Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
247 · Dec 2022
Sunday Afternoon Depression
Krusty Aranda Dec 2022
I'm not even *****
I just wanna feel something
I'm alone in my room and everything just seems boring
And the thoughts inside my mind
are definitely still revolving
'round the same insecurities
I've had since I was younger
What doesn't **** you makes you stronger
but I can't see the benefit
in still surviving what feels like a ******
Everyday everything's out of order
I just take the blows I'm dealt without the chance to recover
and I wonder
Will I ever escape this?
I've given it so many name
I no longer know what IT is
Yearning for that sensation of perpetual bliss
I grow scared of the idea of not enjoying what life gives
Guess it is what it is
I've been trying to change things
but every attempt is a miss
Maybe I should just give in
Maybe this time I could finally get the win
Day after day
Night after night
Everything is the same
I can't believe I'm nearly 30
and I'm still playing this same old game
trying to figure out who the **** I should blame
Is it me? Is it you?
Was it us? Was it them?
When I was born they cut me out
like I was this perfect gem
and like a diamond I was built under the pressure of a thousand stares
Only to be dropped down the stairs
chipping off pieces of me
as I bounced off of every step
I'd say I have no regrets
but that's the kind of lie you tell to scare off people with fake interests
Choices I've made have hardly ever been the best
and the rest just haven't taken me to where the goal was set
Yet I still struggle every minute
every hour
I was told that the world was for me to devour
But I just lost my appetite
I'm going to bed without dinner
Sweet dreams and good night
246 · Aug 2021
In the Shadows
Krusty Aranda Aug 2021
I'm so tired
of running from my shadow,

I'll just let it
cover me
as the lights go
off
245 · Mar 2015
Too Much
Krusty Aranda Mar 2015
You're too ******* much.

Why do you keep saying that? What do you mean?

I mean I can't get enough of you.
Krusty Aranda Jun 2021
You're the Robin to my Ted
You're the Rachel to my Ross
But I can't just sit here and wait for the series finale
I don't know how many seasons are yet to go
232 · Aug 2021
Life's Ironic
Krusty Aranda Aug 2021
What fate is worse
than to die
trying to avoid
being killed?
232 · Aug 2016
Untitled
Krusty Aranda Aug 2016
Now I know the purpose of me wanting to talk to you...





I needed **closure
226 · Mar 2015
Worth it
Krusty Aranda Mar 2015
I am so afraid of what could happen, yet I'm willing to go the distance because the possibility of finding happiness is worth the risk of being sad.
220 · Jun 2021
Quotes I find #4
Krusty Aranda Jun 2021
If the mind

understands

too much about reality,

it wants

to destroy itself
212 · Mar 2015
Stop Talking!!!
Krusty Aranda Mar 2015
I want to be alone
with my
thoughts.
182 · Jan 2023
Sad
Krusty Aranda Jan 2023
Sad
This is my depression
wake up and try to fall asleep again
see how long I can make it before I get out of bed

                                      This is my depression
                                      skip all meals
                                      then snack a bit
                                      try to appease the rumbling of my      
                                      stomach
                                      and back to sleep

This is never ending
have a million thoughts come all at once
keep myself indoors trying to feel the beating of my heart

                                                          ­  There is no depression
                                                      ­      go about my day as if        
                                                            I'm fine
                                                   ­         mask away the sadness let
                                                            nobo­dy know it's all a lie
168 · Apr 2022
Sudden
Krusty Aranda Apr 2022
She could find the beauty in me
before even I could

But she left so suddenly she took the secret with her
165 · Apr 2022
Same Old
Krusty Aranda Apr 2022
I was half happy as the day began

By now, guess which half took over the other
153 · Jun 2021
Don't!
Krusty Aranda Jun 2021
Break my heart if you must
It wouldn't be anything new

I can take it
I won't hate you

Just don't ******* lie to me
152 · Apr 2022
Untitled
Krusty Aranda Apr 2022
If it wasn't meant to be something,

why does it hurt like this?
150 · May 2021
Meet me halfway
Krusty Aranda May 2021
We start alone, just the two of us.

