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274 · Jun 2017
Why evil?
L Seagull Jun 2017
For goodness sake why evil
If even true villain prefers to hide
Behind a priests disguise
Why cutting vein that held your
Weight and serpentine glare is
Glued to the bottom of the eyes where soul resided
Now childlike and afraid
What transformation
Miraculous awakening
Yet again, why evil?
273 · Jan 2018
Confusing
L Seagull Jan 2018
Swirling loose ends of
Anger and tenderness
Dangerous confusion
Of everything there is to feel
About any one thing
So complex
Intimidating vastness
Which way to go
Run or hold onto
Choice ever so difficult
Run and a piece of mind
Will always stay behind
Hope for the best
And you will lose yourself
In deception
Of wishful thinking
Perhaps I can hold on to
Reality and treat it
Based on the face it shows
But never let go
Friendship is a hard task. When friend let’s you down, should you except fri nds limitations or put a cross on the relationship? And if the friend let you down and didn’t regret it - can u see his perspective and yet hold on to the sense of fairness and not let go of relationship? So confusing...
272 · May 2017
Tell me about risk
L Seagull May 2017
There's a risk in every step
There's also very little choice
The feeling says it must be this way
The mind says turn around and go
The "normal" way
And less questionable
Fall into a familiar pattern
Or pretend to think for yourself
In the end the end is near
And we'll see each other soon
Here or beyond
Yet we fear
Yet so significant our path seems to be
Too important for some to risk
Too important for some
To go along the beaten path
Too important to feel the doubt
Too important to seek the truth
And that was planned too
Silly specs on a giant flying ball
Of dirt, rock and water
270 · Nov 2016
Flow
L Seagull Nov 2016
Frustration tinckling burning stretching
Boundaries unknown forlorn chocking
Safety net safety run from it run towards it
Run somewhere then stand still and smell
Roses stones grass manure ozon after the rain
Face down into mud wet dusty thick lick it
Power of random existence with only an
Unexplainable draw of some strange kind
The kind of kindness or despair inexplicable
My arms outstretched to merge into your
Sorrow
I feel alive in it I float and see the light and
Open the window to let the air in
Then exhausted I crash and forget who was it
I was supposed to be
269 · Nov 2016
Relative
L Seagull Nov 2016
I fantasize my memory
As a souvenir to feed undying hope
Thinning and fragile but
Ever present until darkness
Devours the last rays of
Sunlight and I become earth
There is no truth in the reality
Of a mind that lacks purpose
There is no logic in the reality
Of faith
268 · Nov 2016
Silencio
L Seagull Nov 2016
T'is a speechless season
It's wind is blowing under your doubt
Catching off guard
T'is a season of I don't know whys
And marterdom fantasies
And panicky waves
And calm ice through my veins
And the fear is fought on the surface
Though underneath is still
And speechless or pressured, carriage is carrying you
Along of the road of acceptance
L Seagull Apr 2017
On the night when
A thousand lions waived into the velvet
Of a cold winter sky
Seized their roar succumbing
To the call of ever hungry
Thanatos the ruler of all
I saw wolves pupils
