I saw you today!
Though I couldn't talk
I saw you
Standing in the sun
Talking to your peeps and
Getting yourself tanned again!
I saw your hair
Go up in flames
Due to the reflection of the sun
You looked beautiful again

Then I saw you leave..
I kept looking over my shoulder
To see if you would return
But I guess not..
This will still be another unfinished fairy tale..

Everyone hopes that they are broken,
Because if you're broken
That means that there is a cure,
A treatment,
A medication,
A program that can fix you.
If you're broken,
Then someone can make it stop.
The real fear is that you're fine,
And it can't get better.
The real fear is that this is normal.
It really hurts this much to lose a friend,
To move,
To not get the job,
Or to get the job.
Just to feel so sad and scared and disorientated.
It is all completely normal,
And you can't fix it.
No one fears being broken,
You can make that stop.
It's the real ability to feel pain that you can't change,
And that is terrifying.

To love a drug addict is to love drugs in itself.
To see the highs... the lows...
always a different character but none of them are you.
A bud that tossed its seed into barren soil.
Shrouded in clouds made of chemicals you can't even name.
Always living on one side of your duality and my role
has always been to bear witness.
We love each other but visions of us as lovers
are now ****** into the void because to love a drug addict
is to love the very thing that controls you.
There is no room for anything else to reign.
Your chains outweigh your strength.
And so you sit, seething and craving
for the next hit.
Or should I say, **** dose...
what you like to call it.
To love a drug addict is to accept
your names...
and all they represent.
But I hate.
I hate your hang overs
and you're need for speed.
I hate it because its killing you physically
as it kills me emotionally.
I hate you're demon that stops you from being
half the man you could be.
And so this is why we never graduated past lovers.
This is why you never became a rock star.
Garage bands unable to house you in
because you're too busy getting wasted
while they play music.
You **** up your notes and your tuning.
Your energy ******* up the melody
because you have to stuff your face,
with things to make you forget your face.
I see empty.
This is why we'll never work out.
We drew our lines, made our circles and put things in them.
You chose to surround yourself with drugs that make it so hard to love you.
Because I hate them.
Because they hate you.

my love is in this place;
runs through it like
blushed
cheeks,

and the wind carries our laughter.

hello honey
it's been a while has it not
how have you been?
me?
oh,
I've been crazy
starving
drunk
and drunk
and higher than a choir boys voice
I'm so broke I've been smoking Pall Malls
but don't worry darling,
I'm not dead yet
oh please do tell me about
the hundreds of other guys
and girls
that you've been seeing
they sound great
I know I've been trying this for years
but why don't we take us out for a spin?
oh not yet
don't worry I'll keep trying
Listen baby
I was thinking about you while you were gone
it was all I was thinking about
and I've got a feeling I'll see you soon
I know it
deep in the pit of my gut
but until then,
take care
with equal parts love
and hate
your future lover

i taste
like smoke
like the seven hours i’ve spent
lying on my living room floor
awake
listening to traffic.

i smell
like smoke
like a pack a day in the heat and rain
inhaling something
intangible.

you are
fresh air
breathing hope into my lungs
lifting me off of the rental home brown
carpet

Everyone has to have a cell phone incase they get attacked by a bear or a street gang today. You know what we did in my day, if we got attacked. We died! That's what we did. We didn't need no stinkin cell phone.

Do you ever feel
Like the words are stuck,
So much you want to say?
But you allowed someone
To break the connection
Between your soul and fingers?
Do you ever feel
So pushed and pulled
By other's emotions
You forget which ones
Are truly your own?
Are you so compelled
To give and give to others
You whither in the drought
That's left behind?
Boundaries, boundaries are
So hard for me to find.
They're invisible laser beams
Protecting a fine jewel.
I can't see them.
I clumsily make my way through.
I allow others to determine my path.
Where is the strength
I felt two years ago?
Will it ever return?
Until then, I swing from here to there,
Tripping, slipping along the way.
Searching for the strength I knew
Before my world was turned upside-down.