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344 · Nov 2018
My Gatekeeper
Kurt Philip Behm Nov 2018
Every voice needs an ear
  for it to be free

Every writer, a reader,
  or the words cease to be

In my case I’ve been lucky
  though she came to me late

For my dearest sweet Laura
  —the key to my gate

(Villanova Pennsylvania: November, 2018)
        ‘To My Dear Friend Laura’
343 · Feb 2022
Set In Stone
Kurt Philip Behm Feb 2022
Change what you did,
and I’ll change how I feel
You can’t change forever
denying what’s real
The fly’s in the ointment,
the die has been cast
This moment endemic
—predestined to last

(Dreamsleep: February, 2022)
343 · Mar 2019
Miami Heat
Kurt Philip Behm Mar 2019
The sand was hot,
  as she came up behind me singing…

“You put the ‘Man’
    back in Romance
                
  “And I’ll put the ‘Lay’
     back in Lady”

(Miami Beach Florida: May, 1982)
343 · Jun 2023
Forever As One
Kurt Philip Behm Jun 2023
The Taiji of life
may it ever be so
Driving the artist
and poet who know
The Yin and the Yang
to marry sublime
Truth as their offspring
—whose beauty defines

(Dreamsleep: June, 2023)
343 · Jun 2019
Fire Still Burns
Kurt Philip Behm Jun 2019
With age in my body,
but youth on the page

A sword old and rusted,
now tempers with rage

These bones may be brittle,
with feet slow to drill

But fire still burns
—in my memory and will

(Villanova Pennsylvania: December, 2016)
342 · Nov 2016
Caught By The Word
Kurt Philip Behm Nov 2016
People of
Reposition
Men of
Calm
Islands of
Immunity
Centuries
Palm
Keepers of
Kingdoms
Regents of
Sight
Pilgrims of
Pugilance
Nomads
Delight
Seekers of
Solitude
Freedom
Within
Sages with
Sustenance
Queens on
The wind
Dogmas of
Certainty
Knights of
The sword
Prisoners of
Dignity
All caught,
—by the word!

(Villanova Pennsylvania: November, 1977)
'An Anthology Of Perception Vol #1'
342 · Sep 2024
Momentary Head Fake
Kurt Philip Behm Sep 2024
There are some things
you can only sing
but never say

There are some things
given out but once
in the foray

There are some things
that the world lays claim
and takes its due

There are some things
past the cloud of time
you must pursue

Living on the edge
is sharper
cut or not

Dying for that
final answer
knowing what

Praising what the mob
is damning
come what may

Loving what the
moment seizes
— counterplayed

(Dreamsleep: August, 2024)
341 · Jun 2019
Living On The Surface
Kurt Philip Behm Jun 2019
Living on the surface,
  dinner’s always served at eight

Living on the surface,
  pride forever casts your fate

Living on the surface,
  things always seem just fine

Living on the surface,
  plays an endless pantomime

Living on the surface,
  the church contains your soul

Living on the surface,
  your religion swallowed whole

Living on the surface,
  things never change that much

Living on the surface,
  you can only look, not touch

Living on the surface,
  the wheel only spins one way

Living on the surface,
  each spoke a mortgage pays

Living on the surface,
  love professes in a vow

Living on the surface,
  real commitment not allowed

Living on the surface,
  new doors stay locked and shut

Living on the surface,
  your reentry self-destructs

Living on the surface,
  your reflection flat and clean

While just below the surface
  —beats the heart of what things mean

(Villanova Pennsylvania: October, 2016)
341 · Mar 2017
Something For Gregg
Kurt Philip Behm Mar 2017
I was somewhere deep in Kansas,
  on a Triumph 69’

When your song came on the jukebox,
  and hit me from behind

I was headed for a bad place,
  and cared for nothing much

When I heard the song ‘Melissa,’
   my heart and soul were struck

Entranced, your lyrics captured me,
  like nothing had before

When you sang about ‘The Gypsy,’
  I headed for the door

But something made me turn around,
  and grab another dime

Ten more times in that diner's booth,
  still lost within your rhyme

Now back inside the bus station,
  and sleeping on the bench

I scratch your words into the wood,
  last dollar gone and spent

My bike outside against the wall,
  the kickstand now long gone

And out of gas, my hopes have dashed,
  that unrelenting song

Waking up at ten unsettled,
  across the street I pushed

The sign said Triumph-BSA,
  the owner Mister Cush

He asked, “What’s with your motor,”
   I said “nothing—out of gas,

But worse I’m out of money,
can I sell the bike for cash

Would you please just buy my Triumph,
  I know it’s old and worn

It got me here through seven states,
  runs great both cold and warm”

“I’ll pay three hundred on the spot,
  on that can we agree?”

