A some what wise man once said
what's not written is not real
and I assume vice versa is true

So What if I write about

how you dream about me
and how you think of me all the time
and how you can't wait to sit with me
and how my eyes give sweet shivers down your spine
And How badly you want to be mine ..

Does that make it real ?

Some of us cover pain
with hurting ourselves more .
Why ?
I'm not sure

but if I'm hurt I will distance myself.
Though it hurts more
if I distance myself I take a smoke
which harms and hurts more

Why ?
I'm not sure

The nights are like rusty chains
Hours days years go in vain
I'm slowly drained
My body is rusty like the chains
I am lost on a road to somewhere
Come here go there . Everyone says
everyone begs I take care
I wish my health wouldn't be at stake
Cause the nights are like rusty chains
Subsequent and burned out
And so it only seems fair to fuel my rusty veins
with this rusty cigarette to rust my mind
so I can fit in my rusty days  
Fit in this inescapable place

I just want to love you every minute of everyday
So why do you keep withdrawing your feelings
I just want to love you with every meaning of the word
but why do you betray me every now and then
why do you forget me every now and then
I want to tell you how much I love you
When you let me in
So why do you block me out
I just want to love you
I have so much love to give
let me
let me
love you
Stop playing pretend
let me love you
I just want to love you

Foggy days
My mind lost in a haze
I can't say what you want me to say
I can't be here I can't be present.

Watch me be a *****
and alienate myself

Watch it
Watch it

Watch me die a little bit inside
Watch it
Watch it

Cause I'm sick of being kind
I'm sick of crying each and every ******* night
I'm sick inside
I'm sick of these exploding emotions I'm trying to hide
I'm sick inside

I knew better
But you made me sick sick inside
I can't do better
Cause you made me sick
To my stomach each and every ******* night

Let those walls down

You're making me put my walls up

The bell's getting louder ...

But I have to find a way out

Cause no one cares

If I don't...

I don't think I'll ever be normal
I don't think I'll ever be able to speak these manufactured conversations by people who have lived over and over the same situations
and if you hit the loop whole
you start losing sense
I'll never be able to play pretend
is this ever going to end

Soldiers ya they think they're soldiers
Soldiers ya they think they're soldiers

Quick sand oh its funny how they think they can stand
On quick sand

And what happens when you sleep at night
Do you feel like you've won the fight
And what happens when 95% of your brain is playing games
Chess and fight mode
Is the 5% gone insane
Or is it just plain
And its killing you
Or there so much going on and you dont know how to deal with the pain
How to handle it
And so you handle it
Like a soldier
A soldier of *******

They wrote it down
They told you
This is how life works
So now you cant even hope
And now you fight the fight you've been told to fight
Now you're a soldier
Ya your a soldier
Ya your a soldier
A soldier of *******

And now your a recruiter
And you want to recruit me
But I am a nomad
And I dont get mad
And I dont mind bei g sad
And I am  human
Human

Oh just show me why
Show me all.of.it
A new found confidence in myself
Cause I know I dont wanna be you .
Ask me how my self is
I'll tell you I've learned to be selfish
I dont want to fight
I dont want to be right
Time is ticking
And all I want in connections

You're manipulative
you are
I'm your friend
am I ?

I hate you

If I dial your number right now
if you picked up right now
if I could talk to you right now
what would you say
Hi ?
I urge to explain myself to you
even if you never asked me to
cause you see love
the world doesn't understand me
And the closest ones to me they don't stand me
no more
How I stand by my ideals so strong
how I analyse the world on every little wrong
how I want to save the world but I don't do much about it
By now would you hang up the phone
would you leave me alone
Or would you listen a bit more

I built the blue print in my mind

Of our story that will unwind . .   .     .    

           It will be one of those late nights
      you had one of those horrible fights
         and you lean on me for help .
      you tell me about all the things you felt  
         and my heart would just melt.

I'd open in a door into my core let you inside my world and we just fade away in our memories

STOP!

