
uncaring and destructive

do you even care anymore?
65 · Oct 2018
crimson knight
Lizzie Oct 2018
every time i go back to that place
i remember calling you
and telling you how excited i was
but also how scared i was

you told me it was okay

i remember my friends talking to you
and they were laughing
and i had a huge smile on my face

you wanted to hang up

i told you that i had to go
and i reminded you i loved you
i held the phone to my ear

i don't remember you saying you loved me back
64 · Oct 2018
Lizzie Oct 2018
every time i eat something in a box
i look at the calories and feel like i'm nauseous

every time i drink something in a can
i look at the calories and feel like i'm saturated

every time i eat, i'm afraid i'm eating too much
my head begins to spin and i feel sick to my stomach

i'm afraid of over eating, i'm afraid of making the mistake
giving people another reason to dislike me
63 · May 2018
colorful monotone
Lizzie May 2018
if monotone was an emotion
i would be monotone all the time

everything is either black, gray, or static

nothing feels eventful

laying on my bed with my eyes closed
gives me the same excitement as
watching a thriller movie alone

i sound monotone

everything coming out of my lips
is the same tone, unless i'm happy,
then i'm a pitch higher

i look monotone

i dress everyday as if i'm attending a funeral,
for which i am, the funeral of my happiness
and my hopes and dreams, and eventually,

i am the monotone girl

who lives a monotone life

with a monotone wardrobe

with monotone skills

and the widest color scheme for dreams.

(show the true color, monotone isn't your color)
54 · Mar 9
Lizzie Mar 9
i tear at my skin, rip the flesh off the bone
layers and layers peel away
i reveal my core, it's broken and confusing
black bones and stars and weeds stuck between
everything looks thrown together
nothing belongs here
53 · Aug 2018
Lizzie Aug 2018
talk to me so i stop talking to myself.
the words rattle back and forth in my mind that i dont need you to reply, i already thought up your next three responses, one being silence.

i miss you.
41 · Mar 6
Lizzie Mar 6
my lips burn and sting; for i only long to kiss you
35 · 1d
trying to help
Lizzie 1d
you asked me to be mean
but i couldn't do it

you asked me to be upset
but i could only be disappointed

you asked me to do this
and i'm trying to help you

but i still find a way to **** up
and feel so wrong about it

i'm just being mean
but i'm trying to help
16 · 6d
marcus & lizzie
Lizzie 6d
9 hours distance
11 months relationship
2 people in love

everyday i find something new
to love about you

— The End —