We walked back up inside his shop,
three bills he handed me

I thought about a bus ride home,
  my thumb looked more in line

Facing East on old route #50,
  my heart in deep decline

The first big rig that came along,
  was bound for York Pa.

The driver said “If you like dogs,”
I’ll take you on your way”

In York I caught a fast ride out,
  two ‘dodgers’ going North

And got back home with hat in hand,
  your song to guide me forth

Two years then passed, I met my wife,
  four more and our first child

And we named her ‘Sweet Melissa,’
  her dad back from the wilds

Now forty years have come and gone,
  my beard and hair both gray

I owe you Gregg, and always will,
  your song, her name—that day

(Villanova Pennsylvania: March, 2017)
     For Gregg Allmans- ‘Melissa’
340 · Nov 2016
Borrow & Steal
Kurt Philip Behm Nov 2016
Borrow from a liar,
—but steal from the truth

(Villanova Pennsylvania: November, 2016)
340 · Mar 2023
Beyond The Ether
Kurt Philip Behm Mar 2023
When everything around us
is dead and gone

All we have left
—is the Word

(Dreamsleep: March, 2023)
339 · Aug 2024
Present Perfect
Kurt Philip Behm Aug 2024
Verse sublimation
skipping the will
Centering the message
critics are chilled

Listening to silence
voices dethroned
Freeing the moment
— tomorrow on loan

(Dreamsleep: August, 2024)
339 · Jan 2022
Bringing Up The Rear
Kurt Philip Behm Jan 2022
The only one along this road…
riding shotgun through my mind
Tomorrow waits for someone else,
lost wanderings consigned
Forgetting what the moment augurs,
living in the past
Confirming what I’m most afraid of
—behind whoever’s last

(The New Room: January, 2022)
339 · Aug 2022
Deception
Kurt Philip Behm Aug 2022
Laughter hides more dread than tears
joy conceals a lasting fear
Fate to haunt each moment wished
—love beguiled with every tryst

(Dreamsleep: August, 2022)
338 · Aug 2016
Incantation
Kurt Philip Behm Aug 2016
Birth—Coronation
Belief—Creation
Pain— Debilitation
Sin—Damnation
Joy—Association
Despair—Isolation
Praise—Adulation
Time—Anticipa­tion
Truth—Revelation
Faith—Salvation
Death—Divination
Life—Reinc­arnation

(Villanova Pennsylvania: July, 2016)
337 · Dec 2016
With Heart Aglow
Kurt Philip Behm Dec 2016
Tapping into redemptions dream,
  I put my smaller dream aside

And reveled in its greater power,
—reclaiming truth from lies

So blessed in this light ablaze,
  than by candlelight unknown

In thanks I kindle warm again,
—recharged, with heart aglow

(Villanova Pennsylvania: December, 2016)
336 · Feb 2023
Divided-We-Fall
Kurt Philip Behm Feb 2023
The world is becoming
impossible to govern
Each person that island
Donne warned us about

All sense of belonging
in mirrors bespoken
The strength of shared values
—our vanity flouts

(Dreamsleep: February, 2023)
336 · Jul 2018
Eternity's Spark
Kurt Philip Behm Jul 2018
Touching the sunrise,
  immortality burned

Touching the sunrise,
  infinity returned

Touching the sunrise
  time left in the dark

Touching the sunrise
—eternity’s spark

(Villanova Pennsylvania: July, 2018)
335 · Aug 2016
Silence
Kurt Philip Behm Aug 2016
Dropping like a bomb,
  always missing its mark

Your echo explodes,
  a sound hollow and dark

Answers unquestioned,
  all bombast enflamed

Smoke drifting abandoned,
—its silence unclaimed

(Villanova Pennsylvania: August, 2016)
333 · Nov 2023
Lying In Wait
Kurt Philip Behm Nov 2023
Ice on the fence wire …
insult to injury
The barb when it’s deadly
pointed and sharp
A night rain has frozen
and hidden the danger
Awaiting intruders
—that come in the dark

(Dreamsleep: November, 2023)
333 · Mar 2017
That Lonely Road
Kurt Philip Behm Mar 2017
Is your poetry now dusty,
  as it lays back on the shelf

Have your dreams become dismissive,
  do you live for someone else

Is there mold inside your memory box,
   questions now long gone

Do you walk that lonely road alone,
—your heart to drag along

(Villanova Pennsylvania: March, 2017)
332 · Jul 2019
One Last Dance
Kurt Philip Behm Jul 2019
My heart stays in Wyoming,
as Montana calls my name

