I've never have really gotten the concept of death.
I guess I won't know till I die, even then I might not know.
If you take a second and think about it, it's terrifying.
It's mind blowing.
It's unimaginable.
And that's where I get confused, its unimaginable.
I'm not scared of what will come after death.
I'm scared of how we will experience it, in what from? in what mind? in what state?
Will we be Conscious, if not how does that feel? I know if your unconscious you don't remember anything.
But you still feel, you're still there! There's something happening and how would the experience of that be ?

It's crazy this all would end.
Our whole understanding and being would simply end.
And then what ?
The existential question
Then what ?
Religions have given people answers but it's only in a description that our current mind can understand.
So how accurate is it?

It keeps passing my mind, everything I'm experiencing is not real it's temporary.

They say that makes you religious..

It's just making me disconnected, numb, empty, waiting and scared.

Wake up to the sound of the world going round
You've got your head on your shoulders
But your brain feels flipped inside out
You know where you're going but you can't see it now
You know where you've been but where are you now ? ...

It's a time ****
It's all a time **** for you now
Cause the time kills as it moves on slipping from your hands

Headlights, music loud
Your hands out your heads gone with the wind
Riding through downtown
Screaming your lung out
To the music that's loud

Can you see it, I don't see it no more
Don't be grumpy, I won't be grumpy no more
But my life is still and my moving soul has crashed inside
I won't be grumpy, but I don't feel a thing even when your by my side
Don't be depressed, it's your time now
The move is on you it's your world now
Your time to shine your time to be
Your only in your 20s how hard can it be
It's your time to live so live
But my time it kills
And I'm barely holding ground
I don't mean to be grumpy but there's nothing to move on to now ...

Will you give me love
Will you give me comfort
Will you give me security ?

Will you care about the money
Would you give me some of your money ?
Does it matter ?
Do I matter ?

I smoke my cigarette  
That I depend on for comfort
I smoke my cigarette
As I wait for my problems to end

With a broken screen on my phone
A broken heart that chokes up my throat
With a broken life I write those words

Can I depend on you ?
Cause our love is "true"
Cause you know my life
Cause you know my fight
Cause you know I'm not fragile
But you know that I've broken

Can I depend on you ?
Can you prove my past my present as untrue ?

They say money can turn people bad
But is it only the money that they had
Or are all humans conditioned to care for themselves only
Care for their wants only
And caring for others has a limit
See I can help you but with a price
You can help me but with a price
Even this cigarette has a price
But I got nothing else to depend on
So I pay my price
I'm in debt and I dying inside

So can I depend on you
To prove what I'm saying to be untrue
Please prove me wrong
Cause I can't believe my own self
How could all those people be doing me so wrong
Independency is myth
And dependency has its price
So leave me to smoke my cigarette
Atleast the cigarette never lied
And it warned me about it price

All the little things that make me happy
All the little things that make me.. me
Are all irrelevant nonsense
Or so I was told...

I've been conditioned to believe it doesn't matter
The fact that I lost a friend
That fact that I have a friend
The fact that I want to stay up late at night
The fact that I can't stay up all night
The fact that I want my painting up on the wall
The fact that I can't have my painting up on the wall
The fact that I want to be alone
The fact that I can't be alone
The fact that I'm depressed
The fact that it doesn't matter that I'm happy

I've been conditioned
To give no meaning to things that mean a lot to me
And now you want me to care ?
I'm sorry it's too late cause I'm not there
I'm not here
I can't care
And the reality of this gives my deepest core and bones a scare

You think it doesn't matter
Then what does matter
Tell me
What does matter
Can I follow you like a slave
Can I be your trained dog
Maybe then it would be easier for me to live
Maybe I should give in
Live misirable
But I'm already misirable
So who cares ?
Nothing matters anyway

I've never been more myself
Yet I've never been more lost.

You know when you know you should feel something but you don't ?

You know when you go through the motions of the day but you're gone ?

You know when you know if you feel for one thing you will feel everything that is going wrong ?

That will hurt you
Everything that might destroy you.

And you're surrounded by it
By everything wrong.

I forgot how sad it felt
I forgot how mad I felt
I forgot everything that went wrong.

And here we are . . . .  

