I shower but stil I
Feel so *****
I've accomplished nothing
and I'm almost 30

Lost in panic and worry
Not worthy of much
And depression has left
Me so out of touch

With happiness and love
That I envy in others
And i hate family if
We're all sister and brother

Not even my mother
Can stand what I have
Become as I run from
Problems I never had

Making no sense of it
As it don't comply
With logics realm but still
Is real if my cries

Are a result tasting salt
Roll to my lip
Wanting to **** eve and
Give back Adam his rib

I wanna **** Romeo and
Juliette So they can forever
Be together and maybe
Ill be ****** up forever

Finding how clever
I can be with the new ways
I creatively find to
**** up everyday

Like innovation was
Making tragedy easier
Til the miracle constructed
Was What dinosaurs in a meteor

Saw when extinction
Broke the prison of birth
Like I hope soon will
Happen to humans on earth

And sickening it maybe
So hate me like those
Who know me have slowly
And heaven only will know

What heaven holds
Cause I never will so
Why bother keeping high
Hopes when I know

Life is what happens
When ur busy making Plans
And no shower can clean
dirt collected by man

In this world of quicksand
That hands me a promise
That I will be pulled under
Never to get what is wanted

So I give up and give in
On anything I dream
Cause hope is like dope
It brings the belief

That all is ok when it's
Not and never has been
So intoxication and
Desperation is all that's seen

And disgusting it is
But definitive it stands
So hideous I pity this
insidious to man

What idiots would plan
While causing destruction
Self calamity so damaging
It's ravaging til nothing

Is left but the memory's
We share of what was
Life granted on a planet
We Managed to **** up

Cause Where a beautiful tender
Smiling little girl
So pretty will grow into
A deceptive **** cause the world

Can make an innocent
boy so happy to become
A ****** who hate this
World where he's from

And that is just one
Or two ways how
This sick ****** up hell
Can bring the greyest clouds

Over the beauty to
Rain on a ******* parade
Of purity's perfections
So celebrations were made

a funeral where layed
Is all our hopes dreamed
All the visions of playing
Children who's laughter seems

To change into cries
And sad questions of why
That are rhetorical it's
Horrible but still we deny

The Steps to collect
And connect the depth
Cause the love we kept
In our hearts all that's left

To ***** and correct
What we need to accept
Or victims of our own
demons well be in regret......

Another ******* knocked
Up a girl now holding a pre-****
And he'll run before 9 months
Is up don't need mrs Cleo to predict

And what's to become of
A single mother who's lonely
Victim of repeated history of many
When an I love u is phony

And wuts worse is she
Rather dead beat dad think shed abort
Before pride would allow her to
Find him for child support

So she works 2 jobs
And is stressed in the worst way
Seeing her child sad and empty
From a fatherless birthday

And when she's in school
Grade 1 her teacher asks
Why she's not making a fathers
Day present during arts and crafts

As many schools do in there class
So holidays always was
A let down as her mother says not
To get her hopes up but still she does

Only to be crushed
When Christmas calls
Even though she made clear
She wanted her father to Santa Claus

In both a letter and at the mall
Maybe she's on the naughty list
Now she starts to feel both her
Dad and Santa just don't exist

And all this time moms gotta
Watch her child in pain
While at the same time jealous
That for her child she always remained

And her father did not so
Y is he so important to this
Child she struggled to raise
Then feels guilty at how foolish

It is to be jealous of a man
Who's wanted but didn't want them
But sadly the child isn't the only
One hoping he returns cause when

Dead beat dad beat being a dad
Not just the child was left
But also a woman in love who's
Heartbroken and equally upset

But the child's obsessed
Making it hard to accept for mom
Who's bitter as tension Builds
as her child's now a teen and less calm

And takes her anger out on mom
While stuck in confusion
Pernicious from lack of a father
Figure adding to the pollution

Which may end concluding
With her herself as a single mom
As another high school drop out
Getting pregnant b4 prom

And when she breaks the news
It's déjà vu for a single mom
Now having to see her child
Be a single mom

But two single mom don't make
A single mom cause they
Won't be single long if that single
Bond grows to mentor protege

And soon the child will say
To her mom and new grandmother
A sincere thank u as What her mom
went through she now discovered

What was covered so well
Cause being a single moms hell
So she apologizes to her mom
As she could never tell

The emotional struggles of
abandonment and Heartache
But still have financial stability
And find time to partake

In school dances and plays
Clothes to wear and food to eat
Exhausted from 2 jobs and no
Support by a loving man to rub her feet

And finally after 18 years of
her high hopes that life would make
Her father come back on her birthday or
Christmas Start to fade

So with her high hopes fading
her lifes void dad left starts filling in
of course thats when chills go up moms
spine instinctively As the phone rings.....

I've never been precocious
But Predication brought felicity
and intelligence has no relevance
like being benevolent for duplicity

remaining as reigning viciously
until my enemies show complicity
my boss wont know i was late, he
died in a car crash, what serendipity

no nihilism repair its ******* me
so im **** that it remains real
indigenous is my attitude cuz i feel
ruminative when immigrants steal

my land, and in my hand I am
holding the world so miraculous
but to live autonomous my abacus
calculates death comes to a pacifist

so goodbye i give the mass a kiss
and then give them my *** to kiss
while i ******* then after state
i am not a *******

So why I'm cantankerous
Or why I cauterize is convoluted and hard
To defend or guard but i cant ******
the shine of a star til i blow up like a petard

propensity relentlessly
Is pressing me til effusive
I talk trying to remain exclusive
to sanity But my whole life is elusive

So my proclivity limits me
and my ability cause being stupid
Is hard when ur insipid and predicted
the afflicted money addicted will get ruthless

while the medias news is
bias and newsless
but for so lomg now we new this
like stephen harper their useless

I will tell my son not to do
Drugs obviously but ****
That's like priests telling child
**** peddlers it's not right to *** kids

So I'll have to resort to this:
"son please do as I say"
And not what I did and probably
Still do when grandpa for the day

Takes u away to play,
So I'll tell him things that made
Me a hypocrite so don't have ***
With girls u don't love and I'll say

Always use a ******, even though
It really takes away
From sensation like immigration
Deported it from the land of play

Never use the service of a ******
Even if she has 2 kids
And u think fukking her would help
Her feed em, cause that's just sick

But then Ill feel so guilty from my
Hypocritical ways
Like not going to church but sending
Him with his catholic school to pray

As echoes of my words that say
**** is no gateway to others
Are heard in my head but now I'll
Preach it so over protective I smother

And suffocate, and screen his dates
And call him on the phone
Until I'm that parent ur friends
Make fun of, never leaving him alone

Cause I can love myself but a clone
In my son I would hate
But if karmas real I maybe in
For a scary ride of parenthood...great

Cause as I think back I realize
That my parents would freak when they
found out about about ****, which
makes me think of all the **** I got away

With, and I start to flip, so I
Debate starting to hide some devices
All over my apartment and tap the
****** phone and no I don't like this

But it needs to be done,
after all He's my son
I had no ****** brain and I was
dangerous, imagine him, not dumb

I brought u in this world son!
So u better bet I can take u out
Now I'm saying **** I heard and said I'd
never say even though i Promised myself

I don't trust a mall Santa or his
****** ****** elf And mrs clause is a ****
Tell me the truth son! Is he ur drug
Supplier, I saw his knee under ur ****!!

Maybe I'm just paranoid plus he's
Not even one yrs old I'm trippin
But I'm not so crazy if family guys
Accurate maybe my kids like Stevie Griffin

Trying to **** my girl, ya! Good luck
I been trying for years
But can't get away wit nothin cause who
Ur ****** is prime suspect and here

Is where I try to convince myself
To just let the kid make mistakes
The girl next store will be fine,
Let him learn on his own that ****

Was the wrong way to go
Even if she was already a ***
All I want is to make sure he doesn't
Go down the same path I know

That I'm lucky I walked through
Without dying before I had u
So Julian at 16 yrs old ima take my
Belt like old school people would do

And beat ur *** with it like it was
A million beatings in one
Then explain that was for all the ****
U do and will do, and all that uve done

That u know u wernt suppose to do but Without me knowing,
Then never say **** to him again and
pray while I support him when growing

And get a pair of lawyers in cause
My pair-a-noias actually apt
And maybe one day he won't hate me
For random drug tests for crack

******, ***, methamphetamines
And anything else
That feels good, as I religiously raid
His room, then end up doing the house

After finding nothing in ur room
Screaming where is it, where is it
I know ur up to something cause u have my blood in u "explicit, explicit""

And ask him paranoid fuelled
Questions in anger, killing his joy
U missed ur period this month didn't u!
Don't lie to me!! .."dad ***?..I'm a boy?!!

Then embarrassed and frantic
I'll ask him If he's sure
Then hed say yes dad I promise,
I'll never be stupid as u were

...or at least I hope. Just please god
Dont let him suffer
For my mistakes. Guide him to diffrent
or I'll **** him&giv;; his name 2 his brother

Ok I'm just kidding, I want my
Kid to be living
I want him to be educated, successful
Well respected and giving

And Julian if u read this one
Day, I hope u know I worry
And maybe u don't understand right
Now but trust me u will when ur 30

She said"am I dying?"
As lots of blood departed
So much blood Moses would
Mistakenly try to part it

And since her screams started
In fear and confusion
I've been panicked its satanic
The imagery it's producing

And all she kept asking me
Why this is happening to her
And the pain made her cranky
And I just wasn't sure

What to say or what to do
"I'm only looking after u
Whille ur parents are gone
I'm just as ****** scared as u"

Then she asked for me to look
At it and see just how bad
It is and even though I said no
She persisted and then her dad

And mom came home to
See me and their daughter
****** and frantic, and that's
When her father

Asked me to stop examing
His daughter so well
As her pants were off and in
The panic I could hardly tell

Even though she's clearly
Bottomless but was distracted by fear
Since that day I can no longer
Watch horror films and it's been years

And when I run into her she acts
Like it was no big deal
But her screams and squeals
Still makes my stomach feel

So Uneasy that I get queezy
When my steaks medium rare
Knowing the meats been marinating
In its own blood and I swear

I literally have flashbacks
Start to sweat, I even gag
I hope I'm never around again the
a 12yr old comes on her first rag

She said she was a twin
And had a twin sibling
So right away as I'm not gay
You know what I'm thinking

And if not then I'll simply
Be abundantly clear
A ménage trios is wut a man
Fantasizes will appear

