They say there are plenty more fish.
but I am not sure if that's people or those on a dish.
it seems to me that how hard I try.
all of the fish just pass me by.
I would like to go swimming and try just a few.
there are certain ladies well if only they knew.
If I had the chance with just one or two.
I think you already know what id do.
There are lots of things that I have in mind .
And lots of moist places that id love to find.
So if your not fishy before we may meet .
We can soon change that when its your fish I eat.
And After I'v eaten then its your turn .
I'm guessing that its salami you yearn.
So you can have sausage in creamy fish sauce.
With extra cream when its ran its course.
If your still hungry after you've had your fill.
I'm sure that my 10 inch can fit the bill.
So *** with me and polish my rod .
make it ridged and shiny to fit in your cod.
I know it is nice upon a big dish .
Lovely hot sauce of  Salami and fish .

Poor old Max, pushed from pillar to post
What he needed was love the most
He really wasn't wanted the poor old dog
And his whole life was an uphill slog
In his early life his home's didn't last
From place to place he was passed
he needed stability when all's said and done
Because his young life was not much fun
He wanted to feel safe with lots of love
A loving family when push comes to shove
With people that love and people who care
To make his life better, and time's to share
A place for his food, a place for his bed
Just somewhere he could lay his head
He stayed with us, he felt at home
He was no longer left on his own
But he was thin and a little bit mad
A little bit vulnerable a little bit sad
Loving his food, with his funny ways
A bit of happiness in his later days
But that was late on in his life
After all the stress and all the strife
When he first stayed a long time ago
We gave him love It goes to show
Our part time dog, because we cared
And all his later life we shared
His struggle in life seemed to enhance
He really didn't have much of a chance
With all the sadness of our poor old boy
His life breaking down like a broken toy
It breaks my heart to think when he's gone
How are we going to cope and carry on
With all our efforts and however we try
It always hurts when our loved ones die
The pain will be there I'm not going to pretend
When Max's time with us comes to an end
With His health diminishing melting like wax
The life and heartache of our Poor old Max

Poor old Uncle Ben, looks like you have been fired
Get off our product packaging, your no longer required
Years of service would suggest, that you were once admired
But loyalty no longer counts, when your status has expired

Once you we're respected, and you didn't have to brag
I don't know why your suddenly, classed as a red flag?
They want to erase history, but their voices need a gag
A disrespect for microwaves, and rice boiled in the bag

Society no longer wants you, that much is surley proved
Do black lives really matter, when it's black that's being removed?
It doesn't make things better, and there's nothing that's improved
You can't substitute your ignorance, in the hope the world gets soothed

Why has he been targeted, why is it so precise?
Uncle Ben has been removed, from long and whole grain rice
Seventy years no way a slave, now he has paid the price
You have no thoughts, you've followed suit, you've taken bad advice

Your face must be offensive, cos they've played the racist card
This is the reason your now banned, and why you have barred
Paddy fields have felt your pain, they've taken the news hard
But it's not just blacks and foreigners, that's emotionally scarred

It doesn't matter what you change, or if old relatives discarded
He'll still be known as "Uncle Ben", he's too highly regarded
Whoever thought of this idea, they must be quite *******
Do you think your being diverse, when the public are bombarded?

Where is your proof or evidence, that the futures more inclusive?
It's not so stereotypical, when that club is non exclusive
You prattle on like pensioners, but your uncle's now illusive
How hypocritical can you be, when nothings that conclusive

Don't cause community divide, don't move things out of sight
Why do you exile darker skins, it simply is not right
Maybe it's your nature, and it's you that's not too bright
I wouldn't out of irony, ship them to the Isle of White

I fail to see the difference, with your product interference
Why are people in minority, scheduled for a massive clearance?
Perhaps you have a dislike, and you love race disappearance
The trouble is your arguments, have no sense of coherence

Who's next on the agenda, Who suffers the next chop?
Can I expect a range of goods, absent from the shop?
I hope "Aunt Bessie" won't succumb, to names that you will drop
Manhandled of her dumplings prove, that this madness should stop

Lunacy is on the rise, with the things that you endorse
Is "Meena" safe from tyranny, will you stop her at the sauce?
Or will korma be victorious, without the use of deadly force
With senseless attitudes of today, we'll find out in due course

I think that in all honesty, you've taking things too far
Even Disney's lost its faith, in Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
"Uncle Remus" can no longer, wish upon a star
Despite the fact they said it makes, no difference who you are?

Your excuses are not valid, so I couldn't give two hoots
Footwear is getting tighter, cos your too big for your boots
I wouldn't be at all surprised, if you dispose of "Levi Roots"
No more music on your food, and there's no real substitutes

Scapegoats come in many forms, through all our uphill slogs
To save us getting in a jam, they ditched the golly wogs
It started many moons ago, with the grinding of lifes cogs
But it wasn't worth the effort, now we've gone to the dogs

Who thought of "Ben's Original", that name is just the worst
It's quite clear that "Uncle Ben", simply got there first
Originality isn't something, that is planned and then rehearsed
Your led away like mindless sheep, and your obviously cohorst

There's nothing wrong with Uncles, or a packet that shows faces
Especially when they depict, a span of different races
I'll only purchase Uncle Ben's, with intact ethnic traces
We don't want contradictory claims, with "Original" as their bases

I think I'll switch to bachelors, or even shops own brand
Cos I can't stand the way you treat, the ethnics of our land
Why drown yourself In petulance, why try to get things banned?
Your attitude just goes to show, that you are underhand

You didn't mind old Ben's face, when you raked in the cash
It seems to me your acting dumb, and being far to rash
Why is "Uncle " so offensive, and the cause if rice backlash?
Your suffering from vindictiveness, and a sense of being brash

Jars of cooking sauces, now have something they all lack
The distinguished face of a man, who happens to be black!
He is a childhood icon, and he should be brought right back
And never mind the unaoriginal, with "Original" on the pack

Don't rip away the legacy, of a man from way back when
Actions taken do more harm, more now than they did then
Take my advice just leave things be, and don't mention it again
Cos I don't think it's very fare, on poor old Uncle Ben

A cottage in the country a woven roof of thatch
In the kitchen a fat lady her knickers on the latch
Pulled down past her chubby thighs exposing her hot hatch
Within those apple gatherers a juicy damp wet patch

Wearing an undone apron with her bra unclipped to match
A wooden spoon is waiting she's cooking up a batch
Arthritic hands maybe a snag but not much of a catch
Spoon up her hole to stir the bowl using her wide ******

Two 44dd mixing bowls a mixture of flour and ginger
Sugar hurled and butter twirled with her vigorous ***** ninja
Spoon dripping salted essences oozing down that wooded stirrup
Ground cinnamon is added with her special golden syrup
A touch of soda bicarb an egg mixed in with her *****
Spoon inserted actions ***** squeezing wince and cringe

Shaped and cut a ginger nut ***** mixing makes you ache
Ovens hot sheet trays are got greased slid inside to bake
A warming up made from her cup is this a big mistake
Gingers fine if dough is prime so now who's on the make

Your on the rise what a surprise now you are awake
Placed on the side with tarts beside I wonder what's at stake
Rampant ginger smells so good some pieces fall and flake
In bed with tarts a fancy start when Fred has had his cake

So it is your birthday what do you want me to do
If your expecting presents then you'll have to join the que
If you want to indulge in cake then that's entirely up to you
But don't expect a big reaction not even one or two

Is the expense of all the gifts really justifiably
Most things produced these days are highly unreliable
Is the price that you pay realistic or even viable
Especially when toys break and the games are never pliable

Pressure put on the people when your birthday comes along
To purchase expensive items well isn't that just wrong
Those ripoff manufacturers they have been around too long
Your product pricing isn't reasonable or going for a song

I don't see why I should line the pockets of the rich
I'm not going to fall for their lies or even their crap pitch
They don't care if you are broke and you haven't got a stitch
Their only interested in your cash to make their fingers itch

Once high standards where placed with products that you bought
But now it seems the standard has dropped right down to nought
I can't see why the things you buy or the things that have been sought
Can't last beyond a reasonable time but it's the purchaser that's caught

You know as a manufacturer that your products we will buy
Particularly when a birthday comes and your prices are so high
The state of the items purchased well do you even try
I believe that your standards are all based on a deceptive lie

It's the same as Christmas time when high prices are then placed
But you know with desperation that your items are embraced
Even with substandard ways that never has been faced
Items break and you don't care as long as its not traced

If you think I'm being harsh then what do you expect
When your production is substandard and there is no real respect
If you had a conscience then customers you would not neglect
Instead of which its us that lose and end up in regret

Prostitutes charge six pence,
just to show a bit of thigh
20 *** starved black birds,
offering their **** pie.

When there legs are open
More money you should bring.
They will give you *****,
That's fit for a king.

The king was in the ***** house,
Spending all his money.
Hoping if he gives them more,
He will get more honey.

The maidens show their gardens,
When taking of their clothes.
licking their wet *****'s,
*** dripping down your nose.

The Madame's in the parlour,
Looking after all the girls.
Half of them are busy,
When they **** the Earls

There was a commotion,
When there was only ten.
That they wouldn't get any,
more wealthy paying men.

I can not help the sadness, my heart's now in my throat
A single tear lost in a stream, that never stays afloat
We will meet again someday, when we're called to life's great moat
And you'll be sailing on a wave, in a randy milkman boat

Our memories wont fade away, you are never truly gone
Your always there inside our thoughts, your legend will live on
We'll miss the laughter and the joy, you are the only one
The cheeky risque sometimes frisky, Randy Milkman John

What we do we can't go through, without becoming quite attached
Everything is oh so good, because we are well matched
You may grab and you may claw, the surface is just scratched
I would hate to think of spoilage, and being too detached

Well let me tell you something, I always will go ooh
Especially when we get undressed, and it is just us two
If you laid down and we're exposed, then what would you do
And it revealed your intimacy, and showed us that its you

We've done so much together, after all the years we waited
It wouldn't really bother me, because I am now liberated
With everything that's out there, most of it's overrated
As long as we can carry on, and not get segregated

Exposure to the internet, well give me a bit of credit
I wouldn't care if it was there, or if someone else had said it
As long as we're both honest, then let anybody spread it
So what if pictures are undraped, on websites such as Reddit !

