Is it because you're scared
Am I scary?
Wasn't it you who admitted that you wanted to keep me in your life?
Wasn't it you who said we should've kissed at least once already?
Wasn't it that confession that made me think about you even more?
In greater detail?
Should I be sorry?
Cause I'm not
Are you?
You shouldn't be
But your actions reveal how little you care now
Where did all that heart go?
What are you afraid of
Oh!!!
You're scared of losing that person who ***** with your head
I see
It's a decision you have to make
And for some reason I feel like I've been lied to
Or at least I've been half truthed
Which is just as bad
I like the truth
Even if it hurts
It's a good pain
But you don't have to tell me
Even though I'd like to hear your voice
But I can see where your eyes are looking
I can feel where your heart is loving
And it's over there

From age 5 and beyond
We continuously develop and discover a personal definition of desire
Personalities are transformed into permanent fixtures
Which means we never change
And it's part of our structure to lie
Most of all, to ourselves
Consciously or unconsciously
When do we find the guts to portray our ugly flaws?
Why would we want to admit them?
Urges of the "id" that are considered socially unacceptable are simply suppressed deep down
But we all contain these pleasure seeking energies no matter what
(Right or wrong)
Curiousness is how we learn
It's in our nature
As little kids, a collection of ideals are gathered from our parents and from society and is stored internally
We hide from ourselves more than we know, or care to admit
Why do we conceal our libido?
Because our "id" functions soully on pleasure
It's probably the most honest part of our brain
It knows what it wants
But we feel guilty about most things
Whether we know why or haven't a clue
And have the tendency to deceive ourselves
The push we feel is our libido
Or the driving force behind our behaviors
Why we do something or why we don't do something is decided by our conscious
(Right or wrong doesn't have a thing to do with it)
Most of the thoughts that we think don't even sift through our conscious
They pass through our subconscious and unconscious
We don't even realize that it's happening
But primarily, our actions of the super ego are held down
And we hate facing them
And if we're weak and our knees buckle under the pressure
We'll twist the truth around to put fault on another
As humans, we are programmed to make ourselves look good
Give ourselves a good reputation
Believe that we have morals
The scary thing is
We don't control our brains
It controls us

Chattering teeth
Quivering bones
Splintering veins
Unconscious zones

In and out
Ghostly and pale
Pain and terror
Weak and frail

Spiraling,
Buckling down to the floor
Worrying,
Panicking about why I'm sore

This crucial sharp feeling deep down inside
Kicks the hot heavy tears from my eyes
I don't remember being pealed off the ground
But I appreciate you being around

Personally stripped of all my senses
Creating a fear so sensitively severe
Trembling hands that want to be held
Wishing desperately for you to come near

Splitting headache
Weary eyes
Drifting conscious
Hidden cries

Pillow's comfort
Seeking sleep
Choking sobs
Counting sheep

Scared to death for what's to come
What if I never wake
Thoughts filled with death and dying
This night I might not make

Sleeping sleeping sleeping forever
A dream that never ends
This has never occurred before
Scaring the **** out'v my friends

Scary thoughts
Problem'r listless
Perpetual possibilities
Scared shitless

Just so you know
I am a human being
And I endlessly search
My maze of a brain
For some kind of reason
What on earth I mean to you

I wasn't ready then
To be your best friend
My naive comfort zone was invaded
By your outrageous activities
For some cautious reason
I wasn't open to new ideas
Like I am now
I wish I was
Because now I keep wishing
That you were here today
To make me do crazy things with you
But I missed my chance

Life is all about sorting through endless puzzle pieces
Keeping the ones you find fit
And simply tossing the ones that don't belong
But sometimes it's not always that easy
We get confused and overwhelmed when too many pieces are being thrown at us at once
We might accidentally toss a good piece away not knowing so
Or when a piece doesn't fit
Sometimes we turn and angle it in just about every way possible
Until we finally discover that it just does not go there
And the previous pieces we had in place sometimes shift and become distorted with time
Which makes them change and no longer fit in the places they originally belonged
So life consists of a constant fluctuation between gain and loss
It's just the way it goes
If you can search deep enough and find those rare puzzle pieces that are permanent
Constant figures that don't change
Those are what can help you build the rest of your puzzle
But if you're constantly gaining and losing without any foundation
No permanent pieces
You might as well be running around in circles
But then again
There's not much else to do until you find that foundation you're looking for
Some people run in circles all their lives
Others are lucky and build complete masterpieces of their puzzles
But don't give up looking
Those pieces are out there
It's exhausting and you have to be determined
It's easy to lose yourself when you become so tired that you can't tell the good pieces from the bad
You might start building off the bad
Thinking that you're getting somewhere
And then one day you wake up and all those pieces are gone
And you're left with nothing
And have to start all over from scratch
That's when it gets to it's roughest point
But you have to keep building
Trial and error
You have to learn along the way
Get to know yourself
I know that sounds clichè
But it's true
A lot of people don't know who they are or what they want
If you're one of those people
Play around with a combination of pieces
Fit them together and see what you like
The worst thing you can do is lie to yourself
You'll never get anywhere that way
Lying means you're choosing all the wrong puzzles
Take what you like
Put it together
Be aggressive
Be you