So I imply and she hears
Understands and says hey
"if that's wut u want then I will do
It cause I love u" and so I wait

For her twin siblings arrival
Still In shock that my girl
Is willing so I'm praising her in
My head, as best in the world

And as the doorbell rings she smiles
As I jump so eager
And I'm not the only one as my
Girl looks happy to greet her

So as she answers the door
And invites her sibling inside
They both walk where I sit in the
Living room so I

Lift my head from the magazine
I have been pretending to read
As they stand infront of me now
And as my girl introduces me

My face has shock as my
Sister talks and grins
Saying *** this is my twin
His names James but likes Jim

And he's **** ****** incase u
Still want to get
Freaky she says laughing
Walking away and yes

Twins are opposite ***
Sometimes I forgot
Now wut the hell am I gonna do
With this rock hard ****

In a dark corner I sit in a ball
arms holding my knees to my chest
Trying to digest the stress I feel pressed against my neck
Like it wants me not to breathe
Not even sure of what to believe
What are my beliefs
And is it all just a placebo relief from whatever grief until we can find our next piece of happiness
Or is this as good as it gets
Left with the memories that are
Suppose to comfort me
Instead they remind me of what I lost
All i see is the loss and the cost of taking it for granted
So now I pay in regret for wut I don't have left while I try to collect all the
Pieces to correct a shattered life
That lost respect
Both mine and those around me but surround me as if to drown me by
Pounding my made mistakes in my
Face like the stake to a vampires heart
My only residule is this art that
I was never smart enough to use
Properly
but it is my only property
And All my life has to offer me
And so I offer these to you
In hopes that once it's spoke
I can say it wasn't all for nothing
That my heart was broke
That my spirit was gone
That my soul was *****
That those that depended on me
Remain hungry and thirsty
And onthe end I warn u if u wish for life not to scourn you
Don't be like me and let ur insecurities pour through
Don't feel sorry for urself oh poor u
Cause u can't afford to
So I implore u and inform u
That poisonous is self doubt
Or bath in ur own tears smelling like
Failure and no one can help
Take it from me a man who
Couldn't learn to believe In himself......

Sometimes it's easier to
Complain and sometimes
I do it outta habit and like
Love it can blind

So I decided to point out
All the things I got
Cause sometimes i cannot
But Unappreciative I'm not

For the beauty amidst the
Disaster the lining of silver
The people around me that
Stand as a pillar

To hold up all i juggle to
Make sure it dont fall
The blessings the people
The reasons I stand tall

The seemingly small
That I inadvertently take
For granted like its advantage
Was owed so I make

That ignorant mistake
The reason I write this
And admit it to urself that
We all can be like this

And my way to right this
Is to bring it to light
Cause I wish not to look
Ungreatful if I'm taken tonight

Cause for all that I might
Wish to get or that I had
Is a loss far less in comparison
To what I have

A sister mom and dad
Plus getting to be a dad
My car my apartment my
Friends and I'm glad

I have been so lucky cause
It's an honor to be
A part of there lives cause
Those special to me

Are worth more than anything
I feel I never possessed
Cause if u never recognize it
It's meaningless to even be blessed

So before all the stress
Starts to press again
And u hear me ***** about
All the things I intend

To have but don't pretend
That I said nothing at all
Cause frustration comes out
Of the mouth sounding small

And bitter, ungreateful
Greedy and whinny
But measured against the
Treasures I have it's tiny

And at the time it's hard to
See and hard to express
And deep down I do accept
That I have already been blessed

But we all wish to progress
No matter how much we have
And while doing so its easy
To forget things arnt so bad

So ill try to read this poem
Once a week to remind me
That I already got the greatest
Loved ones behind me

I already have all the things
Any person could ever need
I shouldn't need to be a slave
To finally appreciate bein free

I shouldn't have to be paraplegic
Or get my legs lost
To realize how lucky I am
That I can even walk

Cause not being blind terminally
Ill or constantly hungry
Doesn't mean I should forget
I could be but I have been lucky

And it can b hard to love me
But many still do
And it's sad that sometimes I
Forget in bad moods

That I am blessed I am lucky
I am chasing dreams and steady
So I tend to forget that fact
That I am living one already ......

I give my life to this poem
I give my soul to the words within
My emotion lives like an ocean
As its body of water that lives

And breathes like a sea full
Of tears of joy
Mixed with the tears of the
Lonely or lost now annoyed

I give my time and my all
No matter big in size or small
Sometimes a message doesn't
Need even 1 paragraph at all

I pledge to rise and then fall
Within these lines and not
Within the lines that confines
My mind until the line is crossed

I sacrifice myself as the cost
If it means others proceed
Cuz no matter how amazing u are
U gotta hope to inspire a breed

That will be better and supersede
Like our seeds were super
I wanna move u, and move more
Than a 9-5 career mover

It's a passion without ration
As it tends to limit length
Distance freedom of speech
And all that's meant to have strength

So I'm satisfied if I end
No richer but still liberation
Comes from the power held
When u expel true inspiration

Literary diarrhea no constipation
Feelings r condensation cuz
If its hot or cold enough it
Creates its own reaction with buzz

So I give all I am and ever was
To these sentences that express
The faith and hope I possess
Praying it has some effect

I give my blood my sweat
My experiences, my fears
So that it eases the next person
U thought they were alone here

I give myself to this poem
and leave it for those who need to
find courage, strength or hope and to
provide warmth as lifes cold winds blew

I give myself to this poem
so it can give me to you
And if I'm lucky u will carry a
Piece of it along wit u too

So I give myself to this poem
so it can give me to you .....
and i will live on as pieces of each
person i touched and got through to...

It's not enough to complain
It's not enough to feel shame
It's not enough to give up after
U fail. It's not enough to go blame

The neighborhood u grew in
Or the ppl u were around
No excuse is enough to justify
So u can just deny knowing how

so if you need to work
3 jobs, while u scratch and claw
your way to whatever dream thay lay
awaiting you to sink teeth and lock ur jaw

break your enemy and the law
create a strength with ur flaw
like having deadly aids and using it
to **** ur enemy by sleeping with his wife or dog

whatever it takes do the job
be stubborn and never listen
to the dreamkilling dream-***** blockers
who want u to fail so u can be kissin

the same *** they kiss, dont miss ur chance
dont over think
take what u want like bill cosby does after
making a woman a drink

cuz To succeed and exceed what u perceive
in your dreams, and become
a man than if u have to bleed for what u believe
then by all means cuz success ends

when your sacrifices do, so dont give up and
Cry while u surrender if not, pains expected
be hardheaded and stubborn cause its a positive,
thing in this case but differently name as relentless

So address this where your address is
and if u find no way theres a huge world
out there, so keep learning and maybe one day

Ill see u on the other side
Where no one ******* or complains
Where no one is slowed by
Failure or fear cuz they're all driven by pain

Where u don't even need a brain
Just passion and will
Cause if your still ****** breathing
Than be believing u have a chance still

And I write this not only to ****
The doubt that poisons ur mind
But while stressin im confessin
Ill admit this is also to **** mine

Cuz we all get weak at times
Where we actually consider
birthing a child of regret while bitter
And become its new mom, no babysitter

Conceived with life who will *** u
Without any protection
And even those who oppose abortion
Would see this as the exception

Just make sure u never let them
C- section out your heart
Keep fighting back, cuz kept Faith when life falls apart
is nothing short of an art

It can be beautiful but dark
It can abstract and expensive
And remember stubborn and hard headed when positive
is called relentless

The professor brings the kids to
The Class, where they will start their semester by being sequestered to the field for training.
See on earth school teaches theory but this is all humans can handle so its ..understandable.
But this particular class lead by the professor, only teaches gods.
You see, when gods And goddess' get married and they birth a child the child is then educated by living on the fields training grounds, and learn hands on.
SoThey will be placed in simulation by mind manipulation,
almost virtual reality,
with an emphasis on the reality.
So they await what humans call a "birth" and send the students in,
with no memory of being a god,
just the instinct inside telling what he or she must listen to in order to pass, and live amongst the gods
But sadly when u fail
u are sent back through a new birth, which humans would call reincarnation,
which leads to one of the biggest jokes among the professors&god;;, cuz the born gods now birthed as humans spend a lifetime trying to "find god"
When all they had to do was look in themselves....
Any question ever asked, and
every prayer ever sent
Never got delivered cuz infact it never had to leave from where it was sent,
cuz that's where it's going,
So as we're growing we start getting better,
but there are the easily tempted who are exempted and keep returning living an ongoing cycle of birth life death birth, while their parents watch in horror never able to interfere and help bring their child home.... See.... To be a god ... You must learn to think like one,
and believe in yourself....
And as you get educated on earths training field,
the skills and hobbies u pick up determine how you move forth,
like wut humans call prerequisites..., so In actuality the only difference between A human&a; god is memory, and a choice....
to follow or ignore their instincts...
.....i can't wait til schools over....

Uncontrollable Emotions
Overwhelm me tonight
It's like I can't do nothing right
But maybe that's life

Self discover and development
Without quittings essential
Can't be discouraged by the
judgemental or u may go mental

Trying to reach full potential
And preparing for the worst
Avoiding sinning and remember
Winning comes last because first

U must learn to take loss
So u appreciate bein victorious
Learning to cope with loss and not
taking for granted what's glorious

Just breathing. Just living
Exercising your free will
Embracing imperfections and
realizing the little things can still

Make u smile if only for a while
Walk a mile in the shoes
Of the ones u criticize too quickly and trip
swiftly as that ***** is slippery cause you

Will too, be criticized so don't
epitomize a close mind
Be loyal, be conscious be humble
patient And be kind

Don't try to rewind, pay mind
To the current time
Just take the past mistakes as
lessons and try not to be blind

When deception needs correction
Don't be afraid to asks questions
And remember "what you know"
may need further inspection

Don't think with an *******
That direction is wrong
Cause being a king con don't make
u King Kong just try to be strong

And deny your temptations
follow your dreams and heart
Sometimes the right thing is not
the move that is the most smart

But we all play our part
and depart nothing else Is assured
Nothing's given nothing's promised
and Nothing's fully insured

Preventions better than bein the cured
So Procure the best
Way to live without nefarious
intentions for less tension to help manifest

The dreams that u possess but never
Harbor regret
Self resentment lacks contentment
Leading to stress

It's confusing so I'm concluding
with improving myself
Before intruding with passing
judgement on anyone else

It's hard to say help
But it's even harder to know
That it is all that separated you
From reaching your goals

