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331 · Jan 2017
What am I?
Krusty Aranda Jan 2017
I see my face in the mirror
I see my reflection on the glass
And everytime I do, I am more and more disgusted by the image staring back at me
What I see is a manifestation of the demons that hunt me, slowly eating away my skin, leaving nothing but blood and bone
I am nothing but a wrapper, easily discarded once it has ceased to be useful
I am empty space
I cannot be filled anymore for the walls are too thin
My pores easily sweat the feelings I once held so dear, and all that's left is the cold air of emptiness
The last of me has evaporated to fly away with the wind
I am dread
I am pain
I've become what I once loathed
I am dead weight slowing myself down
I am the pebble in my own shoe
I am here and gone
I am not
329 · Jun 2015
Change Focus (senryu)
Krusty Aranda Jun 2015
I tried. Really did.
I don't know where it went wrong.
Don't fall back again.
329 · Oct 2016
Maybe...
Krusty Aranda Oct 2016
Maybe I'm afraid to tell you
Maybe it's because I'm in love with **you
327 · May 2015
Letter #1
Krusty Aranda May 2015
V**engeance. I've thought about it once or twice before. To be honest, it was a recurring thought for a while. Now I'm not so sure if I want it.

I hated you for what you did to me. You hurt me really bad. You took advantage of my many weaknesses, and I still don't know why. But does it even matter anymore? We already talked about it; you apologized, and gave me as many reasons as you were comfortable telling. We're good now.

Well... Kind of. You're good. I'm not precisely broken, but I can't seem to stop liking you, even when I've seen a side of you that just puts me off. Yet I still sometimes dream about you. I wake up with you in my mind, but why? I'm not in love with you, although I do care much for you.

How do I forget you without losing you? You're still a good friend, and I really enjoy your company. I just want to forget I ever felt anything for you. I wish I knew how to. I wish it had meant as little to me as it did to you, but maybe I wish too much. Maybe I should start doing something about it.
Seven Letters: Letter #1
322 · May 2016
There She Is
Krusty Aranda May 2016
There she is
There she is right there
But I'm too shy to dare
To dare to talk to her
322 · Jan 2015
How could I have known?
Krusty Aranda Jan 2015
If I had known that I would still love you today,
I would've done so much more to keep you around.
320 · Sep 2014
Why I Still Love You
Krusty Aranda Sep 2014
You're sweet,
you're smart,
you're awful nice.

You're pretty,
you're funny,
and have great eyes.

You sing,
you write,
and, despite your flaws,

you make
me laugh.
I love you so.
315 · Jul 2015
Exit Me
Krusty Aranda Jul 2015
Voices echo in my mind
After the void you left behind.
Never will I be the same.
Exit me at last!
312 · Feb 2018
Soy
Krusty Aranda Feb 2018
Soy
A veces no sé quién soy
¿Qué quiero?
¿Qué digo?
¿Qué pienso? ¿Qué hago?
Soy un cúmulo de malas decisiones,
de impulsividad y sobrepensamiento
en los momentos equivocados
Empeño mi corazón a quien no debo y se lo arrebato a quien lo compra
Soy el egoísmo de la tierna infancia,
la necedad del adolescente en plena pubertad.
Soy la risa del demente,
el silencio del estruendo,
soy la incoherencia en persona y he venido a restarle sentido a este mundo obsesionado con la falsa verdad
Soy la definición de lo indefinible
Soy la abstracción de lo concreto
Soy todo, absolutamente todo,
excepto una cosa.
No soy yo
312 · Nov 2015
She Was
Krusty Aranda Nov 2015
And I ******* choked!

The words were dead before they even left my lips.
Their meaning lost in translation.
Empty noise reverberates in my skull as my thoughts mosh around, breaking against my sanity.
I can't scream, even though that's all I want to do.
My throat is dry, closed up.
Her eyes gaze at me as they desperately search for a sound...
a sound I can't produce.

I can't move.

I can't think.


What has she done to me?

Her poison is now running through my veins, and spreading fast.

The wicked *****!

I can feel myself dying.



Knees weaken.



Hands get cold.



Heart rate dropping.




Last thing I see is her evil grin as I fall to the ground
taking my last breath.

