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Jan 2016 · 425
Fuck
L Smida Jan 2016
I'm wasting my time
She is never coming back
She can not come back
Jan 2016 · 732
I am still in love with her
L Smida Jan 2016
I found love
And when it was torn away
I wasn't ready
I stopped my clock
And now I am living a lie
Trapped in time
I see her in my dreams
I feel her in my heart
I roll over at night
Wishing she was there
For me to hold onto
I still cry
I still miss her
But I wear a mask
I tell everyone that I'm great
But I have nightmares
Every
Single
Night
And every day
I smile the best crooked smile I know
And it's good enough to get me through
Half the time I can't breathe
Hot tears sting my cheeks
But I just wipe them away
Before anyone can see
Back to bed I go
I am broken
I can't feel anything but pain
I am in love
And I cannot function
I cannot move on
I lay in bed
Unable to move
Unable to face the world
Clutching my pillow
Hoping one day
I will wake up
And she will be sleeping next to me again
I don't want anyone else
No one else can make me feel the way she did
Even in my dreams
No one will ever compare
:(
Jan 2016 · 721
My dreams are my Reality
L Smida Jan 2016
Frozen in bed
Buried beneath the weight of dread
Unable to break the covers
Unable to meet my feet to the ground
Unable to face the world of lies
I just want to stay here
In bed
Forever
I see her
When I close my eyes
My dreams have become my reality
She feels real
Her breath
Warm on my neck
Her hands
Soft on my face
Her body
Curled around mine
I don't want to be anywhere else
I want to be lost here
Please don't wake me up
My bed has become my portal to my dreams which are now my reality.
Jan 2016 · 655
Rewritten: Blind or Broken
L Smida Jan 2016
I am coerced into loathsome desperation
Unable to elicit a feeling of existence
All because my dreams violently clash with reality

I cannot prevail
I will not survive
I am weak

Failing to hunt down a sufficient supply of motivation
Buried beneath the world of paperbacks
Scrambling to bump into an emotion that will jump start my heart

An adrenaline ****** suffering withdrawal
Tormenting this flaccid ***** in my chest
Please, someone tackle me into relapse

Every attempt to ascend from darkness
Annihilated
With each crash and burn
Extracts the impossible truth

I cannot feel
I do not care
I am dead

Where is the spark that I used to lust for?
Am I Blind or Broken?!

I need to feel
I need to want
I need to prosper

Taunting a pair of keen eyes to electrify my neurons
Demanding a bitten lip to punch a hole in my gut
Slamming bodies against bodies into doorways

Grabbing confidently
Kissing forcefully
Unbuttoning frantically

But...

I can't
Feel
Anything

Love and Lust are one in the same
I can't coddle one without the other
My butterflies are broken....
Jan 2016 · 385
Blind or broken
L Smida Jan 2016
I am in loathsome desperation
This lack of feeling is drowning me
And I can't find a sufficiently safe distraction to break me through the surface
(I'm not sure I want to be safe)

Buried beneath the world of novels
Living vicariously through characters that I wished were real
Scrambling to bump into an emotion that will jump start my heart

I feel dead
I want someone to punch a hole in my gut with their lips
I want someone's touch to ignite the fire
(I want to meet an arsonist)

Where is that spark that I used to lust for?
Am I blind or broken?
Possibly just lost

Suffering through horrified adrenaline withdrawal
I'm a ****** for standing on the edge
Please, someone push me into relapse
I am no longer capable of feeling butterflies.....
Aug 2015 · 584
Mind Body and Soul
L Smida Aug 2015
I have no conscious left to guide me through this one
My brain doesn't know how to handle all this hatred
There are no options left

I will not waste another exhausting moment trying to understand
My heart doesn't know how to handle all this pain
There are no options left

