smoke drifted across the thick silence hanging in the air
writhing in serpentine patterns toward the ceiling before lazily bursting apart.
"what do you see in me?" you asked.
i had to take a moment to think, shocked by the suddenness of your question.
there were a million answers that could be given.

"i see someone who strives to be above perfect."
someone who broke apart the glass barrier of adversity closed around him,
and who is still picking glass out of his arms and knuckles.
he fights every day to be something more than what he is.
he embodies perfection without realizing it.

"i see someone who wants love but is afraid of it."
it's like looking into a mirror, sometimes.
maybe inside, you're just as shredded as i am.
you only give a little, to the misery of my aching heart.
but the feather light touches of your fingertips
granted in sweet morning light, when we both have yet to wake up,
well, it speaks volumes.

so many more answers i could have given, but you invoke a series of complex emotions.
some of them aren't worth naming.

you stared at me, and i marveled at the exquisite angular artistry writ in your visage.
i can't look at you without noticing how **** handsome you are.
but the next words cut like ice,
"that's not good enough."

it was a dry mojave afternoon,
with crows cursing shrilly
the streetlamps bearing broken bulbs
and the striped cat sleeping in the sun.

the wind drew frantic breaths,
exhaling dead leaves over the hill
and sending the blackbirds
spiraling into the sky.

a lizard stirred, somniferous almond eyes
gazing lethargically over his rock
and at the old man on the porch
leaning back- impossibly uncomfortable in his rickety wooden chair.

his name was Jackson.
gnarled gray hair mixed with gnarled gray beard
appropriately framing a pinched, ornery visage
and tattered clothes adorned his whisper of a body.

it was his sixty-fourth year here in the desert-
on the fifty-second he'd lost his wife
on the fifty-eighth he'd gained a kitten
named him Waldrop and let him **** the mice and lizards.

'sixty four years is a long time,'
a thought murmured in the back of his head
eyelids peeling back to give a cursory glance to Waldrop
who was stalking the reptile watching him.

he remembered his twentieth birthday
when Edna had first said she loved him
and he remembered that glorious July morning
where she said she was his forever.

he remembered the pain of labor
down in the factory,
and the camaderie with his fellows
chewing tobacco and cursing the bosses.

he remembered the time spent weeping,
but remembered more the time spent laughing
in places miles and miles away
that now seemed imaginary.

exhaustion echoed through tired bones
and he wondered who would feed the cat,
drooping eyes closing one last time
to await the warmth of sunset.

fury and insecurity are tempered with patience and effort.
spend your days wishing misery on your enemies-
or spend them cultivating your own advancement.
you have two choices: excel or stagnate.
succeed or atrophy.
how brightly does your fire burn?...
do you consume your demons and spit them out ashes?
or do you warm their bones in the cold?

You may
Whisper lies
But
The truth
Shines along
Colour changing
Patterns
Of your
Irises
Eviscerated
For me
To see.
Observing you
Observing me.

You
Brought me
In blood and tears
You yourself but a child-
Into this world.
From a distance
You watched
As I grew.
First a whelp,
Now a wolf.
You
**** yourself
With every inhale
Of that odorless
Drug
And here I am
Helpless
Watching you die....
Just as
You watched me grow
Not long ago....

Part of me thinks
This is a mistake

The other part
Remembers how you told me 'no'

Over and over
And how painful it was.

Forgive me
For being drawn in

By someone
Who says yes

You won't be smiling anymore
Once you too feel this betrayed.
Don't worry -- don't hold your breath.
The guillotine will drop quickly.
The knife blade will be fast,
The killing strike lightning personified.
You won't see it
Coming.

It's all written
in his face-
' Don't come a step nearer
this isn't your place'.

This is the age where all morality
and kindness have quickened to death
he's a stranger and I wanted then to say 'hello'
now I 'm glad to have saved my breath.