I walk down the street
late at night
a sense of paranoia
mixes with fright

I hear footsteps behind me
voices whisper in my head

I look back
all that's there
is a stray cat

it runs into the distance
I'm anxious to get home
each passing minute
feels endless
I wish I was safe at home

I pass a beggar
throw some change into a cup
but he gets up
and starts following me
block after block

I'm starting to get scared
as I walk down a dark street
three right turns
and he's still there
behind me

I hurry, and pick up my feet
but he simply walks faster
matching my beat

he starts talking
asking me questions
where I'm going
if I'm single
if I'm interested in a bargain

I ignore him
keep walking
he's still there, right behind me

I finally reach home
turn onto my cul de sac
check the locks three times over
make sure they're intact

go upstairs
shaking with what could've been
pondering why
this always seems to happen
to me

It’s midnight

I’m scared
It’s loud and dark
And the voices have come
To visit again

I’m alone
Staring out my window
Into the dark
Hearing mutters
Coming from a place
I just can’t pinpoint where

I’m cold
Goosebumps covering my body
I’m so out of control
How do I bring myself back
To reality

My imagination runs wild
Anxiety gets the best of me

I lay here
On my floor
Scared
Alone
Cold

It’s midnight
The voices are here

there have been many Nights
where i have sat Alone
and Cried
Pills in hand
waiting
ready to Die
But when i close my Eyes
and bring those pills to my lips
I see you
and i can't
i can't do it
so I put the pills Away
maybe take one or two
just to ease the pain
to make the firecrackers
leave my brain
but you are here to stay
please never go away

my mind is empty of words
I have nothing to write about
I sit and I ponder
on what I wish to express
but whatever I do
they always end up as
works in progress

Sitting in a parking lot
Listening to a playlist about heartbreak
Birds flutter around me
One lands near my feet
Chirps about
Everything is so peaceful
Why can’t I just stay here forever?

that little red pill
I take every night
supposed to calm my racing thoughts
make the panic attacks subside
help me sleep that night
all it does is make me dizzy
my head still runs circles 'round me
over and over the thoughts repeat
as I count in my head to multiples of eight
counting and counting
checking my closet
just once more
endless cycle until I can't breathe
and I black out

you sat beside me on a bench
as we had a conversation
catching up
oh god how I wanted to kiss you
but the time wasn't right
and I'm too scared to show my true feelings
but now I worry I'll never again
get the chance

Blood
flows from my
wrists
as i sit here
as alone as i can be
contemplating
why
i do this to myself
there doesn't seem to be a reason
not a good one anyway
life is the reason
it gives me control
because i need some relief
from the weight of my world
crashing down on top of me
i'm trying to hold it up
but each day
it slips
a little more
and soon
it will be a pile of rubble
crushing me into the ground
someone please
help me
put my world
back together
before i am crushed
by this mountain of
misery

the adventures I've had
the friends I've made
the happiness I felt

is enough to last a lifetime

even if
I could have anyone
in the world
I would
still
choose You

Is it bad that I saw myself staying by your side
for far longer than these short two months?