I had never been so ******* caught off guard
My soul doesn't know how to juggle all these broken pieces
There is not a single ******* option left
*******. I hate you.
Aug 2015 · 546
Two Broken Souls
L Smida Aug 2015
With the night
Comes coldness
Seeping in quickly
In time
Everything
Becomes darkness
A flicker of a flame
Barely serving a purpose
Silently hoping
That someone notices
The pitiful smoke signal
The slow sad light
Holds my long lost gaze
For countless moments
I am
Alone
And forever thinking so
Numb
And careless to feel again
Broken
And undeserving
Angry
At everything
Refraining from the worst
But the impulse is torture
Desperately in need
Of a body
For comfort
When suddenly
A voice
From the depth of the shadows
Calls out
"Hey"
Too low and deep
That it pokes at my imagination
The voice steps
Into the poor pitiful light
"Do you want a beer?"
He saved my life and didn't even know it
Jul 2015 · 372
It'll be okay
L Smida Jul 2015
If I **** myself
Everything will be okay
Because time goes on
Aug 2014 · 402
Married
L Smida Aug 2014
I am a human with feelings that vary with different tones
I shouldn't ******* care about other people's comfort zones

With you I shouldn't feel as if I have to hide
Especially 'cause you agreed to be my bride

Do you want me to tell you
That I'm okay when I'm not?
Because I'd rather be able to tell you my every thought

Is it in your best interest to have me comfort you with lies?
Because I wholeheartedly refuse to disguise my cries

I want to be able to tell you how I honestly feel
Without an argument creating a nasty ordeal

No matter how brutal the truth may be
I wish you would just listen to me

Who's the one who gets upset when I hide in my shell
So why, when I tell, do you raise so much hell
Nov 2013 · 621
You
L Smida Nov 2013
You
You give me that feeling where my feet don't touch the ground
And our breathing is the only sound

You give me that feeling where my breath catches in my throat
With closed eyes I freely float

You give me that feeling where my heart beats against my chest
And everything else is expressed

You give me that feeling when my hands can explore the contours of your skin
And it creates a powerful passion within

You give me that feeling when my eyes get struck with your pair
And I can't help but stare

You give me that feeling when your lips collide with mine
With one smooth movement we align

We become one
And we shine

The definition of love we rewrote
My entire heart I will devote
To you my love
My one and only
I'll never let you be lonely
Ever again
I've given up my heart and then
I'll take your hand
And I promise to always stand
By your side forever
Whatsoever
I wrote this for her
L Smida Oct 2013
When the lock
On the cage
Breaks
And the wild
Emotions
Escape
With their loud
RAWRS
And
Sharp claws
Nobody knows how
To tame them
Not even their
Master
So when reactions
Mix with uncontrollable
Feelings
Danger is afoot
We can only hope
And pray
That nobody
Gets hurt
Sep 2013 · 827
Scar stories
L Smida Sep 2013
She talks about scars
Like she wants to know about mine
The retelling of stories
Makes me think she wants one from me
And I don't know how to tell her
That I took a knife
And carved myself up
Like the turkey on thanksgiving
That I gashed my skin because I was craving control
That I was once so alone and hurt
That I took it upon myself
To drain myself of all my emotions
Turning one pain into another
Controlling how many
Controlling how hard
Controlling how long
I could've stopped if I wanted to
But I didn't want to
And so there's a whole parade of them
Up my leg
When she traces my bones
With her fingers and feels the roughness
She sees them with her eyes
While I shut mine tight
Like it will shut me out of the situation
I'm not sure what goes through her head
Does she question
Does she accept
Does she ignore
Her mouth never reveals her mind
Only leaking hints about her own
And I know all of her scars by now
The bike accident on her elbow
The scar on her palm that matches her moms
The pencil lead from her brother
The opened drawer on her shin when the lights went out
The ****** Knuckles games as a kid
All such simple explanations
Oh yea
These 30 marks here are from when the only girl in the world who paid attention to me told me her goodbyes
And was going to **** herself
And she threatened me not to tell anyone
I told someone anyway
This one here is when I felt such strong hatred for myself
That I couldn't even bare the thought of looking at my reflection without getting enraged
This section here is for every time I wanted to put my fist through a wall
These few are from when I wanted to jump off a ******* bridge
These ones are from when I felt the need to punish myself
For making stupid mistakes
These 3 here are placed as a decoy so people would never really know how bad it was
But I've come a long way since then
The past is the past and I'm going to let it stay there
Until the key of a question is revealed to unlock the box
And with that
I will not lie
Hoping that it won't change anything
Sep 2013 · 1.0k
My heart leaked out my eyes
L Smida Sep 2013
She watched my
eye brows draw
closer together as
the mighty question
fell from her lips

Guess what?