Freeze my insides

wait while I freeze my insides

Let me freeze my insides

Cause I can't handle the hate I'm feeling or the hate you give me or the resentment with no reason or trying to find a reason to care I try you try and we keep trying
you make me doubt what makes me me , what makes me smile
am I ever good enough for you
never so
might as well freeze
I will freeze
freeze .



But the truth is I'll just show you more love and wait for you to care over and over again.

I am what I am
and I do what I do
I don't know why that would bother you
hold my hand
save the moon
let stay forever young
and dance to this tune
forget about tomorrow forget about today
forget about yesterday
Hold what u love dear
and with it just fly away
Drink up every happiness you feel
soak it in yourself till you feel real
whatever trouble your having it's never a big deal
cause what matters is the love
you feel
it will let you heal
The conjuring of the past
Would not make it last
but the presence of this beam you give
will make us live forever
and dance forever
sway to the melody under the burning sun
sway to the melody and stay forever young
I love you now I love you tomorrow and I loved you yesterday
doesn't that just make everything okay ?

I thought if I ever got this lost
Someone or something would find me

I thought if I ever felt this low
I might just drop dead and die

But the thing about life is that it keeps going
It doesn't care how you survive

And the thing about you is that you don't care enough
And the thing about me is that I keep hoping you will
And my hope you ****
every time .

خالي

Change of hearts
I didn't change my mind I still love you

but my heart doesn't listen to my brain
And all the things that fluttered my heart
Now , are missing

change of heart
but I still love you

The way you used to talk
your eyes your brain you haven't changed

And I still love you
but baby I'm a bit crazy and I'm a bit insane
And so I can't keep my heart in the same place

I've moved on
and now the noise of nothing sits with us
and it keeps getting louder

but I still and always will
love you

I feel everything and a little more
I feel so much for you that it's has become sore
I feel the blink of your eyes
I feel pounding of your lips
I feel the movement of your hands

I feel the waves of gradient brown in your eyes

I'm fading away
what a waste of efforts
I've invested so much in me
and now I just gave up on me
****.

I'm fading away while holding on
I'm fading away like a sand castle on a windy day .
I put so much time and effort in me
it's a shame
but who's the one to blame ?
Cause my self worth has already faded
by my own self I'm degraded

I'm fading
fading away.

Can we avoid fights
The anger
the hate
the pressure
the wrongs

can we ever be wise enough
to be above all that
or is it unavoidable

And this voice keeps saying
You ain't **** ...
You ain't ****...

And when you stopped talking to me
This voice kept saying
I aint ****
I aint ****

And everyday when I say a wrong word and when you look at me like I'm silly
When you think I am silly
I hear u say I aint ****


Will maybe I aint ****

And I can't sleep at night cause this voice is too loud

And Im trying to sink into life
Cause Im floating above like i am high

Cause Im starting to believe there is nothing but existance
And the sky and the sun and the moon
And the earth and the planets
There is nothing but being
And I am you and you are me

And what does this all mean
All I keep hearing is that
I aint ****
I aint ****

There is nothing
And I am nothing
And you are nothing
And this is nothing
But a feeling
I am creating
And I am living it
And I am repeating it
And its all me
And all I tell myself
Is I aint ****


And I want it to link up
I want it to have meaning
I want to believe
Theres something meant behind every step
And every word
And everthing

I wanna see a miracle
I wanna see a miracle
I wanna see a miracle

You're sewing the reasons to your boat that's drifting away

Your writing your own meanings to the words that people say

You're drifting drifting yourself away.

I can't help you i can only hope you'll be okay.

I want to let go
                        And free fall into outer space.. .  .    .       .             .

It's like someone just turned on the lights
And now we can see a clear sight
We were never getting along
Were we ?

Or did the lights turn off
And seeing has gotten tough
And we are going around in circles like lost dogs ?

I don't know how it happened but I think we have fallen out of love . . .

Restless
**** this .