My spurs and bits ‘a jingling’
my soul goes north again

Cody up through Beartooth Pass,
Cooke City just below

The Great Divide off to my left,
the glaciers ringed with snow

I stop to mourn the western tribes,
as dark clouds form above

The war call of Tasunka-Witko,
crying out with love

My spirit loose to roam the land,
the great Oglala’s words I hear

Two kindred souls in one last dance
—as Wakan Tanka draws us near

(Villanova Pennsylvania: February, 2017)
331 · Jul 2021
Left Of Center
Kurt Philip Behm Jul 2021
Lost in confusion,
distracted by tomorrow
anxiety his lover
—memory undreamed

(Dreamsleep: July, 2021)
330 · Jan 2021
The Foundry
Kurt Philip Behm Jan 2021
What is… inherent,
what’s not… implied

Epiphanous moments
—waiting inside

(Bryn Mawr College: January, 2021)
330 · Jun 2023
Truth (above & beyond)
Kurt Philip Behm Jun 2023
Above party
Above caste
Above station
Above place
Above state
Above nation
Above riches
Above race

And the reasons
And excuses
And the grief
And the shame
And the guilt
And the sanctions
And the blood
And the stain

Beyond language
Beyond history
Beyond reason
Beyond fate
Beyond now
Beyond later
Beyond love
—beyond hate

(The New Room: June, 2023)
330 · Jun 2023
Half Life
Kurt Philip Behm Jun 2023
Remembering to forget
I forgot to remember

What leaves in the morning
returns with the night

The past in abeyance
a temporary shelter

Embedded in memory
—the wrong and the right

(The New Room: June, 2023)
330 · Mar 2017
Perdition Now Assured
Kurt Philip Behm Mar 2017
You try to mask your given voice
  in what’s perverse and then profane

But truth speaks only for itself,
  your costume tattered—seamstress blamed

This great parade, a grand charade,
  your song a flattened chord

Its final line to seal your fate,
—perdition now assured

(Villanova Pennsylvania: March, 2017)
329 · Aug 2016
The Wings Of An Angel
Kurt Philip Behm Aug 2016
God is a poet,
his blessings in rhyme

Salvation unmetered,
  inspiration divine

His voice calls us inward,
  temptation now gone

Where the wings of an Angel,
  carry words into song

(Villanova Pennsylvania: July, 2016)
328 · Apr 14
Don't Look Back
When artists
grow reflective
their impact
is stalled

All direction
is hijacked
momentum
recalled

Looking back
through their psyche
a tunneler’s
view

As horizon’s
lie waiting
with visions
— anew

(Dreamsleep: April, 2025)
328 · Mar 2017
Caterpillars Delight
Kurt Philip Behm Mar 2017
Looking beyond our differences,
  the image deepened

Speaking without words,
  the conversation spiked

Touching without holding on,
  all feelings turned to ecstasy

Loving while letting go,
—the caterpillars delight

(Villanova Pennsylvania: March, 2017)
327 · Feb 2019
Marking Time
Kurt Philip Behm Feb 2019
Is your humanity held captive
  by your intelligence

Does your soul remain imprisoned
  for a self-inflicted crime

Are the wishes you made, abandoned,
   prisoners of the wind

Is the cell locked deep within you
    —on whose walls you mark the time

(Villanova Pennsylvania: February, 2019)
327 · Feb 2017
One Last Dance
Kurt Philip Behm Feb 2017
My heart stays in Wyoming,
  as Montana calls my name

My spurs and bits ‘a jingling’
  my soul goes north again

Cody up through Beartooth Pass,
  Cooke City just below

The Great Divide off to my left,
  the glaciers ringed with snow

I stop to mourn the western tribes,
  as dark clouds form above

The war cry of Tasunka-Witko,
  crying out with love

My spirit loose to roam the land,
  the great Oglala’s words I hear

Two kindred souls in one last dance,
—as Wakan Tanka draws us near

(Villanova Pennsylvania: February, 2017)
326 · May 2017
Crossover
Kurt Philip Behm May 2017
Writing verse,
  my distractions are few

Prose unwritten,
  the Muse importunes

Writing in meter,
  writing in rhyme

Her blessings upon me,
  fortune divine

Spiritual kinship,
  rind bearing fruit  

The flowers to spray,
  the soil to root

Prayers spoken ageless,
  footnotes in time

Words crossing over,
—gift so sublime

(Villanova Pennsylvania: May, 2017)
326 · May 2023
So Close — So Far
Kurt Philip Behm May 2023
My ambitions elitist
reality bourgeois
My palate continental
taste buds still raw
My ambition ennobled
vocation unhailed
My reality sordid
—future travailed  