There was once a thriving colony,  of staff to clean your school
But that is all but over,  cos you've acted like a fool.
You know that "Duel Toe Urges" only make us lose our cool
If we "Let Sour Greed" take hold, then it's braking your own rule

"Our Geese ****" were cackling once, when we used to have a laugh
All that has been ruined now, with sections on the graph
Why "Steel Our Edge" why alienate and ridicule the staff?
The sad demise is obvious, with the workforce cut in half?

I'm only trying to pay my dues, by earning a few bob
But having a "Rude Leg To Use" is something I would lob
I'd rather chuck the "Sealed Rug Out"  if I am on the job
No one needs a " Used Leg Route",  if you act like a ****

You don't realise what the problem is, why don't you let things be
It's known "Ogle Deture Us ", if that's all that you can see
When it's a "True Log Used" you're completely off your tree
But since I am resigning, then it doesn't effect me

A wolf stands on the everglades, upon the jagged stone
Moonlight shines on flowered tracks, a grey and shadowed tone
Shivers of the full moon, why do I feel alone
The water falls inside my soul, and chills me to the bone

Streams reflect the mountain rock, the image from the ledge
Heartbeats pound into my chest, as I lay on the edge
Is the blood oath my only hope, is this my finale pledge
A glimmer through the old oak trees, past the trampled hedge

I am drawn towards the gorge, where old paths cross and wind
Running across the valley land, I leave the ponds behind
Is the wolf now following, or is this in my mind?
What's beyond those flowered tracks, what am I going to find?

A Raft floats in the harbour, a small child comes in sight
My mind is taken over, by the power of the night
Could my salvation be the blood, before the mornings light
Hunger will be satisfied, if a wolf's fang takes it's bite

Approaching the lake near the bay, a look into the Childs eyes
Am I compelled to cause harm, am I in a different guise
Songs are carried by the winds, when I hear those distant cries
What is down at Flowered Tracks, where the crooked beaked crow flies

A frightened girl is cowering, behind the damp hay stacks
On the prowl of claw and tooth, when the wolf attacks
Does a silver bullet count, what exactly are the facts
Fairy songs are Calling me, I must return to Flowered Tracks

I am sick of this effing town ****** ****** Rotherham
it simply isn't no **** good It should be called Botherham
because some of the people who live there are complete arseholes
most of which are ******* ***** out for there own goals
some of the ones that you thought you could trust and where on your side
are nothing more than tossing gits and out for a free ride

You got what you wanted when you told me to go
How much that hurts no one will ever know
I will always remember that terrible night
From your point of view the Timing was right

I am not interested in celebrating or party’s I am not like you
I do not want Christmas with ****** predators even if you do
I do not want New Years Eve celebrations with people who plan assaults
Neither do I want Halloween or Bonfire Night I have seen the disgusting results

It’s the same as mistletoe it’s a known fact it’s a parasite
It’s only for people who want to kiss you and get of with you that night
And then they’re hoping to get your knickers off from that illicit kiss
But really they’re calling you a good ***** to get in you bed, and then they take the ****

The terrible things these people have done to you, you should never forgive
It isn’t them whose life is ruined or the memories that we have to relive
But they don’t care as long as it isn’t their life that’s ruined or gone
They will do anything, they know you’ll forgive them its what they rely upon

I’m not interested in exes or in anybody new
I only ever want your touch my heart loves only you
Not For Pleasure, Loneliness or even for fun
No one will ever touch me again because you’re the only one

I will always love you my beautiful **** Mum
But now that I cant see you my whole world has gone numb
Life is simply terrible it was already bad enough
Now it’s not worth living ever since I lost your love

Ryan he likes slags called kim
I wonder if Kim's fat or slim
Is she ugly, is she grim
I guess Kim's good enough for him

Kim she's Ryan's piece of trim
Is it because she licks the rim
Are other slags out on a whim
Maybe their filled up to the brim

Bus stops talk they say so much
They seem to have that magic touch
Slags lives scrawled on shelters hutch
Straight to the point, not double Dutch

No other slags are good enough
perhaps their skanks and far too rough
Slags called Kim, must be so tough
When Ryan does not get enough

Not slags called Julie, Emma or Jane
Jodi and Rachel must be too plain
Just try Michelle, are you insane ?
Limiting tarts is loss not gain

Is Ryan partial to whips and chain ?
And Kim obliges him with pain
Kim must be different with the cane
It's no wonder he wants Kim again

Kim maybe great, from where your stood
She's just a ****, who likes hard wood
Come on now Ryan, you know you should
There's other slags that's just as good

The whole world is in lockdown, no country is immune
We're all told to stay indoors, and not come out too soon
Like being in a chrysalis, cooped up in a cocoon
Social structure has broke down, burst like a flat balloon

We can't go out to party's, or be in a crowd
Pubs and cinema's have closed doors, locked behind a Covid cloud
Restaurants are out of bounds, because that is not allowed
Our enjoyment has been obscured, and covered in a shroud

Forget whatever we once knew, because there is a different law
Our freedom is now compromised, and large gatherings are no more
Perhaps we were over populated, when they opened the flood door
Thousands of people have now died, and that's without a war !

Everything has turned to ****, why didn't we take a stand ?
Barriers could have been raised, before it got out of hand
We might have stopped contagion, and the infection on our land
Acting sooner may have helped, but perhaps it was all planned ?

We should have closed our boarders, to lock out China's beast
Extend the quarantine abroad, to prevent our own deceased
Could homecoming pleaders, be why the death toll has increased ?
It makes me wonder, if this virus wasn't purposely released

Why speed up the outbreak, and bring our county to it's knees ?
It seems to me it has spread, with a sense of ease
The planet is now suffering, from a huge deadly disease
People think that your infected, if you just cough and sneeze !

The fears of our fellow man, and the entire human race
Drastic changes to our lives, we shouldn't have to face
We don't want people coming near, to invade our personal space
Is two metres far enough, with social distancing in place ?

Gloves and masks are being worn, and the public are annoyed
We're all anti socialists, because our life is now devoid
Most of us are scared to death, since Covid Nineteen was deployed
Ever since they let it loose, we have become more paranoid

Some people they are selfish, their far from being noble
Panic buying in the midst, of a pandemic that is global
It maybe worse than nine eleven, or the disaster of Chernobyl
Just think about the vulnerable, the elderly and immobile

No need to empty supermarkets, until there's nothing on the shelf
Stop buying an excessive amount, and only thinking of yourself
It's bad enough as it is, with the infection of world's health
Huge stockpiles should not be, the abundance of your wealth

Businesses have shut up shop, now the virus has been casted
Their efforts are most honourable, for however long they lasted
Do you need more sanitizer, is greed something you have mastered
Why purchase two hundred toilet rolls, don't be a selfish *******

Paracetamol is now scarce, with all of you go getters
It doesn't stop the disease, or being treated like we're lepers
Scaredy cats are even worse, than all the known bed wetters
How do we protect ourselves, cover the planet in French letters ?

The thought of even going out, causes so much apprehension
A short walk is excruciating, due to extra increased tension
Bus services have diminished, and most shops are in suspension
Some limited essential stores, but we're still held in detention

Holidays have been stopped, most of the planes are grounded
It's unfortunate your stranded abroad, why are you so astounded ?
Ignoring warnings not to go, so no one should be hounded
Staying would be preferable, soon as the alarm was sounded

A sudden interest in the homeless, they must think their on vacation
They only got them off the street, in case of contamination
We haven't had another war, now we're placed in isolation
Is this a way they can reduce, the surplus population ?

Ten people at a funeral, how are you supposed to grieve ?
A congregation cannot mourn, if their hearts not on their sleeve
The dead deserve much better, more respect for when they leave
Our family comfort is denied, it's an evil web they weave

You may clap for the carers, but upon closer inspection
They would prefer equipment, for their own personal protection
Some can't get the Covid test, it's an unnatural selection
People risking their own life, should be a health exception

Stay at home to save lives and protect the NHS !
A national emergency is declared, and the earth is in distress
Washing hands is paramount, but now it's in excess
Where is Coronavirus from, why did we grant access ?

China keep your viruses, don't be a whole world donor
We're ******* with isolation, and being our own loner
All of us are victims, but I am first class moaner
Everyone unite with me, and say ******* To Corona

Why don't people want you,
who loved you once before
Broken heart's beyond repair,
are lost forevermore
Feelings hurt through emptiness,
they always feel so raw
Severed hearts forever torn,
the one true lovers flaw

A heart that is so delicate,
a life you can forsake
It only causes upset,
when heart's begin to brake
Chains of love have rusted,
links to your own heart ache
Severed hearts are locked away,
within a lovers wake

Sincere hearts are hard to find,  
it's why lovers get downhearted
After all loves riches gained,
why are they disregarded
A lovers pain it never dies,
true hearts are not *******
Severed hearts are bled dry,
when a rejected souls bombarded

If I could mend our Severed hearts,
if I could seal the crack
I'd hold my lover close again,
and get our hearts on track
No one needs a broken heart,
or the absence of love's lack
Severed hearts can be repaired,
if you take lost lovers back

Flights of poison arrows,
the infection of love's darts
Hearts shattered in the fallout,
into a thousand parts
The lose of a true lover,
due to loves cruel arts
All True lovers should remain,
instead of severed hearts

I love you my dear sister, I don't want to say goodbye.
Why did you have to leave us, why do the good things die?
Your in my thoughts you'll always be, a glint in my minds eye
A single tear I can't contain, so I won't even try

Whenever I feel lonely, I will search for the brightest Star
I will feel you near me, and I'll know just where you are
Although you are no longer hear, you just won't seem so far
Open wounds will never heal, and always leave a scar

A wilting rose is beautiful, even with a fallen petal
Thorns may scratch a jaded heart, and never will it settle
Jagged edges peirce my soul, they sting just like a nettle
Life is far too fragile, when our health begins to fettle

Mum and Dad are waiting, to take you by the hand.
They'll beckon you to follow them, towards the promised land
I'll think of you in every place, between the sea and sand
But you will have to wait for me, I hope you understand

Tell them both I love them, and I'm sorry to be late
But I will still be with you, as you walk beyond the gate
You will need their guidance, as they know you should not wait
And we will cry the lonely tears, of everlasting fate

One sun has set forever, tears hidden in the rain.
I know one day I'll be with you, and sun's will rise again
Until such time I will endue, cries of my inner pain
We will reforge our broken links, and reconnect the chain

We're fighting for survival, in a battle we can't win
Our journey's end as closer, to the point where we begin
I'll find you at the crossroads, where the road is running thin
We'll join hands and you will know, I love you Sister Lynn

I'd like something **** tonight.
So how about some angel delight?
If you get undressed.
cos your naked is best.
I hope your knickers are loose and not tight.
When you do that, I'll stroke your wet cat, and when my ***** at its height.
I'll slip it inside and go in and out, we'll cream a few times before it gets light.
So if you want a good time I'll come round tonight and you can show me your ***.
I'll give you a kiss and a bit of a feel and I'll even have a go with your mum.
And we'll get naked and  both get wet and have some ****** fun.
And hopefully when the end comes, you will have a hot hole, full of creamy wet ***.