And when u know you make the
wrong decision it leads2a hollow you
And it's sad when your shadow won't even
follow through

With having to follow u
Life will swallow you whole,
or **** u to self destruction
as u dig while in a hole

Like time precious is your soul
The preservation of knowing
That a righteous path lead u
to the place u are going

And sometimes only throwing
Urself at the mercy of wuts destined
Can bring u to the answers
of your ultimate questions

There's no manual or map to
show you how to travel
Only instinct and experience
can guide u in your battles

But to find comfort in solitude
When your alone with your thoughts
You must be able to justify your actions
if your later forced 2 watch

And relive what u have done when
Its Too late to change the cards
At the moment u better be able
to be to face who you are

And knowing that good intentions
can't outweigh the fact
That you didn't follow through with
Them if not proven on your path

So as I resist the natural desire to
Be consumed by greed
When temptation whispers how
easy it is2 see ur want as a need

But if I feed into it I can only blame myself
for what I become
And then all that can be found
is being dumbfounded by just how dumb

I can be. So all I can be is who I am
Unless I choose
To refuse who I am and
be what I'm not which is self hatred confused

Leaving more than a bruise
On my ego And pride
And my true character
unlike my tears will no longer b easy to hide

So I encourage the courage to accept the
things I wish were reversed
And come to terms
with my wrong turns needing no purpose for birth

Just the realization that limitations
May be a blessing disguised
And be content with
the things I cannot hold as a prize

Cause some things weren't meant
for my eyes or for my possession
Sometimes the lesson for
progression is the only conception

That was meant for me and intentionally
eventually ill find
That the most important thing is
Ensuring my own mind

Is a sanctuary built with the
knowledge that my position
In life was not what
I wanted but all I needed or else it's a prison

And when your own mind
is your prison u won't get parole
It's forever there
like the stain that now tainted the soul

Never finding a piece of piece,
so I am careful in construction
While building the building in my mind
So it doesn't end in destruction...

If I could only write one more  
poem Knowing I'd die
The second it was complete
What would I write

To represent my life,
And be relative to my peers
But also to anyone reading
After thousands of years

Would I try too hard to be poetic
While trying to say goodbye
Or would my poem be full of Regret
as I'm faced with wasted time

Would I be Erratic and confused
Or will it all be in perspective
Would the ink run from the tears
I release as they leak ejected

Would I leave a letter to my son
His mother or my parents
Would I do a good enough job
Making my heart look transparent

So u could see the capacity of Love
that it held
And how I leave behind no hatred
Even my enemies I wish well

But if I only had one poem to say
What I had to then I think
My hand would move instinctively
So fast it would be done once I blink

Cause my emotion under pressure Of knowing
these were my last words
I know my skill would help spill
the poetics that fill the depth of my blurb

As my stomach starts to stir
And I sweat as I'm sure
I will be gone after that poem so on
I go strong with rattled nerves

I'd let all those that I loved Know
that I never ever stopped
I'd let it be known that all the wrong done
To me is forgiven even if I'm not

I'd express my guilts, my desires
The shame of not doing better
We as humans are suppose to leave Earth
no worse than when severed

From the womb and I live forever
Through the words of my last poem
And they r priceless the only thing im allowed
to take wit me that I own

Lastly I'd encourage those left Behind
who still have time
Not to waste another second
cuz The strongest weapon designed

in existence is free will so
have The will to still stay free
Not held back by the unimportant Things
and go do what u will see

Was not as crazy as it sounded
Because No dream ever is
But what's crazy is not seizing
The day now given and miss

The opportunity so live life
like kids carefree and if you dare
than live life like kids who don't question if they
can dance... they just dance and if u stare

who cares it dont bug them at all
cuz Self consciousness is developed
Once we're poisoned by the same Outlets
than plan to give us insecurity to sell us  

Vanity and pills, cheap thrills,like it helps us
so I hope You will try to stay above it
Don't hate what makes u great or different
u should embrace it& ****** love it

And as the pit of my stomach
Starts to turn I now know
That I've said Everything I needed to before
I'm dead so now i go

so remember to love wildly and recklessly
and After a broken heart do it again!
Cuz itll be too late if u wait
til
    u
        can only write one
                                   last poem
                                                   ...the end...

Tears in a shot glass
fix Nobody can see that
I'm self destructing,
and the erupting is interrupting

My functioning junction
between Ration and action
And ur participation
is more than a fraction

as ur playin games
but We said  we hate the way
games are played cuz being played sux
but one of us still plays

and I ain't sayin names
but they are impervious to chjnge
So tears rain on your train of thought
while I'm takin planes

So our loves suicidal
and the razors breakin veins
Putting us both through heartaches
of pain that stains the brain

We gotta break the chain
so maybe its best for goodbye to estrange
cuz the mental damage is hurting to the point
it makes a **** look tame

is it time to erase the strain?
And replace ur name
And chase a new face in place
inducing hate or go insane

Cuz we use to save our tears
inside a shot glasses
but as time has passed
These days it needs
to be replaced For an extra large wine glass

I need more than just a fine ***
I need a girl who isn't creatively disruptive,
That's why I cut u off And need to talk ......
now ur girl interrupted

U know wut???!!! just *** it!!
I can't take it no more
So I don't care if u leave or stay
And I don't care
if u use the door

Or the window on the second floor
I will no longer second the war
I will no longer accept the horror
i will not fight for a second more ...

How do I start...?
This is hard for me...
I probably will only generalize from fear of being ostracized,....
Actually that's a ****** lie too...
not even sure wut I want to say,
Sometimes wut I really wanna say gets polluted by being convoluted cuz it's secondary and secluded
by trying to sound poetic, or smart
then the rest just gets... Included....
I'm not even sure of myself...
My ability....
My limits...
I might even say i find security in insecurity,
Jailed without bail by my emotions and I can't find assurity
Assuring me
a stay on the green mile where I sit, green with envy...
Envious of even ppl I love...
Almost hoping they fail so I'm not alone.....
how truly sick is that?
How could u ever call urself a decent person after thinking that????
And after i drown and drench this depression in drinks
Then dry it off with drugs...
It only gets moist again by the inevitable stream of tears
And u can only let urself down so many ****** times before u can't lie to urself anymore to feel like
..u haven't let everyone else down
And my friends and family can only say ..."I love u"so many times b4 they realize that I don't believe it....
Cuz how can they love me when I don't???
And I'm way past a cry for help
So it's not sympathy,
I don't need it
I have been blessed until now with the most beautiful things life has...
And maybe losing those things has fukked me up....
how do I start....
Ha...
how do I finish....
When I haven't even said anything worth reading....
I use to think I was a writer...
Now I question if I can even do that anymore...
I feel hopelessly dead inside,
and I love my son,
but I can't help feeling trapped, in a sea of failure,
I can't help hating my weak will,
My bad habits,
My lack of motivation
My physical appearance,
My physical appearance
My laziness
And who I've become, when who I was.....
Was so much better.....
My night terrors haunt me...
I miss ppl I shouldn't
I'm jealous of ppl I shouldn't be...
I idolize my godmother for her strength to commit suicide:...
I am everything I use to hate in
others....
I could go on forever
but I'm sick of hearing myself think in silence
Even the voices in my head annoys the **** out of me, and make me sick til I tell myself to shut up....
How do I end this...
....  From judgement of a talented literary point of view...
I can't end it....
Cause...
I never really started....

Cuz when it is your monkey,
And it is your circus...
It's depressskng feeling worthless
When even a clowns have a purpose

.....which is more than me

My patience is exasperated
So negative connotations
Are analytical advice, on a diagram of ******
for life as AnNotation

Used as emphatic confirmation
That my formations deformed,
so be warned, you won't be warmed
by hearing I've conformed

To be socially reborn or Reformed
no Solubility just scorn
Death of Altruism not reborn
My attempt to succeed is Forlorn

****** without pleasure like ****
With an actress who's *****
Unable to reject the amorous nature
Of the advancement taking place

Only to try to post placate
But u can't humorously play hate
That's like calling *******
a play date, and tho karma may take

Action a day late
It'll subtract your pay rate
And I try to listen when they say wait
Otherwise I Trade faith

For fortune so pray fate
Has Infallibility and acts
With revenge and intends to ignore
Its Sanctification on your behalf

But without assured Omniscience
Or Predestination I'm left
Wit bitter taste from various Mongrels
so nefarious I wish for death

Developing an Aversion to breath
A Discrepancy now remains
Some say lifes a gift and it contradicts
when I say it's inhumane

A reality based on haste purgatory
Where narcissists splurge on glory
And act like a real life purging story
living to fill their urge for gory

Temptations and never hoarding
Desires to control with moderations
like earths resource no Conservation
But this is just my Observation

Or maybe there's no correlation
and I just **** a curation
Maybe my pessimisms Pervasion
Has damaged me for the duration

Of life never to vacation
From my imprisoned state
So internally conflicted I'm eternally
Restricted to unsolicited hate

You make it so hard to talk
about serious issues
I never meant to be a
Reason tears hit tissues
It's a tough situation we
Now find ourselves in
And I got no instruction Manual
that tells me if
My next move is right
Chances are its wrong
I want to believe our love
Was way to strong
To be beat by what's at our feet
But maybe it's not
I can only be what I am
And im sorry for all I'm not
My stomachs all in knots
I wanna make the choices
That stop or prevent
our angered, raised voices
But resentment poises
And stands opposed
But when I communicate
U act like case is closed
If I were to give u a rose
It would be the wrong color
I do one thing and it seems
I should have done another
Constantly criticizing me
Telling me what's gotta change
When I've changed enough
Things and yet it's the same
Nothing's ever good enough
You always find a way
To make me feel like I'm the
Problem somethng new everyday
And I just can't alter Everything
that makes me, me
I've never asked u to change who
Your were or ur beliefs
So why should I, and when
Did u start to hate
EVERYTHNG I am like I'm
Gods biggest mistake
I've only ever wanted the best
For you and me but
I have compromised things
And tried to clean myself up
And be better like u asked but
Funny and hurtful thing is
I never asked or demanded u
To ever change ****
Now I feel less loved and
More judged as if I
Am competing when I am
Already the best guy
To ever be in ur life or hey
Maybe I'm wrong, my mistake
So now I win the "biggest loser"
Without a decline in my weight
I won't top that line ...
So that must mean its the end
I'm sorry I did my best ill
Always love u bye , best friend
Soulmate lover, ull always
Be on my over active mind
Are we going seperate ways or
Is someone getting left behind.....?
it's like we're falling apart
And maybe it's goodbye this time
Are we going seperate ways
Or is someone getting left behind?....