Awkward glances shyly meet, as we hide our nervous smiles away. The space between us seems eternal. I get close, and slowly look for your hand. We finally meet in common ground. A gaze into your eyes tells you everything you need to know.
Now close your eyes.
Our lips meet and our heartbeats sync in a mix of excitement, adrenaline, and anticipation.
Open your eyes and fall into my arms, wrap them around you, and feel the warmth of my body that aches to know yours.
As we share a tender embrace, my hands start to travel down your slim figure, drawing a detailed map that'll be useful in a not so distant future.
Our breaths get heavy. Intermitent gasps and moans **** the silence in the room. You press your body against mine to feel my excitement.
You take my hand and guide it to your neck, wrap my fingers around it, and take in a deep breath. My other hand is underneath your clothes, and you get lost in the ****** of your body.
You turn to me and take my clothes off.
I rapidly do the same to you.
Our lips only separate to give way to our shirts as they fly accross the room.
Your skin on my skin feels as though velvet has graced me with its touch.
You lay me down and claim control. Our bodies dance together to the harmonies of our muffled moans and hurried kisses. My hands firmly grasping your thighs, wishing you never have to go away.
Your hipnotizing little ******* bounce to the beat of my thrusts.
Our rhythm gets faster, but our song only gets more sonically pleasing. You choke a scream as we reach the end of our perfect symphony, and dig your fingernails into my bare chest.
My fingers have traced distinct pathways along your back.

We lay undressed in bed, covered by the wicked complicity of the magic we've created.
Hands all over, we feel the dread of a goodbye lurking by the door.
Let me enjoy a little longer.
149 · Jun 2021
Assurance
Krusty Aranda Jun 2021
Could anyone assure me

I won't die

from a self inflicted

heartache
139 · May 2021
Clinical
Krusty Aranda May 2021
Here I find myself again
scribbling the thoughts within my head
spewing words so I can breathe
to aliviate the strain on my throat
from swallowing screams whole

Again I'm imprisoned in me,
in someone else
In everyone
Everywhere

I forgot how to be

I just function by automation alone
a glitched, bugged program barely justifying its reason to exist
holding tight to the line of code for my sanity
I've been written,
programmed,
conditioned by others

For others

And what about me?
Where did I put myself?
Left last to not annoy with my problems
procrastinating on my own well being

Where am I?

At the bottom of the ***** laundry I failed to take to the basket
Under the bed I neglected to sleep on while insomnia payed a much anticipated visit
Stuck on the sides of the bowl of soup I didn't have the appetite to eat
In the last place I'd look because I'm so sure that's not where I left it

Yet here I find myself again
Broken
Lost
Distracted by the mere thought of living one more day
A day I will not focus on, as I waste away
133 · May 2021
Uncertain
Krusty Aranda May 2021
Explode onto me sweet overthought of my life choices
Drain me of my focus
Guide me to self doubt, and embrace my insecurities as you feed them back to me
Multiplied
Intensified
Shoot me up with the same self esteem I've trampled over,
see if it goes up, or infects me with a false sense of confidence
which will lead to dumb decissions, regret, and the same **** starting point of this ******* poem
I think, therefore I am
Yet I fail to be, lost in an ocean of "but what if..?", and I drown in the consequences of my own idiocy
I breathe in your judgement and exhale insecurity
A definition of me I didn't write, but one I did buy
126 · May 2021
Fucking Stranger
Krusty Aranda May 2021
Saying "I'm sorry" is not good enough
when I've been denied for so long
I've been changing into someone else
Someone who's totally wrong
How can I go back to being myself when I know who myself is no more?

I barely have the memories,
but I have not the strength,
the youth,
or energy

I just go through the motions
following instructions
No will is left in me

For the longest time I haven't been free
I haven't been me
I don't know who he is

******* stranger

— The End —