No longer sure where we going
Mind breaking
Bones shaking
Hands sweat
Back sweats

Baby steps seem impossible
This world is not mine for the taking
I've been mistaking
Everything
My mind is shaking
My voice is  shaking

Is this normal
Is it real
What I feel
Are we here ?

Is it all just a game
I'm bad at games
I don't want to play
I don't want to stay
Here.

I have this feeling
in me

like I'm going to break out of my own skin
one day

and transform with the wondering wind
...

It's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
When you are all by yourself kind of alone
But you're in this zone of self recognition
Self knowledgement and it's  too much self actualization
It's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
Your on a ride a slow ride and it's kind of dark and it's kind of fun
But I'm here and I can't be anywhere else
There's no one to call no one to talk to even if they're near
You talk but its just sounds you say to get by  
And your left here kissing your  nicotine
It's the only thing that gets you that hears you
Your a slave for that nicotine
It's kind of good for you but it's also the death of you
But it's kind of good for you cause it's the only thing keeping you sane
But it's also the death of you
And it's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
But you can't be can't be anywhere else

You spark
and it fills the emptiness in my mind
I try so hard to walk that I forgot how good it feels to stay right here

you smile
and I spark in happiness cause I got to your heart
I've gone through

I'm into you
So make me feel alive
we shouldn't stay blue
if you love me and I love you too
make me feel alive

There's this tune
that only you and me can hear.

This world is way too big
I'd have to analyze all what I ever did
cause it contributes to something big
And I know better
I do
I know better
I do
but, I can help but like my temporary bubble
of temporary meaningless emotions
that are secure
and they feel sure

Freedom .

You can sense pain
on people.
Like the smell of rust.

Positive fight
I write my rhymes before I sleep through the night
can you feel my height
I'm flying off the ground
can you hear that sound

it's calling me
telling me about my fate
And It says that I'm bound to be great


From this world's music I translate
it says I'm bound to be great
it's my fate

But who can decide
what is right
is being great ..
Standing in the lime light
or is it sacrificing my time
out of sight
or is it being my own hero
through those dark nights

I can't tell.
but I know I will never sell
my soul for the part
that I'm bound to play
I can't really hear what you say
I just hear this music
that leads the way
all you haters are stray

This beat
Spreads through my blood stream
and moves me

like a fist in a fight
about to hit and hurt
get hurt and bleed

So I fight this positive fight
I just take it one step each night
till I reach that which is right

Can you handle my roller coaster mind
the way I stop right before I drop 50 stories high
but I don't always spread my wings
I would just die
But I come back
Just to see if you wore black
would you be sad would you wear black
Did you have enough of me
Cause I've had enough of your confusion
And the illusion you make me feel
but you let me fall
You just ride when you want something more
so just let me fall
let me hate you
Cause at the pace we are going I might just destroy you and me
This roller coaster ride is not for free
is costs me pain
and we keep playing it till I'm drained
I can hear the final drops of me hit the ground
the sound is so loud
trikh
trikh
it will surround you and you'll be drowned .

Clean that soul
before you find yourself swallowed in a black hole

No one to console you
Cause all the ones that loved you let you go
They let you go

So won't you clean that soul
Your more than you know

She weighed a 1000 pounds of trouble and over dosed on distractions she drove herself numb till she didn't know how to exist no more

It's easy to write
I just type it down
On my phone.

Get it all out, in the zone

And its easy to write
When none of the people reading this
Are one's I've known

And a text that articulates my pain and emotions
Is coated in the atheistic of rhyme, metaphore and power
Makes it so easy to write this down

And let me drown.


Cause atleast it paints an interesting picture
Doesn't it ?

And it makes me seem like I know things
But I really dont
I just feel good when expressing things
Like a song.

And it's easy to write this down
But it's not easy to analyze prioritize and take action.
Its not easy to make things happen.
Its very difficult
And sometimes it seems impossible.

But writing it down
... it's easy

I analyzed you yesterday in my head
Broke you down into pieces
categorized your every detail
and I told myself , there's no reason
for why I'm obsessed.