Her eyes were hard
And crystal clear
Heart heavy
Fingers softly tracing my jaw
Silently observing her posture
Wrinkled nerves
Itchy nose
Still as stone
Eye to eye
Her lips part
Whispers against the silence

I love you

Like a blob
My heart
Abruptly swells
And pops

The walls of my
Fortress
Collapse
And all stability
Escapes through
The cracks
Of the floor boards
Leaking out
The tear ducts
Of my eyes
Down my face

Emotionally tied
Floating on a raft
In the sky
With the cotton
Candy clouds

All within a
Blink of an eye

I love you too
Aug 2013 · 1.7k
The Good Life
L Smida Aug 2013
And the question is, “What constitutes the good life?” And the neurons in my brain automatically begin to connect and arrange themselves into a conveyor belt of possible responses. This is not about fancy cars and giant mansions. This is about searching high and low for the unique existence of character buried in the depths of your heart. The labyrinth of suffering is something that traps and consumes every single one of us. Being aware and accepting the circumstances that will occur after exploring all the different solutions of discovering a way to escape is a major fundamental element needed to survive. Ostracizing yourself from the countless number of distractions in today’s generation to truly identify your individuality is the most crucial procedure in recognizing an outbreak from conforming to false associations. Infinite minutes are wasted every day because there are numerous amounts of interruptions that interfere with our life’s mission. Eliminating these disturbances will erase people’s impulses to shake hands with laziness. More people need to realize that utilizing time and wisely spending the precious moments we have left should be more carefully valued before it is too late. At times like this, it is perfectly acceptable to be self absorbed on account that working towards a goal is in effect. Take the time to focus on figuring out how to learn and how to proceed in expanding the mind’s personality. It is so important to acquire the ability to control the aspect of reason. But once enough experience is achieved to gather the information on how to conquer the labyrinth of suffering, you will then inaugurate the good life.
There is only one way to assemble the knowledge as to where the door lies and that is by simply living life and never giving up. Take chances and live on curiosity. We learn by putting ourselves in situations that are out of our comfort zones, giving the opportunity to mess up. Overcoming the situation is when we gain the confidence to promote ourselves to the next level. Life is full of mistakes but it is about being intelligent about those obstacles. Building up from those faults and taking advantage of everything life offers. We will move on from every mistake only to come face to face with another one. But life carries us. It challenges us. And the brave souls that accept that challenge are the ones that go on living the good life.
my first paper for this semester
Aug 2013 · 412
The wait comes the decision
L Smida Aug 2013
My stomach cannot
******* handle choking back
these tears anymore
Aug 2013 · 958
4-9
L Smida Aug 2013
4-9
So we jumped rock to rock
Through the unknown river
Your **** in those jeans
Makes my heart shiver

The way you move along
While sometimes looking back
The smirk on your face
Gives my heart an attack

We swam in our skin
Till our lips turned blue
Being this happy
Is something I never knew

The way you out shine the stars
That we gazed upon that night
I'm a sucker for those
Who are clever and bright

Lasagna, tacos
Mac n cheese
Your company
Puts my nerves at ease

I'm crazy with a crazy
That's crazy for you
I can honestly say that
That's truer than true

The way you grab my hand
And pull me into your chest
Something tells me
That we're gonna get undressed

The floor steals our clothes
And the sheets become our abode
The way you bite my hips
Makes my heart explode

Taking shot after shot
But you didn't care
You laughed along with me
When I broke the chair

I broke my neck
And the chandelier
You picked me up
And then kissed my ear

You bandaged my wounds
While holding me down
You are the most amazing chick
That deserves the biggest crown