Affected by the experiences
Lost in the meaning of any of it
It's all irrelevant  
It's all meaningless
Then why am I here
When I don't care anymore
And I can't feel

All that's left is a reoccurring questioning of the self ..
When will I leave this state of limbo
And Will I ever leave this state of limbo
Maybe I won't

Burnt out
Drained ..

I have felt like this before
But now it's with a hint of giving up

I am burnt out
I am drained

My love has been ****** out
My passion has been destroyed
My self-image has been tarnished
I feel vanished from my own mind

Famished for life
But not willing to live it

I'm burnt out .

I think about you
I know you think you're alone
I know you think no one understands

But, I think about you more than you think
I worry .

You are a beautiful human
I look up to you
The way you express yourself
The way you have everyone's attention
The way you make every story an amazing adventure
The way you feel things so deep
I admire you.

Don't fall I beg of you
Don't go there don't lose yourself in distractions in drugs in men in a dark twilight

But I'm just your friends and no matter how much I tell you this
It's not enough
I wish I was enough

I know I'm not enough
But I worry
I see it in your eyes
Your hiding more than anyone knows
Your hiding so much
God it breaks my heart
It aches my insides
But what can I do
I wish I was enough . . .

You are precious
You are precious
So precious

It's all aligned in my head, my thoughts are clear I see the dirt and I see the green. I can talk I can explain me. I have value I have a dream.
People are fascinated by me, some discourage me some don't understand me some don't see my value, but some do. And I do.
I can speak I can form a thought I can express my sanity.
I can speak I am speaking but not everyone is meant to listen. Not everyone is meant to know me.
I have a guideline I have a system but it's a crisis management mentality.
I'm controlled by emergency I'm controlled by the need.
The need for me to be sane the need for me to form value the need for me to form an understanding.

But what happens when it's gone. What happens when I'm lost again. What happens when I can't explain. What happens when the light is dark and the darkness is my light and everything is slipping between my figures and I can't I don't want to be me.
I don't want to be in control I don't want to believe I make my destiny cause then I have done a shifty job and it's all because of me.
What happens when I know can have the ultimate lifestyle what happens when I know I can be the best and it all depends on me.
What happens when I know no one can truly help me but me, and I know that I can't help me.
What happens when I'm falling and no one is watching over me ?

I know now I was in that place I know now I can be better I know now I am going to fall again and I know now that I don't know.

It's crazy when you are the smartest person in the room and you feel like the dumbest I know now that I am not typical not even on the surface

I know now that I am a universe and I am not a garden to control and to maintain.
I know now that I am in a universe and not my own world I know now that I can't define what defines me.
I know now that I am in control when I am in control and that something is controlling me.

Émotions are a weird existence
Where do they come from
From our brains, from our being?

If they come from us then how do we conflict them?

Emotions are flawed
But somehow they are the most pure
The most true you.

I love you but you hurt me
And I got over you but I didn't

I feel bruised but I feel crave for you
I feel crave for our memories
I feel pride and I don't want to talk to you
I feel like I shouldn't
But I did
I feel you are bound to hurt me
I feel like you don't understand me
But I feel like no one understands me the way you do
I feel love to the detail.
To the way you word things
To the way you swirl the pencil between your fingers
To the way you awkwardly hug me
But I can still feel you more than the best hugs I got.

Emotions are a weird existence
But so are we
Emotions are conflicting in nature
But so are we
And I'm not sure what to make out of it
But the craving emotions overshadows me
And even if another emotion or in other words "thought" comes to me
I can't help but go with the most powerful one
Even if I tell myself not to
That would just be another emotion
Over shadowed

Emotions are like cancer cells
Your body fights them
But rarely wins

And the emotion of you
Has infected me

I have images in my head
They flash by so quickly
But they are so vivid so clear
So detailed..

They are like nothing that exists ..
They are great...

They really are
But how would you believe me
You aren't in my brain
But if you were you'd know..

It would change you
You would understand
And I would believe myself more
If you understood
But you are not in my head
So how can you understand
When my explanation is flawed
My execution is vague
My image is unclear

But I swear I don't think I'm ordinary
And I know you know that
But I'm not ordinary in a great way
You would know if you were in my head
But you're not in my head
And my communication is flawed ..

So how would you know my worth
How would you know the amazing thoughts I have
How would you believe in my philosophy
I'm just weird to you

And I'm sick of it
But I don't know how to say it
I don't know how to explain it
But I know why I follow it
Cause it's really something
It really is . . .

