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L Smida Jul 2015
If I **** myself
Everything will be okay
Because time goes on
L Smida Aug 2014
I am a human with feelings that vary with different tones
I shouldn't ******* care about other people's comfort zones

With you I shouldn't feel as if I have to hide
Especially 'cause you agreed to be my bride

Do you want me to tell you
That I'm okay when I'm not?
Because I'd rather be able to tell you my every thought

Is it in your best interest to have me comfort you with lies?
Because I wholeheartedly refuse to disguise my cries

I want to be able to tell you how I honestly feel
Without an argument creating a nasty ordeal

No matter how brutal the truth may be
I wish you would just listen to me

Who's the one who gets upset when I hide in my shell
So why, when I tell, do you raise so much hell
L Smida Nov 2013
You give me that feeling where my feet don't touch the ground
And our breathing is the only sound

You give me that feeling where my breath catches in my throat
With closed eyes I freely float

You give me that feeling where my heart beats against my chest
And everything else is expressed

You give me that feeling when my hands can explore the contours of your skin
And it creates a powerful passion within

You give me that feeling when my eyes get struck with your pair
And I can't help but stare

You give me that feeling when your lips collide with mine
With one smooth movement we align

We become one
And we shine

The definition of love we rewrote
My entire heart I will devote
To you my love
My one and only
I'll never let you be lonely
Ever again
I've given up my heart and then
I'll take your hand
And I promise to always stand
By your side forever
I wrote this for her
L Smida Oct 2013
When the lock
On the cage
And the wild
With their loud
Sharp claws
Nobody knows how
To tame them
Not even their
So when reactions
Mix with uncontrollable
Danger is afoot
We can only hope
And pray
That nobody
Gets hurt
L Smida Sep 2013
She talks about scars
Like she wants to know about mine
The retelling of stories
Makes me think she wants one from me
And I don't know how to tell her
That I took a knife
And carved myself up
Like the turkey on thanksgiving
That I gashed my skin because I was craving control
That I was once so alone and hurt
That I took it upon myself
To drain myself of all my emotions
Turning one pain into another
Controlling how many
Controlling how hard
Controlling how long
I could've stopped if I wanted to
But I didn't want to
And so there's a whole parade of them
Up my leg
When she traces my bones
With her fingers and feels the roughness
She sees them with her eyes
While I shut mine tight
Like it will shut me out of the situation
I'm not sure what goes through her head
Does she question
Does she accept
Does she ignore
Her mouth never reveals her mind
Only leaking hints about her own
And I know all of her scars by now
The bike accident on her elbow
The scar on her palm that matches her moms
The pencil lead from her brother
The opened drawer on her shin when the lights went out
The ****** Knuckles games as a kid
All such simple explanations
Oh yea
These 30 marks here are from when the only girl in the world who paid attention to me told me her goodbyes
And was going to **** herself
And she threatened me not to tell anyone
I told someone anyway
This one here is when I felt such strong hatred for myself
That I couldn't even bare the thought of looking at my reflection without getting enraged
This section here is for every time I wanted to put my fist through a wall
These few are from when I wanted to jump off a ******* bridge
These ones are from when I felt the need to punish myself
For making stupid mistakes
These 3 here are placed as a decoy so people would never really know how bad it was
But I've come a long way since then
The past is the past and I'm going to let it stay there
Until the key of a question is revealed to unlock the box
And with that
I will not lie
Hoping that it won't change anything
L Smida Sep 2013
She watched my
eye brows draw
closer together as
the mighty question
fell from her lips

Guess what?

Her eyes were hard
And crystal clear
Heart heavy
Fingers softly tracing my jaw
Silently observing her posture
Wrinkled nerves
Itchy nose
Still as stone
Eye to eye
Her lips part
Whispers against the silence

I love you

Like a blob
My heart
Abruptly swells
And pops

The walls of my
And all stability
Escapes through
The cracks
Of the floor boards
Leaking out
The tear ducts
Of my eyes
Down my face

Emotionally tied
Floating on a raft
In the sky
With the cotton
Candy clouds

All within a
Blink of an eye

I love you too
L Smida Aug 2013
And the question is, “What constitutes the good life?” And the neurons in my brain automatically begin to connect and arrange themselves into a conveyor belt of possible responses. This is not about fancy cars and giant mansions. This is about searching high and low for the unique existence of character buried in the depths of your heart. The labyrinth of suffering is something that traps and consumes every single one of us. Being aware and accepting the circumstances that will occur after exploring all the different solutions of discovering a way to escape is a major fundamental element needed to survive. Ostracizing yourself from the countless number of distractions in today’s generation to truly identify your individuality is the most crucial procedure in recognizing an outbreak from conforming to false associations. Infinite minutes are wasted every day because there are numerous amounts of interruptions that interfere with our life’s mission. Eliminating these disturbances will erase people’s impulses to shake hands with laziness. More people need to realize that utilizing time and wisely spending the precious moments we have left should be more carefully valued before it is too late. At times like this, it is perfectly acceptable to be self absorbed on account that working towards a goal is in effect. Take the time to focus on figuring out how to learn and how to proceed in expanding the mind’s personality. It is so important to acquire the ability to control the aspect of reason. But once enough experience is achieved to gather the information on how to conquer the labyrinth of suffering, you will then inaugurate the good life.
There is only one way to assemble the knowledge as to where the door lies and that is by simply living life and never giving up. Take chances and live on curiosity. We learn by putting ourselves in situations that are out of our comfort zones, giving the opportunity to mess up. Overcoming the situation is when we gain the confidence to promote ourselves to the next level. Life is full of mistakes but it is about being intelligent about those obstacles. Building up from those faults and taking advantage of everything life offers. We will move on from every mistake only to come face to face with another one. But life carries us. It challenges us. And the brave souls that accept that challenge are the ones that go on living the good life.
my first paper for this semester
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