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243 · Jan 2018
Advice, anyone?
L Seagull Jan 2018
Inside my head are myriads of thoughts
Uncomfortably shoving each other
Against the wall they are running out of breath
Me too, breathless illness of a constant urge to
Strive always further always urgent
And so are you, familiar spirit so real and
Present from the very start
Came and justified all my strengnesses as
A blessing from another world
From separation into belonging in a blink of an eye
And my talent fits right in with your
Dark dilemma
And the life dealt it’s cards and this way
Life is safer and you are my sister
And I will give you my energy
Share with you the strength that flows through me
And is never given to me when not shared
As much as needed to fill the whole
Left in you by those who taught to
Confuse food with poison.
I am patient. You are my quest and purpose
I knew that before I could decide anything
For myself it doesn’t have to make sense
It is ultimate. So I will patiently wait
And embrace you with the vision from the core of my spirit
Your gift is potent and I feel
It could be much more and
Somewhere inside me was hidden the key
Not meant for me but
To open the cell in your heart
So the sun will shine
On many
Sometimes we just have to go with a flow when it pulls us in with a current as strong as Niagara Falls. Who said that *** is at the core of connectedness. I have a sister. She is dear to me. The thought of her warms my heart, although I’m often angry at her. I hope she knows how much our similarities make me fill justified in being myself  and trusting my purpose. She is often confused because long ago she was badly hurt and used for someone’s lustful purposes. I wish she never gets hurt that way again. Sometimes she confuses connection with lust and I don’t blame her. I will be here for her to gently hold her in my heart and to show her that pure platonic love can do miracles
240 · Jun 2017
Why evil?
L Seagull Jun 2017
For goodness sake why evil
If even true villain prefers to hide
Behind a priests disguise
Why cutting vein that held your
Weight and serpentine glare is
Glued to the bottom of the eyes where soul resided
Now childlike and afraid
What transformation
Miraculous awakening
Yet again, why evil?
240 · Mar 2017
Be grateful
L Seagull Mar 2017
Take care take very good care
As the sun rises and the steps
Fall into an all too familiar
Pattern
With all the comfort you could ask for
Take care take very good care
Responsibilities and love entangled
Food and drink,
Butts to wipe,
Cheeks to kiss
Love to instill,
Rainbows and heros
I see them all in the hopeful eyes
My myssion
Take care take very good care
Of all who open the door
To ask for a hug and share their story
Noting is more precious than trust
Those genuine moments of being needed
Shared warmth only adds to
The fire of livelihood inside
Take care take very good care
Of the one who cares most
Who provides food, love, faith and advice
Despite anger and frustration
Don't ever forget the weight of worries
On his responsible shoulders
Don't forget to give back
Even though he never asks
Take care take very good care
Of the familiar spirit that always
Keeps company
The world never felt full enough without
The knowledge there is another mind
So connected so felt so conflicted so different
Take care take very good care
And be always grateful
Motto for the day
239 · Jul 2017
Stone the Hogan dude
L Seagull Jul 2017
Transgressions without
Appologies like heavy bricks
Thrown on a stage
Instead of roses
Smell them and remember
Did I awe an appologie for laughing some time in the past...? Sorry
BTW I don't really want to stone anyone, just a metaphor for my outrage at someone who benefitted from my loyalty giving nothing in return (not that I ever asked for anything except respect) I still stuck around, yet he found not a bit of inner integrity to at least wish me well. Oh well, some people just aren't built for a normal relationship, except therapeutic
236 · Feb 2019
Honest
L Seagull Feb 2019
Nothing more than
A non spoken presence
Felt deeply
234 · Nov 2016
Flow
L Seagull Nov 2016
Frustration tinckling burning stretching
Boundaries unknown forlorn chocking
Safety net safety run from it run towards it
Run somewhere then stand still and smell
Roses stones grass manure ozon after the rain
Face down into mud wet dusty thick lick it
Power of random existence with only an
Unexplainable draw of some strange kind
The kind of kindness or despair inexplicable
My arms outstretched to merge into your
Sorrow
I feel alive in it I float and see the light and
Open the window to let the air in
Then exhausted I crash and forget who was it
I was supposed to be
234 · May 2016
The A word
L Seagull May 2016
When legend created the world first came the question
Light or dark separated by the words, underlying meaning of things
Expressed in alphabetic notation always
Speaks with an accent, the fluidity of form
Inexpressible uncontainable strangeness
The leaf is a breath, food, healing and shade
You are not me and I am not you yet shadows of each other
Before the judgement comes it is, you are
I am, interchanged yet our own entities
No ultimate meaning beyond what one makes
Of this mess, snake's curious devastating boredom
Livelihood could be achieved or inspired
By something beyond,
Or lived without, in opaque dusk of utter meaninglessness
So I leave it up to the forces in charge
Spectator by nature
I rationalize what does not fall into place
You don't, now run, I am about to say it
Ambiguity!
234 · Aug 2017
Self talk
L Seagull Aug 2017
Never confuse
Connection for luck of boundary
Or
Communication with speaking out loud
Sometimes we get stuck
Inside out bubble
Sometimes we dont get to learn
How to come out
Get lost in the depression and anxiety
Of alienated pride
Nothing but self-centered solitude
Can come out of a
Lack of empathy
If I let you into my life - I care. Your feelings, interests, everyday random impressions - all parts of your world become important. I wish to not only know you, but I wish you well