It's not enough to complain
It's not enough to feel shame
It's not enough to give up after
U fail. It's not enough to go blame

The neighborhood u grew in
Or the ppl u were around
No excuse is enough to justify
So u can just deny knowing how

To succeed and exceed what u
perceive in your dreams
It's not enough to just proceed if u
bleed for what u believe by all means

It's not enough to try, give up and Cry
while u surrender and accept this
Cuz hardheaded and stubborn
when positive, is called relentless

So address this where your address is
and if u find no way
There's a huge world out there,
so learn while u search and maybe one day

Ill see u on the other side
Where no one ******* or complains
Where no one is slowed by
Failure or fear cuz they're driven by pain

Where u don't even need a brain
Just passion and will
Cause if your still ****** breathing
Than be believing u have a chance still

And I write this not only to ****
The doubt that poisons ur mind
But while stressin im confessin
Ill admit this is to **** mine

Cuz we all get weak at times
Where we actually consider
birthing a child of regret while bitter
And becoming its full time babysitter

Conceived with life thatll ***** you
Without any protection
And even those who oppose abortion
Would see this as the exception

Just make sure u never let them
C- section your heart
Keep fighting back, cuz keeping Faith
when life falls apart is nothing short of an art

It can be beautiful but dark
It can be abstract and expensive
And remember stubborn and hard headed
when positive is called relentless

Hope I never let u down
Being a dad is tough
Well, not ..tough but hectic
Never feeling u have enough

But I guess if there's love
As cheesy as it sounds
Food and shelter theres no
Reason to frown

But I can't help questioning
Every decision I make
Now considering my son
B4 every step I take

And living on selfish impulse
And all life's temptations
Has made this new change
So hard to just take in

But I still strive to make em
And better myself cause we
Must better our situation
And the better I am the better hell be

But I can't help but think my peak
Still may not be suffice
If I want to give my son the
Best opportunities in life

So Plz know juju if u ever
Read this one day
That I did my best and even
That isn't enuf u could say

For me but for u
I hope u can say it is
And there is no greater
Love in ur life than that of ur kid

So as I go on, I do my best
And second guess my acts
But unconditional love I do not
Cause I got a lot of that....

Love u juju... So much...

You sicken me lately
I can't look at you it's crazy
All I hate in myself plus more
Is in you and maybe

I shouldn't be taking
This approach by saying
Things that sound mean but
All I mean when I say them

Is for you to realize when
People don't like you
Thrse are many reasons
Why they spite you

Your easily frustrated
sense of humor of a fool
You swear too much and u
Never completed high school

You still wear your pants low
It looks like u crapped urself no lie
No wonder u can't ***** train your
Son who thinks why should I

Not crap myself if my dad still
does, look at his pants
And if u feel like your going nowhere
In life this is y u can't advance

You have a history of drugs
Hang with questionable people
Your pasts path had alot of
Smoked grass and acts of evil

This all adds up to equal minus
subtracted from your life
No luxury for u and the son
U had when multiplying real nice

Now divide you two from his
mother with a remainder of u
Who seems to have a fraction
of his **** For brains to the power of 2

And if your getting mad at me
Don't bother because
I'm the only one willing to tell u all
this, being blunt with truth and love

Hoping to help u salvage
What time u got left
Now reflect on all I've said
And take a deep breath

And when I stop talking u
U Will realize what is clear
That this whole conversation was
With yourself in front of a mirror

telling yourself all u needed to
Hear was a reflection to smarten you up
So this is a letter from me to me, or me to us
Wake up... ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,That was really ******....

I still wake up in a panic
wondering where you are,
Not remembering til i think hard ....
oh ya she left me ...And it's hard

Cause seven years of waking up
From night terrors to u by my side
Is now the backdrop for a cruel
Joke when I forget u said bye

Some nights I actually deny
The fact inside my sick head
And tell myself ur in the bathroom
So I can go back to bed

Less poetic and more
Pathetic trust me I know
But withdrawl from love is the worst
Withdrawl &Trust; me i would know

But don't think I don't know
I'm better off with u travellin
So I'm either ******* plain
Stupid or really like the challengin'

I guess it's hard imaginin'
A day now that me u and Ju
Can ever sit down together and
After all we been through

That's sad but I know that
We can't even be friends now
Ur a pig headed chicken head with
horse powered madness of mad cow

A sheep who always follows
Temptation as ur wool is over
Ur eyes and even if not ur sights
Still obstructed til ur sober

but "oh baby baby it's
A wild world...
It's hard to get by
just Upon a smile girl"

And I may miss u and still
I love u but I hate u equally
And u can visit ur son still just
because u can't have him legally

&Tak;; him for the night don't
mean U should write him off
And make him suffer for choices
u made resulting in u now not

Being able to take him
when the **** will u awaken
How many hearts must u be breakin
He shouldn't be feeling Forsaken

So whenever ur done vacation
At Club prescription Med
Maybe u should come Visit ur son
Before u overdose and are dead

But I said what I said I'd say
Plus more so ill walk away
From this poem like u did the
Home we built for 7years but hey

U were never very sentimental
Just very mental I guess
But I'm never far if u truly need
me just look in a mirror at ur chest

"Your on my heart just like a tattoo"
- Jordan sparks-

-Knowledge "hater" Gonzalez-

He's only 9 years old
so his mother thinks being on the brink of suicide
which she thinks about as much as she blinks
is totally oblivious to her son who is actually more in-sync

Then she knows or cares to know
cuz it would hurt her soo much
to know that every time she left the room to cry
he knew that she was

But we tend to think our kids
are more out of touch
or maybe we just hope
So her son like her copes alone cuz

He's only 9 yrs old
and doesn't know what to say
But psychologically it's damaging
As his emotions get away

From his control without a father
To guide him like he shoulda been
And his mom says his father died
but he knows she lies to protect him

From knowing he's unwanted
And as time goes on
All of this pain has build up putting
A timer that after so long

will set off a bomb
So as her son comes home from school
he heard his mom crying
And it has made him feel like a fool

So as he musters up the courage
he Walks in the bathroom door
To see his mom curled up in a ball
Crying in the corner on the floor

Where he sees the blood dripping
Off her arm where it withdrawls
Infront of her and On her so
He runs to her and falls

in her lap knowing the act that
Was Tryin to be done
So as he cries with her he
Looks in her eyes and says "mom "

I'm sorry for everytime I heard u
Cry, it was dumb not to
come find you and hug You
and tell you I love u

I'm sorry I never said that
and dad Maybe gone
But I'm still here and I'm not leaving
So please don't leave me mom

I know you think I don't know
All the things that I know
But I know a lot I just don't know
How to help stop it so

Its ok and i know dad isn't dead
I know He left cause of me
And I'm sorry that I ruined things
Cuz maybe he wouldn't leave

If I wasn't born, and thats what
left her torn which was enough
To make his mom totally lose it
As she tries to say his dad leaving was

Not his fault but
She couldn't breath let alone talk
She felt alone for so long but this
Time her observant son Left her in shock

And as they sit on the Floor crying,together,
her son says I'm always here if you need me
But plz mom promise
You'll never again try to leave me....

I write  myself love letters
That really make me blush
Like **** I must be sir mix Alot cause I ****** love ur fat ****

It's a surprise your not conceited
Anyway, I won't bug u
I just wanted to tell u ur amazing
P.S: I LOVE YOU

Cause I make mirrors look
Beautiful but u knew that I'm sure
I'm too **** to quote"I'm too ****"
sooo **** right said Fred's insecure

I look in the mirror and I cant
Help be a romantic falling in love
I can't believe god gave me so
much beauty and some not enough

What Am I doing looking in the mirror
U ask, well see I can't be far
From myself so I name my mirror
****** cuz it makes me hard

And since I'm so in love with me
And get so satisfied I'm needing
To stop having *** with ppl and just
******* or I feel I'm cheating

On the best thing to come in my life
Until my son was born
Everyone else is hard to digest so They r children of the corn

Me myself and my ****
So my *** tape is me
And I look cute as any fatter
Ron Jeremy would obviously be

Me in 3d without a 3d tv
It's emphatically amazing
Bubble bath, wine, a mirror, light flirting Then shower after bathing

Cause I keep making a mess all
Over Myself
Like Ernie does Burt or Santa does
To a slow toy making elf

I'm addicted so I need out
Ophelia plz Help!....**** it
Cuz if I loved someone over loving me
that "someone" will go above this

Love i have for myself and be
poetic as Me beautiful hair like me
A great sense of humor, like me
man who am I kidding its unlikely

There's no one that's  like me
So I touch myself alot
If beauty's in the eye of the beholder
Than everyone's be holding so stop

Telling me I'm incredibly conceited
Cuz I already knew
But how am I conceited when the
Fact is I'm amazing it's totally true

Even my mom says I'm special
And I don't mean I'm whacked
Even though sometimes toilet paper rips while wiping so nasty is that

But lucky for me in fact
Is My crap doesn't stink
I've never been in love with a
Man before but now I am i think

I maybe wearing more pink
Cause it makes me look good
Actually I can't look any better
So I make pink be what it should

**** like me, cuz I'm too
**** to be honest to ever be
With anyone else cause I'm
Almost even too good for me

But we all have to settle
At one time, and before I leave
Let me explain to u why I wrote
this and  hope it's not what it seems

Cause it seems I can be a bit
Down on myself alot lately
Like we all can be when we don't see
anything we like in mirrors making

It hard to let go of the insecurities
Kept bottled inside
Cuz society makes us feel only
Models are easy on the eyes

So I wrote this out
To trick myself into a balance
Hoping the self love will develope
If I first generically enforce the habit

To accept and love myself
Like u should do too
So write yourself some conceited
*** **** And set it all free

Cuz i figure my figure or lack of
Figures in the bank
Would suppress if I contest
My emotional mess and thank

Myself for pointing out all
The things that make me cool
Instead of feeling like the high school
Drop out I am, feelin like a fool

So I lie like I don't feel like a tool
Or stool and say im a star
And I call my bathroom mirror ******
Cuz it always gets me hard

"" OH Lord it's hard to be humble
When your perfect in every way...
I cant wait to look in a mirror
Cause I get better looking
each day "" -- Mac Davis