(Dreamsleep: May, 2023)
326 · Feb 2024
Patton Remembered ...
Kurt Philip Behm Feb 2024
The timid
find courage
in the well
— of another’s fear

(Valley Forge Park: February, 2024)


Call Me Ishmael

Mediocre writing
spawns editing
The Great Works
— born unchanged

‘Thoughts of: Bob Dylan, Laura Nyro, John Lennon, Steve Winwood, Kris Kristofferson’
(February: 2024)
326 · Sep 2016
A Fait Accompli
Kurt Philip Behm Sep 2016
Full contact Poetry
The ultimate fight
Death match supreme
The truth within sight
Pulling no punches
The ink bleeding free
The wound beyond mortal
A Fait Accompli

(Villanova Pennsylvania: September, 2016)
326 · Sep 2018
Yes
Kurt Philip Behm Sep 2018
Yes
Waiting for the final ticket out,
  I would write that ending word

And bid goodbye to all I’d said
  both ignored—and often heard

I asked the conductor about the fare,
  he said “How much can you pay”

As I held my pen, three letters  
  came together—so arranged

A moment lingered, a lifetime flashed,
  the past and future caught

And with voucher punched I climbed aboard
  stamped YES—salvation bought

(Villanova Pennsylvania: September, 2018)
325 · Nov 2016
The Mask
Kurt Philip Behm Nov 2016
Do you synthesize your anger,
do you cauterize the burn

Do you anesthetize the wonder,
  when your dreams are left forlorn

Is your judgment tempered badly,
  with emotion fiery hot

Is your vision colored madly,
  by your choices—sold and bought

Does your music play reclusive,
do your words fall off the page

Does reason **** your last excuse,
—that one mask you can’t explain

(Villanova Pennsylvania: November, 2016)
325 · Jul 2018
Sealing The Memory
Kurt Philip Behm Jul 2018
Each new Poem a gift
  as yet unwrapped

Its secrets lay hidden,
  its flow untapped

Waiting for the author
  to feel the pain

To seal the memory
  —to wear the stain

(Villanova Pennsylvania: July, 2018)
325 · Aug 2018
Centennial Fury
Kurt Philip Behm Aug 2018
The great American Songbook
  whose words march off the page

Its music now a footnote
  —to a century of rage

(Villanova Pennsylvania: June, 2016)
324 · Dec 2016
I Answered Back
Kurt Philip Behm Dec 2016
As I lay dying
there were no regrets,
. . . because I answered back

From all beginnings
to every distant end,
. . . I answered back

Not waiting for any higher calling
or mystery on the wind,
. . . I answered back

Before the questions, even after the
secrets,
. . . I answered back

I shouted in voices of my own becoming,
and you forgave me for every one,
. . . and answered back too

Spreading your wings
eternal,
...inviting me to climb on

Pointing me toward the
heavens,
...for one last ride

Where I hold on triumphant,
listening to you announce into forever,
. . . those things I’ve said

(Villanova Pennsylvania: May, 2011)
323 · Jun 2019
Just Because
Kurt Philip Behm Jun 2019
The most important things don’t need a reason…
  —just because

The falling leaves beyond their season…
  —just because

The sun trades the night to the rising moon…
  —just because

The lateness that brings one last final adieu…
  —just because

(Villanova Pennsylvania: October, 2016)
323 · Mar 2019
Eternity's Door
Kurt Philip Behm Mar 2019
Tonight,
I was ready to die
But death
Wasn’t ready for me

Tonight,
I was ready to die
From the past
And a future unseen

Tonight,
I was ready to die
But the light
Of salvation rechose

Tonight,
I was ready to die
But the door to eternity
  —was closed

(Villanova Pennsylvania: May, 2016)
323 · Jun 2023
Tracks Of Attila
Kurt Philip Behm Jun 2023
When the woods are full of the enemy
—start your fire at their backs

(From My Novel—Approaching Storm: June, 2023)
322 · May 2024
'The Chief' (unedited)
Kurt Philip Behm May 2024
The woman in the blue Chevy said: “Just five dollars please,” as I pumped two more dollars of Sunoco 260 into the aging four door sedan.  As she paid me and then left, I looked at the Croton Chronograph Watch on my wrist that I had gone into hock for last fall.  5:15, SHOOT!!!, I only had 45 minutes to jump on my bike and make it the fifteen miles back to West Philadelphia to class.

I was taking night courses at St Joseph’s College (St Joseph’s University now), and my first class started at 6:00 p.m.  Why? I asked myself again did I always cut it so close?  Deep inside I knew the answer, but I told myself it was because I was a good employee.  I had been pumping gas and renting U-Haul Trucks at an Arco gas station in North Hills Pa. for the past two years. The station was open till 6 p.m. every day, and it seemed I never got out of there until after 5.