Here's from one of my favorite books Little Prince:
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

"Please--tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."


So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:

"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
234 · Jan 2018
Harmony lost
L Seagull Jan 2018
When the cymbals took over the orchestra
The violin cried in desperation
Her fragile voice unheard between the
Cacophonous clanking of metal against the noise
She knew her song well, didn’t have to learn it
She was born with s gift of transcending
Both ecstasy and trembling sorrow
She was born to grasp the soul and sink
Right into the softness of all the
Vulnerable memories and fragile hopes
Waiting to be heard, eager to connect
Many hearts with the sound of the same
Truth vibrating through the rhythmic
Backbone of the drums in unison with
Mister piano who conservatively
Waited for his turn to assemble the lace
Of meaning between them all
But the stubborn cymbals persisted
Thinking their role essential for sun to shine
The role of thundersome emphasis
And emphasis they loved
Believing it to be the salt of any intention
The driving force sure to leave impact
The certainty of it felt like the final word
And the force that span the little universe of the orchestra
Always forward no time for questioning
Or stepping out of line
Or  off with their heads and  proceed with routine
And only sometimes when light beam brought up
Old memories they reminisced about the slender
Deeply absent face of conductress
Who knew the worth of each
And guided them with dine provision
Of her soundless presence
That made them all so connected
In their partial spotlight
As they used their strengths
To channel that which only
Deaf will undermine
The pure harmony
Of coexistence
Been learning about a very popular current approach in therapy called Internal Family Systems. Conductor represents the role of Self, which according to this theory is a state of pure consciousness capable of orchestrating the coexistence and cooperation between the different sub-personalities . P.S. I’ve been having a total lack of inspiration when it comes to words lately. So, this is just an attempt to put out some awkwardly put together thoughts because I believe the main idea is very important. P.P.S. I know I’m a nerd - sorry... or not sorry)
232 · Oct 2017
Headache
L Seagull Oct 2017
Planes fly high
I'm tired and gone
L Seagull Jul 2016
Such beauty in this simplicity
Of living through moments
Expiriencing life
Solitary instances of
Eye sinking into the depth of
Another
Never ending
Even in silence
Present, always present
So strikingly near
I could almost touch
A thought of you
Simply being in this word
Knowing that there is you in it
Makes darkness loosen her grip
Labels do not belong here
There are no instructions
To this game
It is in the here and now
Of every given second
In the acceptance of silence
And absence of thought
In the nakedness of the spirit
And knowing before hearing
Something beautiful
That words could not contain
To the people I love. Thank you!
231 · Jan 2018
Confusing
L Seagull Jan 2018
Swirling loose ends of
Anger and tenderness
Dangerous confusion
Of everything there is to feel
About any one thing
So complex
Intimidating vastness
Which way to go
Run or hold onto
Choice ever so difficult
Run and a piece of mind
Will always stay behind
Hope for the best
And you will lose yourself
In deception
Of wishful thinking
Perhaps I can hold on to
Reality and treat it
Based on the face it shows
But never let go
Friendship is a hard task. When friend let’s you down, should you except fri nds limitations or put a cross on the relationship? And if the friend let you down and didn’t regret it - can u see his perspective and yet hold on to the sense of fairness and not let go of relationship? So confusing...
L Seagull Jul 2017
I am sipping drop by drop whatever comes
This cup of destiny and accident
From this air emerges every cell
Of my body and into the dirt it will decay
In its due time without regrets
What loneliness feels like when held
On the open palm of your mind
Like a black hole unimaginable
Overwhelming hurt composed of illusion
That chains of our minds
Imagining connections
To last longer than lifetime
And into that black hole you will
Fall when you seek the tangible
Image to hold up your name
Emptiness and void
So human so feared yet
So nourishing like your mothers womb
