I look at your pictures
And it's all dream like

Your kisses
Your skin
And smiles

They're dreams


I never want to wake up
When I allow myself to remember.

You left and you became a ghost
For all of us.
Not just me.
I see you swimming in their eyes.
And it's sad
We all still think of you
When we shouldn't.

I keep looking over things we wrote
And I feel the flame from when
You burned the heart
I poured out for you.
I feel the paper ignite and the
Redblackwhitehatredblueorange
Collage take place on my
Penmanship.
I keep crying over you.
I can't hear you anymore
But I've resorted to shutting off
Your voice and becoming,
As a conquest called me,
A lying ***** with little self respect.
In a week or two,
Your voice will be back
Screaming "I
LoveHateLiedKilledWantedSkillfullyPlayed
You."
And I'll yell some more
Through poems you may or may not
Read.
And I'll cry some tears
Which soak up the bed we first
Kissed on.
I'll beat something senseless
To drown you out.
Because I don't think,
Even if you could
(For all I know you could),
You would speak to me.
We are just ghosts to the other.

I'm weeping.
I can still feel you.
But only in the dark.
I miss you, Anna.
Sunday will be a year
Since you first told me you loved me.
Will you remember?

Plans and plans and plans.
I give you a month
To sleep with her
And then you'll be okay.
You'll be fine.
Like Josh said,
"We have to get your
Face in a girl by the time you graduate."
You've got to get it done.
So you can stop being
Tormented by her
In your dreams.

The hardest part of you being gone
Is the fear that I'm
Never going to find love again
Because all the interest
In the world can't keep me
Captivated like you did.
They aren't unpredictable
And **** and spacey
And mature
Or anything like you.
They bore me.

They make me sleep
And all that sleep brings me
Is dreams of you.

I spent years
Climbing walls that
People built up against me,
Using the rocks I brought down to
Build my own.
Locked inside a cage
I panicked.
So I had to stop climbing.
I had to stop building.
I had to face the fact
That I got thrown off of her wall
Into my own
And mine tumbled to pieces
And she was gone before I could
See the damage I made.

Girlie, if you are reading this,
On the 14th
(Oh that dreaded number),
A year after we started,
They are going to take a peak
Inside of me.
You can guess what they'll see
You've seen it too.
The black tar building inside,
Overriding my everything until
It is some sort of dust.
The slashslashslash of the scars
And the sticky hatred
And disbelief disguised as
What can only be called walls.
But will they see you there,
Sleeping between my ribs
And breathing in and out of
My heart beat,
Which hasn't been regular for six months?
Are they going to see your
Fingerprints in my throat
From where I keep screaming
Your name a little too loudly in
My best and worst dreams?
Will they see the warning lights
And the color of your bed sheets?
I'm convinced they are only
Venturing into the darkness that is me
To find the light that is you.