It was owned by a good friend of mine, Bob, whom I had met in Ocean City New Jersey while living in the rooming house that he and his wife Pat owned at 14th street and Asbury Ave.  Every day at five o’clock, Bob would yell out to me on the gas island — “time to leave!” He knew how long the ride was back to school during rush hour and that I never seemed to get out by 5.

The real answer as to why I was always late was that I liked the challenge. I loved the ride through the small section of Fairmount Park and then the river town of Manayunk always trying to get back to my apartment at 54th and Woodland Ave in the Overbrook section of Philadelphia before six.  54th and Woodland was right across the street from St Joe’s, and I would literally race into the driveway in front of my apartment house, drop the bike’s kickstand run inside to change and then head for class.  Many times, I would not even change out of my Arco jumper (uniform) before heading over to campus.  I often didn’t have the time.  I wondered what some of the other people, especially girls, must have thought of the strange aroma that I brought to the class on the nights when I didn’t change.

            To Their Credit, No One Ever Complained

I had always secretly wanted to road-race motorcycles, and this twenty-minute ride both to and from work every day gave me a chance to indulge my fantasy.  Tonight, I would be cutting it very close and not even have time to stop at my apartment.  I would have to park under the tree in front of my classroom building and run up the stairs to the third floor and do it all before six o’clock. It was an advanced Philosophy class, Ethics and Morality, and the professor, Dr. Larry McKinnon closed the doors promptly at six.  If you were late, you didn’t get in — no exceptions!

I raced through the park on Bells Mill Road and hit the cobblestone hills of Manayunk with 15 minutes still left on my watch.  I then raced up City Line Ave and caught only one red light as I saw the lights of 54th and City Line straight ahead. The light was yellow as I leaned over hard and made the left turn on 54th St. I raced up past the basketball arena and turned right on Woodland Ave. I would normally have gone straight a half block to my apartment, but I had cut it too close and didn’t have the time. I pulled up in front of the Villiger Building, chained my bike to the tree I always used, and ran for the stairway door around back by the track.

This building had no elevator, so it was up two flights of stairs to the top floor and then left down the hall to where my classroom was the one farthest on the right.

As I rushed through the back door of Villiger, the first flight of stairs was blocked.  An elderly man with a Gulf Oil Hat on was struggling to pull his son in a wheelchair up the 26 stairs.  He had the entire stairway blocked, and I had less than two minutes to get by him and into McKinnon’s class.   His son in the wheelchair was in really bad shape.  He was in a total body brace that went clear to his head, and as he looked down at me, I heard him say: “Hey Moose, grab the front, and we’ll both make it to McKinnon’s class before he shuts the door.”

With that, I grabbed the small front wheels and lifted, as we both carried the wheelchair up the two flights of stairs to the third floor.  We entered the hallway just as Dr. McKinnon was shutting the door.  The kid in the wheelchair yelled out, “Wait for us Doc” as we raced for the closing door.  I took the handles of the chair away from his dad and pushed the chair inside.  We had made it but not any too soon.

I wondered to myself if McKinnon would have denied entry to this kid who had been stricken with polio if he had arrived just two minutes later. It would have taken at least that long if his dad had tackled those stairs alone.  I parked his wheelchair next to my desk on the far left as the professor started his lecture.  When it was over, I pushed his wheelchair outside to where his dad was waiting.

“Ed Hudak,” his father said, “and this is my son Eddie.  Thanks so much for helping us up the stairs. I got out of work late and had to race home to the Northeast section of Philadelphia, pick Eddie up, and then race back down here to get him to class.”  Mr. Hudak worked at the Gulf Oil Refinery in South Philadelphia.  To leave work at four o’clock and get all the way up to the Northeast, pick up his crippled son, and then race back down to West Philadelphia made the little twenty-minute jaunt that I did every day seem like child’s play.

His son Eddie then asked me where my next class was. “Dr Marshall’s ‘Rational Psychology,’ I told him” as he said, “mine too, you can push me over there and my dad can go to the student union and get something to eat and rest for a while.”  School had only started last week, and somehow I had missed seeing this crippled kid in both of my classes.  He told me he had seen me though because of the strange jumper I had on and the helmet I carried into class.  When he told his father about me his dad said: “That kid must work in a gas station and be paying for school himself.  Cut him some slack if he doesn’t look real presentable on those days when he’s late.”