Dark solitary primordial essence
Of absolute peace
Drink it up and let go
Buddhists say unatttachment is the goal. I believe them. Life comes and goes, it's all about experience. I think I saw Hulk Hogan. He's doing that weird thing with his hand. He also wears yellow underpants. Randomness is what it's all about)
220 · Jun 2016
Untitled
L Seagull Jun 2016
Can't hold the fury at the lost child
Banging at my door long and desperately
Looking at me with a glimmer
Of spite in her hungry eyes.
Come in, dear, have some tea
I am hungry too, not a solitary creature
Not too strong, in and out of utter confusion
Feeling pull of something behind the clouds
Not sure what, I know you disbelieve
So do I, but then I feel the presence
Your presence speaks of mystery
More than any bible ever written
I look down the wells of your eyes
And I find my tears
I hear them in your breath
It pains me, truly, pains to
Know how small I am
To change what needs to change
Not even myself
Cannot dull the need to look
At strangers' eyes a second too long
Ask a question a word too heavy
I like your honesty, your sincere
Sarcasm, thoroughly felt and deeply sad
I know it's there, I feel your sadness
And if you can believe me for a second
It is the taste of meaning, salty like pain
You have it in you,
Not the emptiness I could not forget
But the search of an honest reflection
Ability to truly see another set of eyes
Intelligence peering through a mask
Of damaged heritage
I lack the words my girl,
Insufficient blather
Not mad, I accept you
Exactly as you are
And all I wish for
Is for you to see me as I am
And if I you wish to leave
The door is always open
As it will remain
L Seagull Jan 2018
I’m tired
But pumped up now
Let the negativity flood
Wash away all our sins
Somewhere at the end
There’ll be peace
When we reach a state
Of acceptance
That no one’s ****
Smells like roses
A rather liberating thought
**** the looks. I have a nice husband with poor vision
205 · Jul 2017
Paranoia
L Seagull Jul 2017
Trust is a foreign word
If the voices inside
Are louder than truth
202 · Jul 2016
Medicine
L Seagull Jul 2016
Stop for a moment!
slowly i pour the warmth of each
breath into every clenched and tense
fiber of my body
fear is dissolving with
deep awareness
my lungs expanding
taking in what the world has never failed to
provide that which i share with all the myriads
of living creatures in all parts of this
ever spinning sphere
the constance of breath and the slow
continued release
from the tips of my fingers
to the tips of my toes
the silky touch of air
the heat the cold the icy the humid
i feel it in my veins in my chest
on my lips on the tip of my nose
in the expanse of my shoulders
in the softness of my stomach
in the ease of my eyelids
engulfing me wrapping every inch of me
the gentle tinkling of the living energy
moves through my body
touching every inch arousing a feeling
of presence in this very moment
the only one that exists
200 · Jul 2017
Simple
L Seagull Jul 2017
Where gratitude resides there's no hate
Where mind is present there's no death
198 · Jan 2017
Untitled
L Seagull Jan 2017
Throwing a bomb at you
Through a wall of best wishes
For your wellbeing and healthy diet
192 · Sep 2016
Turning off the screen
L Seagull Sep 2016
If you only could
Allow yourself to
Be who you truly are
You would not wish
To **** the world
Sad so very sad
You aren't racing anywhere, just stagnating in your cowardly frozen state
184 · Apr 2017
No warmth in the diamond
L Seagull Apr 2017
Like a diamond unbreakable
His districtiveness was stronger
Than the fragile fibers
Of his consciousness
That only reminded him
Of his weakness
He liked himself as a snake
Warming against
Someone else's angst
Gradually fueling its heat
Learn your lessons - snakes have their value but who can ever expect them to be genuinely caring
177 · Feb 2019
Resting the facial muscles
L Seagull Feb 2019
It’s coming at you
Like the dark cloud it proclaimed
It’s inappropriate intentions
With the lack of clarity
And a secret desire to burn
The witch that fell
For an apple
She never wanted
Anyways
Just looking at an adversitising in the distance
171 · Jan 2018
Farce
L Seagull Jan 2018
Sometimes understanding another’s limitations
Doesn’t make *******
Less stinky
Even though I appreciate the bravery
I cannot take the lie looking me
Straight in the face
What I do has to do with truth
And there is no truth
In presence of a fake maneken

— The End —