I went to the airport today , as my mom was traveling I was there my sister ,my father and we kept doing our goodbyes as my father expressed how much he will miss her about 10 times .. even though she's coming back in a week.
While I was sitting there a man caught my eye he was with a lady a smaller asian lady , she was dressed very simply looks like she doesn't have much, her hair was messy .. she doesn't seem to care about how she looks , he was pushing her from her hand joint and not her actual hand .. his grip firm .. like she was a stray dog and he was containing her from runing wild . He was dressed more decently and he seemed from the gulf and he  seemed like he wanted to get this over with .. he kept pushing her as my eyes involuntarily followed their every move he had a passport in his hand seemed hers and a small bag .. no luggage.
I saw her passing throught the    checkpoints and I lost them for a while Finally it was time to leave my mom at the check point where only the travelers can pass .. that's when I saw that lady again and the security was behind her again guiding her like a stray puppy to the man who happened to be next to me .. the security handed her over to the man who didn't seem so happy to see her again as the security said " the captin won't allow her on his flight like this, she needs to wake up from whatever she's in" ... that's when I lost them again as my mother was waving to us the final wave I got occupied by waving back and then watched her leave .finally we decided to leave the airport and for the last time I found the lady agian sitting alone starring into the ground her head waving back and forth like her neck was not strong enough to hold her head .. as I saw the man leaving the airport door with a key in his hand .. he left the bag and passport with her and left .. and we left too
But she stayed there
Unaware and rejected
lost but no one was searching

3:15 AM
And I'm searching for meaning
I'm ******* searching for meaning
Drained exhausted
But I still got 'bout 3 more chapters to study
And I don't want to study
Cause I'm searching for meaning
It would be easier if this meant more for me
I secretly wish I didn't have these blessings
Cause I'm searching for meaning
I'm not convinced ..
How lame is that
I'm not convinced .
I hate that girl in the movie that keeps falling
The emotionally ****** up
Keeps ******* up
Wants attention
Wants help
dependant
She keeps falling
And I keep falling
I hope I'm not that character
want to be the badass that grew cold and strong
But it seems like I'm growing weak
The future is soo bleak
It's like I'm playing hide and seek with myself
I keep disappearing on myself
Like where did I go
I used to be so strong
So hopefull
My horoscope says im the most optimistic sign    
They must be lyin'
Cause you know that feeling
When you just wanna stay sad
You don't want to get over it cause it's hurting you that bad
Now where's the optimisim in that ?    
Feels like I'm a crumbling soul    0
I've grown so bitter and so old
I'm creating drama
That's what my mom says
My sign says I hate drama
Lol
They must've mistaken my birth date
Let's just hope tomorrow I find me again
Cause I'm starting to enjoy the pain
and I don't even seem to be good at writing poems anymore
Must be goin insane ..

I don't want to hurt you even though you hurt me, does that make sense?
I've forgiven you even though you don't deserve it , I helped you and I asked. When you didn't .. do you even care ? Sometimes I wonder am I blinded by your sweet eyes? Is what your saying just a bunch of sweet lies? What am I to you ? What am I in your eye ? Cause I've been trying to figure it out that it's always on my mind making me act different trying to shape my image in your mind so self conscious that I lost my image I don't know what do I wanna show you ?  You make me insecure, cause you are soo cool . If I could stare at you I would stare and drool. Cause I love hate you and I hate loving you. But my emotions are a roller coaster I hate then love everyone I know while your just like snow .. c o l d and though im obssessed I still pretend.
And I don't know what am I Doing to myself.

I'm an optimist that loves
                          the sweetness of tragedy

Self confidence
                          pushed down by gravity

Cause I'm too attached to this earth
                              It controls my sanity

Can I escape my own self?
                      Or will I stay forever ruled by fallacy

Out of place, out of space & time
Wide awake out of papers, I am
Not okay, I am out my mind
Outer space, that's where
I've been going
To a place where
Place where nobody knows
Floating, at a pace where
Now you see me, and now you don't

I do not feel the fear of falling
I wanna fly
If it all goes well, then I will
But what if I don't?
I'll be right where I was before
But I'm not alone
You say "take my hand"
And we go (and we go)
And we go (and we go)
And I hope that we don't overdose
Cause we don't (cause we don't)
No we don't (no we don't)
Ever know when we have had enough

Wait
Now my thoughts so cloudy
And my heart's so crowded
With pain
I am so frustrated
Like my soul's been taken away
Broken promise of everything
That I thought you were
Thought you said this would never hurt
That's what it did
That is all

I do not feel the fear of falling
Thought I could fly
It didn't go well, but oh well
What do you know?
I'm right back where I was before
But I'm not alone
You say "take my hand"
And we go (and we go)
And we go (and we go)
And I hope that we don't overdose
Cause we don't (cause we don't)
No we don't (no we don't)
Ever know when we have had enough

I'm a be so cold
Need some more
I've never felt these things before
I'm a think, for sure
Please don't go
How could you not need me no more?
I don't get it
You're the only thing that I love
You're the only thing that I want
You're the only reason
The only reason

I do not feel the fear of falling
I wanna fly
If it all goes well, then I will
But what if I don't?
I'll be right where I was before
You're all that I know

I know them

They are the
                        pieces
                                 ­  and
                                            bits of their past experiences      

A piece of their parents

A piece of their friends

And a piece of everyone they have ever met

But tomorrow is a different day

A different experience

Will I know them then?