Sorry Mr Jolly, I don't think your quite that frail
I offered my assistance, but now I'll have to bail
Your requirements are beyond me, a wash from top to tail !
My qualifications do not extend, to care for an older male

Who normally does your personals, why can't you get a bath ?
Official carers they just leave, and you can't get the staff
Does Mr Jolly scare them off, before they grace his path
Or maybe your too vulnerable, when you expose your bottom half ?

Sorry Mr Jolly, if your really all that smelly
I wouldn't be that comfortable, if I just washed your belly
Regardless of all other things, I'll stay home with the telly
And I'll see you in Psychoville, alongside Mr Jelly

Community spirit's one thing, but I'm afraid it must be trashed
Those parts of old men's body's, in my presence should be stashed
Mr Jolly I am sorry, if your washing dreams are dashed
I didn't really fancy, any part where I get splashed

Sorry Mr Jolly, can I give you a small tip
Emergency numbers aren't for you, to have a bath or strip
Scrub ups are not possible, and a shaving I must skip
Hygienic services I can't provide, cos I'm not well equip

Who said that I'd do anything, I think their just a wally
Old mens plonkers can't be handled, by a young blonde dolly
I wouldn't even try it, covered with an open brolly
What your asking I can't do, I'm Sorry Mr Jolly

The creation of a ginger man who's name is ginger fred  
Such a ***** ******* when he had tarts in his bed
Those tarts where all so fruity they made his chocolate lead
His icing went all runny as they ****** his ginger bread

He would pop the cherry's and the strawberries he would ****
The blackcurrants we're okay they're still quite good to ****
He'd watch two lemons licking and pay them each a buck
Having all those tasty tarts he could not believe his luck

If he ends up in a jam you know what he's been licking
All those ******* jam filled tarts is the place his gingers sticking
So if you see a ginger man with all his buttons missing
You can bet your bottom dollar it's tarts that he's been kissing

One **** is just not enough his antics he'd be tripping
He would have a complete box even if it was crippling
With his ginger crumbling and his melting chocolate rippling
Some jam tarts are exceedingly good so **** you Mr Kipling

Have you ever had that feeling, when frustration is let loose?
Or an awkward moment, that has really cooked your goose?
You cannot save my Bacon, if my hands are full of juice
My heart sinks when butting heads, are too close to the noose

When your waiting for your breakfast, and you're driven to the brink
Just because there are those minds, that hardly ever think
Do I have to sit and fester, cos my digits ******* stink
I'm being blocked from running taps, and every ****** sink

There wouldn't be a problem, if there were no kitchen clinger
What the hell there is no chance, when certain parties linger
Never mind my sopping palms, or my little pinky finger
The lavvy's always occupied, and the bathroom's a dead ringer

Greasy paws are not ideal, when all taps are obscured
And my plight to being clean, is simply being ignored
Out of three there seems no way, that one sink is secured
Don't mind me it's just my house, but even that is flawed

Why do you have to dawdle, like a sunken ocean liner?
And use the kitchen like it is, a ****** all night diner
Don't mess with me and I promise, I won't become a whiner
There are some chairs and I can't think, of anything that's finer

It's not as though there is no room, and you're stuck on the ceiling
Why are you standing in the way, like you are Dolly Dealing?
I'm sorry but I don't find, my dripping hands appealing
That's when I abruptly realised, that I had that sinking feeling

As I gaze into the stars, what lays beyond the night
Visions on a distant dream, a spark of gleaming light
Is there universal life, why is everything so bright
Colours drained across the sky, nothing but impending white

I stare out of the window pain, I wander what's beyond
What's inside the shimmering light, what's behind that tranquil pond
I'm transfixed I can not move, my body does not respond
A pulsating flash is seen, but I can not abscond

The window cracks and shatters, and I have no strength or power
Pieces of a tormented mind, float amongst the glass shard shower
Has true reality been lost, this is my most desperate hour
Nothing else is seen within, what does the light devour

The drowsiness inside my head, or am I just mistaken
I am dreaming bygone dreams, will I ever be awaken
My feelings are forgotten, once again I have been taken
Is my mind fully intact, my journey is now forsaken

Voices are heard amongst the sounds, of close and distant screams
The presence of cold grey hearts, are drifting in my dreams
Visions seen through a clouded haze, nothing is what it seems
Piercing eyes of deepen black, skin shinning though the beams

Flickering lights a small movement, I am the victim of damnation
I unravel piece by piece, experiments undo all creation
What's the purpose of abduction, I have a metal implantation
My humanity is being removed, I no longer have salvation

I can't escape my tortured soul, while I am laying here
Time stands still within these walls, along with all my fear
Feeling afraid and vulnerable , but I can not shed a tear
Helpless to my abductors, I am taken year by year

Are human abductees taken, to cause humanities own destruction
And implants placed under the skin, to send people an instruction
I am always taken back, a time before my last seduction
The light will come for me again, upon my next abduction

He's Lying in a fruit box in a grocers car
Swinging with Granny Smith, stuffed his own Grandma
Rolled up at the Angry Veg, went in for a jar
After crumbling granny, a lovely pair behind the bar
A randy sort of fellow, he wants to go quite far
Things where looking up, a nice pair without a Bra

Ready to get his leaves off, his pips he wants to sew
A randy kind of apple, knowing how far he wants to go
Hoping that the nice pair is a ***** kind of ***
After he is turned on, his juice will surely flow

He is such a ***** **** the fruits he liked to blow
If he's making it with Gin, he'll **** them really sloe
Peeling back his outer skin, his nakedness will show
Once her juice is flowing, that pair will start to glow
Seeing everything he's got, but no one needs to know
She'll be pulling more than pints, his *** will slowly grow

******* on a nice pair for him it is nutritious
She has her reservations because he's too ambitious
And as he gets her peel off she becomes suspicious
That he's had a *******, with ripe golden delicious

But by now it is to late for that **** pair
He has her in his power pined her to the chair
Such a ***** ******* but he has that certain flair
For getting fruity with the fruits, especially when their bare

What a swanky fellow he always plays the field
Once he gets his wicked way, nothing is concealed
He loves fruity juiciness, their succulence is revealed
Only when their both undressed and their skins are peeled
For that pair he's got her, so she has will have to yield
Once he gets inside her then she knows her fate is sealed

His hands are all over her just like a hairy spider
As his *** gets bigger spreading her legs wider
She's under his control, so he will be her rider
Ramming his *** between her leafs a juicy slippy slider
Making all their juices flow to make barrels of sweet cider
He will have to squeeze her first when he begins to ride her

After he has finished and now that she is spent
Juices have been squeezed out, leaves are torn and bent
He's had his ******* pleasure his *** that he has lent
All he wanted was a good ****, nothing was really meant
Now that he has had her, he hasn't made a dent
On many different types of fruit, he has that fruity scent
All he ever wants to do, is have them in a box or tent
**** them fast and **** them slow, until they all ferment

So that's the story of Big Apple *** who is fine and dandy
He is such a ***** fellow it's no wonder he's called Randy
**** fruit he fancies, he wants all different types of candy
He likes the young and succulent type but their not always handy
So he'll settle for old Granny smith or if not a hand shandy
And if he cannot get a ****, he'll drink a glass of brandy

An academic of high proportions is sweeping across the nation
Chicken restaurants have closed doors no ones at their frying station
If you want chicken that is fried I'd advise you of hesitation
And don't make Kentucky your port of call choose a different destination
Don't be upset with Colonel Sanders with his limited creation
Just because you can't get your fix of chicken spiced sensation
I know that you're not happy but its not worth the frustration
It doesn't make much difference with no chicken designation

Okay I can understand the disappointment that you may feel
When you can't obtain a Bargain Bucket or a Zinger Meal
With chicken stuck in warehouses due to D.H.L's stuck wheel
But the lack of chicken delivery is really no big deal
What's the point in calling the cops come on folks get real
What do you expect them to do go on a chicken steel
There meant to be the boys in blue it's not for them to heal
The restaurants will be open soon there's no need for you to keel

I don't know why your so upset with the closer of KFC
With restaurants closing in the U.K. and across the whole country
Their only shut for a few days so there's no need for your plea
Fried chicken will be back soon at least to a degree
The lack of chicken shouldn't ruin your night why don't you let it be
There are other places you can eat so it doesn't bother me
The fryers will be fired up again just you wait and see
So there is no reason for this outcry I hope you will agree

Why are people driving miles just for the taste of a finger licking
There's more to life than spicy wings or pieces of fried chicken
Don't waste time on closed chicken shops your launch times are just ticking
Give Pizza Hut or Macdonald's a chance there's more restaurants for the picking
People trying to charge large amounts with Bargain Bucket tricking
Don't try and rip people off with fried chicken Ebay clicking
Isn't there more to worry about than Kentucky chicken sticking
Don't be a silly Turkey or Bernard Matthews will come back kicking

The birthday song is not a song it's not even a small ditty
As it is only four lines long it's really rather ******
There isn't a good chorus so isn't that a pity
A catchy tune it has not got and the lyrics are not witty

This song's lyrics are so short and there all the ****** same
Apart from the 3rd line down when you substitute a name
Okay you say "Dear" instead of "To", but its still a basic frame
So this is not a song at all so why has it got the fame

It's no wonder people alter the words with monkeys in the zoo
And looking like these critters and smelling like them too
Or changed to bread and butter in the gutter or squashed tomatoes and stew
Because the song is so boring so what else can you do

Who the hell wrote this song was it someone who's autistic
Come on now lets be frank and a bit more realistic
If I where to write this song producers would go ballistic
I'd get thrown out of the biz and become a lost statistic

Just because it's your birthday I'm not singing about happy
People are compelled to sing when really its just ******
It's not the best song in the world I don't want to sound so snappy
The birthday song is full of crap just like a soiled *****

