I woke up this morning and realized that I had created LIFE!
A forgotten OJ container, standing in the corner of a seldom used kitchen,
Begat some fuzzy black spores.

You may say that that's gross, but it crosses my mind:
What if I left it there, on the counter, for say, a hundred billion years?
Would I end up with a monkey, a dolphin, or maybe a giraffe?!

And is this what God feels like, when she returns from her nap, her ****, or wherever she's been?
Does she glance at the rancid OJ container and say, like me,
"What the heck?? Did I leave that out all week?"
And then will she, like me, carelessly toss it into the garbage??

There once was a dog, as happy as a lark,
With one small defect: he couldn't quite bark!

But one fateful day, and we're not sure quite how,
That dog met a cat - who couldn't meee-owww!

(People say they're a quiet couple.)

I'm just crazy enough
To think,
For a moment or two
That her green eyes
Can surgically heal my broken heart.

And then it hits me:
This is just the anesthesia.

Thine fligertoch froznen ech
Cucenkis chenches n xylomec,
The shlipless splood
Upon thy frosh,
With deutromic flide
and fligertosh!

O durgling narthex
And dushi dift,
Of birken shlip -
Those liqulor cractles!
Jugnot (that ye be not jugged),
Boxinuts of bumten quaggles.

Let's just face it: hai-
kus were invented in Ja-
pan and don't always...

(uggghhhhh)

The Marlboro Man,
And I, had a plan:
To ***** out desire,
With a flick of the hand.

The squarest of jaws
(And the yellowest teeth!)
And no one would see,
What lie just beneath.

Yeah, I miss that old man,
With his interstate stare,
He taught me to weather (whether?)
This life...without even a care.