I'm still that 6 year old curious little kid
I'm still that 6 year old Asian looking short hair hyper little kid
I'm still that 6 year old confused about why people act the way they do little kid
I'm still that 6 year old opinionated little kid
I'm still that 6 year old innocent kid that knows a bit more than they should
I'm still a fragile 6 year old
I'm still that ...

So why do you treat me like I'm an adult ?

Hey Lina
I can see your not there
You are not you right now .

And that's okay .

I would tell you everything will work out
But I know you know that.

But Lina why are you so lost ?
When you know you are something amazing you are special.

And, no not everyone is special.

Lina you are your worst enemy and your best friend.
Lina I've known you my whole life, you dream big
You see things that others don't
You strive, you keep going like you know where your going

Lina know that no one knows that your in so much pain
No one can see it
No it doesn't show in your voice
You are not trasparent
No one knows that you feel ashamed
No one knows that you feel incompetent
No one knows that you feel scared
No one knows that you feel like a loser

They see strength in you
They see sweetness
They see love
And they see you as something different as unique
They just don't know how to deal with someone so passionate so great
So different
You just have to show them the way

Lina you should know that you love so deep
And that isn't a shame
You love with detail you love with pain
And it's no shame
It's beautiful
Not everyone can describe the details of their loved ones
Not everyone knows why they love
Not everyone can accept people for everything they are
Not everyone loses themselves in everyone they love

And I know you think it's your fault they all left
But it's really not
And I know you feel more pain cause you felt more love
And I know you feel more hollow cause you let them in and they messed you up .

But Lina not everyone is you not everyone can feel the way you do
Not everyone can love unconditionally
Not everyone values your trust
Not everyone cares
Most of them don't

So it's not on you
It really isn't
Everyone is fighting their own battle
And it's unfortunate that you met so many and loved so many that don't deserve it
And it's unfortunate that your surrounded by an uncomfortable environment

But it's not you
It really isn't you
You need to believe me it's not you

It might take time
But I know you will be fine
I see you falling in love again
And one day this world and you will be in twine
One day you will find someone who loves deeper than you do
Understand every detail of you

And if you don't,  know that your meant to live life like a visitor passing by

Its never too real in this world you are here for a purpose and your purpose well you will figure that out ....

My life is an art film
Long pauses
Long stares into the distance
Prominent silence

You don't know what the **** is happening
I don't know what the **** is happening
Everyone left
Everyone knows
Yet they don't care


My life is an art film
No one knows what the **** is going on
What is going on

Am I that unlovable
Am I that unbearable?
Should I just stay in my silence
Should I **** up more
Should I always be out of the zone
Like I'm floating over my own life
Unaware
Not really there
Is this where I belong

Am I meant to be misunderstood
Am I meant to misunderstand
Am I meant to be alone
In my own thoughts
Crawling with unmet demand

How can I be there
I'm unlovable
How can I be lovable
If no one loves me
If everyone I got close to left me
Everytime
Everytime
Every ******* time.

Should I stay in this art film
Or maybe try to make sense out of it
Become a drama
Or maybe
A tragic comedy

Hey ..
I like you the way you think the way you look the way you breath the way you love the way you talk.

Sam ..
You make me smile
I just talk to you and I smile
I don't plan it I don't expect it
I walk away smiling

I can't help it you fit all my uneven corners
Making them a smooth soft person in love.

Sam
Sam
Sam
You are all I think of
You are all I think of

Please say I do the same for you
Please say you would take a chance
Sam I never felt this way
I never felt this way ..

Sam
You make all the sense in the world to me
Sam
You look like the world to me
Sam I force myself to look away
But if I could I would stare
I would stare at you until ever

Sam
Please don't tell me you don't feel the same

Sam please don't tell me you have someone
Sam please don't tell me I'm too young

Sam you know me
Sam you know me
Sam I know you know me
And everything about me is made for you

Sam
I can't help but think about ******* you
Your thoughts your mind and your cloths

Sam ..

You can have every piece of me

Sam ..

If we kissed the universe would shift it's colors
The world would blow in perfection

Sam..
My lips were designed to fit yours
They were made for your indulgence

Sam ..
My hands were made to flow over your body to fit your every corner

Sam..
My thoughts were made to glaze over yours to unite to intertwine
To spark love..