It's like we are pre programmed even Marilyn Monroe
To sing the ****** birthday song just for ****** show
But honestly this song is crap and it can surely go
And we can stop with the pretence and cease going with the flow

When your birthday does arrive and your expecting a big day
The time will come when you know your ears are going to pay
Cos someone's bound to start it with or without your say
Why does it have to be sung does it have to be this way

Singing the birthday song should not be a life compulsion
Don't succumb to the trend and quash your minds impulsion  
Stamp down on the process and enforce a song expulsion
Do away with this song and all of its revulsion

The birthday song is not a song when it's sixteen words long
Half of them are happy birthday that doesn't constitute a song
The wording is so ****** thin as thin as a snapped thong
And the musical arrangement isn't even strong

People should not sing this song not even a small bit
Why is it classed as a song we should stop singing it
Most of the words are the same and there is a lack of wit
So don't sing the birthday song cos it's not a song it's ****

April showers are upon us and windows will be washed
Buckets of clean water, but thirsts will not be quashed
Be careful of unpleasantness, you don't want to get sloshed
Or you may regret your actions, when implements get squashed

Last houses to be tended, but not the place you parked
My Reservations were in order, before we disembarked
Don't park on strangers driveways, some incidents are sparked
If the owner should arrive, our equipment may be marked

Leaving your car on unknown drives, isn't that just wrong
You don't want upset people and coming on too strong
Avoiding confrontations or provoking a sharp prong
Maybe it will be okay, because we won't be long

Private property people protect, so watch out where you tread
They may come back before we're done, or before we've fled
It will be law of the sods, you should park elsewhere instead
Never mind we'll carry on so be it on your head

Proceeding with our window clean now that parking is addressed
The arrival of a certain car, but the drivers not impressed
Waiting by his driveway, but I think you may have guessed
Apologies are too late when people are too stressed

Revving up his engine, as you moved your car away
Gained access to his driveway, hoping it would be okay
Wheels spinning ******* gravel, what an uncouth display
But it's hardly unexpected, when blocked drive's tempers fray  

Obliteration under wheel, so I guess he wasn't thrilled
Our buckets life was terminated and bucket blood was spilled
A bucket murderer in our midst, water's no longer filled
April showers are no more, now my bucket has been killed

Was our bucket slaughtered purposely or was it out of luck
Maybe a different outcome if our bucket wasn't stuck
I didn't let it bother me I didn't give a ****
Your bad car parking decision is why the bucket murderer struck

So next time you decide park, and the owner isn't calm
Keep your bucket to yourself, pick it up within your palm
Or your bucket may succumb, too some sufficient harm
My bucket runneth over we don't want, or any other psalm

Two souls alone so far between only nights are calling
Shinning stars pointing the way an affection so enthralling
Shimmers over tranquil pools the crescent moonlights falling
Meetings of two lovers hearts before the mornings dawning

The anguish of a waiting heart the flutter of a wing
Beauties small enchanted voice hearing the Fairy sing
Dreams of love's compulsion, her song the wolf will bring
Within two hearts both shall meet on silvers entwined ring

A curse that's placed is broken a drink of pure tranquillity
The Spirit of the Wolf is called upon a test of his nobility
Flight of the fairy's soft élan her grace and her gentility
Brake the curse before the dawn the tranquil pools ability

Moonlight shines through the night sky a twinkle in a star
Sparkles touch the waters edge those loves that leave a scar
Both must drink before the light love's lost forever far
Glimmers of hope a small sip Wolf's howl at what they are

Transformations will occur love will always intervene
Magical flickers catch the light and wherever it is seen
Once a fairy fluttering now she's a proud Wolf queen
Wolf's are always calling where tranquil pools have been

The souls of two true lovers, will never be apart
Differences are overcome, from Loves intervening heart
Tranquil pools compulsive dreams, those feelings from the start
When two hearts are intertwined, that's true loves unique art

You remember when we
thought that Dardo was Dad,
Maybe we’re right or
we’re just going mad ?
But if we are right
and if it is true,
Then he must be
the crimson pirate too,
Dardo and Vallo
are but the same man,
can he be both
I believe that he can,
If you think of if logically
it's no surprise,
I've already said
Dads a master of disguise,
The conclusion is obvious like a blade in a sheaf,
It's said both of these men…Well there all teeth

the farmer always smells
he's always drinking bells
hi ** the derelict
the farmer always smells

the farmer ****** his wife
it was the **** of his life
hi ** the ***** ****
the farmer ****** his wife

the wife ****** the help
she made the butler yelp
hi ** it must be good
the wife ****** the help

the butler shagged the nurse
it was the butlers curse
hi ** the nurse was old
the butler ****** the nurse

the nurse shagged the horse
he had a big **** of course
hi ** her **** was wide
the nurse shagged the horse

the horse it had the cow
I'm not quite sure how
hi ** nice udders
the horse had a cow

the cow it had the dog
it was a real hard slog
hi ** the stupid cow
the cow had the dog

the dog ******* the cat
it had a tiny ****
hi ** the ***** was nice
the dog ******* the cat

the cat ******* the mouse
it ran inside the house
hi ** the mouse was ******
the cat ******* the mouse

the mouse was covered in cheese
out of the cat it was a squeeze
hi ** all ****** on
the mouse was covered in cheese

the cheese was on their *****
that stuff really sticks
hi ** everyone was spunked
the cheese was on their *****

I do not enjoy New Years Day well what a ******* bore
Its meant to be a brand new start but I am not so sure
A beginning of another year its still the same old tour
Everything is​ the same you know what is in store
It is just another day there isn't nothing more
No difference from the previous year same as the one before

Valentine's day is for lovers at least that's what is said
But maybe its for people who want you in thier bed
Sending cards with the intent and they say romance is dead
I don't mean to sound a rotter but its all in your head
it usually ends up in tears so be careful where you tread
Dreams and hopes are always dashed so **** those roses red

Easter is a ******* joke it's never the same day
How can it be historical when its always been this way?
What's good about good Friday when the people had their say
If there was a crucifixion then wasn't it fare play
If he died for our sins it's satanic keeping death at bay
And then being resurrected without the need to pray

What's the point in Halloween with all those ghosts and ghouls
If your not going to dress appropriately then why dress up as fools
Don't bother even dressing up if your breaking ghoulish rules
And going out into the night looking like a bunch if tools
I don't want people begging at my door trying to get my jewels
So say no to trick or treat and lit lantern pumpkin pools

Bonfire night don't make much sense when its a none event
Why celebrate the gunpowder plot or a destroyed parliament
Guy Fawkes had it all planned out and he never made a dent
Bonfires had nothing to do with the death of this high treason gent
So stick penny for the guy and don't you spend a cent
Bonfires and fireworks should be banned and nothing should be spent

Santa does not come down the chimney on Christmas Eve
Cos he is such a fat ******* if that's what you believe?
One night isn't long enough parents do all the heave
There's no magical deliveries Its just a web they weave
There are no flying Raindeer so don't be so naive
Presents don't come from Santa Claus please kids don't you grieve

Christmas day's commercialised which everybody knows
With all of the toy advertisements in between the shows
Christmas carols in the shops months before the Christmas woes
The toy expense the start of the ***** is when the pressure flows
We don't want ****** fairy lights when the bulb always blows
Bah humbug to the turkey and **** the Christmas snows

it's a waste of time singing the new year's eve goodbye
Old acquaintances should not be forgotten it makes me want to cry
What's the point in celebrations when there is no realistic high
False people you don't ******* know they are no longer shy
Wishing you a happy new year why do they even try?
Why do we sing Auld Lang Syne they don't care if you live or die?
  
Everything in the calender there all of my pet hates
This is what happens when its left up to the fates
Why do we have all this crap, there are no real good traits
All of it is designed for interaction and socialistic baits
Come on you Gregorians your not making any mates
Don't let all this flood out please close the ******* gates
They say that all good things comes to he who waits
But I don't know if I really want all of these crap dates

I noticed on social media there was something not quite right
A small piece of information that was taken out of sight
I know your trying to hide your status for your own approval
But it isn't all that subtle with your date of birth removal
Your only drawing attention to yourself by removing your true age
When your friends and family are viewing your social page
Maybe it's because your approaching an age you want to hide
Because it is significant with protecting your own pride
Perhaps it's banners and the glitter that your trying to avoid
But isn't it your own mind that is getting paranoid
It really is not that bad and the removal is just naughty
Just because you nearing middle age and your nearly forty

OH The Grand Old Duke of York he had ten thousand men.
He ****** them all up the **** then he ****** them all again.
And when he was up, he would ****.
And when he was down, out of luck.
And when he was only half way up, his men would have to ****.

I'm sorry to hear of your distress when you decided to go out
When the wind took hold of the door giving your hand a clout
I know that you'll be ******* with this whole situation
And it's not what you expected for a night of stimulation
It really comes to something when your trying to wind down
And you end up getting injured when your going on the town
It's strange the way it works out so **** the hand of fate
Especially when it's not your fault and what you can't anticipate
You would have had a nice time if it wasn't for that wind
I think that you'll agree that this weather should be binned
I don't know what to suggest maybe next time just stay in
Then you can avoid the pain and at least the gails wont win
There are things that go wrong and things that go astray
But it always seems to happen when it's you that has to pay
Why is life so cruel sometimes it's already full of stress
Now because of the wind its your hand you have to dress
Take more care on your next outing make sure your fates not sealed
Or maybe have a drink at home when your hand has healed
I know it is annoying and your thinking that winds a ****
And how upsetting it must be with making your hand blunt
Please keep up your optimism I know sometimes it's not easy
And **** the ****** stupid wind for making you feel queasy
You'll be back in action and soon your hand will begin to bend
And at least you are recovering and your hand is on the mend

When your trying to hook up and your told your not their type
I'm not quite sure what this means it's just pretentious tripe
I really do not understand what is everybody's gripe
The concept of a certain type its all contentious hype
What's the difference when your frisky and your sexually ripe
And all you want to do is get between that  furry stripe
Licking your moist *** bits, fingered with a rub and wipe
To achieve the height of ecstasy and excite your fleshy pipe.