She was my end.
310 · Jun 2021
Quotes I find #2
Krusty Aranda Jun 2021
Don't

kiss a girl

and like it
307 · Mar 2015
This Smile
Krusty Aranda Mar 2015
My eyes are swimming in a sea of words, reading vaguely. My mind is not in the book.
I just gaze a little bit over the book, and there she is, focused on doing some homework.
Her eyes fixed on the computer screen.
Her slender fingers type tiredlessly, but with a distinctive cadence.

She's so pretty.
So nice.

I hide a smile behind the book that covers my face.
She hasn't seen me yet, but every time I look at her, I feel how I can just smile forever.
This silly smile I lost long time ago.
It is back.
It is back because of her.

I just hope this smile is here to stay.
305 · Oct 2015
Lost in the Dark
Krusty Aranda Oct 2015
The ligths fade away.**

Engulfed in obscurity I search for an exit. I stumble on every piece of furniture in the room as I desperately crawl on the floor.; my head is already bleeding from the constant stumbling.

I try to feel my surroundings, but to no avail. I can't sense anything until I crash into it. It's almost as if it purposefully hides away, coming out only to beat me up.

I start to lose faith.

My body is weak and tired. I'm losing too much blood from seemingly, self inflicted wounds.

I manage to find a wall, and I press my back onto it. I sit on the floor, and burst into tears.


I have accepted my fate...



my darkened, lonely fate.
304 · Mar 2014
Done (10w)
Krusty Aranda Mar 2014
I'm done with this!
Done.
Done.
Done.
Done!!
**** it!
I've had enough **** already, but no more.
301 · Dec 2015
Why did I?
Krusty Aranda Dec 2015
After you hurt me,
why did I give you the power to do it again?
300 · Oct 2014
The Void (I Live In)
Krusty Aranda Oct 2014
...






Alone.





I live alone.

No one near to hear me scream.
No one there to end my fears.



Shaking, I cry for help.





Help!
Help!



Echoes are the only thing I hear.
Echoes of my twisted mind
reminding me I'm empty.
I'm useless.
I fail time and time again.

I can't get out.



Help!
Help!




The sound fades out into my emptiness.


Wicked, ghastly images dance before me.
Creatures with thin, long bodies scratch my flesh with their blade-like fingers.

Bleeding and psychotic I lay,
motionless.

They dance.
They laugh.
They find pleasure in my pain.

My sanity leaking out through my pores.
My senses **** as I can only whisper once again...




*help
298 · Aug 2016
Sometimes
Krusty Aranda Aug 2016
Because
sometimes
loving
is
knowing
to
stay
                                                                ­                                                     *away
296 · Mar 2015
Sometimes
Krusty Aranda Mar 2015
Sometimes,
to keep going forward,
you first have to take
one step backwards.
295 · Oct 2014
The Wait (senryu)
Krusty Aranda Oct 2014
I wait for your call.
You won't even send a text.
Why do I love you?
294 · Nov 2015
Seven Years
Krusty Aranda Nov 2015
For seven years I've waited for an answer.
For seven years I've wanted to know.
Do you still like me, or did I lose my chance there?
Will you stay with me, or will you go?
294 · Jun 2021
Needless
Krusty Aranda Jun 2021
I am so trapped
I don't even know
what my prison is
292 · Apr 2015
What have you lost?
Krusty Aranda Apr 2015
You know?
You come from nothing.
You go back to nothing.
What have you lost?
Nothing!
From Monty Python's "Always look on the bright side of life"
292 · Jul 2015
Searching
Krusty Aranda Jul 2015
All day long I'm searching for you.
I call out your name, but you won't come through.
You run, and you hide. You stay out of sight
while others do come, but none do feel right.

I cannot forget the tone of your skin,
always a fragile looking, lighter shade of pink.
And how could I not love those shiny, green eyes?
They could send me flying right into the skies.

I'm playing your game, but I can't seem to win.
I search through seas of blue and fields of green.
Oh, why won't you come? Stop playing hide and seek!
Can't you see this search for you's making me weak?

