It's how I keep expecting
the fantasies in my mind
to be true
which makes the
much-too-real pain
sting for so much longer

Close your eyes, dear brother,
and I will hold your hand.
We are all here with you.
I know you understand.

Close your eyes, dear brother,
and forget about the pain.
It's not about what we lose,
it's about what we gain.

Close your eyes, dear brother.
Don't you worry about us.
We know you are watching from above,
and singing without pause.

Close your eyes, dear brother,
and dream of a better place.
I will never forget the smiles
you put upon my face.

Close your eyes, dear brother.
You still are here with us.
You live now in our hearts and minds.
You are always in our thoughts.

Close your eyes, dear brother,
and rest forever more.
You are now in a better place,
but we still claim for an encore.

Your words were always hollow.
They never meant a thing.
I tried to know the meaning,
I even tried to follow.

It was all in vain,
but now I finally understand
that I have to make a stand
to end this excruciating pain.

Soon I will be gone.
You might not see me again.
I broke free from your chain,
my penitence is done.

If you ever want me back,
I won't be here anymore.
Now I'm rotten to the core.
Beware, because I'm about to attack.

Did you know that
I love you
even though I have not met you yet?

I'm done with this!
Done.
Done.
Done.
Done!!
**** it!

Break my heart if you must
It wouldn't be anything new

I can take it
I won't hate you

Just don't ******* lie to me

Further and further;
we're slowly drifting away.
Promise you'll come back.

I was so eager to know you
that I forgot to meet you first.

I have wires through my chest
monitoring my heart,
yet I wonder what they'll scan
for my heart's not mine.

Electricity
runs through my body
every time you touch me.

Cuando pienso en el pasado,
unos meses atrás,
recuerdo lo que te he dado;
lo que no conservas más.

Te he dado mi alegría,
te he dado mi sufrir.
Te dí lo que querías
y lo que podías pedir.

Mis pensamientos y mis sueños
también tuyos fueron.
Mis acciones  y palabras
tus promesas destruyeron.

Te regalé sobre todo
mi corazón de cristal.
Tú solo me regalaste
un beso artificial.

Entendí que la honestidad
nunca fue tu gran virtud.
Tus incesantes mentiras
me tenían en la esclavitud.

Los días que pasamos juntos,
¿qué significaron?
Mis buenas intenciones,
todas se acabaron.

Cuando de mí quieras algo
ya no estaré para tí.
A partir de hoy ya no soy
el tonto que un día fuí.

No es que no quiera;
es que no puedo.

La afinidad de tu voz con la mía,
la necedad de tus argumentos,
el sarcasmo en tus bromas,
la intensidad de tus emociones,
la calidez de tu mirada,
la elegancia de tu rostro,
la suavidad de tus labios,
media luna en tu sonrisa,
la vainilla de tu esencia,
el vaivén de tu cabello,
la constelación de tus ojos,
el universo de tu abrazo,
el edén de tus besos,
el pecado de tu ****,
la pureza de un "te amo"
...

Dime,
¿cómo puedo poner en palabras todo lo que eres?
No es que no quiera;
es que no puedo.

Please,
don't let me go to sleep
because every time I wake up
I think of her.

Voices echo in my mind
After the void you left behind.
Never will I be the same.
Exit me at last!

Say the words I want to hear.
Tell me there's nothing to fear.
Spread the message. Make it clear.
I don't want to be stuck here.

Free me from this earthly chain.
Take me to where there's no pain.
This darkness inside must not remain;
it's hunting me all over again.

Take my spirit far away
where there's no night, where there's no day.
To see the light is for what I pray.
I'm tired of being this demon's prey.

Awaken my mind so I can think,
to find this puzzle's missing link.
To drown my sorrow it must first sink.
Watch it fade away as I blink.

So, from this moment I cease to exist,
but I'm not dead yet, I must insist.
This thing called "reality" became my beast.
Now I'm meeting with "fantasy"; that is my tryst.

Today I live in fear

I woke up afraid of the same pillow that comforted me last night
It felt as if my dreams had been soaked up by it
My thoughts dripping out of my ear, one by one, dampening the cloth with which it's covered
My bed wanted me to stay, to lay away forever
Prevent me from going anywhere, pulling me towards it
I was a discarded piece of metal being pulled by the giant magnet that would take me to the dumpster to be crushed next to my scrap brethren
I am afraid of the wind blown from my fan
The cold on my skin burns as my sheets hold me tightly in place
I'm afraid to get out, to step on the floor, one foot at a time
To sit up and gag
To stand up and throw up all the regret, the unspoken words, the tears I so cowardly saved to myself for all these years
The 9 beers and 1 tequila shot
I'm afraid to text you
I'm afraid there will be no reply, the silence, the distance
What is said and what is not
What I know, what you won't fix
I'm afraid of losing this game
I'm afraid of playing my next hand, to look at the cards I've been dealt and find nothing other than hopelessness at the lack of anything good
I'm afraid to write this poem, to let my words gang up on me, and beat me up mercilessly as I can only type on and cry out your name
I'm afarid I won't be here tomorrow
I'm afraid you won't
I'm afraid to be here right now, as I was afraid yesterday
Afraid of the new year
Afraid of our Christmas dinner
Afraid of us, of everyone, of no one
I'm afraid of being alive, dancing in this graveyard of broken dream, of complaints and looking at the floor unable to gaze upon my very own dissapointments
I'm afraid to admit I am worthless, but also afraid to do anything about it
I'm afraid to be everything you were looking for, and missing the mark completely
I'm afraid that I'll hurt you, and that I commited a sin I don't regret
Like Jesus I hang nailed to my own cross by the acts I commited and ommited, while words spurt out of my wonds and into this text screen, as I terrifyingly try to tell myself, it will be ok
I'm afraid it will be ok

Today I live in fear
But I guess I live

I'm afraid again.*
Could I trust myself this time?*
I'll have to find out.