The weekend song is playing
As I lay in bed spinning
It's the coldest night
In the hottest country
So cold as the memories of you that  hunt me
You are perfect
And I want you
And I'm smoking this last cigarette
Cause you smoked one too
It doesn't look that pretty in my hand
As it looked on you
The veins on the back of your arm riding my sight
To you perfect hand bone structure
To the tip of the cigarette light
That burned so bright
As I inhaled your addiction
But now I'm just inhaling tobacco
I don't need it
And I don't need you
It's deadly
And your deadly
But sadly
I don't listen to me
And my life is so contradictory
Cause I don't want to think about you
But this cold breeze is perfect for the thought of you

I'm always in a rush
Cause I don't ever wanna stop
Cause if I stopped I'd realize
How meaningless things are
I like the adrenaline
So why would I stop
Cause all the new people I meet
Are pieces of everyone I knew
And there's a tiny piece of you
I can tell what ya'll ganna do
Repetition
And I hate repetition
Cause I've got too much of an intuition
I can read through you
You hear me but you don't feel me though
I feel you but you don't hear me
So, There's no need to understand nor comprehend
lets just rush things
And never stop
Rush it until the day we drop

Heartbeats
& Technology
You got to tell me what your saying
Cause my heart beat ain't feelin it
And technology got me drifted
I don't feel you
I feel the music
I do see you
But it's useless    
Cause if I stoped would you hear me out    
If you listened I would shout            
But your too busy
And thinking too much got me dizzy
Everything is just too hazy
Im sober but im feeling faded
Like look down there
As I stare at my body talking
I see an explosion
Can you see it
I'm trying to show you but you can't see it

See you rambling
mad
You car got taken
Sad  
You lost you're job
Bad
But there's a song playing
And it sounds so good
I care about you
And I don't want to be misunderstood
But the song is playing
And it sounds so good
And dancing right now
Sounds so good
And your smile would make me feel so good
If I could tell you a joke I would          
But you're sad
And this is the only time we have
So cheer up a little  
If Things aren't going right
Let's go left tonight
There's no battle so no need to fight
Let all your troubles slide

Breakdown
crash sound
roll off
hit the ground

see the light
feel the hight
your flying now

everything makes sense
and there's no pretend
the stars are your friend
So  don't   you   break   down

Moonlight that speaks
of your hope that reeks
with doubt
and the slow pace of the days
but the years pass so fast
your hands are sore
cause you've built a thousand floors
wait just thousands more
till  you reach your goal
So   don't   you   break   down

your light will shine
you're so divine
forever your mine

so
Don't
you
break
down

It's an endless night

Makes you wonder do things really end

Magic is a beautiful game of pretend

Sense isn't always needed

See the glitter in the skies  

meet it !

And stay forever and a day underneath it

Till you breath it and believe it

Beauty lies and your lies are beautiful

Words wrapped in diamonds

killing my sense

your glitter must be my end

They say be free
Be great
Be unique
Words spoken with no reason
Cause with them you can't treason
Be free
While they cuff you every time you try to flee  
Be great
While they're controlling your fate
Be unique
Means choose one of what they chased  
They say be free
They say be free
You hypocrites
You base words on what ?
how can you be so tortuous
As to make me reason my every step
Then you crush it
You make me dream so big
Then you crush it
Over and over and over
They say be free
I guess freedom in their dictionary means be everything we want you to be
Be replicates of us    
So they say be free
They say grow
They mean grow around this tiny box
Grow but don't you dare and argue with us
So they say be free and grow and be unique
But they mean standard unique
You know, like being like everyone else.
So be free but don't be
Be free like us
Grow but don't grow
Grow like us
Be unique but don't be
Be unique like us
Well guess what you got your wish
Now you feel how unpleasant dealing with someone like you is ..