I know you have felt alone...
Felt like no one cares,
i know it's rare to find a stage in life where your completely satisfied, cause its hard to achieve ultimate fulfillment when there is always someone criticizing you,
judging you,
projecting their insecurities on you or forcing you to see yourself through the eyes of societies impossible standards.
Wealth anxiety, social status,
the vanity fueling self consciousness, as you attempt to stay abreast of fashion and the common misconception of what beauty is,
but ....beauty is not a 6 pack,
beauty is not a tan,
a tan to be darker, while others struggle with not being lighter, beauty is not *******,
a tight ***, smooth skin without pimples,
beauty is not designer clothing that makes you a walking billboard, advertisement or inadvertently providing endorsements for companies who overprice based on their oh so prestigious brand and logo...
Beauty is loving the imperfections
Beauty is never compromising your moral fibre or code of ethics
Beauty is the confidence to want nothing more than what you need,
And not confusing what you need with what you want.
Beauty is knowing who you are
and embracing it
Beauty is standing by the ones who you know love you
Beauty is speaking against the *******, the bullies, and continuing to stand for those who can't stand for themselves when there is reason to stand by them.
Beauty is not your upgrades, luxury or sports car, or smart phone that has dumbed you down and has disconnected you from personal interaction,
Beauty is expressing your opinion
An opinion you formed without prejudice or bias influence
Beauty is developed through an open mind, and a Relentless ambition to uncover deception for the truth...
No matter how hard or unpleasant it is to see or hear
Beauty is not found in disposable income, or the competitive edge
When human nature urges us to feel the need to feel better, stronger smarter or more accomplished
Beauty is found in forgiveness,
Beauty is the good deed you went out of your way to perform,
even if its unnoticed or recognized by the one you did it for
Beauty can't be preserved by ****** creams.
It can't be emulated with cover up,
it can't be purchased, with monetary exchange.
So if you don't feel beautiful,
know that you are.
Know that it has only been lost,
while being blinded by the erroneous thought that you are not enough,
Blinded by the diamonds, gold and glitter you stop to grasp,
resulting in sacrificing the path of your dreams, leading you to the ugly emptiness you feel
....time is precious and can be expensive,
and some expenses can't be paid back once indebted
...sometimes the worst type of bankruptcy has no protection
no lawyer to loophole the damage.
Beauty is knowing that true ugliness is created by chasing insignificant desires
and entertaining temptations that we know deep inside are ugly,
but we tend to forget it is masked with an illusion of beauty
Or disguised with a mirage of denial
Beauty is building character
Refusing to believe that chivalry is dead...
And accepting the unimportant things we obsess Over..
You are already beautiful....
Don't chose to be ugly...
You are already beautiful...

It's getting darker,
malice, resentment,
jealousy,
a fruit salad Of youth misfits
from hacker
to packer,
smuggler to rapper,
but what happen was after
Was The economy became a *******

with no fathers to guide it,
cause they already tried this
Now our kids like us could lose an earlier retirement

And I'm tired of it
causing a chain of half *** generation backlash,
so more get thier back thrashed
by their own family while a fat cat

Brings bad luck like a black cat
Filthy rich while some live out of a backpack
And this is me claiming my
two cents so u can tell
The government to tax that

Cuz they Always got us to laugh at
while they get their back scratched
But he gets a happy ending so it's
not just his back scratched

No wonder hes chaffing
and'll probably be chasing penicillin
Cuz itchy And scratchy has nothing to do with cartoons to this vilan

Now the employees the boss
And the boss like ur salads tossed
But we all have to bare a cross
Now my Stomachs all in knots

Cuz Everything's, rush rush
Kiss *** kiss *** blush blush
U wanna move on  up up?
Then find a **** And **** ****

While cancers at us like duck duck
And the goose is getting more then a goose egg
when their goose is cooked

and mother goose told us about 3 political parties not just one
she said
"Three blind mice see how they run"

So while George tells the idiot a story
about the rabbits
The greedy let money make them a savage
while We die slowly from our habits,

Why do we have it,
And To call us mankind is silly
Cuz what mans kind these days really? The one thinking with his wily

to free *****, feelin up a  womans manipulations and call it biology
By staying abreast psychologically
Which is a sociopaths  ideology

now im off of my own topic
Like i provided it just to rob it
Like I went to my bank and boosted the same cash I jus deposited

No wonder Im rich with annoyance
i must have won a lottery
thats how all these things bother me
my community missing comradery

Instead we steal with robbery
slaughterin wuts left of the economy
Like ur ****** coming back again
only this time for ******

Cuz things arnt the way dey outta be. Everything's about novelty
When we need less walk in clinics for addictions, and bad doctoring

Until narcotics flood the street
Someone tell those officering
dealers r those with Scripts 4 oxys
But nice that they're offering

Wut happen to philosophy
Where are all the neo saucrates?
Shooting for monopoly but that cant save u being a ******* obviously  

oh this horror is such comedy
Lately I think i need a lobotomy
good and evil battle within me opposed Im like a walking dichotomy

Now procreations odd to me
flawed To be a double standard like belief of having no right To play god and take life yet its ok to us to play god and make life

It's contradiction is guess
depends on position I guess
2balls to help my two cents express
so this is a requisition I guess

Far from living true freedom but its
Been gone so long who needs em
People say u cant find a trusting person these days..so Y dont u B one

But no, we always need some
Reward or valid reason,
When we already got the biggest...
sharing a home in all seasons

But lately were greatly
crazy, Like oh baby
maybe lately, we fried Our brains chasin the American Dream unsafely

No wonder I sadly dislike myself
And everyone else lately
this is how the world has made me
So u can love me or hate me

But from now, I refuse to allow
Another power to make or break me
I won't follow rules or lemming like fools, I will no longer live safely

Or by a risk management thought
Cause one day well all finally stop
And See that the only real thing
Given to us is each other and not

Valuing it Is like our words and being and heard, Feeling emotion to cry
But still were sick enuf to look in a lovers eye to say I love u as a lie

So don't let them , sell u a high
sell u a dream or sell u heaven
Cuz The ones selling treatment is
usually the same ones producing the weapons

And I tried to spare u this rant
But it just can't be kept in
Something smells badly and sadly
i think its the **** I just stepped in.....

I almost hate her
But the frustrating truth
Is she turns me on to an extent
I conclude
By forcing myself to put up
With all I hate
And it's shallow I know but
When we have *** it makes me feel
surreal unreal The appeal Is so...
Overwhelming, it's an ideal meal as I peel her clothes
To expose the concealed that
Reveals the reason
My mind ignores the loyalty to my heart til treason
Is the forbidden fruit pleasin
What otherwise is teasin'
And when it's over I can't hold her
But just like the seasons
That leave like the leafs off of
Trees that fall
In the fall my want for her only comes back like withdrawal

When I crave her so I kneel and
Ask god for the strength
To move on cause I'm conned
When she takes advantage in lengths

That makes me repent all the guilt
That temptation
Has lead me to, like regret and soon
All the ramifications

Come back to bite me, and embracin'
consequence is hard, im weak
it's so wrong that I wish I could *** her but we never have to speak

But she appeals so deep to my
Inner freaks Hormones til i I
Relinquish control to her as she sits
On my face and leaves nothing dry
As I lie in her sweat and discharge
And think
I will never not want her or not want to see the interior decor of pink

So I sink in my seat and shake my
Head alone
I can't stand her most times but when she calls I answer the phone

How could I want her so bad
we hardly relate but needless
That is when in private we get
Intimate cuz we're totally cohesive

But I am only a man
So Temptations attraction
always seems to be trappin, what
happen? i blacked out in passion

I'm addicted to the moans,
the ***** Acts and all that she is
But giving into things u shouldn't end badly .... Now she's prego with my kid

** special thanks to #%+=%}
For not snapping when he read
That I used his story,
but we all **** up and I felt the message was significant

He found out today that the little girl he called his daughter wasnt his
He's lost. And heartbroken so he confronts the woman who is

Supposedly and suppose to be
The one who's openly honest
But now heading south from
wedding bells and from the promise

Made in there vows as they vowed
Not to be
Deceitful but all people are capable
Of an evil. Deed
So as he yells and demands she
Stand before him and say
The name of who detains the title of
A man who stained with DNA
Their marriage to disparage the love that they had
And as he goes silent his wife in
Tears says. U are her dad
Cause u are the one who stayed up
All night when she was sick
Your the one she calls daddy and
If your not biologically it
By our daughter won't see it is
Like that in any way
She will only see the man she gave
Butterfly kisses to and gave
Cards that she made on your birthday and may
Not be blood to u but still comes to u
Every Father's Day
To hug u and love u and what can u
Remember
That ever showed otherwise
All I can say is forever
I will regret all I bet
And lost while I gambled
Our love, our marriage and family
The secret wasnt easy to handle

But if u chose to leave its fine I
Deserve it but plz stop
And realize with no angry thought
That what I deserve she does not

And as he swears to tell their now 12 year old daughter he leaves
To pick her up at school and when he does in the car she sneezed

And said she felt sick, and then said with a laugh
I might be sick but I don't mind because dad like u always have

U will bring me soup in bed and kiss my forehead and that
Always makes me feel better
Plus u do anything I ask

and he laughs with her knowing he is a servant when she's sick
And as they get home the car stops
And he says I think

I should tell u something important
Cuz it's better u know
And as she looks in his eyes with
Innocence she nods her head as to say go
And as he starts to cry their hands meet and hold once they touch
And he says... It's important u know... That I love u so much...

