Don't look at me for answers
I can't tell YOU what YOU like
But I can tell when you're lying

To drown myself in
The happiest of all things
Will let me die gay

Completely overwhelmed with nonsense bullsharks
To a point where panic eats at my conscious
Putting myself in such a position where nothing can be done
Drowning in my own emotions and choking down gulps of air
Dizzy thoughts swirl around in my mind
The pattern repeats a thousand times and again
Adding something here and there
Outta whack and discombobulated
Sweat mixes with tears of anxiety
Under goes my head with a plop
Struggling my hardest to reach the surface
But the tug of stress pulls me down
Drifting lower and lower
Surrounding me in guilt
With the swirling repetitive pattern of thoughts still swarming my head
They twist and turn
Forming disfigured maps and mazes
And the impossible cycle has a snowball affect
It grows and grows with great speeds
Creating nothing but problems that bowl me over
Lay me out flat to stare up at the heavens
Giving me the chance to think about prayer
Struggling to get a grip on anything
Instead of getting things on the list done
One by one things are added
And I just think about them
Frustration is towering over me
Looking down and spitting with laughter
You puny being, *******
I swing into this mood of hatred
I hate myself I say out loud
For putting myself down because all I do is think
For putting myself here in the first place
I tell myself to get my *** up and do something
Take a hit
Start a fight
But the cycle just starts all up again
Creating a coward out of me
And the idea pops up that I'll never be able to survive on my own
I'll never be able to do everything by myself
I can't grab life by the horns
I'll just get my *** kicked

My body shudders from pain within
It aches with a terrible longing for her single minded attention
I desperately need a sign to show me what direction to proceed
Awakened is my heart from an enduring slumber
Every peek craves an enormous quantity of binding passion
It deeply begs my head to put forth so much more effort
But the chemical balance teeters unevenly to adequately persuade a definite decision
Quickly forcing such strong emotions upon her without completely figuring the facts
Would certainly be a huge mistake that could end all chances forever
Corresponding steps is what process my head finds fit
But patience pounds on my bones with an eager so full of hope that it bulges
It dangerously insists on bursting to create a mocking display of dependency
And as this war amid strikingly nudges points that accompany each side's view
The very outcome for each debate is the same
With equivalent factors on the scale a pandemonium of inconsequential arguments collide into tidal waves
That crash onto the surface and expire before any effect takes place
Because all at once the realization of the absurdity hits like bricks
Finally a conclusion is contrived
No matter the path that is taken
This war isn't between the confined parts that lie within my bones
It's dispersed all throughout my surroundings
And contrary to reason there are no possible ways to win

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be."
This right here
Is what I think about everyday
Since you've been back
Out of nowhere
Your bright appearance teases a smile
I convinced myself that you'd never come back
Alone and broken
For what seemed like a century
I had no way of knowing
That you missed me
Or even thought about me
And I've wondered about it
About what's going on
On your side of the wall
And so I think about this quote
But I'm scared
That I might be misinterpreting this situation
What if it doesn't mean anything at all
I want to say things to you though
But I find myself in the wrong position
I think
She just missed talking to me
Simple
That's all
But she had to have pulled guts out of somewhere
To start talking to me again
She made that move
What if she's waiting for me to make mine
And what if I make her wait too long
Is there such thing as too long
If its Love
But somewhere inside of me
I think I know that
She doesn't want me back
She just wants someone to talk to
And I love being that person
I get so happy talking to her
It's a confused kind of happy
A happiness that I can't stop
It's unconditional
The thought of trying to step up
To a next level
If there even is one
Is picking my brain apart
It hurts not knowing what to do
I have to figure out something
I don't want to sit back
Small talk is running out
I want to explore your mind
I want to deepen this new start
But I feel like that's not my place
I feel like its your call
I feel insecure about what I do
Ever since that last act
But the only thing I can think of is to go slow
And see what happens
Start out as little as possible
And then inch toward some kind of goal
It's come to a point where I wonder if we'll talk today
And then you text me
For how many days in a row now
And that tells me something
I don't know if that something is true
Maybe I shouldn't think into anything
I always think too much
Stop thinking too much
Just shut the **** up about it

Can I come back home
Are you over it yet
I don't mean to rush you
But please don't forget

Take all the time you need
I'm afraid there's not that much
But I'll give you all the room
I just pray that you'll keep in touch

I'll still be here waiting when you come around
You know exactly where I'll be
Wondering about the things on your mind
For I can feel that they're about me

You scared me so far away
That I'm terrified to reach you
I act like you'll come back one day
But we all know what's true

You'll never come back
Or even say a word
My deepest apology
Has been left unheard