Lauren Rayne: Favorites

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

Hard.

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

Veronica Emilia

Hard.

It's so hard
seeing couples
In the summer
At the beach swimming
Sharing lunch
Making breakfast for each other
Driving anywhere
Doing anything
When I can't with you.
I spend days thinking of you
Without you and wanting you
Some days we have our moments
Spending limited hours at a time
Calling and talking to you for an hour
Only to have you preoccupied
Lonely. Conversation scattered
You have the chance to see me for a whole day
But you say next month maybe
You won't
Work is more important than me
You say it's not
Do you see me cry when I hang up
the phone?
"I'm just tired" I say.
It's just hard I think
to stay this superficial against what really tugs at me.
Maybe I'm just selfish
You say you can picture me with someone else spending days with him that I could have someone else. How could you say that? They aren't you,
I shiver.
I just want to be alone with you for a day.
It's hard like stone. When the tears pour. I can't think like this.

#love #relationships #hard

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

real

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

Regen Williams

real

i think of you daily but
the problem is
you are not real

you are real in the sense that
i and others can see you
but
you do not exist

"you" is something
you created so that
the person inside could
hide away from people
who promised them in
the middle of the night that
they did in fact
love
"you"

"i am not real" you said

now i realize

of course not
how could you be

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

boy

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

Regen Williams

boy

he looked at me like
there were stars in my eyes
and he wished on them whenever
the edges wrinkled with laughter

he listened to me like
there were flowers in my words
and he picked them all and put them
in a vase in his bedroom

he looked at me like
there was love in his heart
and he said that it was too much
for him to handle

so he flew away

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

Seven

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

little Bird

Seven

I still see my dad the way I did when I was seven
I think I always will
I barely notice him age until I clear my eyes
clear the memories that make up who he is
who he has been to me
run to the door he's home for the night
little girl playing pool he'll teach me right
he wears the necklace we made with beads
make a game of pulling weeds
eyes like grandma's icy blue
consistent and true
welcome me home like they always do
roles these days have been reversed
I walk through the door he hugs me first
the wrinkles around his eyes begin to shape
pain in his hip he tries to escape
yet, I see my dad steady and playful at 43
a part of my memory where he'll always be,
makes me wonder how he sees me
guess I don't blame him that he can't let me go
feels like time should pass more slow
I bet he sees me at 7 years too
the picture with my lips turned candy blue
carry me on his shoulders
strong arms seem like boulders
seven
not old enough to know that our childish fun
will one day be gone
seven
shame I don't believe in heaven.

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

This Is How It Is

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

Evynne

This Is How It Is

Throughout my entire life
I've constantly thirsted for approval
From those whom I love and admire
And at different stages
It was different kinds of approval
But all the while
I was always on a quest for some form of it

I think it's more of a
My first priority is to make sure you are satisfied
And if you are not
What can I do to make it so that you are content?
Because for as long as I can remember
I have always put other people's happiness before my own
And still, other's needs before my own
I've never known how to say "No" when something is asked of me
I guess a part of it is a desperate hope that sings
If I am willing to do it for someone else, someone else would surely be willing to do it for me
But most of the time that is not the case
I am always giving people
Every single person I come into contact with
The benefit of the doubt
And a lot of times I shortchange myself because of it
So I guess I need to start reminding myself
That I don't need to hold on to anyone who can't
Or won't
Have me
And I don't need to reach out to people
Who never reach out to me
I don't need to drag my feet or my heart or my body
Through glass and destruction
For anyone

Because people are not prizes
And love is not a journey's end

But most importantly
I shouldn't ever be just another milestone
Crossed off someone's list

I should be a heartbeat
A phenomenon
An endless flame

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

Who yawned the most head

Jul 2013 Lauren Rayne

Ugo

Who yawned the most head

In the burning right hand of the bald city,
denizens frame calories and count instagram blessings
while beacons of hope refund inspiration in USADA *** cups.

Abyssinian maids wail over yesterday lovers
who wore Ginsberg’s skirt with less pizzazz
and watched bedbugs **** blood off knee caps
wondering, what if Jesus Christ drove a Nissan?

As bullets of paragraphs fall Vietnamese pesticides on my head,
The dusts off my breath sing homilies
With letters of broken leather whiskey,
For even in the most dishonest jest,
clandestine toothbrushes are overrated
and every first false lie is the only truth.

— The End —