L Seagull

Apr 2017

Akira Chinen

As a child years seemed to take decades to pass, as if I was stuck in some time loop watching the same years over and over...
And now years seem to bloom and fade away in mere seconds and there is as much fear as excitement in not knowing how much time I have until I have taken my last breath
And love is different now... I worry less about the concept of dying alone and fear a day I might not love as deeply as yesterday or might find a day I love someone less than the last because in all truth that wouldn't feel like love at all
I want my last breath to have and hold the chaos and insanity only found in the brief moments of madness that make time stand still so that it may witness the only thing more infinite than itself is love and that love is endless and is always growing deeper and reaching wider in our every breath from our first to our last and it is the one thing death dare not take from us but rather that in the kiss of death as as our bodies are reclaimed back to fire and wind and earth
we find our hearts immortal as death gives our souls back to love

L Seagull Apr 2017

Anything but boredom of an empty heart

Upside down world this is
Where even Alice would
Loose her tracks
This forest inside uncontrollable
Lack of purpose
The path is squirming
From left to right
Leading nowhere
But puddles of
Unidentifiable earning
Somewhere between bitter coffee
And lack of sleep
The absence of inspiration
Is seeping at a childhood dream
Air is free of substance
Like the dungeon of a
Crashed butterfly
Fly away little bird
...insect... whatever it is that
Makes you feel safe
The winged mouse
The pterodactyl of your own creation
Tell me what is that truth
That strings all these beads
Into a sufficient reason
To continue the conversation

L Seagull Apr 2017

After rain

Silence
Breath purified by rain
Stringing myself back into
This plane
Away from the illusion
Inside this painful
Overactive mind
Sometimes it feels
That there's nothing left to say
And so I breathe

L Seagull Apr 2017

To my child

This subtle scent
When I press my nose against
The top of your head
It fills me with such joy
And strength
And fearlessness
To sacrifice anything there is
To me or my life
For the sake of your smile
Nothing that touches you
Even the idea of you
With hate
Can ever be part of my life

L Seagull Apr 2017

Poor kid

Tantruming kid is destroying
Against her own hopes
Powerless to keep playmates
All she ever knew was to
Submit or dominate
Never to be mindful
Or show respect to another
So very futile

Golden rule of child rearing: don't pay too much attention to tantrums and ******* up. Give them positive validation when they deserve it instead. Until then, just be present somewhere close and let them know you're watching over them, but don't engage

L Seagull Apr 2017

Inter Net for the dying spider

Spider caught
Inside his own
Spit net
Hungry and so afraid
To be alone
Aging narcissistic
Lost not quite accomplished
Feeling it's getting late
Fearing the dark
Fearing memories
Craving power
Tripping on malice
And so so cold
Interacting and interrelating
Within the split atoms
Of her hopeless nature

Ughhh I'm tired
Got some giggles from this one https://youtu.be/MMbpB_lsKew

#dontgetupset #sociopathsdontcry

L Seagull Apr 2017

Changes

A drop of rain
Ever so slightly
Changes the current of the oceans wave
It ripples and the vast whole
Responds without protest

Staring into my reflection
On the glistening surface of water
So fluidly constant
I find myself containing
Every glance into the depths
Of another soul
I absorbe and discover it
In the universe inside my mind
Your darkness has a place in me
Now it filled the vacant place
And you find that even snake
Can care enough
To fear and long
And though I placed a particle of me
Inside the dungeon of this
Hurt consciousness
I know the difference
Enough to stay with light
And trust only those
Whole enough to know the truth

My supervisor, the one who so desperarely tried to convince me that I cannot do my work, is fired and I am being hired. There's justice in the world)