Eddie and I finished both classes together and I got ready to push him back outside.  As we passed the vending machines on the first floor, I told him that this was where I usually stopped to have dinner before going home.  He asked me, “What’s your favorite?” and I told him, “the Dinty Moore beef stew.”  The machine had three different varieties and that was usually all I had until breakfast the next day.  Eddie said he would like to wait while I ate and that his father would be fine outside for a few more minutes.  He seemed to know something about our new relationship that would take quite a bit longer for me to discover and sort out.

                  Eddie Always Seemed To ‘Just Know’

I asked Eddie what his major was, and he said Literature, and that he had been a student here for almost six years.  Again, I wondered, how could I have missed him in that wheelchair with someone always pushing him to where he needed to go?  I hoped I hadn’t refused to see him in his diminished condition with my eyes always looking away.  These kinds of things always bothered me, and I was squeamish around handicapped people, especially children. My mother had volunteered at the St. Edmond’s Home For Crippled Children in Rosemont for many years, but I was still uncomfortable when I saw those kids, not much younger than I was, in wheelchairs and leg braces.

                Eddie’s Condition Was Much Worse

The only thing handicapped about Eddie was his body. His mind and spirit were stronger than any five, so-called, normal people.  His father had made sure of that.  His dad had been racing from work to home and then to school for almost six years devoting whatever spare time he had to what his son wanted to accomplish.  He would drop Eddie off at class and then, most nights, go sleep in his car in the school parking lot.  Many nights, the temperature in that parking lot was below freezing, but this sixty-year-old man NEVER complained.


        Who Was Really Handicapped, Eddie Or Me?

As much as I marveled at how well Eddie did in spite of being disabled, his father amazed me even more.  He was like so many heroes that we never hear about standing off in the shadows so that someone else can thrive.  After I finished my stew, I pushed Eddie outside to where his dad was waiting.  He shook my hand and said: “Son, without your help tonight, we’d have really been in a terrible fix.”

                               He Called Me “Son”

As I watched him wheel Eddie back toward their car in the parking lot, I pushed my long hair back and pulled my helmet over my head.  The chinstrap I left unbuckled on these short rides because it always got tangled in my beard.  I rode the two short blocks back to my apartment with the sight of Eddie and his dad burned into the front of my psyche.  I knew I had witnessed something special tonight, I just didn’t know yet how special it truly was or would then become.

Now, I had an entirely new reason for getting to school on time.  I was not going to let that diminutive older man pull that wheelchair up those stairs one more time — not if I could help it.  I was never late again for the rest of that semester, as Eddie and I became fast friends with he and his dad even visiting my apartment on more than one occasion.  I became a real master at pulling that sled of his up the stairs, and we often got help from other male students as we made the climb.

Eddie told me in confidence one day that I had been good for his dad.  I thought he was referring to the physical exertion I had save him, and Eddie said: “No, it’s more than that. My dad has never liked anyone with long hair and a beard, and he told my mother the other night that you were the first.  He then went on to say that maybe it was just hair and that he shouldn’t let things like that bother him anymore.”  I was both flattered and gratified that he saw something in me, something that I still may not have seen in myself.

Mr. Hudak had been a World War 2 veteran and participated as a Chaplain’s Assistant in such major conflicts as D-Day and The Battle Of The Bulge.  His Jeep had sunk in deep water during the D-Day landing, and he and the Chaplain had to swim two hundred yards to shore amidst enemy fire.  He was a great man in the tradition of all great men who provide unselfish and heroic service while asking for nothing in return. In many ways, I secretly wished that he had been my dad too.  

My father had also been in World War 2 as a Marine and fought many engagements in the South Pacific.  He was a hero to me, but the difference between my father and Mr. Hudak was, my dad loved me, but he didn’t seem interested in my life now.  He didn’t approve of my studying Philosophy, and he couldn’t understand why I hadn’t chosen a more conventional career path like the sons of so many of his friends.

  In Ways I Couldn’t Understand, I Think I Embarrassed My Father

What my dad didn’t know was, that underneath the long hair and beard, my beliefs were a little to the right of Attila The ***. Unfortunately, we never had a serious conversation where he could have discovered that.  

The semester finally came to an end and the Christmas holidays were now upon us.  It was cold weather to be riding a motorcycle but, when that’s all you have. then that’s what you ride. On the last day of class before break, Mr. Hudak pulled me aside.  “My wife Marge and I are having a little party next Saturday night, and we’d like you to come.”  Everything inside me was trying to find an excuse not to go, but all I was capable of was shaking my head yes and thanking this great man for the kind invitation.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet his family. It was that I literally had nothing to wear and only the motorcycle to get me there.  My entire wardrobe consisted of two pairs of jeans, three t-shirts, and one beige fisherman’s knit sweater that I had bought at a local discount store.  I still hadn’t worn the sweater, and the tags were still on it.  I kept telling myself I was saving it for a special occasion.  Well, what could be more special than meeting Mr. Hudak’s family. The afternoon of the party I removed the tags from the sweater and ran down to the Laundromat and washed my newest jeans.

