There's things in life you just can't deny
Like how you kept me up this night
How you remind me of something I had inside


And people tell me play it cool
But I can't help if I'm a fool

And I can't explain it but I'll try
You are things I want to be
And an image of someone I didnt want to let go
Call it repeated history  

Cause when you get attached to someone
You search for them in everyone you meet
And when I see even the smallest pieces of  crumbs of  you in them
I like to make believe

Cause I can't help the people I meet at a young age so bleek
The people that leave an impression on me

And now I search for them in everyone I meet
And you resemble something

I can't speak ..
I can't say...

If I did it wont make sense anyway

But there are things in life you just can't deny
Like how your thought kept me up tonight

I kinda just want to disappear
Paint myself clear

I kinda just want to disappear
Wanting has become senseless
Taste has become tasteless

And tiredness has become endless
And resting has become restless
And I kinda just want to disappear

Its too much fear for me to feel
Its too much, of much that it stopped bringing me to tears.

I kinda just want to disappear.

Is life a circle or is it a road ?
A means to an end
Or a forever rolling stone?

Are my actions causing an effect
Or am I repeating my steps?

There is a road less traveled
And there the road that looks pretty

And they both lead me to the same place

Rolling in my own mistakes

And I stare at people and think
Are they real or is it a combination of my minds ink
Mixed with something unknown
Making everyones story, my own

I wrote this
Or did I?

I  dont know.

But I want you to hold me when I'm alone.
Even though I live my life like the true man show

Is any of it real ?

I dont know.
But I still want you to hold me
Cause I am alone.

It's easy to write
I just type it down
On my phone.

Get it all out, in the zone

And its easy to write
When none of the people reading this
Are one's I've known

And a text that articulates my pain and emotions
Is coated in the atheistic of rhyme, metaphore and power
Makes it so easy to write this down

And let me drown.


Cause atleast it paints an interesting picture
Doesn't it ?

And it makes me seem like I know things
But I really dont
I just feel good when expressing things
Like a song.

And it's easy to write this down
But it's not easy to analyze prioritize and take action.
Its not easy to make things happen.
Its very difficult
And sometimes it seems impossible.

But writing it down
... it's easy

Roll it with your thumb
And light it up

Light it up
Till it the gas slowly disappears in the air
And the light is out

Roll it with your thumb
And light it up
And watch it
Watch it
Watch it
Watch it
Watch it
Till it burns out
And the light's out

So you roll it with your thumb
It lights up
And lights out

So you roll it with your thumb
And it sparks
And sparks
But doesn't light up

So you roll it with your thumb
And you watch it
Spark
Spark
But doesn't light up

So you get frustrated
And roll it with your thumb
And it sparks
But doesnt light up

It doesn't light up no more
And your actions cause no reaction
And your frustration turn to distress

And the distress feels like home
The only home you've ever known

And this voice keeps saying
You ain't **** ...
You ain't ****...

And when you stopped talking to me
This voice kept saying
I aint ****
I aint ****

And everyday when I say a wrong word and when you look at me like I'm silly
When you think I am silly
I hear u say I aint ****


Will maybe I aint ****

And I can't sleep at night cause this voice is too loud

And Im trying to sink into life
Cause Im floating above like i am high

Cause Im starting to believe there is nothing but existance
And the sky and the sun and the moon
And the earth and the planets
There is nothing but being
And I am you and you are me

And what does this all mean
All I keep hearing is that
I aint ****
I aint ****

There is nothing
And I am nothing
And you are nothing
And this is nothing
But a feeling
I am creating
And I am living it
And I am repeating it
And its all me
And all I tell myself
Is I aint ****


And I want it to link up
I want it to have meaning
I want to believe
Theres something meant behind every step
And every word
And everthing

I wanna see a miracle
I wanna see a miracle
I wanna see a miracle

Misuse abuse
It was the choice for me to choose

I got love for you if you love me too
Use me like a napkin for all the sorrows
And throw away
And I keep on playing
Cause I choose to misuse and abuse myself

Like I couldn't choose but I did
I choose and I choose again
And I choose then I choose again
And I make belief that I got nothing to loose
Cause Im just figuring it out cause I am confused

But it won't be the same
Being able to feel with many
Like I'm here to help you
And be funny
Like I owe to make him feel better
No matter my mind or the weather
I OWE HIM TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER

And I owe everyone who's sweet and under the weather
I crave illness cause Im ill
And think if I make it better for him
Might make it better for me
But it's making it worst

Attaching myself worth to my capability to help
When I need help

And the feeling is not rough nor soft
Its a constant plainness of thought
And plain seems nicer than my natural state

So I abuse and misuse myself ...


And I am blessed and cursed to feel with everyone
And I take take take in everyone's pain
Till I feel numb

And if you drink too much your tolerence gets higher  
And when I take in too much my tolerence gets higher
And it's a viscous cycle and Im being a ******* lier
To myself
As I misuse and abuse
And it is and it was my choice to choose.