shes an amazing person she doesnt deserve this shes one of my bestfriends and im here only one as i cried from the pain she felt he asked what was wrong and all i could do was lie 'nothing im perfect...' when all i wanted to do was ask him to hold me even just for a day
i love you, you see but you dont love me, maybe never did i want to use & abuse guy after guy just to make you see what you've done to me just to make you jealous just to sate the pain, the hunger, the desire but i just remembered... you would have to care for me to be able to hurt you and you dont.
i feel it coming to attack- my feet drag- my head spins- i find it hard to get out of bed again- my soul wants to live, but my mind is trying so hard to die-
i want people to want me i want attention i want to have the best high school experience i want someone to hold me i want someone to love me i want to know who i am i want to be me i want to be noticed i want to be liked i want to be loved to the most extent i want i want i want i want to die sometimes but does 1 want override more than 10? i want to understand.
i aspire to be a writer so i can have my fantasies fulfilled, as sad as it sounds i will live through my characters and i will never write just for the money, all my books will be connected with me. if i ever publish, i will take time to meet my fans and explain my inspirations. because as a reader, i always want to know more...
i love and hate my body, because even when i am dying inside, my lungs are inhaling and exhaling air, oxygenating my brain, making blood flow, causing my heart to beat, even when im wishing it to stop.
moving on auto-pilot i walk to the bathroom run the bath grab the pills shake off the doubt grab a knife swallow the pills get ready to end your life slit-wrist to elbow-both arms slide to the bottom moving on auto-pilot
5200 days ive been living. 452 days ive been thinking taking it. 60 days ive almost gone through. will i make it to 52001? who knows... maybe i won't want to.