If your logically minded then surely there's just two
Ones with inner **** holes, and cocky ones that *****
There is just men and women isn't this just true
It's a simple concept I thought that everybody knew
As far as I'm aware there's no one green or blue
But maybe if your on the ball then you'll be right on cue
Unless you're simple minded and you don't have ******* a clue
Or am I just not seeing it like that old Mr Magoo

Okay you could argue that some fellows like a ****
Or certain ladies prefer their *** underneath a girlie frock
Some people that swing both ways both sexes they don't block
And people who like old and mature this I would not mock.
Maybe you like sleek body's and your mind is in a lock
Or fat obese and overweight, an old fat saggy sock
Personally I go one way Like the hands on a straight clock
But I don't really see the difference this may come as a great shock

So next time someone fancy's you then just you stop and think
If you really want a **** then you give them a wink.
If you want a nice stiff one inside your **** mink
Open your legs apart and they'll **** the bit that's pink
If your into arses then that's the place they'll sink
Its really all the same when you release your ****** ink
So don't be single minded or you will probably stink
There's truly only two types, just don't be the weakest link

You have a look about you, that is far beyond compare
I love your skin complexion, and I love your silver hair
The fact of your maturity, you know that I don't care
A certain kind of beauty, is so wonderful and rare

Is beauty on the surface, or a shallow point of view
Attractiveness is what I see, every time that I see you
I can never get enough, but that I think you knew
There isn't anybody, that can do the things you do

Age it doesn't matter, and to me it's no red flag
Your a golden oldie, and you've never been a hag
I class myself as lucky, so I hope I'm not a drag
Who cares what other people think, when their fingers start to wag

You may think that your haggard, but you always look so fine
I think your rather ****, and your body is devine
Much tastier than mature cheese, and better than red wine
There's nothing wrong with older girls, their better by design

The galaxy's in turmoil, it's at an all time low
Luke Skywalker's been demoralised, all for comedic show
No substance for new character's, old heroes full of woe
What happened to the Star Wars, that we used to know

The Empire has been replaced, by the Order of the First
No real impact is achieved, we're not really that immersed
Screen presence is not felt, characterisations at its worst
The legacy of the Jedi, is downgraded and disbursed

Luke's a Jedi like his father, so why would he elope
The Disappointment of this film, is on a massive scope
Star Wars fans are ridiculed, their on a downward *****
Galactic empires did strike back, but after a new hope

Jedi knights a force for good, they wouldn't just give in
Princess Leia flying through space, well wasn't that a sin
The saga of the Skywalker's, pushed aside for Rey and Fin  
Don't bring back legacy character's, to throw them in the bin

Luke's too out of character, it doesn't make no sense
Strong villains do not exist , so there is no recompense
The shallowness of General Hux, a lack of real suspense
Kylo Ren's fake saber duel, this fight was far from tense

Evil rulers are no more what kind of name is Snoke?
He's hardly Emperor Palpatine, he's just a head scarred bloke
Like most of the new character's, well what a ******* joke
The menace of the sith is lost, Since the force awoke

Wooden character's we don't want, I know this may sound mean
Kathleen Kennedy please keep away, from the Star Wars scene
We don't want Holdo, Rose and Poe, clogging up the screen
Admiral Ackbar was killed off, and it wasn't even seen

Rian Johnson's head is round, he looks like BB8
Unfortunately his movies ****, and his stories are not great
Redemption for true Jedi knights, I know it's not too late
A Jedi Master Ivan is,  The Last Jedi's futures fate

This is our most desperate hour, after the cinemas first screening
Ivan your our only hope, the Star Wars fans are screaming
No true fan is amused, we wish that we where dreaming
"a gracious gift from god", is Ivan's first name meaning

Ivan Ortega is the man, he simply is the best
His flare for editing is supreme, he has film making zest
Unruly Star Wars script writers, he'll put them to the test
Movie making is his skill, Disney give it a rest

So come on now check Ivan out, on YouTube or Twitter
His vision of The Last Jedi, may stop you feeling bitter
Optimism flows like the force, because he is no quitter
He'll reunite the Star wars fans, instead of a film splitter

A dark time for the empire, with the Jedi in the mix
Dark side powers hasn't been seen, since Vader in part six
True Jedi Knights have not returned, nothing that really sticks
We need Jedi Master Luke, in Ivan's new Film Fix

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, what the **** do we have here?
Your designation is unknown, and it isn't all that clear!
Are you a Homosexual, or some kind of a Queer?
Maybe your a powder puff, who takes it up the rear?

I'm sorry Sam I'm not quite sure, what you are meant to be!
Are you a **** or a Tom cat, or combined he and she?
Things may change, but now you say, you are none binary
Just because there's fake options, which doesn't impress me.

You look like **** but that's okay, it clearly is your goal
And it is good that your outfit, looks like a toilet roll.
Do you stash a little Sam, or is there just a hole?
Or could you be a Nancy Boy, inside a Barbie Doll?

Why don't you wear a *****, you could join the local creche
It's better than that corset, because your pressing too much flesh
The bulging is not flattering, and it really does not mesh
Even Frank 'N Furter had panache, and his sausage is still fresh

The front is just disgusting, you simple have no class
You may think your being diverse, but really your just crass
Does being dull come natural, cos your like unpolished brass
What you say, well no one cares, so blow it out your ****

Your hardly inspirational, and your clothes look like a rag
A Wooly woofer comes to mind, so does a bent gay ***
Perhaps your just a fat guy, who is terrible in drag?
I don't think you are progressive, your more like a ******* lag

For ***** sake Sam it seems your cards, are missing from the deck
But it's said you were conceived, from a creature known as shrek?
Well, well, well if that's your source, then what do we expect
No wonder people look at you, and say "what the ******* heck".

Even ******* have some brains, it isn't all that tricky
But it's entirely possible, that your mother was Queen Vicky
Fairy cakes are the results, from monarch's and green dicky
Your nothing more than just a ****, and classed as a Doohicky

You'll never be a legend, and your hardly just a myth
Because your act is wooden, and your singing voice is stiff
I think I've found the answer, so I'll never plead the fifth
Since you are a mixture, your the legion of Sam Smith

Is there any more to life than the loneliness I feel
When walls fall down around your soul within a broken seal
Lost fragments start to fall apart when your life begins to peel
And complex layers are torn away high emotions they reveal
The pieces that are left behind those ones that never heal
Are brushed away forever lost when time decides to steal
There's always parts of your life when everything was real
But the goodness that you always had ends in a raw deal

The loneliness of a man who always walks alone
You can't help the way you feel when your on your own
Feelings remain even ones that are left under every stone
It doesn't ever go away although there's a change in tone
The love that's lost a desperate struggle is cut right to the bone
That's the way that love will go when its already been sown
The wanderings of a lonely man true feelings fully grown
all hope is lost when love migrates inside a different zone

Why do lovers become enemy's why do hearts and feelings drift
So many desperations when love begins to shift
Is there any reason for the pain or why love creates a rift
It should be your salvation and natures loving gift
when love is right and things are good it gives your mind a lift
But it always has to veer off coarse and sets your soul adrift
The loneliness of a man is bitter sweet and swift
Is there any reconciliation when broken hearts are miffed  

The loneliness of a man hurt suffered when hearts die
Nothing compares to the pain when your forced to say goodbye
If I could change the outcome if I thought chances where high
Opportunities are there to take so it's always worth a try
Maybe there's a fragment of hope until you ask me why
Time is wasting away and there are bonds that we can tie
Don't waste the time that is left so lets see eye to eye
Instead of the upset of life's loneliness heart's suffered and bled dry

There's a lady that I like, she really is my type
She has got a nice big ****, that's succulent and ripe
I love to touch I love to squeeze, her bareness is just right
If she offered me the chance, I'd go round any night

She may not be a slender girl, but that is fine with me
Larger girls are something else, that's what I want to see
Her body shape is not sleek, to me she isn't drab
It turns me on to even think, of how much I can grab

Older ladies can be fun, I like them when they're aged
The golden years should be embraced, and *** should be engaged
It's not advisable to waste time, who cares about age span
Old and young can get it on, so get it while you can

It doesn't matter that I'm younger, cos there's nothing in the rules
Just because people may think, that age gap is for fools
Don't hold back when things are right, with any certain feeling
Thing's could get quite interesting, if there pointing at the ceiling

If you've got something that is good, or something thats pure gold
Whether it is something new, or something that is Old
It makes no difference what it is, with noses out of joint
******* up with what you've had, there wouldn't be no point

Maybe I am not a hunk, but I'm certainly quite active
It's not my fault that I find, older ladies more attractive
I am quite monogamous, and my heart's in the right place
A larger lady is all I need, to put smiles upon my face

Pick me up on any night, I'm available for the plucking
How tasty is a Lollipop, when your doing all the *******
You are such a nice girl, to me you are good looking
Don't wait to long to contact me, to arrange a sensual booking

If it's the middle of the night, before the sun is dawning
And you get that **** feeling, and it's early in the morning
Don't be all that hesitant, and don't let it get too late
I am always up for it, by increasing your heart rate

Do whatever takes your fancy, and you'll have no regret
There is an advantage, when you have a tête-à-tête
I'll try something different, give your secret list a tick
It doesn't matter what it is, so you can take your pick

If stimulation is needed, you know what you must do
Get me round to your place, and put your **** on view
Our nakedness is natural, and our touch is just habitual
Don't be ashamed of having ***, during the mating ritual

Your capable of being nice, so there's no need for you to nag
Constant whining gets me down, please shut up you *******
Don't ruin the nice atmosphere, stop being such a drag
Is there any reason, why your acting like a **** ?