Eddie had told me that the get together would start around seven, but I could arrive anytime I wanted.  As I pulled the motorcycle up in front of their brick row house, I looked for a place to park the bike where it wouldn’t stand out. I already looked like a child of the sixties, and the motorcycle would only give them something else to focus on that might be misleading.

My fears were totally unfounded as I walked through the front door.  Mr. Hudak greeted me warmly, as Eddie yelled out in a voice all could hear: “My buddy Kurt’s here.”  My buddy Kurt! Those words have stayed with me and have provided sustenance during times when I thought my life was tough.  All I had to do in those moments was think of Eddie and what he and his family had been through, and my pity party for myself ended almost quicker than it began.

                         “My Buddy Kurt’s Here”

No sooner did I wave to Eddie than Mrs. Hudak came bouncing out of the kitchen.  Literally bouncing! This tiny woman of 5’1’’ came bounding across the dining room floor and immediately reached up and threw both of her arms around my neck.  She squeezed hard and it felt good.  It was real and she wanted me to know that.  Eddie had also explained to me how physically strong his mother was. It was the result of having to carry him up and down two flights of stairs from his bedroom to their recreation room in the basement below.  She did this several times a day.

I don’t know how high the heat was set to in their house that night, but I had never felt so warm — or accepted.  To an outsider like me it even looked like love, which I was to find out shortly is exactly what it was.  I wanted to take my heavy sweater off, but I had nothing on underneath but an old t-shirt.  Mrs. Hudak’s name was Marge, and she was from an old Irish family named McCarty. When she first saw me earlier, after I had removed my jacket, she said: “What a lovely sweater, shorin it tis.”

                                It Felt Like Love

I spent that night getting to know everyone, and in no time felt like one of the family.  At ten o’clock the guests started to leave and Marge took me into the kitchen.  “Can you stay a little while longer, because at eleven there is someone who I want you to meet?”  I said sure, as she fed me more cake and cookies telling me that they were baked special by the evening’s mystery guest.

At eleven fifteen the front door opened with an “I’m home,” coming from a young woman’s voice.  As I stood up, a flash of white turned the corner and entered the kitchen.  There in her finest nurse’s regalia, stood Eddie’s younger sister, Kathryn, who had just finished the evening shift at Nazareth Hospital in North Philadelphia.

“WOW, WAS SHE SOMETHING,” is all I could hear myself saying as she took her first look at me.  “So, this is the guy I’ve heard so much about huh,” she said as she walked to the refrigerator.  “Based on my brother’s description, I thought you would have been at least ten feet tall.”  Mildly sarcastic for sure, but I was smitten right away.

Later, I heard her on the phone with someone who sounded like her boyfriend.  They seemed to be fighting, and I sensed from the look on her dad’s face that they weren’t crazy about him either.  He said: “I hope it’s over,” and in less than a minute Kathryn came into the living room with tears in her eyes.  As she ran up the stairs to her bedroom, you could hear her say, “What A ****!” I prayed she wasn’t referring to me.  

Her mother ran up the stairs after her but before she did, she asked me not to leave.  Ten minutes later she came back downstairs and said: “You haven’t finished your cookies and cake in the kitchen.”

Marge was right, and I really wanted to finish them, but I was now starting to feel uncomfortable and in the middle of something that wasn’t for me to see or hear. Not wanting to seem rude, I followed her back to the kitchen table and sat down as she refilled my glass with milk. “So, what are your plans for the holidays,” she asked, as I wolfed down the sweets.

“Oh, nothing much,” I said, “just schoolwork and my job at the gas station.”  “And how about New Year’s Eve she asked?”  “Oh, nothing planned, probably just go see my grandparents and then watch the ball drop on TV in my apartment if I make it till twelve”.  “Why don’t you ask Kathryn out” she said, as her eyes twinkled? I thought I must have been hearing things and looked baffled, so she repeated it again…

                  Why Don’t You Ask Kathryn Out

This kindly woman, from this great family, was suggesting that I take their pride and joy daughter, Kathyrn, out for New Year’s Eve.  I didn’t know what to say. “Why don’t you think about it?  I’ll bet the two of you would have fun. I think based on tonight she is now free for New Year’s Eve too.”

I was literally in shock and not prepared for this.  I had recently broken up with a long-term girlfriend who I had dated all through high school and college.  I had convinced myself that I needed a break from girls for a while, and now here I was faced with dating Mr. Hudak’s only daughter.  In a few minutes, Marge walked out of the kitchen and Kathryn walked back in. She was now dressed in her pajamas and robe. If I had been smitten before, I was totally taken now.