Change never stops
Change is life
Life is the unknown
Life is wonder
Wonder is the key
Wonder makes you think
Thinking makes you flee
Thinking is power
Power is mostly miss used
Power is greatness
Greatness comes from truth
Greatness is what I want
What I want is never ending
What I want is contempt
Contempt is a golden treasure
Contempt is impossible
Impossible is nothing
Impossible is nothing
Nothing is nothing
Nothing is darkness
Darkness is half of life
Darkness is emotions    
Emotions can never be controlled
Emotions are a person's own riots
Riots are aggressive
Riots are not necessarily right
Right is a side
Right is good
Good is what I try to be
Good is  reason
Reason comes from being wise
Reason is consciousness
Consciousness is far from me
Consciousness is not falling asleep
Asleep is what I'm about to be
Asleep is dreams
Dreams come true
The end
Lol

it's not a good sign when you want to disappear in someone
Is it ?

It's not a good sign when you Truly don't believe is anyone
Is it ?

It's not a good sign when you don't have much of a reason to keep going
is it ?

But lately I've noticed most people driving their lives blind
So no need to analyze the signs
Right ?

cause at least you'll enjoy the rush

Of not knowing when you'll crash

I feel my desires scratching and struggling between my rib cage
Its hard to breath
I feel beneath
Is this what optimism does
Brings you up only to crash harder
To float so high on weak strings
Is this all what being hopeful brings
And empty void where all what was supposed to be
What you were trying to be
Empty
So many why's arise
An ocean of questions about my life
So I sink
Empty and hungry for answers
I sink till there's no light
I sink and I suffocate for breath
And now seems too silly to try and swim

The only concealment I get is you'll get used to it

"this is growing up"

Really ?

I know you felt it too
The electric vibe around you
It was hard to ignore
And I knew it showed
How whenever I'm around you
I'm not in control

I dreamt about you
and it felt true
Real like my reality is fake
And the dream is the truth
Like not having you had no reasons like everything in the world was okay
I felt Contempt around you

Complete

Whole

I felt real
But my conscious is over you
My limits erased my feelings
My efforts of forgetting you worked
I forgot
But my unconsciousness is clutched on
With its steep claws in my heart
So every night I dream about you

Shame on me

But I dream about you

Shame on me

But I still dream about you

I'm over you

I just dream about you

Feel the guilt and its killing me
Even though it might be a mire perception of thoughts accumulated by my desires and insecurities triggered by my needs to satisfy and by the hurt of hurting   that is only felt by the kind hearts
A thing that might be a little pebble but it consumes the mind
Leaving nothing but worry and sickness and I'm tired so ill just break out with the truth even if it makes me look like a foul even if I'm crazy even if your the one doing me wrong  cause I'm sick and tired of this chaos of mind ill cut out all the *******. A clear conscious

Tick tock
pens are swaying
Over the papers
Heads down
the rooms consumed with no sound
But my pen is sleeping
And my head is dreaming  
I'm on a boat sailing
Its not my fault if I might be failing
These questions are deceving
And so what if I make money off cleaning
Then I'm stopped by the thought
Of how clear the ceiling is
Unlike How my life is crowded with mess
And How much of the teachers fault was this
counting the excuses and people to diss
My teacher
My parents
My sister
My brother
My friends
My cat
And finally
My pen
See "I" had nothing to do with it

Guns

       Loaded

Feelings

       Exploded

Danger

        Created

Our future

         Faded

The Seconds

        Inflated

Heartbeat

        Racing

Are you ready

        To face it ?

No please I enjoy your *******
Keep goin don't worry no ones doubting ****
Your act is perfect
Attentions diverted
To where ever you want it
You must have a magic wand man
Or maybe there's a hiddin cam
This must be a joke ****
Earth spinning around you
Looks like you like it too
Man I got nothing on you
Lie all you want baby boo
Just not when am around you
Sincerely F''' you !

Glued to my computer screen

Is this called living

I'm hooked to this show

Filled with people I don't really know

And every minute of it is killing

And I push my life to rott , willing

Is this called living

When I leave all my worries

Just to fill my mind with their worries

Is this called living ?

Fangirling over made up gimmicks

took a step into a crowd

felt a wave through the ground

as she lost her friends

with the beat and the sound

then the mad man pulled her by her hand

into another land

spoke the words of youth

gave her an option to choose

leave the confusion and the blues

he said with his eyes fire waiting to set loose

burn her alive with the madness

that's what she choose

the fast cars and the clothes

she told him light my way

take the wheel

cause I've been driving for so long

and my vision is unclear

take my hand indulge my innocence

so he drove her over the clouds

wrapped her in metals of distance

twisted her existence

swirled her in a galaxy of imagination

her own heaven in creation

till one day his heart changed

as he pushed her down the stairs of heaven

and broke her every bone

the ground was cold hard stone

she was left twisted broken and all alone

reaching for a phone but there's no connection

in the black hole of confusion

time passed as she painted every perception expected

hoping to find a solution

that's when she realized it was all an illusion

the words the thrill the charm

she was about to burst but she just stayed calm

as she reached out but there was no arm

so she got herself up and walked into the hazy clouds

she had strength in herself but she also had doubts

then she heard a voice so sweet and tender

he said lead your own way and never surrender