I suppose you think your clever, when you call me a fat slob
You haven't really room to talk, for eff sake shut your gob
Lap dancing ain't that innocent, when you grind a strangers ****
Your the one who's sitting down, on the ******* job

Wriggling your hips is seedy, and it's no way to behave
You've got a cheek wearing a thong, half naked in your cave
Why do you treat me so bad, or like I am your slave
Don't rabbit on all the time, like Chaz and ****** Dave

You say that I'm a ******, are you just being blunt
Whenever you converse with me, I hear you sigh and grunt
Rubbing your **** in someone's face, you really have some front
No wonder I'm a ******, when you treat me like a ****

Sometimes your very nice and kind, but those you quickly ditch
In favour of some nastiness, from a first class *****
Theres nothing like the quiet life, but that you want to switch
It's easier to get on, without the seven year itch

Intimacy would be quite nice, but you always make me wait
I'm being dangle like a fish, a rod without the bait
Do I have to book a session, so I can get a date
You start on me when you arrive, walking through the garden gate

What's the point in misery, cos it just makes me stagger
You look at me with piercing eyes, staring with an unsheathed dagger
A voice like yours is grating, and you can't stand my swagger
Can you not just leave me be, you evil ******* nagger

A city forged from tears, a skyline weeps and cries
Buildings lost forever gone, too many sad goodbyes
There is no sense of justice, when your government just lies
The destruction of the Towers, in a war that never dies

What really is the reason, why were our lives destroyed
Why were people murdered, were the terrorists employed
Did planes strike the Two Towers, or were bombs deployed
Once where beauty stood proud, is a skyline now annoyed

We'll never forget the tyranny, our heart's are now embossed
America betrayed on 9/11, that day came at a cost
Official reports and governments, were the true facts over glossed
My thoughts are forever wandering, to the skyline that is lost

Is there any justice, for the death of our great nation
There shouldn't be the cover ups, or a war of instigation
How can we trust in god, when there's so much hesitation
Who is left accountable, for the destruction of creation

New York's missing beauty, in the city that never sleeps
The World Trade Centre tragedy, there's no safe place or keeps
Why do we live in a world, where the governments are cheats
Things will never be the same, as the New York skyline weeps

For God sake Mr Johnson, we can't take this anymore
It's seems you cannot help yourself, when it concerns the law
Do you intend to keep us all, behind our own front door ?
What happens if there's no vaccine, and we don't find a cure ?

People are still people, and this is no way to live
Local lockdowns just don't work, but more are still forthwith !
The killing of our livelihoods, is what we can't forgive
I believe the official stats, are nothing but a myth

It's all to do with keeping tabs, and global mass control
Restrictions on humanity, seems to be your outward goal
Don't go out and socialise, we no longer have the sole
Freedom of the beating heart, is what authority's have stole

Forced closers of our industry's, well it's just a bitter pill
Intentions are not honourable, when you don't foot the bill
Your decisions make us victims, and we've all had our fill
Months of being grinded down, mangled through an endless mill

There's billions of people, and we've had the rule of six !
But it's okay for governments, when they all want to mix !
Stop throwing mouldy carrots, then hitting us with sticks
Your not immune just because, you've had your Weetabix

What's the point in guidelines, even when you have complied
The cases are still rising, and people have still died
You don't lead by example, because you have no sense of pride
But we get fined and chastised, if none of us abide !

Your promises are always false, your nothing but a fraud
Most of us did what you asked, and this is our reward
Little progress has been made, still nothing has been scored
I'd expect a dire outcome, If you live by the sword

Football matches are exempt, from all the rules you set
Increasing numbers seem okay, when they gather round the net
Anything attached to sports, are not part of the bet
Disbanding and a standard fine, is what they deserve to get ?

Personally I don't much care, if your in a group or crowd
Stand up for your human rights, and do it loud and proud
The only issue that I have, is I am not allowed
Promises are meaningless, when none of them are vowed

So there are groups of people, why don't you leave them be
Major crimes are being ignored, and none of us are free !
We don't want overzealous cops, placing necks under their knee
I can't condone excessive fines, when it's such a hefty fee

The media is littered, but it's us that pay the price
If we don't adhere to stupid rules, or follow your advice
They almost alter daily, so how can they be precise ?
Is every course of action, a random number on a dice ?

You seem to have an insight, perhaps your drinking from the keg ?
Or you have a secret bloodline, and your mother's Mystic Meg  ?
Are you psychic or clairvoyant, is Nostrodamus old Nick Clegg !
Stop rubbing on your magic lamp, and abusing the prime peg

How do you know future, because you always have a date
Specific times for hair brain schemes, but you are much too late
We should have acted sooner, and closed our borders gate
Instead of ever changing laws, and creating a police state

It's a wonder there aren't storm troopers, barb wire nailed to the wall
Steel bars attached to our windows, iron maidens in the hall
Camera's installed in every room, Big Brother's now on call
Problems caused by men like you, the biggest threat of all

We're sick of being prisoners, and treated like we're fools
And Boris changing policies, with the constant change of rules
First you can and then you can't, with restaurants, pubs and pools
You don't mind the university's, or the students risk in schools !

It's arrogance that makes you think, your choices are correct
The reality of your actions, well it's simply pure neglect
You never really had a clue, but it's what I would expect
Society has been damaged, so you don't have my respect

Your half arsed decisions, why are they so on trend ?
They've hardly been effective, they just drive us round the bend
I'd rather have the holocaust, at least it had an end
A regime based on fascism, is the wrong message to send

Take a look at number ten, why was you even hired ?
You've had a taste of power, now your no longer required
Drawn and quartered hanging high, and then you should be fired
So get down from your high horse, cos even they get tired

You should retire from office, because you are far too keen
Give somebody else the chance, who isn't half as mean
Spend your time brown trousering, while bumming England's Queen
He wants to be elected, cast your votes for Mr Bean

Innocent pawns are sacrificed, but you don't take the blame
We're just the broken chess pieces. from a long discarded game
Sadistic orders are dished out, it's always been the same
Your more threatening then Corona, and you relish the acclaim

Liberty has been destroyed, now we're laid beneath the drapes
The iron curtain has returned, so has more sour grapes
Walking on smashed eggshells, watching every step we traipse
It looks like we're getting closer, to the Planet of the Apes

Petri dishes are unleashed, we've been thrown under the wheel
Your worse than the pandemic, because you have far less appeal
The ******* dictators, they just love to hear you squeal
Why should people waste their life, waiting for the world to heal ?

Heart attacks and lung transplants, are still on the doctors list
But ever since this came along, they hardly now exist
You've lost your cancer patients, now their slipping through the mist
Other ailments pushed aside, that's why we shake our fist

Where are the infected, and where are all the dead ?
Statistically it don't add up, I'm not taking it as red
Isn't there supposed to be, this huge big massive spread ?
You may as well ask a horse, The famous Mr Ed

It's a never ending cycle, and this could go on for years
The evidence of scientists, some advice falls on deaf ears
We can't be very sociable, we're a country split with fears
Pandemics shaped like wedding cakes, will always end in tiers

We've followed guidelines from the start, but progress has been none
Situations are now worse, so what good has it done ?
Forget the shackles and restraints, don't hide away or run
Yellow bellies face your fears, that's how the west was won

Come on now it's gone to far, so please give it a rest
We're basically the fall guys, cos we're under house arrest
Something's wrong with mental health, and you should take a test
Nurse Ratchet would be welcoming, if you flew the cuckoo's nest

What goes on in tiny minds, your thoughts are quite unjust
You're very good at ridicule, but much better at mistrust
Leisure and small businesses, are breads burnt at the crust
Perhaps you will be satisfied, when this planet's turned to dust !

Your no different to Napoleon, a claw that always grips
And you sound like Adolf ******, with dictation on your lips
Is Joseph Starling someone else, you acquire some of your tips ?
To toe the line you could use chains, and braided leather whips

We've tried anti social distancing, and masks upon our face
Kept away from people, and gave them their own space
Thousands have been wasted, on the worthless test and trace
It's criminal what you have done, against the human race

You dare to index people, and place numbers on their back
Or filed away and categorised, just to keep us all on track
It's the simple minds of pettiness, and IQ's that you all lack
There's talk of herd immunity, but not every sheep is black

All of these new amendments, are made up by useless jerks
High wages paid for scare tactics, to stupid little Berks
It isn't really guaranteed, that any of it works
Their only interest seems to be, the money and the perks

Propaganda is your standard, for that you are renown
Your only answer seems to be, is everyone lock down
Our lives are left in ruins, while your watching us all drown
We'd be better off with Roland Rat, and not Coco the Clown

Never mind Covid nineteen, because you have caused more harm
You have us clutched and running scared, inside your smarmy palm
Creating thoughts of suicide, is the smug side of your charm
It's too late to make amends, once you have chanced your arm

There's no consoling anyone, there's no shaking of the hand
Other households cannot mix, and all our friends are banned
Are your heads are up your assess, or buried in the sand
It's big fat cats and bureaucrats, who's threatening our land

We're sorry Mrs Thatcher, if you came back I'd be glad
You wouldn't try and lock us up, or treat everyone so bad
They said Rasputin was insane, and the Impaler known as Vlad
Perhaps their methods were extreme, but at least there iron clad

I've never known a virus, that knows the time of day
Curfews set at ten o'clock, watch out it's on the way
Lurking in the hedgerows, while it's stalking late night pray
Time itself makes no difference, to keep the bugs at bay

It knows your pigmentation, it knows your young or old
The difference between day and night, and if it's hot or cold
We've found a superior life form, put the printing press on hold
Downing Street has met it's match, because it's you who's being controlled

World leaders should now move aside, Trump, Johnson and Farage !
Your days are up, you've lost control, Corona's now in charge
It's telling you where not to go, and spreading like soft marge
The ancient mariner beckons you, to step onto his barge

So you've had the virus, well take a run and jump
No one cares about your hide, your just a worthless lump
You have less intelligence, than a forest full of gump
Why don't you just ****** off, we don't want you Donald Trump

Similarities with the PM, is Boris a clone or twin ?
Perhaps your a strange experiment, removed from a surgeons bin ?
You don't get votes for sympathy, by infecting next of kin
Extortionate hair is pointless, when it still looks fake and thin

Economy's have suffered, but I don't think that you care
What justifies seventy grand, spent on your stupid hair ?
Average citizens pay their tolls, raw deals are never fair
Why should we all cower down, just to breath in toxic air ?