Not in the mood to be serious,
I'm serious about that..tho..geez
I guess we have to be what we
Don't wanna be like wannabes

I may have a disease
That isn't a disease yet
So they'll name having brain
damage With no brain damage  I bet

After me, cause my condition
Is this affliction, in addition
Ive lost my sense of Volition,
i need a placebo prescription

Which is how they treat symptoms
Of depression and god only knows
What else where's dr House to help me out?
I'm also sick with growth

Without the growing up,I'm
Going nuts or am I there?
And I guess if unfair is fair
In life then I'm exactly where

I'm suppose to b but exactly where
That is... I don't know
I feel like I dropped my uppers
And downers and have no

Clue which pill is which, cuz I
Can't tell up from down
I didn't need clown college at
All I am a self taught clown

Wearing a Burger King crown
In a hospital gown
I need a human lost and found
Cause I'm lost but I found

Myself being lost
so am I found Or not
I'm starting to feel exhausted
From all this intellectual thought

That's habitual so I'm not
Thinking straight at all
No wonder I'm driving crooked
And when ppl call

U can ignore it but important
Is knowing if u dare
Try that with nature ull understand
Why I just changed my underwear

I need to repair my impaired
Brain functions I'm scared
I feel confused and weird like I
Shared my **** pipe with the mayor

Or ex mayor but expect there
To still replace him with a new
Incompetent with a  conglomerate
System so if rob ford in truth

Was high what's the others
excuse But I don't really care
Cuz u can't pick a ***** if its
All **** so ill just skip aware

That I can't complain or dare
Want change and that is fine
We're kept so in the dark that we
All vote def dumb and blind

Cuz who knows which **** hides
A secret agenda, well in truth
They all have plans but some are
Not as destructive so you

Never know but I know abuse
Is a temptation coming with power
And no man in power is ever
Clean I mean I wouldn't be so sour

I'm not but look at the twin towers
That's what power can do
It's too complicated I rather be
Jaded and throw dead pigs just too

Fuvk with the ppl who say
"Not til pigs fly, will I" and you
Probably would call that Crazy
But I call it swine flu

Where are u? I can't find you?
But I keep calling your name
Which ended up being my own
Name which isn't as insane

If u thought like me, but a monopoly
On crazy town property is mine
So for now you'll have to setts
With normalcy and define

Things as crazy or not crazy
But to me it's not that way
Cause the truly coo coo are the
Ones too quick to label insane

As if to make them feel sane
But thoughts are the same
In the sense that we all view something
and instinct detains

Our response to a situation
With consideration of morals
Ethics, etiquette and if they
Have a false sense of bein immortal

Making our decisions a portal
To the world as we see it
Which proves that we can be on
Different planets and still be seated

Next to each other Jesus
Id say That was brilliant if you
Asked me but if u don't ask me
I'd be, like....pshh..? Who asked you?

So in conclusion I conclude
With ....nothing at all
I am no more enlightened than I
Was before I wrote this so we all

Can agree I just wasted your
Time and some of mine
But a hen in the hand is worth two
In the bush or something that finds

Better suited to this foolish
Diluted convoluted and stupid poem
plz excuse it as it comes straight from my  
haunted house of a dome

where fuses are likely blown
Which is why I don't know
Why my parents say the lights
Are on but nobody's home

I guess it's a figure of speech
I want to make figures with speech
But I can't even fix my figure I'm weak,
so I may wither while Greek

Is how the world speaks to my
*** dont get that? Let it pass
And it's time I end this poem of
Literary genius sprinkled with class

Live well and prosper. Or live in
Self created garbage like Oscar
Quote 4 IQ:a doctor,then 4strength
a boxer,&end; with ...Jodie foster

P.s.
A witty quote from a philosopher
Or Maybe even an author
So u end the poem soundin smart &
Strong then run off like a robber

Not in the mood to be serious,
I'm serious about that..tho..geez
I guess we have to be what we
Don't wanna be like wannabes

I may have a disease
That isn't a disease yet
So they'll name having brain
damage With no brain damage  I bet

After me, cause my condition
Is this affliction, in addition
Ive lost my sense of Volition,
i need a placebo prescription

Which is how they treat symptoms
Of depression and god only knows
What else where's dr House to help me out?
I'm also sick with growth

Without the growing up,I'm
Going nuts or am I there?
And I guess if unfair is fair
In life then I'm exactly where

I'm suppose to b but exactly where
That is... I don't know
I feel like I dropped my uppers
And downers and have no

Clue which pill is which, cuz I
Can't tell up from down
I didn't need clown college at
All I am a self taught clown

Wearing a Burger King crown
In a hospital gown
I need a human lost and found
Cause I'm lost but I found

Myself being lost
so am I found Or not
I'm starting to feel exhausted
From all this intellectual thought

That's habitual so I'm not
Thinking straight at all
No wonder I'm driving crooked
And when ppl call

U can ignore it but important
Is knowing if u dare
Try that with nature ull understand
Why I just changed my underwear

I need to repair my impaired
Brain functions I'm scared
I feel confused and weird like I
Shared my **** pipe with the mayor

Or ex mayor but expect there
To still replace him with a new
Incompetent with a  conglomerate
System so if rob ford in truth

Was high what's the others
excuse But I don't really care
Cuz u can't pick a ***** if its
All **** so ill just skip aware

That I can't complain or dare
Want change and that is fine
We're kept so in the dark that we
All vote def dumb and blind

Cuz who knows which **** hides
A secret agenda, well in truth
They all have plans but some are
Not as destructive so you

Never know but I know abuse
Is a temptation coming with power
And no man in power is ever
Clean I mean I wouldn't be so sour

I'm not but look at the twin towers
That's what power can do
It's too complicated I rather be
Jaded and throw dead pigs just too

Fuvk with the ppl who say
"Not til pigs fly, will I" and you
Probably would call that Crazy
But I call it swine flu

Where are u? I can't find you?
But I keep calling your name
Which ended up being my own
Name which isn't as insane

If u thought like me, but a monopoly
On crazy town property is mine
So for now you'll have to setts
With normalcy and define

Things as crazy or not crazy
But to me it's not that way
Cause the truly coo coo are the
Ones too quick to label insane

As if to make them feel sane
But thoughts are the same
In the sense that we all view something
and instinct detains

Our response to a situation
With consideration of morals
Ethics, etiquette and if they
Have a false sense of bein immortal

Making our decisions a portal
To the world as we see it
Which proves that we can be on
Different planets and still be seated

Next to each other Jesus
Id say That was brilliant if you
Asked me but if u don't ask me
I'd be, like....pshh..? Who asked you?

So in conclusion I conclude
With ....nothing at all
I am no more enlightened than I
Was before I wrote this so we all

Can agree I just wasted your
Time and some of mine
But a hen in the hand is worth two
In the bush or something that finds

Better suited to this foolish
Diluted convoluted and stupid poem
plz excuse it as it comes straight from my  
haunted house of a dome

where fuses are likely blown
Which is why I don't know
Why my parents say the lights
Are on but nobody's home

I guess it's a figure of speech
I want to make figures with speech
But I can't even fix my figure I'm weak,
so I may wither while Greek

Is how the world speaks to my
*** dont get that? Let it pass
And it's time I end this poem of
Literary genius sprinkled with class

Live well and prosper. Or live in
Self created garbage like Oscar
Quote 4 IQ:a doctor,then 4strength
a boxer,&end; with ...Jodie foster

P.s.
A witty quote from a philosopher
Or Maybe even an author
So u end the poem soundin smart &
Strong then run off like a robber

News Feed

Knowledgehater Gonzalez
July 30, 2012 ·
Promises....
I hold u and wonder what
You'll be like when ur old
I can only promise u won't
Go hungry unloved or cold

But I can't promise ur life
Will not have pain or sorrow
But my blood, my liver, or bone
Marrow are all urs to borrow

Lol or keep but I can't promise
Ull feel accepted by peers
Can't promise u happiness
Or that u won't cry tears

I can promise to never
Steal a girl from u
But I can't promise what actions that
Other humans will do

I can promise to leave u money
My assets my ear and shoulder
But I can't promise to teach u much
But the basics when ur older

I can promise to clothe u
Or support u in ur arts
But I can't protect u from betrayal
Or a painful broken heart

I can give u all I have
And teach u all I know
But I don't have all the answers
To questions as u grow

I can't promise we won't fight
Or that u won't hear me cuss too
But I can promise that with all my heart
That I will always love u

I can promise to guide u the best
Way I know how to do
can u accept knowing i dont have to
understand u to love u

I can't promise that the boogeyman
In a way doesn't exist
But I can promise wutever demon
Haunts u, I will help u resist

I can't promise not to
Border being hypocritical to u
But it's only because I have seen what
A life of indulging can do

So I promise that I wont always tell
U wut u wanna hear
But I promise to only give my
Opinion then back off as u steer

Wutever u choose even if
It's not my favorite or i feel its not best
i will still support u if u want *******
to hold tight ur dress

cuz if that's wut u truly want
I will love u all the same
Cause ur my son no matter what u
Do or who it is u became

I promise to respect and remain
The friendship we grow to have
Just promise me you'll sympathize
when im strict ur all that i have

if u need someone to talk to
dont think u cant tell me ur sins
cause my love for u never ends like
a circle so dont keep me from things

in your life so i can help cuz
U were the one who saved my life
If ur life was an event on Facebook
I'd hit going! Comment and "like"

see how much I love u tyke?
so much I'd use a cheesy example to
Explain myself, cause looking dumb
Means nothing if it's for u

Cause I'll be the next John Q
I'd do whatever it takes
Cause that I can promise
But some things are not made

For me to be in control of and some
things are out of ur control too
But for what I can't promise I can
Promise I'll be there for u through

The pain it will bring,
And when my opera fat lady sings
I will die happy knowing I got to
Experience the most greatest thing

Which is being ur father
Cause it proved to all those that think
I wasn't capable of greatness
wrong Cause ur the greatest thing

I've ever done or I'll ever do
Next to being there for u
And I promise to do all I can do
If its possible to promise it to u

Promise to be honest with u
And to accept what I don't like
Cause in the end I'll love and support
Anything u chose to do in life

...I love u Juju

The truth is the truth *****
I rather a lie,
Living forever sounds better
Than everybody dies

Cause the truth is the
Truth *****, so just lie
Say you'll see me soon
Even if it's a final good bye

Similar to parents lies
About a kids Xmas gift
Cause more enchanting
Is the idea that Santa exists

Good old st nick
Catholics have it best
Cause heaven sounds good
As no one wants death

Like mutual break ups
Everyone knows ain't mutual
Tell the ugly duckling that
One day she will be beautiful
Tell tall tales of Atlantis
Or a fountain of youth
Tell Pinocchio he's a real boy
....Anything but the truth

Toothfairys for a tooth
Easters famous  bunny
Tell Christopher Robbin no delusion
Made Winnie the pooh eating honey

Cause in truth it's funny
The truth ain't that funny
Say the best things in life are
Free and we need no money

Cause everyday is sunny
Who u love will love u back
Family and best friends will
Never never ever stab u in the back

tell me my career wont match
my social status and ill en-devour
the same respect as a rich man
tell me love is forever

And if not it ends without pain
and will tell everyone its mutual...
Tell the ugly duckling that soon.....
soon.....it will be beautiful.....

but the truth is
The truth ***** so I'll pretend
This is just the poems beginning cuz
good things don't come to an end....