Hair full of glass
And a girl full of concern
Unconditional love
Is something she'll earn

I jumped off the railing
And fell into her heart
If it was up to me
We would never be apart
I'll probably add to this later
Aug 2013 · 1.1k
Distraction
L Smida Aug 2013
I'm no help to you
I'm only a distraction
From reality
Aug 2013 · 545
Reality check
L Smida Aug 2013
I don't like this
Please don't ******* back
I don't want to come back!
I want to stay trapped in my dreams forever
I will never make it in this world alone
Losing grip
My fingers slip
And I'm falling out of focus
Craving this adventure
Tumbling down and off the edge
Landing in a pile of something
Soft and heavenly
No desire to even get up
Because I love it here so much
This place is not Reality
My eyes tickled by the winds of love
My heart lunges without a second thought
Chasing it with all my might
Fearing nothing in the way
Eyes open and arms spread
Senses heightened and pulsing with alert adrenaline
A jumping dive, head first
Into something dangerous
But oh so fanFUCKINGtastic
Catching it
And squeezing it between all my fingers
I can't stop
The fun has just begun
I'm finally in love with life
Enjoying every ounce of oxygen
That comes in contact with my lungs
I won't stop
This feeling is so unreal
Finding a place where everything is perfect
Nothing to be changed
Feeling nothing but pure bliss
Muscles strain to hold on
To stay under the surface
But time is time
And it rolls me forward
To meet Reality face to face
Eye ***** search me
Up and down
Finding that I carry a heart full of happiness
Reality doesn't like happiness
My eyes drop and discover
Reality carries a depression
That lingers in a bag over its shoulder
That weighs a ton and a half
And it strikes me in my heart
Tearing the lining and watching my happiness bleed all over the floor
Killing and defeating
My happiness lies within the mind of a dreamer
I'm not created to fit this worlds standards
I've known that from the start
Dreaming and seeing
Realizing that reality is a ******* joke
That its the ultimate mood killer
Erasing the minds choice to check Reality
Sinking deep enough down
Hiding away with my happiness
Cuddled up against me inside my dreams
No one will find me here
Not unless I want them to
If I could make my dreams my reality
I would hold the world in my finger tips
L Smida Jul 2013
Your innocent way of snaking open my heart
And tip toeing your pride inside
Shaking up everything in my kingdom
You slam the door to my heart
Over and over
Rattling my bones
Shattering my hopes
Destroying my foundation
Oh how you warned me
But I let you
I watched you take every single piece of my being
That I've spent so much time repairing
And played with it
Until you realized that you didn't know how
So you drained my moat of insecurities
And dismantled my walls of trust
You reconstructed a structure to support your own walls
You called it love
I call it devious selfishness
But within the pain
There was something different about you
And my gut was snagged on it
You've come through with explanations that were in my favor
Pain was never your plan
A submission of a simple antidote was issued
But you never took a second to listen to me
Your selfish needs defeated your focus
Its either everything or nothing with you
We could've waited this out together
Just to sit tight as friends
Wasting no time devouring each others company
Until the dust settled
But according to your behavior
You're just so entirely and terribly confused
At the beginning
When you charged the castle
My mind saw you holding control
Confident with your foot through the door
But time reveals how you're not even a brave warrior
You're just a floppy little jellyfish
You started this trouble and backed out
Before you could finish it
Leaving the ties untied
Letting words be unsaid
Losing the desire to act
And although whispers of secret lust
And crazy attraction
Linger on our lips
Where's the ambition that started this mess
Dig deep and find it
I'm begging you to finish this struggle
Don't make me finish it for you
Be spontaneous
Be forward
Be the strong confident girl that you showed me you could be
You can't lose
After all this destruction
The doors will open with just a glance of your light
You made it far enough into my heart
Please don't turn back now
I honestly just want you to know
That I'm still here
While you cower in a corner of fear
Wallowing in all your questions
Instead of acting on the emotions that are tearing you apart
Give me a chance to show you a whole new world
I'm still standing tall
For you...
You can't stay there
In a place that's unhealthy and miserable
Too scared to come out
So it's safe and predictable...
I can see it in your eyes that you're craving so much more
These feeling are killing you
Let them free and finish what you started
Step all the way through the door
And I'll catch you on the other side
Jul 2013 · 1.5k
Unheard
L Smida Jul 2013
No matter how hard
The cries will never be heard
And you'll never come
Jul 2013 · 634
Y.O.U.
L Smida Jul 2013
My lungs are
Caught
In a trap
And it hurts
From the
Amount of
Pressure
Closing in
On me.
                              Crashing through waves
                              Of a dark storm
                              Over seas of
                              Neurons
                              In my head
                              Connecting
                              The dots
                              Of you
                              As we wonder.
     Splintering panic
     Moving at the
     Speed of light
     Through a
     Maze
     Of arteries
     Extending
     Out from
     My heart.
                         Standing alone
                         In shadows
                         Only echoes
                         Can reach,
                         A formation
                         Of mental objects
                         Arrange
                         Introspectional
                         Shape.
               Meeting in
               The middle
               Strangling
               My every
               Attempt
               To
               B
               r
               e
               a
               t
               h
               e
                .
Jun 2013 · 1.3k
*Inside out eye balls
L Smida Jun 2013
The mind
Is a hidden
Place
Behind the
Eye *****
Where you
Can create
The unimaginable