That like solar eclipse
Imprinted onto the very fabric
Of my sleepless eyes
Hunted they looked
And void of meaning
Yet searching
And with a tug of some
Greater force
I fell into faith of a
Greater purpose
Something never ending I could not comprehend
And with a wordless howl it spoke
Of poisoned fields that saved him from starvation
Of mad coyotes that either bit or never saw him
Never part of the pack
Pretend nurtured in his fantasy
By barking scavengers
He turned into mythical wolf gods
At a whim simply to make the hell beautiful
So he fell under and crawled
Wormlike he condemned the self
To preserve the only world
The saddest tale that he only half believed
And a she crawled he ate only
The fallen berries and those worms
That felt all too familiar
And yet the wolf he was
And to prove he broke into a howl
Magnificent desperate powerful
Like anything he could have been
Inside the simple sound composed of
All that was left of the predators heart
And it glistened in the moonlight
Like the brightest star
He never learned to see
Within himself
And suddenly the word
Replaced the howl
As he coughed throwing up
The story he could not contain
Of darkness and death that filled his ribcage
And suddenly the howl subsided
The only anchor for the yet not lost
Piece of heart
That anchored his damaged spirit to reality
And what did my ever so loved
Sensitive self
Had to say to the true torment
How could I not feel guilty of
His loss
How could a cold embrace of my curiosity
Be worth the void of beauty
In this hopeless creature
Ever hurting
Ever eager to prove me wrong
For hope hurts more than sarcasm
That nothing of value was all there was
Of this shattered broken now voiceless heart
And what did I have to share of my own
But to expose petty sentiments
The raw sensations of self-proclaimed spectator
All my truth brought on nothing but
His contempt
What was there of value
In all this staring
Under the starless blanket
Of the cold night sky
Pointless was to continue
So I stepped away
To where it could not see
And while some things never change
Some things loose their meaning
I now listened to his howl
As it emerged
One day again into existence
Where I was not as much
267 · Jul 2016
Fight on
L Seagull Jul 2016
Through endless repetition
Of strange days
Engulfing this alien spirit
A breath of rain, a ray of sun
Breaking throw morning curtains,
A loving touch and
A look of openness on the face I love
So beautiful - I fight on
To feel alive
265 · Oct 2017
Headache
L Seagull Oct 2017
Planes fly high
I'm tired and gone
265 · Sep 2016
Hesitations
L Seagull Sep 2016
Step forward?
But what if I fail
To fail on living again
I might have less hope
Then no hope
And the darkness
Will swallow
The rest
Do or do not, there is no try. Amen. Yoda
252 · Aug 2017
Self talk
L Seagull Aug 2017
Never confuse
Connection for luck of boundary
Or
Communication with speaking out loud
Sometimes we get stuck
Inside out bubble
Sometimes we dont get to learn
How to come out
Get lost in the depression and anxiety
Of alienated pride
Nothing but self-centered solitude
Can come out of a
Lack of empathy
If I let you into my life - I care. Your feelings, interests, everyday random impressions - all parts of your world become important. I wish to not only know you, but I wish you well