Sam ..
You know me
Sam ..
Please tell me you are willing to take a chance

Lately it's been hard for me to smile...

And if you see me smiling ..
it's not from the corners of my eyes
It's not from the center of my heart
It's not from the thoughts in my mind

I like to go to my own space
I like to draw my own stars
I like to dream of my own skies
I like to speak to my own mind

I tell me all good things
I tell me all good things
I tell me all good things
And I keep telling me all good things
I tell me I am alive

I give me strength to keep going
But I need you to truly smile ..

I , I fall but never not even once did I ever did you wrong no I never did you wrong
But you, you were the death of me your where the death of me and so we had to leave we had to let it be .

And they say, they say move on
They say life is long
They say it gone
But they don't know that your a part me
Your a part of me ..

You taught me how to breath
You taught how to speak
You taught how to be
And I can't escape it no no no

You're so naive you know you've done so much wrong you know you did all along you know that I'm singing this song
But what can I do I'm so in love with you
I was what I knew and you were all that I knew

So I can't breath no I can't speak no I can't be with out you being a part of me
And everything we did every lame thing we did it left a mark it left a mark and you wrote me all over again

So I no I can't breath no I can't speak and no I can't be I can't be with out you being a part me your a part me of me
Your a part of me

No

I can't escape your face your Like a ******* cage and it all around me it's a game that ******* me over you and everyone one like you every one that I knew so I can't be I can't speak I can't breath with out you without you being a part of me

Could even write this song could I even sing along could even play this tune and would I even be alone with out you with you being a part of me .. am I am I am I a part of you **** I wish you you knew **** I wish you know

I have thoughts
I have thoughts
I might be one of the greatest writers
I might be one of the greatest poets
I might be one of the greatest composers
I might be one of the greatest singers
I might be one of the greatest movie makers
I might be one of the greatest influential speakers
I might be one of the greatest actors
And I might be one of the greatest lovers

But here I am working in marketing not sure how to go about it not sure if I wanna be here
And here I am studying not sure if I wanna graduate not sure if I want to face real life
And here I am craving you not sure if you crave me too not sure if I can ever truly love you if you don't love me too
And here I am thinking
But my thoughts are not coming true

I am not sure how to go about it
I am not sure how to apply it
I am not sure how to define it
I am not sure how to define me
I am not sure how to define you
I can't explain me

And I'm not sure if anyone can
If I can't ?

My powerful thoughts are just thoughts it seems no matter what I do
I have come so far
And I might have went the wrong way ..

Even that I'm not sure if it's true

All we wanna do is be free
Free
Free
Free
Free
Free
Free
But what is freedom ?

The hands on the clock keep moving
And I'm still over thinking you
Might this be an illusion ?

I talk but I scream with confusion
Can you hear the scream or is it covered my my subtle fusion
My emotions are no delusion  
In my emotions there's no confusion


The hands on the clock keep moving
And my heart is growing with crave
I crave you more and more
But my mind my mind is lost in a constant war
coup d'état à self invasion
And I lose both ways cause I am one nation
I need to put myself back together
I need some self evauation

But if I have you I'd lose gladly
I'd lose myself and win myself
What are you doing to my visualization
Im lost in a Coup d'état à self invasion

Walk through the dark streets
Walk through the glittering lights
I walk with you
will you walk with me
Rip up my shell
Rip up my shell
And see the garden inside
Our secret garden
With wild flowers, roses and butterflies
With the flickering lights and the golden fountains
Walk with me and you will experience
A defenition of life that will shift your existance
Be the fire of my *****

Walk with me
Come here and save me
I'll make you laugh, mad, crazy
Make me laugh make me mad make me crazy
Invade my space invade my existance
Inturrupt my conciousness
Be the theif I can't seem to steal you
So steal me love me invade me

Why are you standing there looking so beautiful
Why are you standing still walk with me
Be the fire of my *****
Break my shell
Like I tried to break yours

I thought it would hurt more with time
I thought I would never forget you
They say if I didn't forgive you I will never get over you
But I didn't forgive and I forgot I forgot your face your voice your walk
I forgot
And when I did see you I remembered exactly why I did what I did
Why I left
You don't deserve me
I'm too good for you
And it was either I treat you the why you treat me or I leave
So I did and I forgot and now
That you reminded me
I'm glad it's over
I'm not even glad
The feeling I have is indifferent it's nothing
I'm not sure how to describe it I just know it's not regret.