You could've spent two fifty, whole grain would work a treat
Thirty biscuit's in one box, is value you can't beat
It would be ten days supply, cos three would look quite neat
All those taxes would be saved, if you used shredded wheat

Who's bothered about your progress, our phones have been infiltrated
Text messages are unauthorised, about someone who's not rated
Come on now and get real, your policies outdated
And that's because your past your prime, and crossly antiquated

Situations you don't grasp, for you they're out of reach
Like the idea of a syringe, full of domestic bleach
You can try your own vaccine, and practice what you preach
And spare us all from irony, and another ******* speech

Don't ever lose at poker, because times are getting hard
It could result in the U.S, playing their Trump card !
You wouldn't want old Donald, or Boris in your yard
So raise up your defences, and don't ever drop your guard

Isolation is not natural, it's like two peas in a pod
Vicious nets of pure deceit, captured in a school of cod
You have the same complexes, cos you both think you are god
But you are just the didymen, and modelled like Ken Dodd

I simply have no interest, in the updates on the news
Or agendas on scare mongering, or any of your views
The headlines in the papers, should be hung in loos to use
Why don't you go and swivel, on two splintered snooker cues

All shops are essential, and no business should be shut
No forcing pubs to close there doors, no wages to be cut
Stop acting like a ******, and being King Tut's **** !
I never knew a double act, created Fruit and Nut

Where was you both created, do you share half a brain ?
You and Boris cause us all, an extreme amount of pain
Lightning surely does strike twice, we hope it never strikes again
It's the nonsense thoughts and policies, of the criminally insane

It's hard to pick one hero, for a true felt dedication
Fantastic people you all are, great words of inspiration
Choosing will be difficult, I may need my medication
The selection process is so hard, without the legislation

Let me see what I can do, I shouldn't really fidget
Big recognitions I would give, not like a little ******
My Daily Reading List I'd select, using a computer widget
A special girl that comes to mind, our leader known as Bridget

So very kind and beautiful, she's also known as shout
She keeps the group together, there's no shadow of a doubt
A very fair complexion, she's never down and out
All her words are supreme, a skill when shouts about

And then there is Syeda, well what can I say
Things would never be the same, if she every went away
Whenever she appears on screen, she's like a sunshine ray
Just like Bridget both of them, will brighten up your day

My main man he's quite a guy, the one who's known as Rick
His antics come second to none, he's one guy I would pick
He never gets too boring, or getting on your wick
Such a great fun fellow, who really is quite slick

So now we get to Devesh, he's a fantastic guy
When he's about the air is fresh, and he doesn't even try
Full of youthful knowledge, but he sometimes asks you why
Without you Dev lives would be plain, and a bit less high

A world without Maresa, I believe that I would quit
I don't want to be without her, not even a small bit
Such a charming lady, her sparkle makes a dull room lit
Without her presence, all our lives simply would not fit

A very distinguished fellow, is our Poet of Heart's
An excellent written quality, split into many different parts
For me his words of wisdom, will always top the charts
An accomplishment in many forms, including poet arts

Now there is quite a member, that makes me go ecstatic
Very pleasing to the soul, and so very charismatic
I'd love to say your excellent, your always so pragmatic
I think you may know who you are, of course it's Enigmatic

I get down to the music, but I'd fall just like a skittle
If we didn't have that crazy chic, that splendid Rock A Little
It wouldn't be a stable place, not meaning to sound fickle
We all need A Little Rock, or things would get too brittle

Our group would suffer a great loss, if we didn't have J C
Without him in the reading list, I don't know were we'd be
I know I speak for everyone, I know it's not just me
Everyone would be upset, coz J C A is nice to see

A gentleman of high regard, I just want you to know
Your a great guy I respect, I always will Pedro
With a personality so large, you have that certain glow
We all love it when your there, so don't you ever go

The voice of youths refreshing, It's not easy rhyming Rooster
Cogburn is your second name, I know it isn't Brewster
The music clips that you present, are such a happy booster
A clever poultry kind of guy, your just like Jeeves and Wooster

All the Roses that we have, such a lovely bunch flowers
Your beautiful fragrances emanate, a charm of beauties powers
I'm smitten by your intellect, I could talk to you for hours
A testament to poetry, hearts falling from high towers

Swathi, Mermaid and Imkahy, you set my heart on fire
You all shine like diamonds, like Pasiphea and Pure Dezire
Max, Melanie and Sooth, three souls that I admire
Heart's floating with Astrerai Goddess she's a beautiful high flyer

A dedication for the rest, that I didn't get to mention
I'm honoured by your presence, I hope your paying close attention
I wish to send you all my praise, this is my full intention
To all at the daily reading list, and any new extension

No one is less important, no one's better then the rest
You all deserve a mention, your all simply the best
Our group is quite fantastic, everyone has got the zest
So I'll honour every member, so please all be my guest

So many fantastic people, my head is in a mist
I'll always keep returning, because it's to hard too resist
Your all amazing writers, I hope you get the gist
All the people I admire, at My Daily Reading List

It's Black and White and been around, but that’s something you wont mind
Because you are such a nice girl and your always far to kind

It doesn’t make much difference if their black or if their white.
What does the colour matter If you have your chips that night

A Poker Chip is always Round and it's scratched In many Places
You won't mind the scratches when your close to many faces

Twenty-one numbers on the Side when you add up one to six
How many shouldn't bother you as long as you can get your chips

There's more than enough on the side in fact there’s Forty-Two
I hope it will be pleasing and more than enough for you
Everyone’s a winner when there are lots for you to do
With many Poker Chips to choose from so It doesn’t matter who.

As long as you come out on top with all your Poker Chips
And Poke them till you have them all with everyone who slips.
So many games that have been played when you undo your clips.
You'll win so many Poker Games when your shooting from the hips.

All those chips that you can win you may be lucky every night
You can be forever Poking if you use all of your might
Playing games your cards are dealt as long as your not tight
And if you play your cards correct everything will turn out right

I don't know why football has been dubbed the beautiful game
Who the hell has named it that who the ***** to blame
When I think of something beautiful football is not what I would claim
Wearing their stupid football kits there ugly in my frame
Every boring football game to me looks the ******* same
A bunch of guys in a field looking for a piece of fame
The exorbitant amount cash their paid is why they really came
Trying to impress the wags or bag themselves a dame
If your a fan that's up to you but please would you be tame
Don't be a ******* hooligan forget the opposition maim

Drinking to excess before the match well that is just pathetic
If you have to go to the game why go drunk and paralytic
Is hours of getting tanked up automatic or is it cybernetic
It's hardly surprising your personality isn't charismatic or magnetic
Don't act like a ******* ***** don't be so synthetic
Are they trained to be wankers or is it just genetic
What's beautiful about the drunkenness we're not so sympathetic
Football kits are not day wear or a fashionable cosmetic
Why waste your time and energy when your ****** and energetic
Endorsing violence with cops and fans justice is not poetic

What's the point of the police force when real crime is on latch
All the cops are wasting time trying to bust the football batch
If football matches are that bad then close the ******* hatch
And for a change why don't the cops protect a different patch
We don't want police on horseback or on motorway dispatch
Is it easier to stop coaches cos it's criminals they can catch
Ban all the ******* hooligans enforce a ticket ******
Revoke their rights to seasoned games with a stadium detach
What about the real crime, coppers don't make a scratch
Why should my taxes go to the cops to patrol the match

What's beautiful about Hillsborough when there's no safe place to hide
The disaster of 96 football fans they all got crushed and died
Where was the protection of the innocent when the gates where open wide
There's nothing beautiful about never walking alone when no ones by your side
Riots break out in stadiums when the football fans collide
328 deaths at Estadio Nacional that's their beauty set aside
What's beautiful about Bradford city 56 fans burned and fried
Is it really all worth dying for to protect your personal pride
How many people have died due to this game this isn't in the guide
How many more disasters, what will it take to turn the tide

Football is not the beautiful game with all the tragedies and rage
Football players should not be awarded such an extortionate wage
Getting paid a huge amount just to play one season
Why are they paid so much what is the ******* reason
Bending it like Beckham does that mean that he his gay
As he is married to Victoria he could have turned that way
The word cups 10 million dollar price tag its shamefully unlawful
Does the FA in the FA cup stand for ******* awful
All the death and disasters its an ugly truth and fact
The hooliganism and violence, well there's nothing beautiful about that

I'm an ugly man which mirrors cant deny.
its a wonder they don't crack when I go walking by.
cos there is so much cruelty and all I do is cry.
and I am unwanted I pray for the day I die.

We used to know a fellow a happy sort of chap
A stocky short black gentleman with an accent and a cap
He'd come around to our house with bottles in a bag
He'd arrive ****** up sometimes that was the only snag
We'd open the door and he'd say "I'm not stopping long"
But he could be there a week so that statement would be wrong
He'd have a drink with our dad they'd both be on the whisky
My dad would then fall asleep but he would get too frisky
Dancing about and laughing he would utter "gizz a kiss"
He would always try it on when he was on the ****
The trouble was he was the kind who was always on the lash
I guess that's why when he got paid he never got the cash
Cos at the Duke of Wellington he had drinks on the slate
And his wages their diminished at an alarming rate
If we where out when he turned up I guess he didn't think
Instead of leaving it round the back he'd throw away the drink
We'd say "leave the bag on the bench under the window ledge"
But every time he would dump the bottles in some ******* hedge
He could be a pain sometimes but not the nasty type of drunk
My sister named an item after him something that was shrunk
Gizz a kiss was the name given to my sisters shrunken head
That thing really resembled him except it was small and dead
He had a little catchphrase when things would start to wain
But it would be amusing to hear him say "ooh da pain"
We had a bonfire one night and he danced around the flames
Like a red indian chief it was one of his drunk games
An argument with our neighbours outside our house one night
He took a swing and missed his punch during that stupid fight
He fell in a drunken stupor but he just laughed out loud
He landed in the gutter with a smile all black and proud
The case of the fight was decided by the justice crown
It was in the Guardian the local paper of the town
He was the unknown black man which was ridiculously absurd
That's what the newspaper's reported the funniest thing we've heard
Coz few people didn't know him well only one or two
He was a well known gentleman that a lot of people knew
From the cops to local publicans the news statement was just silly
Because the unknown black man was mr yen known as old Black Billy

Who needs a box of Sandwiches, who needs a plump Pork Pie
Snap those flimsy plastic Knifes, and bleed your Hip Flask dry
***** up your Paper Serviettes, kiss Plates and Cups goodbye
The War on Picnics has begun, and Coffee Beans will die

Bar B Q's will let them burn, checked Blankets can be ripped
Don't squeeze those juicy Oranges, all Bananas must stay zipped
Lock away your Wicker Baskets, cos Yogi's post is piped
The average bear has had his day, and smartness will be stripped

Cobs of Corn are wilting; they can't believe their ears
Asparagus has now been thrown, along with all the spears
Fresh Cream is left to curdle, Milk shaking through the fears
Too many Hops have been deflowered, so stick your crate of Beers

Who wants your Cheese and Onion, spin on my Sausage Roll
The march of Walkers has commenced, and Crisps have gone Awol
Let Iceberg Lettuce melt away, toss out that Salad Bowl
Tuna Fish has just got canned, so has the Dover Soul

Vanilla in an Ice Cream Cone, that's frozen to the scoop
Hard Boiled Eggs are going soft, so they've all flown the coop
A ****** on a Cocktail Stick, one ***** that's on the droop
Ripe Tomatoes are now squashed, pack up your Cup a' Soup

