i sent a leaf
down the river
it was easier than
folding paper boats
and
swimming
upstream

i watched it leave
down the river
it said goodbye
father rock
mother tree
and
cascaded
downstream

oh, the bliss that must come with
the ignorance to your own actions
the knives you spit with vehemence  
whether involuntary or by choice
a deaf man could’ve felt
the disappointment in your voice

i envy the stars,
the way you would stare at them and smile
how you looked so longingly toward them
you wanted to join them
and then you tried.
in your trying, you did not reach them.
you stayed here, on this rotting rock, stuck with me.
your smile has gone away forever. you dont laugh anymore.

i wish i had never let you envy me.
like i envy you
and envy the great shining lights that surround us.

Piled up poems,
letters left in one
dark corner of the
library garden—
Alone…

Heart’s tangled in
sharp thorns from
wherever I go,
where the cold
moon blooms—

Piled up poems,
buried beneath
the silent sun,
wilting faster than
a daisy’s death—
Unread…

My mind’s been
flaking slowly,
like dry paint off
your pristine,
decorated walls.
Every cold night
the autumn moon breathes,
my heart falls apart,
like dying leaves from
The Hanging Tree.

Doctor, Doctor—
Will you help me?
All this time,
I’ve waited so
patiently,
I became one
of your unsteady
patients.

Is this madness?
If you like the shelf where she once stood.

Is this madness?
If you still adore the tea —
the herbal one you never had.

Is this madness?
If you are tempted to brag
about the qualities that were never yours.

Is this madness?
If you feel a sense of safety
in the mask you never wore.

Is this madness?
When you admire everything of her
but nothing of you.

Is this madness?
That you always dream of her —
whether she yearns for you?
An answer, still unknown.

What is Chaos?

Having a baffling thought
Which leads mind to rot.
An argument with self
To get your best book out of the shelf.

A searing term-
Impatience, indecision, anxiousness are in their  prime.
Even in the situation-sublime
Oh! I feel that pain.
That chemical change in my brain

To come out of this dark den-
You need a strong willed wrench.
To forge nerves for strength.
Strength to endure.
Strength to fight.
Strength to reignite your light.

I'm not hard to read.
You just keep looking
for softness
in places I've already
set on fire.