Unattainable

And only the
Pupils attached
Can perceive
The madness
Inside the
Madhouse

With
Eyes turned
Inside out
Looking at a
                                          "Hideous"
Figure
    ­                             "Genderless"
Full of
                                                    "Naked"
Se­lf hatred
                                          "Vulnerable"
Lyi­ng
Lifeless
In the middle
Of a dark
Empty void
Words
Visually leaking
Out of it's head
And into
                                            "Stupid"
The air
                                    "Weak"
Floating
                                                  "Ugly"
Around
                                     "Failure"
And
                                                       "*****"
Around
                                    "Worthless"
Until so many
                                                       "Freak"
Words
                                           "Coward"
Are circling
All at once
                                     "Blind"
To make it
Too confusing
                                        "Self conscious"
To focus
                                                     "Shy *******"
All jumbled up
                                             "Hurting"
But these words
                                                      "Angr­y"
Are made up
Created from
Scratch
No reasons
No instigators
No proof

Built in

This thing
Is not an it
She's a girl
Who honestly
Isn't bad looking
Ashamed to look
The facts in the face
And surrender to admitting
The fearful truth

Compliments
Do get made
But the  
Words that
Float
Attack
                                        "nice"
Those
                                  "cute"
Nice
                                            "funny"
Words
      ­                                "smart"
And violently
Shred
                                             "attractive"
Them to
Tiny pieces
That dissolve
Into the void
Feeding it
More energy
To create more
Negative adjectives
And it's ridiculous
How did this girl
Get this way
Where did all this
Pessimism come from
This girl
Should not
Be thinking
So harshly
About something
Completely
Unreal
Beating herself
Draining herself
Into a lifeless
Puddle
For no ******* reason

She is intelligent
She has looks
She does have talent

She needs to
Out right her eyes
And look the hell around
Escape the darkness
Inside her head
She needs to wrap
Her brain
Around
All those nice
Comforting words
That are given
To her
Those are real
Real reasons
Real live instigators
Real material proof
So how
To defeat the
Unattainable
                                        "Love"
Mind
            ­                                   "Peace"
Of it's super
Evil
                                       "Kindness"
Negatives
                                          ­             "Happiness"
Powers?