Hey . . .
How are you
I kind of need you right now
I know we aren't that personal but you're probably the only person who would understand me right now :/
I'm frustrated and confused my self esteem is bruised and I can't seem to fit in my own shoes.
Tell me what to do tell me what should I do ?
Tell me what is right tell me what wrong cause I can't seem to figure it out.
I want you to tell me cause you seem to have it all together.
You're kind you're  so kind and you seem to have figured it out, how to stay kind and go about your life
And I know we aren't that personal but God you deserve to be praised ! you should know how exceptional you are to me.
I just want to be in your presence
I want your presence to overshadow mine
I want your thoughts to color my mind
I want to lose myself in you
Cause I feel like I have already lost
I feel weak I feel vulnerable I feel like an outsider
I feel like I wear my sensativity on my sleeve
And it's shows I know it does in my eyes in my moves am all shades of blue
No matter how hard I try I swear I tried I tried I swear I tried hero man
I tried to grow strong I tried to get along I tried to shut the sound in head I tried to think of you instead
But I know you have a life and I'm just another person who your kind to but I can't help it I'm kind of in love with you

I don't know how it would work but I just want to be in your presence I want you to clear my thoughts.
God I'm so broken and lost and I have trust issues cause I can't seem to get along
I have trust issues cause everyone I let in has hurt me so deep that I can't even breath
And I know everyone is bound to get hurt but it shows on me tell why kind man tell why I can't act like I'm fine tell me why this world and my soul cannot intertwine
Hold me kind man make me feel alright tell me that you understand tell me that everything will turn out fine.

It's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
When you are all by yourself kind of alone
But you're in this zone of self recognition
Self knowledgement and it's  too much self actualization
It's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
Your on a ride a slow ride and it's kind of dark and it's kind of fun
But I'm here and I can't be anywhere else
There's no one to call no one to talk to even if they're near
You talk but its just sounds you say to get by  
And your left here kissing your  nicotine
It's the only thing that gets you that hears you
Your a slave for that nicotine
It's kind of good for you but it's also the death of you
But it's kind of good for you cause it's the only thing keeping you sane
But it's also the death of you
And it's kind of sad and it's kind of happy
But you can't be can't be anywhere else

The vibrations of your voice used to pénétrante my soul
Ignite the cravings inside
Takes my breath away
It draws me to you like a magnet
Like I'm a burglar and you're home alone
But I know better now
And your voice is just a sound ..

I am here
I see me
I feel me
I am here ..
I am here ..

I've missed me that was lost in loving you
But now I'm here I'm complete with out you

I'm trying to put the puzzle pieces together
But the picture keeps turning into depression

So I scramble and reassemble
Put the pieces together
And I don't like the picture

So I scramble and reassemble
Scramble and reassemble
Time is ticking
And all I have is pieces scrambled
All I have doesn't make sense

1st grade I held your hand
And we became best friends
I would've done anything for you
I fought the boys for you
I came home every day with bruises
You know kids can play harsh sometimes.

Highschool I would've died for you
I ran away from home with you
We were unstoptpable in our heads
The world was ours
It was a matter of time
Till we became heros
Till we became everything we wanted to be

But as an adult now
I get it
Making friends isn't as easy as asking you if you like Britney Spears
People have grown with hate
Blame it on your parents
Blame it on the world
That did you wrong so many times
But that's you now
You've maintained the unstoppable image in your head by losing emotion by bringing hate
It's never ganna be the  same

I get it now
It's never ganna be a ride or die
It's complicated
It's foggy
It's never as pure
It's how the world works

Or is it how the world works
Should I surrender should I be that person
But I can't I physically, anotomically can't
Am I a loser
Or did I win
I don't know anymore

Friends enemies aren't as clear now
We are all an in between

Time is ticking and I'm still here I did not become who I want to be
In fact who I want to be is lost in the clutter of how it's supposed to be
I'm not sure if I know me anymore

I lost my inner circle
I lost a part of my anatomy
Atleast we were lost together
But you're not worth it you were always an enemy
I guess I was just trying to be right
To do what's right
Till I realized there is no right or wrong
But did I win or did I lose everything

I don't know anymore
Friends and enemies do not exist now
We are all in between

Purity lost

I'm I lost in my own made up fairytale

Or did you leave the trail . . .  .    .         .             .