Here's from one of my favorite books Little Prince:
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

"Please--tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."


So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:

"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
L Seagull Jul 2017
I am sipping drop by drop whatever comes
This cup of destiny and accident
From this air emerges every cell
Of my body and into the dirt it will decay
In its due time without regrets
What loneliness feels like when held
On the open palm of your mind
Like a black hole unimaginable
Overwhelming hurt composed of illusion
That chains of our minds
Imagining connections
To last longer than lifetime
And into that black hole you will
Fall when you seek the tangible
Image to hold up your name
Emptiness and void
So human so feared yet
So nourishing like your mothers womb
Dark solitary primordial essence
Of absolute peace
Drink it up and let go
Buddhists say unatttachment is the goal. I believe them. Life comes and goes, it's all about experience. I think I saw Hulk Hogan. He's doing that weird thing with his hand. He also wears yellow underpants. Randomness is what it's all about)
L Seagull Jan 2018
I’m tired
But pumped up now
Let the negativity flood
Wash away all our sins
Somewhere at the end
There’ll be peace
When we reach a state
Of acceptance
That no one’s ****
Smells like roses
A rather liberating thought
**** the looks. I have a nice husband with poor vision
L Seagull Jul 2016
Such beauty in this simplicity
Of living through moments
Expiriencing life
Solitary instances of
Eye sinking into the depth of
Another
Never ending
Even in silence
Present, always present
So strikingly near
I could almost touch
A thought of you
Simply being in this word
Knowing that there is you in it
Makes darkness loosen her grip
Labels do not belong here
There are no instructions
To this game
It is in the here and now
Of every given second
In the acceptance of silence
And absence of thought
In the nakedness of the spirit
And knowing before hearing
Something beautiful
That words could not contain
To the people I love. Thank you!
232 · Jun 2016
Untitled
L Seagull Jun 2016
Can't hold the fury at the lost child
Banging at my door long and desperately
Looking at me with a glimmer
Of spite in her hungry eyes.
Come in, dear, have some tea
I am hungry too, not a solitary creature
Not too strong, in and out of utter confusion
Feeling pull of something behind the clouds
Not sure what, I know you disbelieve
So do I, but then I feel the presence
Your presence speaks of mystery
More than any bible ever written
I look down the wells of your eyes
And I find my tears
I hear them in your breath
It pains me, truly, pains to
Know how small I am
To change what needs to change
Not even myself
Cannot dull the need to look
At strangers' eyes a second too long
Ask a question a word too heavy
I like your honesty, your sincere
Sarcasm, thoroughly felt and deeply sad
I know it's there, I feel your sadness
And if you can believe me for a second
It is the taste of meaning, salty like pain
You have it in you,
Not the emptiness I could not forget
But the search of an honest reflection
Ability to truly see another set of eyes
Intelligence peering through a mask
Of damaged heritage
I lack the words my girl,
Insufficient blather
Not mad, I accept you
Exactly as you are
And all I wish for
Is for you to see me as I am
And if I you wish to leave
The door is always open
As it will remain
227 · Jul 2017
Simple
L Seagull Jul 2017
Where gratitude resides there's no hate
Where mind is present there's no death
227 · Jul 2017
Paranoia
L Seagull Jul 2017
Trust is a foreign word
If the voices inside
Are louder than truth
220 · Feb 2019
Resting the facial muscles
L Seagull Feb 2019
It’s coming at you
Like the dark cloud it proclaimed
It’s inappropriate intentions
With the lack of clarity
And a secret desire to burn
The witch that fell
For an apple
She never wanted
Anyways
Just looking at an adversitising in the distance
215 · Jan 2017
Untitled
L Seagull Jan 2017
Throwing a bomb at you
Through a wall of best wishes
For your wellbeing and healthy diet
215 · Jul 2016
Medicine
L Seagull Jul 2016
Stop for a moment!
slowly i pour the warmth of each
breath into every clenched and tense
fiber of my body
fear is dissolving with
deep awareness
my lungs expanding
taking in what the world has never failed to
provide that which i share with all the myriads
of living creatures in all parts of this
ever spinning sphere
the constance of breath and the slow
continued release
from the tips of my fingers
to the tips of my toes
the silky touch of air
the heat the cold the icy the humid
i feel it in my veins in my chest
on my lips on the tip of my nose
in the expanse of my shoulders
in the softness of my stomach
in the ease of my eyelids
engulfing me wrapping every inch of me
the gentle tinkling of the living energy
moves through my body
touching every inch arousing a feeling
of presence in this very moment
the only one that exists
215 · Sep 2016
Turning off the screen
L Seagull Sep 2016
If you only could
Allow yourself to
Be who you truly are
You would not wish
To **** the world
Sad so very sad
You aren't racing anywhere, just stagnating in your cowardly frozen state
206 · Apr 2017
No warmth in the diamond
L Seagull Apr 2017
Like a diamond unbreakable
His districtiveness was stronger
Than the fragile fibers
Of his consciousness
That only reminded him
Of his weakness
He liked himself as a snake
Warming against
Someone else's angst
Gradually fueling its heat
Learn your lessons - snakes have their value but who can ever expect them to be genuinely caring
203 · Jan 2018
Farce
L Seagull Jan 2018
Sometimes understanding another’s limitations
Doesn’t make *******
Less stinky
Even though I appreciate the bravery
I cannot take the lie looking me
Straight in the face
What I do has to do with truth
And there is no truth
In presence of a fake maneken

— The End —