...But The truth is....
...the truth *****....

lately i feel like
your all i really got
but like everyone else i love
im the only one who talks
absent with the congregation
cant be selfish today
so i try not to bother you
with all i wont say
stomaches full of nerves
that make me feel i rot
so nervously i sweat when im
not even hot
every tear has a story
as well as salt that packs
in my tears, no wonder i
reflect so much fat
all i wants to be humble
and get my love returned
instead like the dead my hearts
needing an urn
wheres investments return
dont wanna go through this
wheres jesus christ, let him know i
have now found judas
sometimes i feel "***** this"
"that, him and her"
innocence is extinct in ones i
felt were so pure
so infered is the absurd uncured
desease that plagues me
i now understand how my
enemies passionately hate me
cause lately i hate me
so greatly as well
cant threaten me with the devil, im already
used to this hell
everyones **** ****** smells
mine and all of yours
snow white was trying to tell me
most woman are ******
in drawers of seven dwarfs
who no wonders either sleepy
***** or grumpy when will
i get a break or freebie
dark shadows pass so creepy
most people are deceitful and greedy
i swear i can almost feel
my soul wants to leave me
just like everyone leaving
loyaltys not a common relic
no wonder all we feel is so
uncalming and jealous
why cant i find strength embelished
prior used to front
but i rather be killed then *******
heartlessly hunt
and maybe thats why before you
i kneel and cry
asking for the mercy of death
i see such peace in the eye
of the one you will cry
for if they die but roughly
im jealous at funerals wondering
why im not so lucky
so in the name of the father
son and holy spirit
i pray if i dont see death today
that im hopefully near it
.....amen

I will tell my son not to do
Drugs obviously but ****
That's like priests telling child
**** peddlers it's not right to *** kids

So I'll have to resort to this:
"son please do as I say"
And not what I did and probably
Still do when grandpa for the day

Takes u away to play,
So I'll tell him things that made
Me a hypocrite so don't have ***
With girls u don't love and I'll say

Always use a ******, even though
It really takes away
From sensation like immigration
Deported it from the land of play

Never use the service of a ******
Even if she has 2 kids
And u think fukking her would help
Her feed em, cause that's just sick

But then Ill feel so guilty from my
Hypocritical ways
Like not going to church but sending
Him with his catholic school to pray

As echoes of my words that say
**** is no gateway to others
Are heard in my head but now I'll
Preach it so over protective I smother

And suffocate, and screen his dates
And call him on the phone
Until I'm that parent ur friends
Make fun of, never leaving him alone

Cause I can love myself but a clone
In my son I would hate
But if karmas real I maybe in
For a scary ride of parenthood...great

Cause as I think back I realize
That my parents would freak when they
found out about ****, which makes me think
of all they didnt know, and all I got away.....

With, and I start to flip, so I
Debate starting to hide some devices
All over my apartment and tap the
****** phone and no I don't like this

But it needs to be done,
after all He's my son
I had no ****** brain and I was
dangerous, imagine him, as a smarter one

I brought u in this world son!
So u better bet I can take u out
Now I'm saying **** I heard and said I'd
never say even though i Promised myself

I don't trust a mall Santa or his
****** ****** elf And mrs clause is a ****
Tell me the truth son! Is he ur drug
Supplier, I saw his knee under ur ****!!

Maybe I'm just paranoid plus he's
Not even one yrs old I'm trippin
But not so crazy if family guys baby is  
Accurate .....so maybe my kids a Stewie Griffin

Trying to **** his mom.....ha , ya! Good luck
I been trying for years
But can't get away wit nothin cause who you are
or were ****** .....is always prime suspect and here

Is where I try to convince myself
To just let the kid grow up, and make mistakes
The girl next store will be fine,
Let him learn on his own, not to go ****

cause its as wrong as that hyperboye was
Even if she was ...already a ***
All I want is to make sure he doesn't
Go down the same path i did, and that I know

That I'm lucky I walked through, and away from
Without dying before I had my lil dude
So Julian at 16 yrs old ima take my
Belt like old school people would do

And beat ur *** with it like it was
A million, trillion beatings in one
Then explain that it was for all the ****
U do and will do, and all that uve done

That u know u wernt suppose to do
but still did Without me knowing,
Then never say **** to him again and
pray while I support him, as hes growing

And get a pair of lawyers incase
My pair-a-noias actually apt
And maybe one day he won't hate me
For random drug tests for crack

******, ***, methamphetamines
And anything else
That feels good, as I religiously raid
His room, then end up doing the house

After finding nothing in ur room
Screaming........ where is it, where is it
I know ur up to something cause
u have my blood in u "explicit, explicit""

And ask him paranoid fuelled
Questions in anger, killing his joy
U missed ur period this month didn't u!
Don't lie to me!! .."dad ***?..I'm a boy?!!

Then embarrassed and frantic
I'll ask him If he's sure
Then hed say yes dad I promise,
I'll never be stupid as u were

...or at least I hope. Just please god
Dont let him suffer
For my mistakes. Guide him to diffrent
or I'll **** him&giv;; his name 2 his brother

Ok I'm just kidding, I want my
Kid to be living
I want him to be educated, successful
Well respected and giving

And Julian if u read this one
Day, I hope u know I worry
And maybe u don't understand right
Now but trust me u will when ur 30

A child is not a pay cheque
A child is not a weapon
A child is not a priority
You can push down to second

A child is not a bargaining
Tool, a hassle or a pain
A child did not ask to be here
So Plz use ur ****** Brain

A child is not the person
U hate that u made them with
A child is not the one who needs
An excuse to be child-ish

A child is not a doll
A child is not to be resented
A child is not ur second chance
To live through, that's demented

A child is not to blame
A child is not a bother
A child is not to be without
Either it's mother or father!!!!!!

I can't believe ur gone I'll
Always mourn the loss
I don't know where u are
Some things can't be washed

A lesson learned in loss
Now only one remains
So my eyes are clouds
Bringing the rain

Can't believe ur gone
I try to stay strong
I know I left u but I came
Back and I can't find u so our bond

Breaks like my heartaches
I'm trying to deal with the loss
only one came out of the wash
They were my favorite ****** socks

I'm shocked, I'm distraught
How do I always lose the brother
In a pair of socks so sadly in
Horror I must throw out the other

And when I do I'm so blue
Two days later when ur found
Left again with one sock so I cry
As my knees hit the ground

Screaming at the sky
Why god why?
Now I gotta throw away the
Second sock as I frantically cry

She always burned her
Barbie dolls after she cut
All the hair of that plastic,
Magic perfect blonde ****

She was 11 and had just
Always hated how all
Her family and friends kept
On giving her a doll

That was perfect and had all
And she just couldn't see
The relevance and the elephant
In the room is insecurity

So at 11 she Cant see what she is
but what she is not
her imperfections made her check
If Barbies got what she got

But Barbie did not barbies
perky with both ***** and ****
Her legs don't grow hair
And she don't need cover up

And her short legs look
Nothing like barbies do
Even her *** and
Thighs are all proportioned too

Fit her spectacular body's frame
that frames her reflexion
with the blame to detain
what remained as complexion

Of her oily pimpled skin that
Is too fair and needs a tan
And living up to all that not to
Mention a corvette and a man

That's why Barbie hangs across
Her closet where her mom
Saw the Barbie dolls She hung
by the neck yelling what's wrong

butShe just masks how she
felt so a head doctor was
a psychiatrist who sighed
A bit but had sided with her cause

She was an ugly duckling herself
That Never grew to be pretty
But the city has no pitty for no
Pretty so best you be witty

And told her to keep with the
hate she now held for Barbie
and before She left the doctor said
**** a corvette get a Ferrari

So She left happy but hardly
Cured of her obsession
Over beauty and style,
With a classy shoe collection

But she is now only 11
And reassures herself that she
Is no barbie and would repeat
barbies not prettier than me, and

Til she believes it she still burns them
To hang them soar
Shows a mirror to the bald barbie so
She knows she's not pretty no more

See what its like to feel too short
as She cuts at the knee
She says" i can be more
like Barbie if she's more like me"

Wheres obese Barbie,
or Immigrant Barbie from far
Black haired or short haired Barbie
Who's bus pass is her car

How about welfare Barbie or
realistic Barbie anything but
A smooth long haired long legged
Perfect shaped ***** and ****

With Friggin hips child birth was
Not made for and why
She asks Can't barbie have flaws so
I can pause the feeling that I

Will fail before I try if I
Am expected to be
So beautiful and Barbie never talks
No wonder kens easy to please

the message seems look pretty and
Dont talks all u need
So she hangs them violently
but quietly wishing they would bleed

But as she gets older shell
Like herself more and won't dwell
That god didn't make her a Barbie
maybe hes not as good as matel.

There's a picture of a family, on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine..
but if you hang a family on the wall for long periods...
Over time ... Slowly
the picture tilts... Little by little.... Years go by and ...
The pictures crooked...
cause wear and tear will do that to a family.... Or the portrait....
Do we take the picture off the wall??.... And replace it....?
Or do we accept it...
Cause the memory is worth the history involved and reminiscent of a love
that once was not crooked....
There's a picture on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine..
Maybe it's u and ur best friend...
Maybe the one u love.........
There's a picture on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine..

