"It gets better."
Her words still play
In the back of my mind
Every time that song plays
And I can feel the
Room around me.

Those words are stitched
Into my brain like
My mom told me never
To allow needles to tattoo me.
But it's okay.
Because my life isn't over
And this is just high school
The world isn't crumbling down
At least not on all sides.
I have something to
Hold on to.

"It gets better."

"Everything happens for a reason."
It's this broken record in my head
Repeating those words like
They are all I'm ever going to need.
Right now that is all I really do
Because she got out of that house
If only for a few months
And she is getting the help
That she needs and deserves.
So, yes, I believe that
Everything happens for a reason.

She cannot speak or see me
Until she gets better and
I'm okay with that for right now.
Because that's what we both need
And I've got something,
Anything, to hold onto.

"Everything happens for a reason."

I
Can't
See
How
I
Am
Going
To
Accept
That
You
Won't
Show
Up
Again
One
Day.

I keep sticking things
Down my throat
Like being
Skinnier
Will make them
See that I'm not
That bad for her

I keep stabbing blades
Into my stomach
Like if I
Pretend
To be okay
She might
Come back after
The break

I keep throwing
***** and orange juice
Down my
Throat
Like if I'm drunk
Enough I'll
Come up with
The right words
You need to hear

I keep smoking
All of this
****
Like if I get
High enough
I won't have to
Think about
Her leaving me

I keep dreaming
Of doing all
Of these
Things
Like if I dream
I did it enough
Times I could
Make sense
As to why I
Have to stop

You are a horrible man
And I hate you
I hate what you do to her
You are pathetic
And I feel nothing for you
Other than pure hatred
***** pitying you
You don't deserve my pity
Like you don't deserve the love
She is always going to have
For you in some way.

I don't know who decided
That "daddy issues" were hot
Because I have seen the
Girl of my dreams break down
Before me because of you
And it has me worried
Every
Single
Night
That I will see her the next day
And she will be bruised and beaten
And there will be nothing
I
Can
Do
About
It
Because
All
She
Wants
Is to be
Anything
But like
*You.

crawling
dear god help her
she cant find legs
and she cant find any sound
the world has shut her out
what is she to do
when theyve stripped
her of all she loves

breaking
someone save her
im watching
from the sidelines
and im surrounded by
this thick glass
and there is no where
to go
so i watch her struggle
and for once
i can feel the tears
on my cheeks

crushing
stop stepping on her bones
they were fragile
back when i got the chance
to handle them
between the dark nights
and the tired days
she never let me
hold them for more
than an hour
but you've had them
for far too long
and im afraid of
your damage

shattering
cant you see what
you have done to her
shes been brainwashed
and beaten by them
and all you do is
watch behind this glass
you could have
stopped this
saved her the trouble
i could have

dead*
but i didnt
and
i
dont
know
what
to
do
other
than
watch
at
this
point

I woke up this morning
With my heart beating too slow
And my breath coming
In short gasps
Ribs were breaking
Inside of me
And I couldn't stop them
My hands were pressing
Against my chest
But I couldn't beat
A steady rhythm into it

A straight tempo
When everyone knows
That there is an odd
Thump that coincides
With a healthy heart
A tempo of 58
Slow and solemn

My breathing was labored
Like I was being drowned
But there was no water
On or near my kitchen table
Just me,
The pain leaking
Out of the cracks
In my body
And some blood
That I was too tired
To let out of my skin.