Chicken has turned rather fowl, Ham is now wafer thin
Kitchen Roll has given up, their towels have been thrown in
Farmhouse Loafs caught Cottaging, will take it on the chin
Candy Floss is so confused, and gone into a spin

Pizzas have fell like Domino's, they refuse to leave the Hut
Oyster shells are clamming up, so they are staying shut
Quarter Pounders lost their purposes, now they can't bust a gut
The bluntness of cheep Meat Cleavers, just didn't make the cut

The revolution of French Fries, cos they've all had their Chips
Slavery has come to pass, amongst the Walnut Whips
All Smoothies have had it rough, no blend without the Pips
Escargot are much to slow, so they can't pass my lips

Spaghetti tried to slip away, because it doesn't give a Fork
It's hairy for the Coconuts, but they're too shy to talk
Pepsi has been smoking Coke, as well as pulled Roast Pork
The Battering of the northern Puds, has forced them back to York

All the Grapes are souring; they have good cause to Wine
Nuts are turning to bad Seeds, upon the lonesome Pine
Pigs say that Bacon rationing, "is really just a swine"
We've grounded our Black Pepper, and of coarse it's now too fine

Fallen Fruits are badly bruised, too hard for any healings
A Jacket that once was snug, lost in Potato Peelings
Jelly has thrown a wobbler, why Trifle with its feelings
Biscuits forced into a Jam, so no more Dodgy dealings

Those Chillies are so lazy, Watercress will stay in bed
It's as easy as a piece of Cake, but the Beetroots seeing red
Margarine has hardened up, and the news has not been spread
Beef Wellington has had the boot, and there's nowhere else to tread

Apples are forbidden fruit, and Ribs are going spare
The Pastry has flaked away, from my sweet Chocolate Éclair
Will Lady Godiva ride again, to show off her lovely Pear?
Pringles popped and cannot stop, but they decline to share

Salad Dressing that gets caught, well isn't that just rude?
All the Kebabs are angry, because their Vegetables are skewed
Bottles are remaining corked; it looks like we are *******
Food unwrapped will go to waste, now that its in the ****

My Candelabra's round the twist, and it's getting on my wick
Pineapple Chunks and Silver Skins, are sliding down the stick
Unsliced Bread on your doorstep, I'm afraid it's much too thick
Fields of Crops aren't dusted off, so you can't take your pick

Peperami was an animal, but now he's just a yob
Gourmet food has lost its class, and turned into a slob
My Butter has now melted, Lurpak has got no ****
Donut holes are being filled, so ******* PC Plod

The Salt is in the Cellar, Sugar has got the Cane
Lollipops have all been licked, Crackers have gone insane
Soufflés refuse to even rise, and Tea has felt the strain
Frankfurter has to face Riff Raff, and won't be sweet again

Tarts who've lost their Cherries, are no longer sat on top
Unlucky Scones have been let go, so they've all felt the drop
Beans have done a Runner; fizzy drinks have all gone Pop
Cops are giving us a fine, cos they want Picnics to stop

This old man, he touched one as soon as he did they where gone.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went walking home.

This old man, he hugged two they hit the ****** with a shoe.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went hobbling home.

This old man, he kissed three he brushed his ***** on their knee.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went strolling home.

This old men, he fingered four
He would have fingered a whole lot more.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went running home.

This old man, he licked five he really wanted to **** dive.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went crawling home.

This old man, he ****** six he ****** on all those fellows *****.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went drooling home.

This old man, he bummed seven that gay ******* was in **** heaven.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man went driving home.

This old man, he wanked eight he chocked their chickens it was great.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man got the bus home.

This old man, he ****** nine both men and women the ***** swine.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man took a taxi home.

This old man he ****** ten soaked their ***** so he did it again.
With a **** shat ***** whack gave the man a bone this old man never went home.

Would you tell me something, please don't keep me in suspense
I don't mean any upset, or make anyone feel tense
Usually I'm not bothered, I'll stay sitting on the fence
But for once, I just thought, I'd offer my two cents

I'm curious if you're aware, we're driven up the wall
Every time that you decide, to slow down to a crawl
Your almost paralytic, and you're never on the ball
We've seen slow moving objects, but you easily beat them all

Perhaps you are not conscious, and you aren't even awake?
Have you run out of petrol, have your pads seized on the brake?
There's nothing left in Staniforths, you've taken too much cake
Don't even get me started, on that stupid noise you make

I thought it was the Bisto Kids, who's come to join the party
The gravy's done, but just hold on, you need to be a smarty
We all know you will be first, because you're arty-farty
Your goal is a supper bowl, that's usually quite hearty

Let me tell you something, and I'll try to be precise
It's just a little peice of mind, a small piece of advice
Never hold your horses, if your sinking through thin ice
You'd only come a cropper, when it's us you sacrifice

You have this annoying habit, of just getting in the way
It's not even on occasion, because it happens every day
Do you have two broken ankles, are your feet stuck in set clay?
What exactly is the problem, what is causing the delay?

I suspect you may have parkinsons, or you're riddled with senility
Or are you attempting feebly, to Insult my sensibility?
Jesus Christ you've come too far, with inactive inability
The result of which is certainly, an impending liability

Why are you pacing back and forth, it's a cross contamination.
The last supper comes to mind, cos there is no explanation
If you scrutinise, I feel betrayed, with your food examination
You're like a giant tortoise, on a lazy stay vacation

We can't get to the cupboards, we can't open any door
The sideboard is a waste of time, your blocking every drawer
Sandwichs are on the move, crumbs fall down on the floor
Place your bread on porcelain, that's what the plates are for

Do I have to grow carbuncles, while I stand about and wait?
We don't need a running commentary, of what's on the buffet plate
It takes the **** at ten o'clock, when you stared out at eight
A Standing Charge should be enforced, set at the highest rate

Six eggs in a basket, what's in the cooking ***?
Tomatoes on a flat bread, thats a lovely fresh shallot
Potatoes with warm butter on, we're hoping they stay hot
I think I better call the Doc, and he will say Great Scott

Maybe you can't help yourself, and this is not your fault
But come on now it don't seem fair, when it causes a revolt
Is there any reason, why you're grinding to a halt?
You need a ******* cattle ****, or a massive lightning bolt

There doesn't seem much point to this, when everything's so slow?
You seem to be oblivious, and you don't even know
Will you collect two hundred pounds, somehow I don't think so
A Monopoly on standing still, cos you never will pass go

An arcade with all the classics, is where you ort to be
Then you could indulgence yourself, in a forgone guarantee
Mommy quick, I just can’t wait, give me a 50p
I know it will be challenging, to a very high degree

First there will be Pac-man, in a geriatric aider
Power pills will be no good, if your a ghostly masquerader
Donkey Kong will wait to long, for the dithering crusader
But your stuck and you've become, the ultimate Space Invader

Around the world in 80 days, there simply is no chance
***** Fog would just say no, without a second glance
You always appear stationary, and you're usually in a trance
If we started off from Dover, we would never get to France

The balloon would just come crashing down, because the airs gone cold
Rheumatism would set in, as Mr fog turned old
Poor Phileas would lose his hair, his head would just be bald
You'd make him wait, you'd seal his fate, his youth would be annulled

You've mastered the pure artform, of the dawdling Dilly-Dally
Good job your not a *******, in a seedy dark back ally!
I wouldn't dare to enter you. . . in our local summer rally
You'd only stop to analyse, the foliage in the valley

Don't hang around indefinitely, because we're all getting thinner
A hot meal would be nice, instead of a cold dinner
Be courteous to others, and we're onto a sure winner
It isn't very popular, when it's you that is the sinner

I sat here waiting patiently, so what's it all about?
Sunday launch took far too long, oh come on you old trout
You cannot reach a bean or pea, or a single brussel spout
**** this **** I'm off to bed, I'll ****** go without

Why are you so meticulous, cos it causes so much friction
To be frank when your a guest, it's not your jurisdiction
Its utterly ridiculous, but I will stand by my conviction
Please vacate the area, and get out my ******* kitchen

Stop hovering around the hob, and by the feeding trough
Your slower than a garden snail, your like a wingless moth
If I wasn't such a gentle soul, I'd tell you to *******
Perhaps your part Banana slug, and the slowest Three-Toed Sloth

I really feel *****, I hope there's something **** in the park
Under the moonlight, some loose women lurking in the dark
You see a car, there's a few people trying to make it
They try to squeeze, one by one right between her thighs
****** surprise

'Cause this thrilling, thrilling night
And no ones gonna stop me from ******* a good **** tonight
You know its thrilling, thrilling night
Your waiting for your turn inside a, slushy, ***** tonight, yeah

You hear a **** squelch, and realise
That someone's up her ***
You get your **** hard, and wonder if your ever getting some
You try to move, and hope that this is good fornication
And all the while, there's a fellow up her nice behind
Your watching him grind

'Cause this is thrilling, thrilling night
There's always second chances ******* the **** who's had forty *****.
(Thrilling, thrilling night)
Your still waiting for your turn inside a, cushy, ***** tonight

Nice features temp you, her **** on show and wet slits on parade
There's no escaping the jaws of her used **** this time.
(It's open wide)
This is the time for your ride

Your in her hot ****, you've finally got your ridged **** inside
filled with mens *** making it easier for your **** to slide
Now is the time, for you and I to **** each other together (yeah)
you've been ****** tonight, I don't really mind where other guys have been
I'm just to keen

This is thrilling, thrilling night
Cause I can fill you more than any fool could even if they try
(Thrilling, thrilling night)
So let me ******* right and share a sagging, *******, slagging, tagging, here tonight

'Cause this is thrilling, thrilling night
Girl, I can thrill you more than any fool could even if they try
(Thrilling, thrilling night)
I hope your **** is tight and share a slagging, *******

I hope it's thrilling tonight

Wankers cross the park land
Hoping she will lend a hand
They know she is to ****** good
She's been around the neighbourhood
And whoever she has ******
The blokes ***** she's also ******
And she don't care if the guys smell
She'll **** them and think what the hell

It's gonna be brill tonight
Ooh, baby
I'm gonna drill you tonight
Oh, darling
I'm gonna thrill you tonight
Ooh, baby
I'm gonna spill you tonight
Oh, darling
Thrilling night

The women's legs are in the air
The **** of forty ***** men
And grizzly blokes in her womb
Are plunging in when there is room
And though they like to **** away
There body's start to quiver
Cos none of them can resist
The ***** she'd deliver