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L Smida Jun 2013
The mind
Is a hidden
Place
Behind the
Eye *****
Where you
Can create
The unimaginable

Unattainable

And only the
Pupils attached
Can perceive
The madness
Inside the
Madhouse

With
Eyes turned
Inside out
Looking at a
                                          "Hideous"
Figure
    ­                             "Genderless"
Full of
                                                    "Naked"
Se­lf hatred
                                          "Vulnerable"
Lyi­ng
Lifeless
In the middle
Of a dark
Empty void
Words
Visually leaking
Out of it's head
And into
                                            "Stupid"
The air
                                    "Weak"
Floating
                                                  "Ugly"
Around
                                     "Failure"
And
                                                       "*****"
Around
                                    "Worthless"
Until so many
                                                       "Freak"
Words
                                           "Coward"
Are circling
All at once
                                     "Blind"
To make it
Too confusing
                                        "Self conscious"
To focus
                                                     "Shy *******"
All jumbled up
                                             "Hurting"
But these words
                                                      "Angr­y"
Are made up
Created from
Scratch
No reasons
No instigators
No proof

Built in

This thing
Is not an it
She's a girl
Who honestly
Isn't bad looking
Ashamed to look
The facts in the face
And surrender to admitting
The fearful truth

Compliments
Do get made
But the  
Words that
Float
Attack
                                        "nice"
Those
                                  "cute"
Nice
                                            "funny"
Words
      ­                                "smart"
And violently
Shred
                                             "attractive"
Them to
Tiny pieces
That dissolve
Into the void
Feeding it
More energy
To create more
Negative adjectives
And it's ridiculous
How did this girl
Get this way
Where did all this
Pessimism come from
This girl
Should not
Be thinking
So harshly
About something
Completely
Unreal
Beating herself
Draining herself
Into a lifeless
Puddle
For no ******* reason

She is intelligent
She has looks
She does have talent

She needs to
Out right her eyes
And look the hell around
Escape the darkness
Inside her head
She needs to wrap
Her brain
Around
All those nice
Comforting words
That are given
To her
Those are real
Real reasons
Real live instigators
Real material proof
So how
To defeat the
Unattainable
                                        "Love"
Mind
            ­                                   "Peace"
Of it's super
Evil
                                       "Kindness"
Negatives
                                          ­             "Happiness"
Powers?

There will
Come a time
Where all war
Will seize
And all waters
Will silence
And all bridges
Will be built
Sturdy

There will
Come a time
Where the
Blind fold of
Self hatred
Will lift and
Disappear
And be
Replaced with
A clearly
Open
Love
So strong
And so real
Creating a happiness
That is everlasting

Overpowering
Any evil

No
More
                      "Lies"
                 "Guilt"
                           "Sad"
                       "Miserable"
Distractions
L Smida Jun 2013
Because I am hurt
And stupid and I do not
Know what else to do
L Smida Jun 2013
Channeling
Every emotion
To a setting
Where they
Do not
Will not
Can not
Be forwarded
For people to see
Subconsciously
Assuming that
The whole
World
Knows when
I'm
Mad
Devastated
Furious
For some ******
Up reason
That is unknown
To me
But if a detailed
Word
Isn't spilt
About the matter
Then nobody
Honestly
Knows such
Feelings
Are being felt
Thinking people
Can look hard enough
Care deep enough
See through me
Expecting too much
But expectation
Should be higher
Not from those
Of others
But of myself
Dealing with emotional
Confrontation
Is something
I cannot handle
Everything in me
Will push it away
Hide it away
Never speak a
Word
About it
But why?
Acting like a
Five year old
Instead of being
Forward
Upfront
And
To the point
Why is it so hard
To speak a mind's
Emotional struggles
Finding words
Or explanations
Is an impossible
Task for my tongue
To master
I'm stubborn
I'm miserable
I'm attention hungry
I'm self conscious
I know I'm all these things
But
Is
There
A way
To change
Those
Parts
Of
Me
When
It's
Who
I
Am?
I sure hope so
L Smida Jun 2013
Do I
Selfishly
Take back
Each piece
Of myself
That I've carelessly
Given away
To be whole again?
Devastated by how
Dispersed my pieces are.
All over
Numerous
Detached
Hearts.
Notices not even
Conscious
About the pieces
Being gone
From their grip.
So why should
I leave my pieces
Behind
With people that
Aren't even acknowledgeable
Of such
Calamities?
Refusing to
Leave a sorry trail
When those
Pieces could fill
My holes.
Certainly
If the notice
Is overlooked
Then the rights
Belong to me
To have the pieces
Of my heart
Put back into place.
L Smida Jun 2013
If I could rip my name
From your rotten mouth
And hit you across the face with it
To show you how ******* hurt I am
Then I would do it
You don't see anything
Besides your own ******* feelings
Self centered
Attention *****
L Smida May 2013
Don't you ever say that you miss me!
Don't you dare!
If I ever hear those words
I'll rip out your hair
And my fingers will wrap around your throat
Throw you in the pond to float
And never ******* look back
Because anger isn't something I lack
I've tried a million times and more
To show you that you're the one I'm fighting for
But ignorance is all I got from you
So I loved till I turned blue
And then my feelings died
Because you chose the wrong side
And now that you're heart is broken
You try to come back and use a token
"I miss you"
Well you should've thought about that before
You pick me second? Ill pick you last
L Smida May 2013
Drifting slowly
Dreaming silently
Dark and empty
Nuzzled in nothingness
Only to be violently pulled back by a feeling so real
Burning
Pulsing
My eyes snap open
Panic skips my heart
Scared
Terrified
All at once
Flying through time
I feel my scars
Oozing hot and painful
Trickling and tickling
Down my calf
Into my shoe
Choking on the lump of fear
In my throat
Reaching trembling fingers
To feel
But
....
Revealing a clean hand
Dry bumps
Scar tissues
From years ago
Remain
But they are still alive
And they speak to me
In memories that linger
Testing
Taunting
Bickering
Live nightmares
Ghost blood
Drips
Gush
And even though
My fingers can't see
My mind can feel
Warm
Cold
Shivers
Frighting
Painful
A clean hand
Reveals no blood
But still
The sensation stays
Hot invisible streaks
Whisper on my skin
My eyes deceive me
How can I feel
What I cannot see
Eye lids close
Head falls back
Quiet
Listening to the ghosts
Because they are real
Powerful
More real than most things
They remind me of things
Feelings
Desires
Hatred
Failed attempts
So I give in
And let the invasion
Sink in
Absorbing
Painful
Flashbacks
Lost
Taken away
Traveling through chaotic time
Dizzy
Light headed
Images of disaster
It's dark in here
In my head
I'm lost
In my head
I'm trapped
In my head
Ghosts
Please unhand me
I've seen enough
I've been through enough
Let me move on
I wish not to be reminded
I like my blood inside my body
Get out of my head
Quit snaking through my veins
I'm over that
I'm done with it
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up
Leave me alone
Will I ever escape
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