I drove away to another place
All I see is your face
The astetic of your touch on my skin
Gave me the chills
My core shakes in your presence
And I can feel a tingle

Whyd you look at me that way
I never though of you before this way

Have you thought of me too
Do I give you chills ?
Are you just hiding it a little too well ?

Or have I drove myself away too far
Have I reached the stars with my own misconception
My own thoughts my own wishes my own fairytale ..

Or did you leave the trail ?

Hey . . .
I'd like to get to know you .. everyday
Let's get personal .. all the way

Talking is beautiful
I want to hear you articulate all your feelings and everything going inside your head
I wanna see your eyes in every mood
I  wanna see your face in every expression
I wanna touch your skin
I want you to feel my skin
Feel the heat you bring to it
Feel the pulse you accelerated
With your eyes

Don't look at me that way
Cause you got me thinking
God you've got me thinking

I can throw the papers on your desk aside
Make you feel the fire inside ..

Ugh god I can't hide .. it
Don't look at me that way
Please stop looking at me that way

Now I can't I can't get you out of my mind

Restless
**** this .

No longer sure where we going
Mind breaking
Bones shaking
Hands sweat
Back sweats

Baby steps seem impossible
This world is not mine for the taking
I've been mistaking
Everything
My mind is shaking
My voice is  shaking

Is this normal
Is it real
What I feel
Are we here ?

Is it all just a game
I'm bad at games
I don't want to play
I don't want to stay
Here.

It's like someone just turned on the lights
And now we can see a clear sight
We were never getting along
Were we ?

Or did the lights turn off
And seeing has gotten tough
And we are going around in circles like lost dogs ?

I don't know how it happened but I think we have fallen out of love . . .

Clean that soul
before you find yourself swallowed in a black hole

No one to console you
Cause all the ones that loved you let you go
They let you go

So won't you clean that soul
Your more than you know

Ice cold
Rare like gold
Beautiful . . .

Iced water dripping

Don't let your tears flood

you're iced water that's dripping

a snow flake that so sharp it can be killing

snow flakes
snow flakes
snow flakes

you won't let the tears flood

iced water dripping

so sharp it could be killing

You will never understand it till you're in it
Leave you stranded but you're willing  . . .

Respect is key to winning
Understanding is the key to staying
But we don't understand one another
Yet we memorized one another

You lose respect for me like it's water dripping
I lose respect for you through my sadness grievance
Of our dead could have beens

We're not winning
We're not winning

I am losing yet I stay willing
I am aching yet I stay willing
I am tired yet I stay
I am tired yet I stay

say a word and I'll say this has never been
say a word and I will give you my everything
you horrible horrible ******* ..

but just say a word and I'll stay willing

You need a little time
So your soul and this world can intertwine

Peoples words will fade away
But yourself will stay
Stay with you

You need a little time
You got all these mountains to climb

You got a heart made of gold
but you forgot you forgot your worth

You can't let yourself fall behind
But you need ! You need a little time

If I could I would give you mine
Your worth my time

Sun rays on my guitar
Makes the dust sparkle

they say you live for what you die for
I live for what I'd die for

I live for the love

it's hard
hard to live
it's hard
hard to love
And I live for the love ..

I walk down the road
Cars flashing by
Do you see me
Can you hear my screaming insides

I walk down this road
People passing by
Can you see this
The crimes Committed in my mind

I speak loud
I speak low
I told you everything you want to know
But do you want to know this
Do you want to know me
Coup d'état in flesh

rainbows and wars mesh
walking in a dress
Do you want to know
This coup d'état in flesh

I reach for the stars
but I'm a mess
I aim for your heart
But I miss

You can't define me
cause am a coup d'état in flesh

And so I walk down this road
I keep walking nothing more nothing less
Can you walk with this
Rainbows and wars mesh ?

This .

This .

This .

Can it stay forever .

This tickling sparks of perks in my heart .

Can it stay forever .

This .

This.

You .