Ask me why I don't like to drive
I will give you the easiest of all answers
It's because I have to put full trust in complete strangers that get behind the wheel of vehicles that have the ability to **** people if not used correctly
Half of the people are selfish idiots who don't give a flying ****
And I don't even like trusting people to begin with
Even people that I know very well
People that do give a ****

I have to trust that you'll stop at that big red stop sign as I'm cautiously pulling through the intersection
I have to trust that that red light there is going to retain your hurried monstrous being from crossing my path
I have to trust that all you rowdy strangers are actually driving with the correct licenses
If one at all
I hold my breath driving through town hoping that no one will floor it out of a parking lot to cut me off
Even when there are absolutely no other cars around
Making me slam on my brakes is easier for you than to wait for two seconds to let me pass
That'd be inevitable
It's like no one even sees me on the road
I'm as invisible as a ghost
Either that or the judgement is way off
Any slight amount of doubt whether you'll make it or not
Should be handled by waiting
Because that doubt about not making it could turn into a full certainty when you're smashed into someone else

But it happens all the time without fail
I cannot drive through town without getting ******* at someone's stupidity
People hate waiting
Even if its only for two seconds
And I don't get it
Where do you possibly have to be that's so **** important
Everyone is constantly in a hurry all the time
FYI, driving slow and taking your time saves so much gasoline it's not even funny
If you wanna stop complaining about burning through gas,
Just drive slower
It won't **** you
It actually might save you
(Ex: it use to take me a quarter tank of gas to get to school and back when driving 70-80 MPH. I was following the speed of traffic. Now I drive the speed limit which is 55. My gas needle does not move!)

Driving under the influence?
Only god knows
Don't get me wrong
Some drugs are awesome
But not while driving
Putting other people's lives at risk by driving with a foggy head?
(Babies, children, families)
Not cool whatsoever
Do you care at all
Obviously not if you're doing so
Who cares if you **** someone
Everyone does it
It happens all the time
I have to trust that you wild human beings are watching the roads and being alert
But I already know that you are not concerned in the least bit to watch where you're going
Heaven for bid you put down that phone for more than three minutes

I don't like having this paranoia chewing on my gut every time I need to go somewhere
I have my headlights on 95% of the time
Why?
So people can easily see me coming
What do I see when I drive?
No one because people don't drive with their headlights on during a ******* blizzard or heavy rain
Hell! People don't drive with their headlights on in the ****** dark
Let alone a little rain
Someone ran me off the road once because they weren't paying attention and they totaled my beautiful ******* car
In plain day light
Basically T-***** me right into a ditch
Why?
Because he couldn't take one tiny second out of his very important life to stop at a ****** ******* stop sign?!?
And by conserving that second he slowed us both down by painfully whole hours
He ruined my whole month
Ruined my whole driving career
Because I carry around this paranoia chained to my leg that weighs about as much as a boulder
Giving me all these hellish problems that could've easily been avoided
You can see why I hate driving with a burning passion
No one follows the rules
I hate watching out for morons when it shouldn't need to be done

This is what bothers the **** out of me
They are giving licenses to ANYONE now a days
The ******* driving test is suppose to be a hard ******* test
They need to make it harder in my opinion
If its one thing that I wish people would do
Is follow the traffic laws
If everyone did that
We wouldn't need insurance
We wouldn't have problems
We wouldn't have to cuss at each other and get enraged
Road rage wouldn't exist
I wouldn't have to drive and get a heart attack every time someone swerves in front of me
I don't like having random obstacles like that

I drive the speed limit
Why?
Because if someone hits me
I won't get blamed
You don't like how I drive?
You can't complain because I follow all the rules
You can't say a **** word about it
I like being relaxed when I drive
I leave myself enough time to get to my planned destination
I don't like to rush around because that's the number one thing that ***** people up
You hurry and your mind forgets every little ****
If you're late and you're stuck behind me going 40 in a 35
Sorry Bub but I ain't gonna go any faster for you
I do not want to get into an accident and have to deal with all that **** again
Or get pulled over and have the little money I have get ****** outta my pockets
Not gonna happen
Get into an accident and see how you like it
Get pulled over and waste money
Go head
Be my guest
Afterwards, I bet you'll give the road 50% more of your undivided attention