If you ever found it
You'd be sure to know
My vulnerable state
is awfully low

If you're kind and gentle
To inch your way in
You'll fool me silly
And fake love will begin

Let me cry in your shirt
As you hold me tight
Convince me that this
Is oh so right

Timing is all it takes
And I'll fall for you fast
You say that you love me
To make me forget the past

Still seeing with eyes closed
Not wanting to get hurt
The one that said she loved me
Is now treating me like dirt

And now I'm left here
Just where I started
Beaten up
And broken hearted

How do I find the time
To let myself really heal
I don't want to be blind
I legit want to feel

So I push everyone away
To let my heart chill
This has to be the only way
To not fall downhill

But I find myself slipping
And I don't know why
I can't figure it out
So frustration makes me cry

So I'm at that point again
Where I'm as low as low
So the first person to sneak in
Will obviously lead the flow

Stopping this *******
Is what I need to do
I need to take control
And I need to stay true

Growing a back bone
To stand up tall
Piece it together
Before I lose it all

So what does this mean
Does it mean anything at all
Are there any feelings left
Or are you twisting the real meaning around my head
Snapping my neck
And destroying my motivation
How should I approach this
Should I take a quiet step back
And let it all fester and settle down
Wisely study and analyze each surprising word conversed
Or should I leap off the cliff and leave only a cloud of dust behind
My feet look for a place to land
But as of right now
I just fall at a constant velocity
Free falling with no parachute
No net
No harness
No guide
But the question is
Will I leap and suspend myself in winds that only the birds master
My answer to that will be no
Absolutely not
Not until I grow wings to carry me
My heart needs to look through its scope and aim it's knowledge carefully at it's target
I will not pull any trigger unless I am absolutely sure of what I'm shooting
A scanner examines me from head to toe
Results show an awfully big shock
Detecting that there is something still there in my chest
It has always been there
But it's not me I'm uncertain of
It's her
It has always been her
She proved to me once that she had a heart the size of the moon
But will she shine through the darkness that has congregated over the months
And why or how
Why would she turn completely around when she was so sure of having her back towards me
The direction she was going was a bold move that said everything
I shut everything down
I convinced myself that I couldn't climb that mountain that was behind me
So I had no choice but to turn around and start forward
And the paces I took dragged a long ways along nothingness
A walk through a desert with an occasional rain here and there
And all of a sudden a lightning bolt to light up a new path
I took the bait she was fishing with
Dangling it all around me
Tempting my hunger
And I caved
I replied to that question
My curiosity is hard to put a rein on
And right now I feel content
I shouldn't feel the way I feel
But I do
Why do we feel a certain way
What are the combination of factors that determine our feeling's outcome
All these emotions were put in and the hypothesis states that I should feel angry, offended and abandoned
But I don't
And back to the original questions
What does this mean
Honestly I have no idea
Does it mean anything at all
It has to
Are there any feelings left
On my part there certainly is

You pushed me away
When I wanted to be there
You crushed my heart
When I loved you from the start
You didn't believe me
When I poured my heart out
And after all those tears
I would take you back any second

Why do I find myself smiling
When she hurt me so bad
This girl that I see
Reminds me so much of Her
Her long blonde hair
The way she turns her head
And whips that hair around
The beauty in her face!
The flawless smooth skin
Bubbly personality that outshines everyone else
Very bold and very alive
Her excitement in her body language
Eyes stuck on her
Forgetting about everyone else
These two people are freakishly identical
Even her glasses and style
Even the shape of her curves
So alike
But
Why do I find this dumb radiant smile on my face
When She's no longer mine
And the after thought She brings me
She just dropped me like sack of potatoes
But this smile has to mean something
Perhaps in takes me back to when things were so wonderfully perfect
Or that I really am over it
Both successfully moved on
Or maybe I just like this new girl because she's just so ******* beautiful
Even though she makes a connection to my past
She's honestly pure gorgeous
And obviously I'm thinking way beyond rational thinking
But I can't help it
These two girls are the same in every way
But this smile just means that I can enjoy beauty
Simply taking it in and savoring it
I'm a sucker for a beautiful girl
I can admit that very clearly

My body wildly craves abuse
It begs me to work for pain
So I push myself to the edge
Or sometimes over it
But as I am still young
In a sense, my body can handle it
Or at least I like to think so
So I'll hurt the next day
(From running 8 miles)
Or I'll puke my guts out
(From partying with people)
But anatomy is super cool
Our bodies can gain muscle
Process alcohol
Consume drugs
Experience a variety of things
But we will heal
Repair ourselves
And do it all over again

My body is addicted to attention
As well as probably yours
And his
And hers
We beg inside for pleasure
We work ourselves to find someone
Or something
To make us feel better
(At the top of our game)
A significant other to touch us
Or a sweet sweet to munch on
Or a work out to sweat it out
And we are young
So we want as much as we can
(We can't get enough)
To last us the rest of our lives
And experience is part of it
I want as much experience as possible
Because in all honesty
I don't know what I like till I try it
Pretty much that goes for everyone
(Most of the scary stuff is in your mind)
Get past it
I crave experience
Good or bad

My body thrives on achievements
It begs me to keep up the good work
I push myself because I'm young
Things are easier to do now
Compared to later
I see older people struggle with everything
I want to keep these muscles I have
So I will work them hard now
(I will run and lift weights)
I want to keep my mind open
And I'll experience a bunch of things
(Drugs, drinks and ***)
So I will have fun crazy stories to tell when I'm old
Cause that's all old people are good for
Telling good stories
Right?
So I'll continue my journey
Through all the new experiences to come
The only thing I wish
Is that I would've started this journey
A LONG TIME AGO
(I've wasted half my youth)
And that disappoints me deeply

Love life, Sir
That's all you have to do
Love life with all your heart
For that's what He loves
You have a heart mightier than all others, Sir
"Defeat your enemies with kindness. Hate feeds hate, only love slays it."
And love as deeply as you can
Because if you lose that love
All hope will be lost
And for when hopeless
It seems as if nothing
Nothing
Could be mended
In what seems like the end
That love will save you, Sir
"That is hope, even for the hopeless."
If you hold onto that love
You can outsmart the devil
"Put as much effort as possible into pursuing the best things you can think of."
Be the best that you can be
Polite and collected, Sir
Focus on what you can do
Instead of the price of failure
"And as little as possible into struggling against the bad."
Some things can be negotiated
Not all things come down to standard rules
"It's your heart that's most important, not the rules."
So if your heart shines boldly
And deeply your love is found
Defeating the devil through life
Should show no bounds, Sir