I'm trying hard not to play the creepy stalker ex-girlfriend
I'm trying hard to realize this is the end
I'm trying hard I promise mom and dad
I'm trying hard not to make you both sad
I'm trying hard to maintain my 4.0
I'm trying hard to just let it all go
I'm trying hard not to worry my old pals
I'm trying hard not be one of those gals
I'm trying hard to reach out again
I'm trying hard to keep it all in one vein
I'm trying hard I'm trying I really am

Wish
upon a falling star
Wish
on the headlights of each passing car
Wish on the people you know you can believe
Wish on the seasons and the memories you grieve

Wish on your faith that peace will arrive
Wish on the roads on that late night drive

And I wish that I was sitting next to you
wondering what we should do
so I wish at 11:11
and on the moments you introduced me to heaven

It almost worked
I almost forgot
It almost worked
I almost smoked ***

Just kidding! My heart would beat too fast and my brain would go like ka-splat and I would tell you how I felt so I could just go and melt in a *** of my own self pity in a town too far from your home city and instead I drink enough caffeine to **** a horse over the course of a single thanksgiving course of a meal because I don't want to admit how I feel and I messed it up once again and now I kind of feel like the man made of tin because I don't have a heart i can give or a person I can forgive because god might forgive my sins but the devil always wins when it comes to myself and my personal health and if you read this far through the unspeakable tar I thank you and apologize and realize that maybe I should have just smoked *** with all those kids who are unreasonably hot for the things they do because then I wouldn't be writing poems to someone I always just name you

Vulgarity holds a simple singularity
That seems to grip my brain steadfastly
I seem ignorant in my ranting tones
a child playing adult and acting rashly

Unbefitting of a lady to be emitting
The anger and simple roughness
Or unrefined lack of care
No need for acts of roughness

Sorry I didn't keep my promise
That I swear when you aren't near
I'm sorry for this disgusting course of action
I'm sorry mom for all the things you didn't hear

Self destruction

A period for reconstruction

A civil war within my brain

A torrent of life a torrent of pain

Still my age does not make me wise
My mother cries, my father sighs

I write words for attention to those who will never see my face
I treat life like a simple race

To the end, where it will stop and so will I
A flash, a bang, a final goodbye

I beg for you to message
It seems I haven't learned my lesson
Still selfish in my worldly pursuits
Self-absorbed and bored

I don't allow time for grief
At least thats what I've come to think
I allow the fire to burn within my heart
Allow myself to be ignored and gored