Chinese say cursed is that glowing up in times of change

Childhood: sunny, monotonous, always limited
But predictable and warm
With a face of our sacred syphilitic
Soon to be desposed.  
Gramps the ****** he was, enjpying the forms of his son's whife
Shame wasn't his thing, neither was it my dad's
So he blinked, joked and turned
The other way
Grandma the saintly creature always a leader always so moral
When she read her bible, gave me sour aftertaste
To last through the years. Gossiper lady could start a war
Raising me an enemy to my own father. Why? I still don't know.
Uncle: the beautiful and charming creature of the void
Pleading begging blinking with long eyelashes
For treatment with what he was supposed to be treated against
Those beautiful gator tears...
Later - school, idiotic teachers,
Peers proud of crawling, the lowest wins!
Disillusionment started to sink in.
Are you still thinking? Weird!
No hopes, no dreams, no identity
No culture, no history
All thrown out the window
Music, values, inspiration and the rest
Revolution mades like to clear out space for the new beginnings
Starting from the point zero. Could have been neanderthals.
Slaves couldn't fix themselves some freedom
They only saw in movies.
They went with the flow -
papa government will feed, treat and raise
cattle that we were.
Are you questioning still?  Get in the line!
Looked up to crime and punishment
To learn my true heritage
All made sense, especially the urge to flea.
Could not breathe the airless any longer
Felt frog growing in my chest
******* out aspirations and infusing fears
Learned helpless buddied up to crows
And abandoned buildings.
And a joint on the edge of the roof was one thing
To make me feel alive.
Almost married one day then awoke
With a startle packed bags
Five hundred bucks in my sock
And away I flew.
To learn you never gain without a loss

Is there an owner on this ghost house?
Little creatures creeping from every corner
Scared and scary but mostly frightened
By the very fact of their existence
Speaking screaming interrupting never
Listening to each other's story
Never fully in agreement loosing track of perspective
Mistrustful of trust and disgusted by care...
Such is a mind of a once broken child
Can we put him back in his cot?
Can we look into his wide open eyes and believe
His is the truth of suffering and search for lost hope?
Should we ask the child knowing he knows not the answer?
Wouldn't we confuse him furthermore
Seeking answers drained from his broken core?
If only the child returned to the haunted house
If only he found his courage
Maybe he would make sense
Of all this mess.
We'll just sit here and watch

It wasn't voices of bodiless spirits
Whispering sonnets of cruel advice
But a strange power of knowing
Like all things she discovered before
Unexplainable feelings
That led her like the tool she was
To the source of light and pain
Where destiny resided
Intuition that never faltered
That dawned and never left
This time senseless
Defying nature
Miracle of a different kind
Without proof or purpose
Simply feeling to stay around
Burdensome hurtful possessive.
Mind insisted to follow logic
Pride begged to save time
Her dreams getting stuck in line
Yet every emotion screams
With voice of awesome realization.
She lifted her head up
Yelling at the stars through
The dark ceiling
"Please make sense!
Enough ******* already"
Yet it quietly smiled, stayed
And grew and endured
And who is she to know
But an ant in the chain
Of universal purpose.

Oh you dear random current
Flying curses in all directions
Unable to contain the positive
For longer than a few blinks of an eye
Mint tea with honey - it's soothing my moment
May I suggest you join
In this pointlessly pleasant ceremony?
Nothing is dying
No one is betraying
No One is all righteous...
Except of cause Yoda...
Mind is flying in random directions
Away from the here and now
I'll give you a harness for Christmas
...After I find my own)
Insanity is the death of me
The death I kissed in her mouth
Before I learned the lesson of breath
Then she slowly let go
But always in the back of my mind as
Unanswered question of overly emotional
And internally preoccupied
Possessed by feelings of others
I feel but do not KNOW
Something like this could drive you mad
In no time
Unless you find a way to use it.
And when you can't
Well then - goodbye sanity
I hope I'll see you again

Put your memory on the shelf
Let it air for a little while.
Sitting where you are erase your mind
Only for a second to feel the breath
The scent in the air
Can you sense the spring?
Rejuvenation of nature
The little spring flower
Budding, raising head from underneath the earth
Somewhere on the other side of a planet
A cat is licking her newborn baby's back
Elsewhere a waterfall creates a rainbow in the air
A child playing with stones in a desert
Smiling in awe of his imagination
Someone is giving a hand to the old age's weakness
Feeling fulfilled by the act of kindness
And connection
A comet passing by leaving a spectacular mark
Then fading away
A fish surviving teeth of a predator
The sweet scent of rain
Warmth of mother's breast touched by little fingers
That haven't learned the meaning of separation...
The air of life entering your being starting
At the tip of your nose
Embracing you from the inside
Filling you entirely
Your every cell nourished
With the same air breathed by millions,
Young and old, trees and beasts
Careless and dull
Brave and hopeful.
Your essence is not separate from
All of them
Living under the same sun
Fearing the same fate
Wishing to hold hands
With those who understand