Hundreds and hundreds like you I will meet,
but it is only you who has that special thing.
It is you who I want, so this search will not cease
until I find you, and, also, my peace.
292 · Feb 2016
Thinking Back
Krusty Aranda Feb 2016
I'm starting to remember why I fell for you in the first place...**



*and that scares the **** out of  me.
287 · Apr 2016
One Hot Wednesday
Krusty Aranda Apr 2016
She was an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She was sent for me to open my eyes, to help me see how the world does not revolve around me.
She was crying for help, and I lent her a helping hand, even if I wasn't sure how to help.
He was going to beat her up.
I just knew that wasn't right.
"I just want to die."* she said as she burst into tears.
I choked. I couldn't think of anything to say.
How do you reply to that?
With my hand on her shoulder I told her she didn't want to die, trying to imply that there is much that's worth staying alive for.
She made me realize there is much that's worth staying alive for.
I wish I could've done more for her.
I wish I could've stayed. Maybe buy her a cup of coffee, and keep talking.
I want to know what was on her mind, what was going on in her life, why she wanted to die.
I wanted to be sure she would be fine.
She said I didn't know how much I had helped her that day, turned around and left.
*I still wonder if she's ok.
286 · Oct 2014
Patética
Krusty Aranda Oct 2014
She came back
once again.
On her knees
she begs.
"I was a fool.
I did wrong.
Please take me back.
I love you."

Stop wasting your
time on me.
Go to your husband.
Go to your kid.
I have no use
for you anymore.
Crawl back in shame
to the hole you came from.
Krusty Aranda Dec 2015
My heart can only take so much.
285 · May 2013
Stay (10w)
Krusty Aranda May 2013
If you go,
this world
just wouldn't be
the same.
Hope this makes you realize how much you mean to some people (you know who you are).
284 · Apr 2022
Karma
Krusty Aranda Apr 2022
All the pain I've dealt
Is coming back to haunt me
and, man, I'm a ****
Krusty Aranda Sep 2013
How can I get a job
when there are none?!
My parents really think it's as easy as just asking for one.
284 · Jun 2021
Quotes I find #5
Krusty Aranda Jun 2021
It's a coreographed routine

of desperation,

trying to tire out

the thoughts stuck in your head
282 · Aug 2016
Hurt
Krusty Aranda Aug 2016
If I ever hurt for you,
it would mean I loved you right.
282 · Aug 2016
Night Time
Krusty Aranda Aug 2016
Oh, how I worship the dark skies full of stars
Celestial beings that look down on us
They shine the brightest light for us to traverse through the paths we can see no more
They are our helping hand when all else is gone
And the moon, our lonely satellite
It follows our every step
Making sure we don't fall into complete darkness
The night is the time when I feel most alive
In it I cry
In it I laugh
In it I feel
In it I die and am born again
Night after night I am
I can't stop staring into the night
She is my comfort
She is my peace
She is my happiness and my tears
She is as much of me as I am of her
And when she's gone I miss her
I can't be in the light of day
It burns me so, and I crave the night
The night is my friend
The night is my love
The night is my all
281 · Feb 2016
Tomorrow
Krusty Aranda Feb 2016
Yesterday I loved you...


                                             Today I miss you...


                                                                                    Tomorrow, who knows?
276 · Jun 2021
Quotes I find #3
Krusty Aranda Jun 2021
And yet

a trace of the true self

exists

in the false self
275 · Nov 2014
Every Morning
Krusty Aranda Nov 2014
I wouldn't mind waking up early every morning just to see how beautiful you are when the first rays on sunlight gently reflect on your skin, creating the most marvelous lighting the human eye can ever witness, and shining it right into my heart.
274 · May 2021
Insecure
Krusty Aranda May 2021
The chest in my pain reminds me
of the skin I have torn off
my bones for having
believed every thing my brain has
overthought
271 · Dec 2015
Sickened
Krusty Aranda Dec 2015
I'm sick of this life.










It just doesn't change.
271 · May 2015
Letter #4
Krusty Aranda May 2015
E**very time I look at you, I remember the few days when I felt my life couldn't be better.

I had just made a huge change in my life, leaving the comfort of my family to start anew. Left behind the loneliness, the sadness, the monotony to finally do what I wanted to do, and my luck started to change right away.

I never thought it'd change that much, though. I really never expected to have feelings for you, as well as I never expected you to tease me in such a way.

But I don't blame you. If there's ayone to blame, that has to be me, still making the same mistakes I had promised myself I wouldn't make.

