I imagine you’ll forget about me in a month
You said you’ll always love me
But we both know
I’ll disappear from your mind as quickly as snow in spring
Melting slowly
Then gone
I will never forget you, I promise that
But the most painful thing of all, will be
Watching you move on
As I stay here alone
Waiting for someone else
To love me like you did
I don’t think they’ll ever come

The very thing I was terrified of
Had come true
And it was all my fault

I’m crying
Crying so hard it hurts and I’m laughing
Because this was my fault
The reason I ended up here is me
It’s all because of me
Tears drip down my cheeks
My body shaking from the tremors that course through me
I can’t control myself
Out of control
Too many tears
I’m drowning in them
I can’t breathe
Help me

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I need someone
I feel so isolated
torn away from the one I care about
I want to see you so badly
I miss you so much it hurts
let me hear you
let me know someone is there
please

I don’t know what’s real anymore
I don’t know what I enjoy
Or what I’ve pretended to like to please
I don’t know who I am
Or the mask I put on to hide myself
I don’t know who cares
Or who is pretending and manipulating my mind
I don’t know
And it’s terrifying
I can’t tell the difference between reality and lies
I don’t know who speaks the truth
Who can I trust
When my mind is filled with paranoia and doubts
I don’t know

Two days
Until I see you again
Is it bad that that’s all
I can think about?
I cannot wait to have you in my arms
To run my fingers
Through your hair
As I tell you for the thousandth time
I love you

I sit at home
headphones in my ears
a playlist by you
blasting in my ears
thinking of nothing but
how much I wish
you were here

I lie on my floor
Unable to move
Passed out from pure exhaustion
I can't go on this way
The real me is fading
Only to be replaced
By a shell of myself
Only the necessary parts
Still there
My mind and soul
Drained
From the troubled thoughts
That consume me
This is no way to live
So why live at all?

you have my heart
in your hands
so i beg of you
be careful

i have trusted you
with my love
and that is not something
i do often

so please
treat my heart gently
as i am fragile
too easily broken
by the world and it's contents

be careful
and i will love
unconditionally

the closer you move
the more my heart shatters
breaking
little
by little
until it will be
nothing but ash
and dust

did i not learn this lesson before?
did this not happen last time?
i should stop looking for love
because it seems that there
is nothing to find

i opened up and
gave you my key
but you ******* up my heart
and left me to bleed

i love you
that's all there is to say
you stand by me
when i need it
and i will always do the same

you keep me sane
and when the darkness comes
i can think of you
and everything you've ever said to me
and how your hugs feel like home

i have trust issues
i'll be slow to open up
memories and feelings
held under lock and key
but i have faith
that you might crack my code
the enigmas that are my emotions
may be no problem for you to solve

love
is a fickle thing
something treasured by you and me
but i think it will thrive
when and if
cared for properly

Why is it
That I look in the mirror and want to change
Everything about myself
Is it just me?
Or is it society’s constructs that make me feel inadequate
Why are we taught that we should be so thin that so many girls starve to death
Why should we strive for a body that is simply unrealistic

Think for a minute
Wonder why so many girls have hauntingly low self esteem
Why everyone it there keeps trying diets and waist trainers and just plain starving
Why
Is skinny the end goal
Why
Do we see rib cages as beautiful instead of a sign
That something’s not right
Because something isn’t right
And we need to fix it
Before more people are cost

the moment
i've imagined it many times
someone walks in
startles at my body
slumped
on the bathroom floor
blood
on my wrists
on the floor too
finally free
from this world
i call home
someone calls my mother
she breaks down in tears
wondering why her little girl
has decided
to disappear
when will i muster up the courage
to carry it out
what will finally push me over the edge
who knows
but i promise
when it happens
i'll be ready
to commit
to my decisions
maybe i'll jump off a bridge
or in front of a bus
maybe i'll hang
or maybe just drown
maybe i'll use poison
or maybe starve myself
maybe i'll simply down pill after pill after pill
until i pass out
who knows
only i will
until the time...
that moment arrives

until the time...
that i'm ready
to die

i carve an x
over my heart
to remind myself
not to let anyone in
because the last time i did
my heart was crushed
so now
my heart is wrapped up
in caution tape
holding it together
and keeping out
the people who care
but nobody cares
so it's just there for the sake of
reminding myself
that my heart is too easily broken
to delicate
for this world
so i'll try to escape
even just for a little while
but i will always return
to painful reality
when my arms are ******
and I'm fading out

As i look
into the mirror
i see somebody else
this isn't me.
but then, who am i?
this person
staring back at me
is familiar
like an old friend
yet as i look at her
i am overwhelmed with sadness
as if the two of us have grown apart
over the years
she follows me everywhere
i wish she would go away
i'm trapped in her shadow
stuck with her
when i try to speak
it comes out through her mouth
everything i try to do
she does instead
why am i portrayed through her
this isn't who i am
why is she here
why won't she leave
why?
go away
let me be
i try to make her leave
it doesn't work
she is still here
i think she'll be here forever
but i'm not her
we're not the same person
not anymore
go away
your work is done
now go
please go

my chest is getting tight
the walls are closing in
my whole body is shaking
i wish i could die
i can't breathe
i can't think straight
    i need to get out
i need to get out
help.

people say things
without thinking
and they finish
all of their sentences with
just kidding
and they may think
nothing of it
but whatever they say
finds a way
to haunt my thoughts
for days on end
because the things they say
get under my skin
and they never leave

when i was younger
i thought that when i was older
i would stay out and party all night
who could have known
that instead
in the middle of the night
i'd be crying hysterically
because of my nightmares
debating whether to take my life
or not

You make me feel so many things
almost too many things
Almost
the time we spend together is
Precious
every moment i get to be alone with you
i savour
because you are not only my darling
but my best friend
you are beautiful
and when i look into your eyes
i realize that this is
so much more than what
i could've ever hoped for

and no matter what i try
i can't seem to get you
out of
my Mind