There will
Come a time
Where all war
Will seize
And all waters
Will silence
And all bridges
Will be built
Sturdy

There will
Come a time
Where the
Blind fold of
Self hatred
Will lift and
Disappear
And be
Replaced with
A clearly
Open
Love
So strong
And so real
Creating a happiness
That is everlasting

Overpowering
Any evil

No
More
                      "Lies"
                 "Guilt"
                           "Sad"
                       "Miserable"
Distractions
Jun 2013 · 294
Why?
L Smida Jun 2013
Because I am hurt
And stupid and I do not
Know what else to do
L Smida Jun 2013
Channeling
Every emotion
To a setting
Where they
Do not
Will not
Can not
Be forwarded
For people to see
Subconsciously
Assuming that
The whole
World
Knows when
I'm
Mad
Devastated
Furious
For some ******
Up reason
That is unknown
To me
But if a detailed
Word
Isn't spilt
About the matter
Then nobody
Honestly
Knows such
Feelings
Are being felt
Thinking people
Can look hard enough
Care deep enough
See through me
Expecting too much
But expectation
Should be higher
Not from those
Of others
But of myself
Dealing with emotional
Confrontation
Is something
I cannot handle
Everything in me
Will push it away
Hide it away
Never speak a
Word
About it
But why?
Acting like a
Five year old
Instead of being
Forward
Upfront
And
To the point
Why is it so hard
To speak a mind's
Emotional struggles
Finding words
Or explanations
Is an impossible
Task for my tongue
To master
I'm stubborn
I'm miserable
I'm attention hungry
I'm self conscious
I know I'm all these things
But
Is
There
A way
To change
Those
Parts
Of
Me
When
It's
Who
I
Am?
I sure hope so
Jun 2013 · 666
*Solid existence
L Smida Jun 2013
Do I
Selfishly
Take back
Each piece
Of myself
That I've carelessly
Given away
To be whole again?
Devastated by how
Dispersed my pieces are.
All over
Numerous
Detached
Hearts.
Notices not even
Conscious
About the pieces
Being gone
From their grip.
So why should
I leave my pieces
Behind
With people that
Aren't even acknowledgeable
Of such
Calamities?
Refusing to
Leave a sorry trail
When those
Pieces could fill
My holes.
Certainly
If the notice
Is overlooked
Then the rights
Belong to me
To have the pieces
Of my heart
Put back into place.
Jun 2013 · 1.3k
Attention whore
L Smida Jun 2013
If I could rip my name
From your rotten mouth
And hit you across the face with it
To show you how ******* hurt I am
Then I would do it
You don't see anything
Besides your own ******* feelings
Self centered
Attention *****
May 2013 · 932
*My angry poem
L Smida May 2013
Don't you ever say that you miss me!
Don't you dare!
If I ever hear those words
I'll rip out your hair
And my fingers will wrap around your throat
Throw you in the pond to float
And never ******* look back
Because anger isn't something I lack
I've tried a million times and more
To show you that you're the one I'm fighting for
But ignorance is all I got from you
So I loved till I turned blue
And then my feelings died
Because you chose the wrong side
And now that you're heart is broken
You try to come back and use a token
"I miss you"
Well you should've thought about that before
You pick me second? Ill pick you last
May 2013 · 976
*Ghost blood
L Smida May 2013
Drifting slowly
Dreaming silently
Dark and empty
Nuzzled in nothingness
Only to be violently pulled back by a feeling so real
Burning
Pulsing
My eyes snap open
Panic skips my heart
Scared
Terrified
All at once
Flying through time
I feel my scars
Oozing hot and painful
Trickling and tickling
Down my calf
Into my shoe
Choking on the lump of fear
In my throat
Reaching trembling fingers
To feel
But
....
Revealing a clean hand
Dry bumps
Scar tissues
From years ago
Remain
But they are still alive
And they speak to me
In memories that linger
Testing
Taunting
Bickering
Live nightmares
Ghost blood
Drips
Gush
And even though
My fingers can't see
My mind can feel
Warm
Cold
Shivers
Frighting
Painful
A clean hand
Reveals no blood
But still
The sensation stays
Hot invisible streaks
Whisper on my skin
My eyes deceive me
How can I feel
What I cannot see
Eye lids close
