knives are angry
and they shine
menacingly
guns are loud
and toxic
to society
ropes burn heavily
they snap
and send me tumbling
down to earth
where i no longer want to be.
death is scary
but cliffs are not
mountains
bridges
looking over an endless blue sky
and maybe an ocean or two
majestic and beautiful
free and unafraid
i am not afraid of heights
so when i want to die
i will fly away
in happiness
step off of the ground
containing me
and into the world unknown
into the deep, shining blue
and i will die
unafraid

tears fill your eyes,
this is the beginning
begining of sadness and emptiness
is this the end
you feel broken like a shattered wine glass
is this the end
people around but you feel lonely
is this the end
you start to realize this is not the end
this is the begining
begining of pain
temporary pain
but do you know that yet
that this is temporary
is this the end
you might ask yourself
if it will ever get better but you're convinced it won't
is this the end
the end of life
you are still alive
but you are dead
no feeling
your heart is numb and now I tell myself
this is the end

- n.e.p

When I was young and bold and strong,
Oh, right was right, and wrong was wrong!
My plume on high, my flag unfurled,
I rode away to right the world.
"Come out, you dogs, and fight!" said I,
And wept there was but once to die.

But I am old; and good and bad
Are woven in a crazy plaid.
I sit and say, "The world is so;
And he is wise who lets it go.
A battle lost, a battle won--
The difference is small, my son."

Inertia rides and riddles me;
The which is called Philosophy.

I am in love with you.
I know we can't be together.
I am aware of our ages.

But,

I get jealous.
I don't think anyone is good enough for you.
I think of you as my daughter.
I think you could be my soul mate.

It's complicated,
I try to talk myself into not loving you.

But,

Talk is cheap,
My love is true.

The first time I kissed you, you felt like home. I kissed you again and again, all over until we realized at the same time and much too late that you’d had too much to drink. I would have kissed you when you left, too, but I was shy and you were beautiful and sometimes it’s scary on your first night in a new house.


You started a fire and I got there too late to put it out, to tell you I’m sorry they don’t understand and I’m sorry I don’t know your every crevice quite yet. The second time I kissed you, you welcomed me home and said sorry, I’m sorry that you don’t know how it started or where I put the lighter after I lit our home ablaze. 


I spent my heart pouring water on the embers of a grease fire that I thought was wood-burning. You threw sparks at me when I tried to tame the heat of your coals because I didn’t know how. The third time I kissed you, I called the old tenant and asked her how because I didn’t want to light myself with your manic flame. 


The fire turned to ash and the house got cold when I let myself in to rooms I hadn’t seen before. I used bobby pins to unlock the door instead of asking for the key; I suppose I should have known the abandoned nooks would have chilled the whole house. The fourth time I kissed you, your lips were blue and your eyes were open and I knew the flames were gone and I wasn’t sure I was glad. 


I don’t know when our house fell down. I was wrapped up in your eyes and how they don’t change when you smile at me when I looked around to find the walls on the ground and the roof blown away. The last time I kissed you, you said goodbye instead of goodnight and left me at the bus stop to find another home.

Said Mother Earth to her three sons " What good have you done today?". One son said " I have conquered for you, and have laid many down." Say's Mother Earth, " I know I could  feel their pain as you laid them in my arms." Said son number two,"I have fetched you a feast from many poor farmers fields. This feast is all for you". " I know",  said Mother Earth," I feel the grumble of many empty stomachs."  The third son said meekly," I have done nothing. I saw a dying man alone and afraid, and I used my time to comfort him."  Say's Mother Earth," I know, he speaks kindly of you.  You my son have done good."

I'm looking at the dark side of the moon,
never being afraid of the cold that can blow.
Some might say the Devil wears only black
but I know differently when my powers appear at night.

I've wondered through light enough,
my time has come to dress on soberness to be strong.
It covers my skin slowly and makes me fly high
on a beautiful velvet sky.

Transforming into an untouchable Dark Angel,
not a fallen one, just one with a burning soul.
Once I lost what I'd always thought mine,
now Night brought it  all back to my side.

Oh, Goddess, take me into your arms,
let me see all your wisdom through this eyes.
Let me be part of your precious shadows
and taste your water for I will always follow.

Let your energy flow through my veins,
take this blood because it isn't mine no more.
I'll dress on a moonlight gown for eternity
for this faithful servant yours will always be.

The prognosis was distressing.
The outlook was the same.
My aging mother could not eat,
we were playing her endgame.
Bereft of speech and cogent thought,
sitting in her chair with wheels.
Her fate placed firmly in our hands,
in the court of no appeals.
A feeding tube could well extend
her life for twenty years.
A life in limbo that way leads
where none can care or feel.
Pain management and hospice care
was the choice we had to make.
Years later some still argue
we had made a vile mistake.
Yet if my fate should be like hers
be kind and let me die.
A gentle exit into night
once life become a lie.