I guess things happen for a reason. I still don't know what the reason for this was.
Seven Letters: Letter #4
269 · Mar 2022
Anhedonia
Krusty Aranda Mar 2022
It's the things I can't remember
It's the wicked of the night
It's the underlying nature of
the things I try to fight
It's the secrets of my conscience
not the things I can deny
It's the sunlight in the morning
that I try so hard to hide
It's the words I do not scribble
It's the ones I cannot write
All these things that made a home of
the dark locker in my mind
268 · Aug 2016
Find Out
Krusty Aranda Aug 2016
I'm afraid again.*
Could I trust myself this time?*
I'll have to find out.
267 · Nov 2015
It's Fucking Killing Him
Krusty Aranda Nov 2015
It’s killing him… It’s ******* killing him! 
He can’t move on his own. 
He can barely speak. 
He is a little more than just flesh and bone, 
bound to a hospital bed, 
breathing hardly amidst the cough and phlegm. 
It’s killing him,
though his mind is as sharp as it’s always been.
He can feel the frustration;
he knows his body won’t respond to his brain’s commands.
He is desperate, yet he keeps fighting.
He’s stubborn, and won’t give up the fight.
He knows it’s killing him,
but he won’t die.
His strength is awe inspiring.
He knows he’s loved.
He knows they care.
He doesn’t want to leave them unprotected.
It’s killing him… It’s ******* killing him!
This I can’t bear to witness any longer.
It’s killing him… and it kills me too.
264 · Sep 2015
Looking for you
Krusty Aranda Sep 2015
I kept looking for you,
but you kept hiding away.
261 · Mar 2015
My Mind (senryu)
Krusty Aranda Mar 2015
Nothing has gone wrong,
yet my mind won't let me live.
I'm living in fear.
259 · Mar 2015
Off
Krusty Aranda Mar 2015
Off
I would be so much happier
if I could turn my mind off.
258 · Dec 2015
Hate to Love
Krusty Aranda Dec 2015
Hurt me once, shame on you.
Hurt me twice, shame on me.
Hurt me thrice, I'm a fool.
Hate to love you, can you see?
254 · Aug 2016
Gotta Do This
Krusty Aranda Aug 2016
Gotta do this.
And I know it will break me, and it will scar me,
but I also hope it will heal me.
253 · Feb 2019
Al amor que rompí...
Krusty Aranda Feb 2019
Al amor que rompí... Rompiste... ¡Rompimos!

Construímos cerros y derribamos montañas
Pedradas,
o balas,
hirientes medallas de honor clavándose en la fresca carne de mi pecho
Brota la hirviente sangre, gota por gota, manchando el uniforme que porto con orgullo
Intacto orgullo
Mentiras y miedo
Fachadas pulcras ocultan el deshecho interior
Cobarde
Egoísta petición haces... Yo cumplo

Elevamos puentes para cruzar estrechos
Palabras que el viento se lleva,
convierte en huracán
y azota de nuevo en mi contra
En mi oído el estruendo del trueno que se estrella en mi mente
Desbalance químico
Apatía total

Te levanto para volverte a tirar
Me tiras para volverme a levantar
Levantamos la voz y el corazón por los suelos
recogiendo el polvo de la planta de nuestros pies
descalzos
callosos de tanto andar sobre cristales, clavos, carbones vivos
Vivos, y nosotros muertos

Al amor que rompí... Rompiste... ¡Rompimos!
A ese amor imploro
dame vida una vez más
253 · Aug 2016
...And I Tried
Krusty Aranda Aug 2016
I couldn't hate you*
That is a fact

We have a kind of history
An odd one at that, and yet a fun one
We started out great
I was the new kid in town
You were the girl unlike any other
Kind of cliché if you ask me, but that's how it went
We met, we talked, we kissed
It was bliss, but one that wouldn't last long
On and off and on again
Until it wasoff for good
Distance
Evasion
Realization and forgiveness
Taking up the routine once more
We were friends again
Colleagues
Until, without warning, I remembered
The laughter, the warmth, the beauty, the love I had felt
It was back
And I waited
And I feared
And I longed to be with you again
You can't always get what you want
But I had learned
I had grown
I gave you my blessing and stepped aside
Until you came back
Unexpectedly
Surprisingly
And I choked
I was shocked
I was happy again
Bliss

So here we are
A long time after I first tried to hate you
Fact is I couldn't hate you
Not even if I tried...
252 · Sep 2015
Make a Wish
Krusty Aranda Sep 2015
The stars are raining;
pouring over you and me.
Grab one. Make a wish.
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