A veces no sé quién soy
¿Qué quiero?
¿Qué digo?
¿Qué pienso? ¿Qué hago?
Soy un cúmulo de malas decisiones,
de impulsividad y sobrepensamiento
en los momentos equivocados
Empeño mi corazón a quien no debo y se lo arrebato a quien lo compra
Soy el egoísmo de la tierna infancia,
la necedad del adolescente en plena pubertad.
Soy la risa del demente,
el silencio del estruendo,
soy la incoherencia en persona y he venido a restarle sentido a este mundo obsesionado con la falsa verdad
Soy la definición de lo indefinible
Soy la abstracción de lo concreto
Soy todo, absolutamente todo,
excepto una cosa.
No soy yo

S**omething inside of me can't let you go, even though I really want to, and I don't really know why. It maybe because I really love talking to you, and spending time with you. It may also be how I love the way you smile, the goofy gestures you sometimes make, and even the way you move.

You make me feel like I hadn't in a really long time, and I know I've said it many times before, but I just can't forget how the world just seemed right for a moment.

Maybe it's not even you. Maybe it's the baggage I've been carying, and you were just the one that crushed me under the weight of it.

Whatever the reason may be, and even though I want to forget you, I do not want to lose you. I'd love to be comfortable with just being your friend.

Another day. One more class next to you. It somehow hurts to sit and listen to what you did last weekend, and what you'll do on this one, while I've been sitting home alone the whole weekend for the last two months. I lost myself when I lost you. I've been building myself up since then, but there's still a along way to go.

Now I'm even asking myself why I'm even writing this to you. I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me... am I? And even while you read this, would you care about how I feel?

There's times when I want to be with you, and times when I want to be as far away from you as possible. I'm so bitter-sweet about you. *You're tearing me apart! Hope you get that reference. That'd mean you have a good cinematographical taste, which I know you have, but I still wonder if you've watched that movie. Maybe we should watch it together... *maybe.

*******!
You know why.
You played me like an old toy.
Just picked me up, removed the dust, and put me away again.
You exploited my many vulnerabilities, and used them to your advantage.
What did you even get from it?
A couple hugs and kisses?
A meaningless ****?
Did it even mean anything to you?
Because it sure did to me, and now that meaning turns into pain.
You hurt me.
You ******* hurt me, and I hate you for that.
I hate how much you made me fall for you.
I hate the fact you won't leave my thoughts and dreams.
I hate the fact that I love you.

*******!

*******!

V**engeance. I've thought about it once or twice before. To be honest, it was a recurring thought for a while. Now I'm not so sure if I want it.

I hated you for what you did to me. You hurt me really bad. You took advantage of my many weaknesses, and I still don't know why. But does it even matter anymore? We already talked about it; you apologized, and gave me as many reasons as you were comfortable telling. We're good now.

Well... Kind of. You're good. I'm not precisely broken, but I can't seem to stop liking you, even when I've seen a side of you that just puts me off. Yet I still sometimes dream about you. I wake up with you in my mind, but why? I'm not in love with you, although I do care much for you.

How do I forget you without losing you? You're still a good friend, and I really enjoy your company. I just want to forget I ever felt anything for you. I wish I knew how to. I wish it had meant as little to me as it did to you, but maybe I wish too much. Maybe I should start doing something about it.

N**ever would I have imagined you'd like me, even if it was only for a day.

You were so sweet to me. I loved the compliments you gave me, and I absolutely adored the way I made you blush and smile shyly and awkwardly. It somehow made you look even better than you already do.

Everytime we hugged I could feel how you would fit perfectly in my arms. It felt like the last piece of the puzzle was finally in place. The warmth you made me feel was unlike anything I had felt before, and when we kissed... well, I can't even begin to describe how your kisses made me feel. They took me out of this world, even out of my own body. They made me fly to a place where nothing could go wrong... but it eventually did.

It all went away as soon as it had come, but, even if it was short lived, I really developed feelings for you. My friends told me I was crazy, confused, even desperate.