Head falls back
Quiet
Listening to the ghosts
Because they are real
Powerful
More real than most things
They remind me of things
Feelings
Desires
Hatred
Failed attempts
So I give in
And let the invasion
Sink in
Absorbing
Painful
Flashbacks
Lost
Taken away
Traveling through chaotic time
Dizzy
Light headed
Images of disaster
It's dark in here
In my head
I'm lost
In my head
I'm trapped
In my head
Ghosts
Please unhand me
I've seen enough
I've been through enough
Let me move on
I wish not to be reminded
I like my blood inside my body
Get out of my head
Quit snaking through my veins
I'm over that
I'm done with it
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up
Leave me alone
Will I ever escape
May 2013 · 526
Trapped by the blind
L Smida May 2013
I try not to get my hopes up
Because they have a habit of turning into ropes
That wrap around my throat
And leave burns that never go away
But when it strangely starts to look good
I get caught up in the moment
And I lose myself down a narrow narrow pathway
I get lost among the certain few positive events that occur
That my mind's focus fails to see the whole picture
And when reality swarms in
I am never ready
Caught with my guard down
I drown in all the facts and dreadful truths
Laying at the bottom
Immobilized
Lungs filled with bricks
Deflated
Shrunken
Heart
Shriveled
Pressured
Beaten
Broken
To keep from narrowing my mind
How will I ever learn
When will I ever recognize
That moment where I am about to make a mistake
So I can attack at mid stride
Turn it around
And not **** up
Shake my own shoulders
To loosen some sense
Hold onto those wide open thoughts
Never let them leave your brain
Tie them down
Keep them on their toes
And most importantly
Keep them on your side
A narrow mind
Doesn't see clearly
It tricks itself
Traps itself
And sometimes you can't get away
Trapped forever
In a place lead by the blind
May 2013 · 385
Hi there
L Smida May 2013
Define the word friends
And let me know if we are
Because I don't know
L Smida May 2013
I can be confident
Too overly confident
It's very rare
But it can happen
Only when I'm blind
But when the bright light
Shines in my ******* eyes
And I see the rejection
Being thrown in my face
It cuts me apart
And I bleed out into a puddle
That my bones dissolve in
And I have to rebuild
Everything over again
And it ******* hurts
Letting someone break you
It hurts being so ******* blind
It hurts convincing yourself
That you can trust someone
Thinking that you're the only one
But being so completely wrong
Showing someone that
You will give them everything
To build them up
Because you adore seeing them happy
But then they take that happiness
That you created for them
And they go
And ******* share it with someone else
Someone that you didn't even know existed....
And it hurts
It ******* kills me
****....... :,(
May 2013 · 511
Imagined me
L Smida May 2013
I cannot wait
Till the day
I am gone
Out of here
Completely
Disappeared
And then have
Those people
That were suppose
To be my friends
Randomly think
"Hey I wonder
what Lisa's doing today"
And when
They go to
Call me
I won't pick up
And when they text me
I won't answer
And when they look for me
I won't turn up
And when they need me
Ill be gone
No where
Vanished
Like I was never here
At all
Ever
All those times
Where I pestered
And annoyed
The **** out of people
To hang out with me
But there was always
Something better to do
Than hang out with
Lisa Smida
So they blew me off
Over and over
Until it killed me
And I had to get the **** out
I want it to seem like
I was a made up character
In everyone's minds
Like I was just an image
They all happened to create
Simultaneously
And that I never really existed
And all the things that really happened
They were just all made up memories
False memories
Something the brain tells us
Because its what we really want
But it will seem too late
Because Im gone
But really....
It's not too late
Because I was never even there
May 2013 · 543
Waiting
L Smida May 2013
Absolutely
All by myself
Not a single
Soul in sight
But I keep
Turning around
In search for