We met some time ago in a very unusual place.
You were the first one to say hello, and give a small compliment.
When I turned and saw you, I knew you were unlike anybody else.
Those blue eyes of yours had a story to tell.

So we talked and we laughed, and we shared some thoughts.
We liked the same things. Heavy metal and such.
Poetry, literature, all kinds of art.
You were slowly digging your way to my heart.

I was hesitant about what I wanted to do.
I wasn't looking for anything, but along came you.
It was the right time. You were the right person.
You just gave me everything I wasn't looking for.

And I built up the courage to speak out my heart
not knowing what you felt for me at the time.
So I said what I felt. I said "I love you".
You just added a word to make it "I love you too".

That is the way our story began,
and it's still going on. I hope it gets far.
Despite all the bumps we find in our way
I promised I'd love you forever and always.

Saying "I'm sorry" is not good enough
when I've been denied for so long
I've been changing into someone else
Someone who's totally wrong
How can I go back to being myself when I know who myself is no more?

I barely have the memories,
but I have not the strength,
the youth,
or energy

I just go through the motions
following instructions
No will is left in me

For the longest time I haven't been free
I haven't been me
I don't know who he is

******* stranger

Enraged I throw my fists
In flames my soul, it wilts
In red my vision stops
With blood I stain my clothes
You'll shriek and I will scream
With laughter **** your dream
Struggling to land a blow
Your hands are getting cold
A mocking grin to view
Insanity ensues
Anger in my motions
Fear your only emotion
The beggar and denier
Can't stop the raging fire
Igniter of all instinct
Life or death, it is not distinct
I satisfy desire
Burn out inside the pyre
Breathe not a second breath
You're now free from dread

Trapped in a room,
No way to get out.
Nothing in here but me.

I cannot move,
I can't even breathe,
And they will not set me free.

Four walls surround me
This can't be correct.
I think I'm going insane.

They torture me as if there's no tomorrow.
All that's been left of me is my pain and sorrow.

Suicide looks like the only exit to this pain.
All they want to do is get into my ******* brain.

They want you to obey every ******* command from that who reigns.
I refused to that idea, and now I'm rotting in hell.

******* all!
I won't do what you tell me.
I would rather die.

But trapped in here
Within this four walls
I'm starting to lose my mind.

Gotta do this.
And I know it will break me, and it will scar me,
but I also hope it will heal me.

You* always comes before *I
You always comes before I
You always comes before I
You always come before *I

Growing up
is quite
overrated.

Pensando en quienes se han ido antes que yo, me encuentro volteando al cielo, buscando el lugar en el cual por fin descansan.
¿Pero cuál es este lugar?
¿Es realmente el cielo como nos ha dictado la religión?
Y si no lo es, ¿por qué volteo hacia él cuando yo mismo no tengo religión?

No volteo al cielo buscando el paraíso prometido por Dios a aquellos hombres de noble corazón y fe inquebrantable.
En el cielo busco aquel plano existencial al que nosotros, los vivos, no tenemos acceso ni tendremos nunca.

En la infinidad del azul encuentro la esencia inagotable de las almas que llenan mi ambiente interior de paz,
de amor,
de inspiración,
de magnificencia y maravilla por las vidas que han dejado atrás
y sus contribuciones a la mía propia y a las de otros.

En las nubes veo sus rostros,
su arte,
su humor dibujando nuevas sonrisas en mi.

De noche veo en las estrellas el brillo de sus mentes,
el destello en sus ojos,
la luz que rompía en mil a la oscuridad,
y en la luna veo la compañía que nos dejan en las noches,
la protección del mal que acecha por cada esquina,
la mirada preocupada del padre cuyo hijo no ha vuelto a casa, buscándolo en la oscuridad de su habitación.

El cielo pierde su divinidad para dar paso al amor,
a la gente cuya vida no acaba más allá de la muerte,
la gente cuya vida resuena en nosotros,
en nuestras acciones,
nuestras palabras,
nuestras ideas y pensamientos,
recuerdos,
sonrisas,
lágrimas.

La gente cuyo cuerpo no está más,
pero vive aún con nosotros.

Hello.*
You're beautiful. I'm shy.
If I could live near you, I'd try.
I'm an awkward guy,
so, for now, *goodbye.

The place where we met.
The place where I fell in love.
The place where I cry.

If I had known that I would still love you today,
I would've done so much more to keep you around.

How fleeting will this feeling be?
One week?
One month?
One year?
One lifetime?

The greatest crime against humanity
is its own existance.

If I ever hurt for you,
it would mean I loved you right.

Values   are not to be preached,
but to be   **practiced.