You really just were too good... too good to be true.

I'm not even *****
I just wanna feel something
I'm alone in my room and everything just seems boring
And the thoughts inside my mind
are definitely still revolving
'round the same insecurities
I've had since I was younger
What doesn't **** you makes you stronger
but I can't see the benefit
in still surviving what feels like a ******
Everyday everything's out of order
I just take the blows I'm dealt without the chance to recover
and I wonder
Will I ever escape this?
I've given it so many name
I no longer know what IT is
Yearning for that sensation of perpetual bliss
I grow scared of the idea of not enjoying what life gives
Guess it is what it is
I've been trying to change things
but every attempt is a miss
Maybe I should just give in
Maybe this time I could finally get the win
Day after day
Night after night
Everything is the same
I can't believe I'm nearly 30
and I'm still playing this same old game
trying to figure out who the **** I should blame
Is it me? Is it you?
Was it us? Was it them?
When I was born they cut me out
like I was this perfect gem
and like a diamond I was built under the pressure of a thousand stares
Only to be dropped down the stairs
chipping off pieces of me
as I bounced off of every step
I'd say I have no regrets
but that's the kind of lie you tell to scare off people with fake interests
Choices I've made have hardly ever been the best
and the rest just haven't taken me to where the goal was set
Yet I still struggle every minute
every hour
I was told that the world was for me to devour
But I just lost my appetite
I'm going to bed without dinner
Sweet dreams and good night

You're the Robin to my Ted
You're the Rachel to my Ross
But I can't just sit here and wait for the series finale
I don't know how many seasons are yet to go

My eyes are swimming in a sea of words, reading vaguely. My mind is not in the book.
I just gaze a little bit over the book, and there she is, focused on doing some homework.
Her eyes fixed on the computer screen.
Her slender fingers type tiredlessly, but with a distinctive cadence.

She's so pretty.
So nice.

I hide a smile behind the book that covers my face.
She hasn't seen me yet, but every time I look at her, I feel how I can just smile forever.
This silly smile I lost long time ago.
It is back.
It is back because of her.

I just hope this smile is here to stay.

...






Alone.





I live alone.

No one near to hear me scream.
No one there to end my fears.



Shaking, I cry for help.





Help!
Help!


Echoes are the only thing I hear.
Echoes of my twisted mind
reminding me I'm empty.
I'm useless.
I fail time and time again.

I can't get out.



Help!
Help!



The sound fades out into my emptiness.


Wicked, ghastly images dance before me.
Creatures with thin, long bodies scratch my flesh with their blade-like fingers.

Bleeding and psychotic I lay,
motionless.

They dance.
They laugh.
They find pleasure in my pain.

My sanity leaking out through my pores.
My senses **** as I can only whisper once again...




*help

Yesterday I loved you...


                                             Today I miss you...


                                                                                    Tomorrow, who knows?

I wouldn't mind waking up early every morning just to see how beautiful you are when the first rays on sunlight gently reflect on your skin, creating the most marvelous lighting the human eye can ever witness, and shining it right into my heart.

She came back
once again.
On her knees
she begs.
"I was a fool.
I did wrong.
Please take me back.
I love you."
Stop wasting your
time on me.
Go to your husband.
Go to your kid.
I have no use
for you anymore.
Crawl back in shame
to the hole you came from.

E**very time I look at you, I remember the few days when I felt my life couldn't be better.

I had just made a huge change in my life, leaving the comfort of my family to start anew. Left behind the loneliness, the sadness, the monotony to finally do what I wanted to do, and my luck started to change right away.

I never thought it'd change that much, though. I really never expected to have feelings for you, as well as I never expected you to tease me in such a way.

But I don't blame you. If there's ayone to blame, that has to be me, still making the same mistakes I had promised myself I wouldn't make.

I guess things happen for a reason. I still don't know what the reason for this was.

Hurt me once, shame on you.
Hurt me twice, shame on me.
Hurt me thrice, I'm a fool.
Hate to love you, can you see?