I knew the first thing I said might be my last, so after a long pause I uttered: “So, I hear you’re not doing anything for New Years Eve?”  Not the best ice breaker as she yelled out to her mother: “Mommmmm, what did you tell him.”  Her mother didn’t answer.  I said again: “Kathy, please don’t take it the wrong way, I don’t have a date for New Year’s either.”  She looked at me for what seemed like an eternity, that in reality lasted for just a few seconds, before saying: “And just where do you propose we should go, Mr. Wonderful?”  Thank God I had an answer.

                           The Ice Had Broken

“Zaberers,” I said: “They’re open twenty-four hours. They have dinner and dancing and then a big show right after midnight.”  “Zaberers, huh,” she said, as she looked at me once more.  “All right, you can pick me up at eight.” With that, I didn’t want to push my luck.  I thanked her parents for the wonderful evening and wanted to say good night to Eddie, but he had already gone to bed.  That was what Marge was doing on her second trip upstairs — what a woman!!!

                          What A Woman Indeed!

Kathy and I had a great time on that first date on New Years Eve. All we really talked about was her father and about how hard he had struggled to keep the family together and how lucky he was to have found a woman like Marge who was the love of his life.

Kathy and I were engaged to be married just nine weeks later on March 5th,, and then married that fall on September 22nd 1974.  I was now a real part of the family that I had admired from afar.  Kathy and I had two children, and Marge and Ed were the best grandparents that two kids could ever have hoped for. They were lucky enough to see both of their grandchildren grow into adulthood and attend their college graduations. They were also able to proudly attend the wedding of their oldest grandchild, our daughter Melissa.

We lost Ed Hudak, my father-in-law, my guardian, and my friend, last December, and the world has been a little less bright with only the memory of him here now.  In many ways, he was the best of what we are all still trying to become, and his spirit remains inside us during the times of our greatest need.

For me though, I’ll never forget the time of our first meeting. That late September afternoon when I looked up those stairs at St Joe’s and not a word needed to be said. Here was a Saint of a man doing what real men do and doing it quietly. With humble dignity, his spirit reached out to me that day and filled an empty place inside of me with his love.

Now, forty years later, that same spirit occupies a bigger and bigger place in my life. From somewhere deep inside my soul it continues to live on, and I know for as long as I can remember — it will never let me go.

                           And I Called Him … ‘The Chief’
322 · Mar 2017
Raging Tiger
Kurt Philip Behm Mar 2017
For those who love the concept of power,
   but hate its execution

A raging tiger has just left its cage,
—to feed on your confusion

(Villanova Pennsylvania: March, 2017)
322 · Nov 2016
One Kiss
Kurt Philip Behm Nov 2016
Left just one chance
  to gild the night

One kiss,
… before you leave

8th Grade Poetry Contest
St Thomas Of Villanova Grade School
May, 1962
321 · Mar 2019
Magdalena
Kurt Philip Behm Mar 2019
Magdalena,
  your beauty known

Magdalena,
  your wisdom shown

Magdalena,
  firm and steadfast

Magdalena,
  communed repast

Magdalena,
  so loved a man

Magdalena,
  his blood in hand

Magdalena,
  though history scolds

Magdalena,
  your heart withholds

Magdalena,
  much more than friend

Magdalena,
  —the truth contends

(Villanova Pennsylvania: March, 2019)
321 · Sep 2018
Redemption Near
Kurt Philip Behm Sep 2018
Did you waste your life
  just making money

Did you eat the bread
  and not the honey

Did you sell your soul
  as your children watched

Was your heart left cold
  in a tinderbox

Were your excuses rich
  and your reasons poor

Did you wake up full
  and still ask for more

Were your blessings shunned
  as you scratched and clawed

Saying no harm done
  “I never broke the law”

Were you teeth all straightened
  and your motives bent

Were your eyes detached
  from what heaven sent

Were your memories lost
  in some dead refrain

As a lonely footnote
  to another’s name

If you had one chance
  to re-right these wrongs

Would you hide in silence
  or break out in song

With your soul imprisoned
  the choice is clear

All joy awaits
—redemption near

(Villanova Pennsylvania: June, 2016)
321 · Mar 2022
The Same But Different
Kurt Philip Behm Mar 2022
Piecing it together
for a second time
the result was not the same

The years had altered
the way each piece fit
a strange familiar game

Instinct overwriting
what memory lost
the picture starts to clear

My past and future
now conjoined
—as moments reappear

(The New Room: March, 2022)
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