I feel everything and a little more
I feel so much for you that it's has become sore
I feel the blink of your eyes
I feel pounding of your lips
I feel the movement of your hands

I feel the waves of gradient brown in your eyes

The nights are like rusty chains
Hours days years go in vain
I'm slowly drained
My body is rusty like the chains
I am lost on a road to somewhere
Come here go there . Everyone says
everyone begs I take care
I wish my health wouldn't be at stake
Cause the nights are like rusty chains
Subsequent and burned out
And so it only seems fair to fuel my rusty veins
with this rusty cigarette to rust my mind
so I can fit in my rusty days  
Fit in this inescapable place

I think in colors that do not exist

I think of night lights and the rainy mist

Of daylight and stormy winds

I think of dark wars and unicorns

I think of everything and a little more

I think in colors that do not exist

I see the things that most would miss

I feel everything and a little more

I'm made of dark wars and unicorns

You're sewing the reasons to your boat that's drifting away

Your writing your own meanings to the words that people say

You're drifting drifting yourself away.

I can't help you i can only hope you'll be okay.

I think you've made me cold
I think you made me think it's better

Oh god .

I think you made me rude
You made me a little more insensitive  
A little more defensive

it was you
you
you

Shades of pink mixed with the shades of blue *

Shades of me mixed with shades of you *

You shaped what I am as I let you inside

My shades of blue .

I write this I write it for you *

Cause even though you shaped me . I'm not shaping you

but I am loving you

I am wanting you

I want that harmony of your pink shades mixed in my blue

I want those nice days mixed with my days that I wish to undo

I want you

but keeping up with you feels like I bit more than I can chew

I bit more than I can chew

I try to come up with words that will impress you
. . . . .
If you ever read this  *

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm messing with you
. . . . .
But I said what I felt *

I'm sorry if that bothers you .
maybe we shouldn't be friends ?

I'm sorry I can't fix any of this
I need to fix me instead
....

See I have this huge burden .. no no BURDENS on my chest

it's suffocating me to death

I can barely open my eyes without flowing tears that will unrest

.......

so I'm sorry I'm sorry if I'm bothering you  

Was it cause I asked to be considered by you

Was it cause I said I can't go out with you

Was it cause I couldn't pay for the same **** that you do

Was it cause I can't take your ******* with a smile

Please explain to me , why I shouldn't be irritated

when you're irritating me

Because YOU ******* COMMAND ME ?

Write the script of how I should be

I'm sorry you think you have problems
And that I'm one of it

But If I'm your problem then believe me
Your life is a bless

.....

So leave me be .

If you can't help me .

Then just leave me be .

*Cause I can't help but be me. *

As irritating I am . As noxious as I am . As yellow as I am . As blue as I am.

And no you can't change me .

And no it doesn't seem like you can or want to help me.

You don't trust me
You underestimate me
And because of the insignificance of my feelings to you
you can't and won't  understand me

And I would try to fix that
But right now I can't  even fix myself
....

See I have these BURDENS on my chest

it's suffocating me to death

I can barely open my eyes without flowing tears that will unrest
....

So let me be
If you can't *help me

That genuine heart that perky smile
They couldn't break you
They couldn't break you

Till they did .


And they did .


And it destroyed you .

Paint this black canvas
Paint it black ?

Paint this black canvas
Paint over my life

This canvas is black
So no need to paint it black

Paint this black canvas
Paint it red, orange, blue, pink or yellow
And please stop painting it in black

I've learned to fight in this world with all my strength
But all I really want to send you my love
All I really want is to trust everyone
All I really want is to make those around me happy

All I really want is dust

It disappears

All I want is myself in a piece

And all I want is to give everyone I love a piece of me

a piece of me that's happy that brings them joy

But it's not enough
for you
While I lost me

it's not enough for you
but I lost me

I hope I bring you joy
I hope you have felt this love
I hope you have felt my trust
I hope ..
I hope sometimes it's enough

Watch me be a *****
and alienate myself

Watch it
Watch it

Watch me die a little bit inside
Watch it
Watch it

Cause I'm sick of being kind
I'm sick of crying each and every ******* night
I'm sick inside
I'm sick of these exploding emotions I'm trying to hide
I'm sick inside

I knew better
But you made me sick sick inside
I can't do better
Cause you made me sick
To my stomach each and every ******* night