You

And each time
I turn to look
I see the same
**** thing
Just an empty
Road

Are

You ever going
To look for me
Will you ever
Show up
Or am I
Waiting around
For nothing
I wonder where

My

Sense has gone
Because
I waste all my time
Waiting for

Love
L Smida May 2013
I want to sit here
But I don't want to sit here
What the ******* ****
Every time I sit down
I don't want to sit down
But I'm tired
So I want to sit down
May 2013 · 1.4k
"Hey buddy"
L Smida May 2013
The electric
Energy
That surges
Through my
Body
When someone
Blatantly
Mistakes
Me for a guy
Is probably
The strangest
Excitement
I actually enjoy

It makes me
Feel like me
When that
Mistake
Is made

When someone says
"Hey buddy"
I seriously
Want them to never
Find out the truth
That I'm actually a girl

I don't want
People to
Look at me
And casually
See a
Stereotypical
Girl

I never want
that realization
To occur

Is that weird?

I want
To be a girl
But
I don't want
to look like one

I want
To take on
The appearance
Of the opposite
***

I want
A flat chest
Short hair
A lean body
Toned muscles
And smooth skin

I don't want
To physically
Be
A man
Or
Take
Testosterone

I don't even like men

It's like
I don't want
To be
Either gender

I don't want
*****
Or
A *****

I don't want
To be
Labeled
Male
Or
Female

I don't want
Gender to be
A matter
That actually
Matters
May 2013 · 323
Don't play me
L Smida May 2013
I think I hate you
Because you're always lying
And I can't keep up
May 2013 · 757
*Tattoos
L Smida May 2013
I've substituted
One dysfunctional
PAIN
For one
That's immensely
Productive

Using the cold
Sharp
Blade to
Slice my skin
Wide open
To let the
Hot
Blood gush
Free
Leaving lumpy
Atrocious
Scars
That hold
Discouraging
Memories

Will never happen again
Because

I've become
Addicted to
Permanently
Sewing ink
Into my body
To
Display an image
Of who I am
Inside
Show it
On the outside
Like a canvas
Of abstract compositions

Equal repercussions
But
A positive
Release of emotions

I do not regret
Any
Of the permanent
markings
On my skin

But I am
Proud
To have found
Such a rewarding
Alternative

For if I did not go
And get
The words of my conscious
Sewn across my chest
I would
Still be
Sitting on the
Floor
Carving names
Into my flesh
Leaving hideous
Wounds
By crossing
Them out

One painful
Accomplishing
Addition
After another
Leaves me with
An emotion
That's full of relief
A proud
Uplifting energy
To build optimism

Something that
Won't cause
Tears
To stain my face
When looked back upon

Something that
I can be absolute
About

Something that
I don't have to
Hide from people

Something that
I can
Show off
And express
Myself
Openly

Something that
Holds nostalgic
Memories
To bring
Not tears of sadness
But tears
Of pure
Bliss
May 2013 · 766
Beeeotch
L Smida May 2013
I am sick of it
What the **** are you doing
You two faced beeeotch!
L Smida May 2013
I have a problem
With being a friend of yours
It ain't gonna work
I like poems that have a longer title than the actual poem itself lol
May 2013 · 307
Who thinks what?!
L Smida May 2013
My straight female friends
All think that I'm attractive
How am I single?
L Smida May 2013
We all       fallapart
Only to meet up again
To  confess  our
t r u t h
..!..
Always too late
May 2013 · 357
Question
L Smida May 2013
The real question is
Do we take what we're given
Or do we seek more
May 2013 · 409
Don't ask me for anything
L Smida May 2013
Okay, ignore me
But don't expect anything
From me when you ask
May 2013 · 288
*Answers
L Smida May 2013
When you do something
Your answer should always be
Because I want to
It's the only way to be happy
May 2013 · 356
The chase
L Smida May 2013
I really wish that
I had someone to fight for
The chase turns me on
May 2013 · 280
I miss ...
L Smida May 2013
I miss having that
Person that is always there
Even through the worst
L Smida May 2013
Dude, what did I do
To make you hate me so much
Just straight up tell me
Don't say that I never asked you to hang out. Don't say that I never tried because its you who won't try. You.
May 2013 · 348
I wish
L Smida May 2013
I wish that you cared
The way that you say you do
But you're a liar
May 2013 · 1.9k
High hoe
L Smida May 2013
She'll **** your small ****
For a simple little line
Just to sail the sea
May 2013 · 292
No fun. No fair.
L Smida May 2013
So just take everything I have
Cause you know I won't stop giving
It's in my nature
To slave to your needs
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