I told myself . I'm not obsessed

I stay here
                Alone
I've been here
                 Before
I stay here
                 Alone
just the thought of you and this cigarette.

Don't think just be
Reiterate that with me
You'll see and I'll see
There no one there for free

Do you know what you're doing ?
Yes I'm being me

Who are you?
I know who I was this morning but I've changed a couple of times since then

So how do you feel?
I feel nothing and everything
I feel the lungs burning but I feel no harm
I feel my mind being scattered but I feel it's a charm
I feel my god but I feel he doesn't mind
I feel my consciousness and I know it's inside
But I don't feel those rules that I'm trying to abide
I feel you hurt but I don't hurt likewise
He feels me hurt but he doesn't feel my inside
It's a full circle that comes around
And if you **** up its always going to be your past
And if you mind then I mind
But if you don't then let's go along
Sing a song play my heart like it's wrong
But it's right cause I don't feel my insides
But I feel you right now
And your sound makes my heart pound
And you eyes hides no lies but no emotions too
Are you feeling blue or are you numb like me
Standing up for the sake of the your greed for life
U want it but it's not in sight

Let go
and fall into chaotic bliss

I wrote you down in detail
5 years ago

A character that came to life

I wrote a story once
And it had you in it
The pain
The confusion
The talent
You're scrapbook

And I swear I wrote you down
5 years ago
And I didnt know

I didnt know my words had this much power
And why did I write my and your life this sour

And this is a beautiful magical miracle
But a curse in disguise
I love this much power if I had power over my mind
But I dont want this much power
When a gray cloud is following my mind

And I wrote you
I detailed your detail to the detail
I swear I wrote you
5 years ago
And I dont know what to do with that

There's a moment in time
where you can take on the world
when you feel you words are sharp as a sword
when you can keep going on
keep standing straight
no matter the weight

There's a moment in time
where you fall apart
where your life is a huge laundry mess
and you don't know where to start
when you feel you'd rather have been gone
gone as a martyrdom
when your mind shrinks
and it can only understand the bad things

But, There's a moment in time
when someone is next to you
Whether you feel like you're superman or a dying man
you want them there
next to you

I can't even write a poem about it
I can't even admit it to myself
I haven't told anyone else about it
it's rotting in me like dirt

I'm scared we will never talk about it
I'm scared if we ever talked about it

On top of the world
my own ego I've sold
No more second guessing
No more wishing

it will be real
cause the way I feel
I'm on top of the world

State your mind

You're made of rainbows and wine

state your mind

Don't give a **** if you've crossed the line

cause baby you're made of rainbows and wine

You are
you are

the pretty stars at midnight

Let's analyze this and that
by all means lets spread these thoughts like a rash
I'm going through the motions like a roller coaster ride
Slowly going up to my mind and crashing down to my feelings
indecisive
Don't know if it's ever going to end
my mind keep workin like
I'm I forever alone wouldn't be better if I just get ****** be a pothead and leave the world alone but to my morals I stand too strong and with my head held high how can I be so wrong as to have the closest friends around me do me so wrong or am I wrong? maybe I'm just to sensitive maybe I'm like to exaggerate **** maybe I don't understand them maybe its me !!!cause it couldn't possibly  be that these many people are doing me wrong but let's stay optimistic smile and focus on what you want in life but what if all I want is happiness and that happens comes when I love and be loved and I've loved each person that walked through my life ive loved the details of their smiles .. but everytime I open up completely I'm no longer that interesting or they find it  easy it hurt me now that they know how ? But no this can't be true this can't be true I might be alone right now but I'll find someone true and when I do I still want to be the easy loving letting in people kind of person I am because I love the way I am it's just sometimes it's hard to understand

Sun rays on my guitar
Makes the dust sparkle

they say you live for what you die for
I live for what I'd die for

I live for the love

it's hard
hard to live
it's hard
hard to love
And I live for the love ..

Hug me.
Hold me.
Love me.

And the whole universe will freeze.
Just for us