He stands in the washroom of
Restaurants smelling people's ****
When he hears a wet bowel movement
he concentrates and inhales to sniffs

He doesn't explain why he embraces
these different smells and succumbs
To a brain that keeps many smells on file
like a world trade show of dumps

Cause everybody poops
So he wants to find a way
To manipulate smells so one day
everyone's **** will smell great

And hell go down in history 4 making
**** smell like lotion 4 baby's
THEN Hell be called brilliant!! for hangin
around restrooms and not crazy

like some thought So maybe.....
who u think or call crazy should stop
cuz they could be a genius who's times
to precious to explain his planned plot

And the main message in this
poem is the judging just needs to stop
So....Stop calling me CrAZy CuZ
I'm BrIlLIAnT ........BuT CrAzY I aM not

...cause I'm brilliant!
Like a **** smeller..... You...
know what I mean... lol

She deserves recognition
For her work as a technician
Who's expertise is ball bustin
Who majors in *******

Excelling in the field of advance
Hot air production
A profession heckler who
Composes an orchestra conductin

A firework show eruptin
With colorful rants red, and purples
She's acclaimed for rhetorical
Questions that repeats in circles

An elite linguistics scholar
Who's sarcasm is an accomplishment
Very talented...no gifted at making
An insult sound like a compliment

And Her stamina to do so
Is like an Olympian who's pleased
Only when her track and field
Meet of slander makes ur ears bleed

A masters degree in belittling
A graduated philosopher for the bitter
Must be a psychologist the way
She attacks my sanity to litter

Insecurities, and doubts and I
Heard she has a phd in hypnosis
Until u start to believe her *******
And this psychosomatic is ur psychosis

A world class magician who's
Tricks leave u perplexed in thought
A novelist who narrates to taunt
Controlling all characters and plot

She wrote the book on torturing
A man and emasculating him so
He may never move forward and
She was in the military I'm told

Historically known for her
intellectual Warfare
Manipulating soilders and utilizing
The grounds to ambush u there

A social tyrant who's brilliant
Political ties help her achieve
Her plan like constituents are
Biased so they're all after me

A paralegal who's unfair and lethal
And to her it's titalation
Unfair is her terms but like a
Perm ull get burned in litagation

A degree in early childhood
Education so she acts like a rebel
Perfecting being childish and
Unaffected by ur feelings on levels

Only a schoolyard bully could
Match, she's my jailhouse warden
Who's power is focused on me
Relentlessly constructing like a foreman

With Her future blueprints to
See what the hell she builds for me
Will look like, and she's also a director
In the ******* industry

So she tells in great detail
Just how I'll be ******
She must have been taught by
Peter pan how to never grow up

Trained as medic who specializes
In one area over them all
Nudering human males
So surgically she removes my *****

After she breaks them and
So I am the constant fool
This exceptional jack of trades
Makes me wish that I stayed in school

I won't give up when it's difficult
I won't get discouraged when
Things don't go my way ill only
Say, it's ok and accept it there and then

I will no longer complain about Rain
cause its gonna rain sometimes
and I refuse to just write generic views so im
likedso if I disagree my belief is mine

I won't glorify drugs, violence or ***
Only make it a topic when it's truth
I will only embellish for obvious effect
And never to ***** cause that is art abuse

I will face my problems and own up
To any and all mistakes I make
I pray god kills me if I become infatuated
with materials or fake

I will follow my dreams even when it
Looks hopeless without drift
and never care if it fails
cause ill never have to wonder "what if "

I will respect other artists,
other Genres, the esoteric
I won't judge, discriminate or hate
anything/anyone without sufficient merit

Ill take risks, then take my loss like a man
Let the past go And move on
I will never forget that there's always someone
more determined more smart&mor;; strong

I will talk less so i listen
take advice when it is given
I will be grateful for the life im livin
Remain hungry ambitious and driven

I will pass along opportunity
and good fortune to the troubled
I will always pay it forward to the hungry
like I was given only double

I will no longer say anything
about anyone I don't first say
To their face and at the right place,
and i wont make everything about pay

I will work more than I play
Keep my word whenever I give it
I will not speak or act with impaired judgement
whether drunk or livid

I will embrace who I am and not
Embellish fraudulence to be
Anything or anyone I am not
or any success gained was not by me

I won't act according to jealousy
greed or even in lust
I will never turn on a friend or family
or violate my poetic code of trust

I will never give up,
give in or relinquish power in anyway
Even if I know I'm gonna lose
ill still fight like ill live another day

I won't make excuses or place blame
For my lack of vision or growth
And if I succeed or exceed
ill never be pretentious and boast

I will remember where I'm from
who i am and who I was with along the way
I will forgive and forget
no matter how bad I'm hurt or betrayed

I will never fully hate another human being
or refuse to love or trust
Just because i was mistreatedin the past
Ill never think of "I" before "Us"

I will not be too proud
to ask for help if I really need it
No matter how good I do ill always
be humble and never turn conceited

I promise to live this mission statement
not just write it so u read it
I promise to honor and live by these
Words then always repeat it

And always repeat it
And always repeat it.....
I promise to honor and live by these Words
And always repeat it.....

They thought the world was flat
And no one could say different
But what they " knew " turned out
Wrong so they actually didn't,

And I use this as a catalyst til
I question everything annoyed
Until I question my own sanity
Realizing I now look paranoid

But I know I'm not insane,
But taking into account
What I have already said than
I may belong locked up in a nut house

So now I find I question myself
Full of doubt until at last
I don't trust any decision i make
Based on Facts that may not b facts

Obsessed with knowing wut I lack
Which is everything I assume
Maybe I belong in a padded room
That I wont believe is a padded room

Leaving me frustrated and confused
And the only conclusion now left
Is everything is not what it is or
everything is wut it is to some effect

Unless its not, cuz then it's not
But then again maybe it is
So my parents get mad when I ask
if I'm adopted and go blood test my kid

Thinking all Facebook is
Is a social network but what if
It was designed to be addictive and
harmless just to keep us on the grid

What if the chicken ***** really is
Made out of cats and kittens
So u think eating a cat is nasty
when maybe they r ****** delicious

But I would think it was chicken
So ill never know what I know
How can u know what u don't know
If u don't know what u know

Maybe a turtles so fast it's slow
Maybe ****** was a saint
Could u argue its not possible after
Seeing This whole picture I paint

And no I'm not saying history books
Are wrong, at least not tonight
I'm just saying my minds playing games
so may not believe its all right

And now I see why I just might
Be happy ignorant for the bliss
So my new goal is too try my hardest
to be ignorant as ****

Which some may say I already
Am, as to them that's what I show
But remember before u say I am
U better ****** question wut u know!

SHE alone....
accentuates beauty,
her existence alone amplifies
why true perfection lies... in natural imperfection,
... and that....
...is the epitome of gorgeous,
wondrous...
A mysterious entity that makes me quiver at the nurturing womanhood...
.simplistic..
. True divinity, divinity that speaks to my soul in a language with roots far deeper than Latin...

A supernatural being that cannot be restricted by definition,
for it would only be an affliction
of her capacity,
so im left with nothing in which her beauty can be compared to,
for it's strength is far greater than any other force
....the beauty of a woman...
The embrace of her warmth and grace...
The softness...the independence...
The "love me for who I am"
...and i will..because....
it will always be more than enough...
and anyone who perceives it as less
...has never known true beauty
in the essence of a real woman ...
Thank you,
Thank you for teaching me compassion...
And passion...
sacrifice....
The bitter in bitter sweet, that is
arguably sweeter than the sweet...
A woman is much more than who she is,
but what she is...
and what she stands for...
It makes me strive to better myself as a man, so I do not let her down

...like I have....before

There were nights I held our son
And just cried,
As he too cried
it felt like u had died .

Like the love we had was a lie
But we gotta move on and try
Cuz u never died
U were a deadbeat alive

But I guess u didn't feel like
Growing up just yet
Even though we spent years
Getting high having multiple partners for ***

But it all turns to regret
If it wasn't part of growing
Into 2 responsible
People or wut is there really showing

That we evolved from who we are
inTo who were destined to be
It was fine to be immature when
It was just us two but now that 2 is 3

Its like u resent him and me
like we ruined all your fun
But it doesn't matter who pulls the
Trigger when u helped invent the gun

So now u leave 2 scared men
Or ....2scared boys to cry
Like a mother and lover died
i hardly remember a goodbye

our son has ur eyes
So His eyes r urs
So it hurts to look at him some
Days but he's still adored

i won't walk out the door
And leave him to cry
Like u did to him
Or like u did to me and  why

p*ss not important to an orphan
hoarding pain
But according to wut u tell my
Sister u stay away

Cuz I beg u to stay
And guilt trip u too long
But all I want is for our son
To see his ****** mom

You've never seen him Crawl
but he doesn't crawl no more
Now he walks like u walked
when you walked out our door

He's got about 7 teeth and
He dances to every song
And another piece of my heart
Breaks when he calls the wrong woman "mom"

Which he does alot lately
But as this all leaves my mouth
I want u to know that I don't
Just blame u I also blame myself

For not being enough to make
U stay...... and this is all
The reasons ur phone rings when
U ignore my calls

So I take as many photographs
As I can cuz one day i figure
When u regret not seeing your son grow up
I can always give u some ****** pictures.....

I know you have felt alone...
Felt like no one cares,
i know it's rare to find a stage in life where your completely satisfied, cause its hard to achieve ultimate fulfillment when there is always someone criticizing you,
judging you,
projecting their insecurities on you or forcing you to see yourself through the eyes of societies impossible standards.
Wealth anxiety, social status,
the vanity fueling self consciousness, as you attempt to stay abreast of fashion and the common misconception of what beauty is,
but ....beauty is not a 6 pack,
beauty is not a tan,
a tan to be darker, while others struggle with not being lighter, beauty is not *******,
a tight ***, smooth skin without pimples,
beauty is not designer clothing that makes you a walking billboard, advertisement or inadvertently providing endorsements for companies who overprice based on their oh so prestigious brand and logo...
Beauty is loving the imperfections
Beauty is never compromising your moral fibre or code of ethics
Beauty is the confidence to want nothing more than what you need,
And not confusing what you need with what you want.
Beauty is knowing who you are
and embracing it
Beauty is standing by the ones who you know love you
Beauty is speaking against the *******, the bullies, and continuing to stand for those who can't stand for themselves when there is reason to stand by them.
Beauty is not your upgrades, luxury or sports car, or smart phone that has dumbed you down and has disconnected you from personal interaction,
Beauty is expressing your opinion
An opinion you formed without prejudice or bias influence
Beauty is developed through an open mind, and a Relentless ambition to uncover deception for the truth...
No matter how hard or unpleasant it is to see or hear
Beauty is not found in disposable income, or the competitive edge
When human nature urges us to feel the need to feel better, stronger smarter or more accomplished
Beauty is found in forgiveness,
Beauty is the good deed you went out of your way to perform,
even if its unnoticed or recognized by the one you did it for
Beauty can't be preserved by ****** creams.
It can't be emulated with cover up,
it can't be purchased, with monetary exchange.
So if you don't feel beautiful,
know that you are.
Know that it has only been lost,
while being blinded by the erroneous thought that you are not enough,
Blinded by the diamonds, gold and glitter you stop to grasp,
resulting in sacrificing the path of your dreams, leading you to the ugly emptiness you feel
....time is precious and can be expensive,
and some expenses can't be paid back once indebted
...sometimes the worst type of bankruptcy has no protection
no lawyer to loophole the damage.
Beauty is knowing that true ugliness is created by chasing insignificant desires
and entertaining temptations that we know deep inside are ugly,
but we tend to forget it is masked with an illusion of beauty
Or disguised with a mirage of denial
Beauty is building character
Refusing to believe that chivalry is dead...
And accepting the unimportant things we obsess Over..
You are already beautiful....
Don't chose to be ugly...
You are already beautiful...