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Lydia Jan 2019
We've decided we're waiting.

You shouldn't have given me a time frame because now I'm going to count down the days. These weeks will be spent trying not to think about being with you.

Still,
I can't get those memories out of my head.
Our arms brushing against each other as we browse stores.
Your arm around my waist.
Spending an entire afternoon together wordless.
Your hand on the waistband of my jeans.
The feeling of your moans in my mouth.
One last kiss before we get out of bed.
Your hand grabbing mine as we walk to your car.

We've gone two months without seeing each other. This shouldn't be any different, but it is. Then, we were expecting to see each other.

Now, we have a rough deadline.

You could have left it open-ended, and I would have moved on.

All I have to hold on to is today.
The feeling of you on the opposite end of the couch and how immense the space in between us felt.
The lack of eye contact.
Your loss for words.
Our agreement of terms.
Some light banter.
Me catching your gaze for a few fleeting seconds.
Me trying my hardest to resist the urge to kiss you.
The walk to your car.
Your strong embrace before you got into your car.
Me resisting the urge to turn around
and watch you leave.
Lydia Oct 2018
I drank a lot of *****.
I don't feel as bad
because it's in a fancy glass
and it looks like wine
           when it's mixed with cranberry juice,
but I drank a lot of *****.
Lydia Apr 2018
If I had a dollar for every time they said no to me,
I could actually afford this ****** education.

"Has anyone ever told you that you couldn't do it?"
Well, no;
not directly.
But they don't need to say it.
I hear it every time they say no.
They've stopped even telling me no.
They simply shut me down waiting for me to find out from some secondary source.
Why should I believe in myself?
It leads nowhere.
What does believing in myself get me besides disappointment?
All it does it give me hope when I have nothing to hope for.
They don't say it out loud;
They leave a paper trail.
Lydia Aug 2017
It's happening again.
My voice is gone.
My eyes feel too big for my skull.
I open my mouth and all I can manage is a whisper.
My throat is too tight.
I try to push through, but I fall deeper than before.
If I don't try, I can't fail.
Lydia Aug 2017
I'm afraid.
Afraid of these feelings that are starting to surface.

Whenever I've let them out before,
I've been left with them dragging behind me,
slowly being ripped to pieces.

If they don't exist,
You'll stay around.
I ruin everything by having feelings.

Feelings can't get hurt if they don't exist.
It can't hurt if you feel nothing at all.
  Jul 2017 Lydia
Star BG
Rainstorms of rhymes
echo in mind.
They tickle senses
giving steps momentum.

They whisper in ears
to dance with umbrella closed.

Rainstorms of Rhythms
open consciousness.
They launch dreams that vibrate
behind thunderous clouds.

And when music ceases,
to radiate in cells for new starts    
a gift appears-
A Rainbow Heart.


StarBG © 2017
inspired by Cynthia Henon
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