Sometimes I hunger for pain -
it's better than feeling
          e m p t y.
Floating away while desperately
trying to cling onto what's left.

Air slips through my fingers
and it smells of you
-- the musk of your past,
because I'm not ready to
leave you behind.

Yet you're soaring away
-- wings beating steadily.
And soon you'll be a
speck in the sky.

I'm forever grounded
-- you planted me,
never bothered to water me
and left me here to wither
                                                    
                      *-lf-

I want to scream until I reach absolute silence
I want to ruin everything with such violence
I want to cut these locks
I want to shed this skin
I want to bleed cold blood,
want to breathe destruction in.

I want my cynicism to rot
I want to be granted rebirth.
I want to see the sun, for once
I want to see my worth.

I want to feel alive
Want to feel reality.

I'm ready to be human
I've accepted mortality.

*-lf-

i want to lick misery
i want to ****** heartache.
is it possible to hold pain?
to grasp the glass shards
that pierce through flesh;
the edges that cut through
bone and muscle
to make its way to your heart?
is it possible to taste the bitterness
that you've caused me?
my tongue is searching for the sour --
the sting that will help me know
it isn't all in my head.
is it possible to bottle my thoughts?
contain all the memories i have of you?

i don't know if i'd burn them
or bury them between my sheets.

                                      *-lf-

day 1
I feel a weight lifting off of my shoulders
I feel clean
I feel alive
I can finally breathe
without you in my life.
No more suffocation
No more mind games
and required resuscitation

day 3
I'm crawling out of bed
and you're trickling
through my ears
and into my head
once again.
The lack of poison in my veins
is making me itch.
I need to hear your voice,
need to feel your touch.
Too much.
I need you too much

day 5*
I'm breathing but I cannot
feel anything.

cycle on/cycle off*
until I tell you everything
this dependency will have to be enough

                                           *-lf-