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kirk Mar 2019
There are people in this world, and I don't mean to preach
I am exercising my rights, and my freedom of speech
Opinions will be expressed, but there's not much I can teach
Except these people drain the land, all ******* like a leach

If your a copper lover, and you like the boys in blue
Politics may float your boat, perhaps you don't have a clue
Royalists could take offence, you know what you should do
a WARNING from this moment on, I wouldn't read if I we're you

Just forget about crap brexit, it's the British who will pay
Who cares about a ******* deal, or if we go or stay
We never had no interest, with that ***** Theresa May
Her cabinet is full of ****, but they've always been that way

We don't need any governors, trying to take our land
Or politicians trying to rule, with their unruly hand
A state for every president, all thinking they are grand
And local law enforcement, I can not ******* stand

All people in authority, treat the rest of us like flops
The civil servants are not civil, nor are the ******* cops
Their issued with a uniform, and believe they are the tops
Illegal **** and seized drugs, are shared in bent cop shops

You could get a thrashing, locked behind that steel cell door
Or mowed down in a pursuit, or beaten to the floor
They get away with ******, and a hell of a lot more
In case you did not realise, Police have immunity from the law

Never mind Ladies and lords, in a world of pure desire
The deception of constabulary's, and the monarchy's a liar
They all adopt god statuses, it could be even higher
Escort them to the Wicker Man, sacrifice them in the fire

The Governments they ruin lives, their footsteps where dirt soils
Our leaders are unscrupulous, every country's left in spoils
Prime minister's winding up the world, in continuous loops and coils
The queen should go and **** herself, along with all the royals

A horses **** springs to mind, as well as ugly trolls
When I see that Prince Philip, and Camilla Parker Bowles
Charlie boy well what a ****, dragging Diana through the coals
Their the spongers of the state, all living of our tolls

Just take a look at palaces, and look at where we dwell
We're treated like we're second rate, and we all ****** smell
They stick their noses in the air, and you can always tell
That we're seen as the common folk, and we can go to hell

When seen in the public eye, you know they are looking down
They're no better then anyone else, underneath their royal gown
Why are they put on pedestals, and made jewels of the crown
And live in places that could house, half an ******* town

Who cares about false visits, who cares where they have been
Their only trying to look good, their not really all that keen
Flood victims and tsunamis, well they just want to be seen
We don't want the tossers sympathy, and ******* to the queen

Isn't she just too **** old, she should be abdicating
The rest of them can *******, their all so aggravating
Higher aches no one needs, because they are segregating
We're categorised into a class, and there is no negotiating

Disband the current monarchs, because they are out of season
The Tudors should've been the place, to put a royal freeze on
Why are they the privileged ones, there isn't a good reason
They are all above the law, and maybe that's high treason

All successors to the throne, they never had a spine
I'd rather be a *******, now the crown has lost it's shine
When there's marriage on the table, their not likely to decline
Has Meghan Markle ever been, The Bride of Frankenstein ?

I knew you were an actress, take a look at yourself now
You are like Kate Middleton, your just another royal sow
Is William a pig ******, he's reared three swine's but how?
Perhaps Harry's had a bit of  Kate, and bred that stupid cow

Because a prince just came along, and it was you they plucked
Was it the thought of royalty, when in you were then ******
Does aristocracy have its folds, are they all neatly tucked
The only job you have now, is lay down and get ******

Can I make one suggestion, now please don't take offence
You don't have to reproduce, with these two smarmy gents
Do you feel obligated, to mix in with their scents?
Or because you're now a royal, you have free tax and rents

Never mind the cushy jobs, when your in the special forces
Send William to the front line, after his training and courses
Why should our country pay, for all their false endorses
Is Margaret part of their clan, or one of the sad horses

The Duke of Edinburgh's award, why didn't he just pass
Sarah Ferguson was a commoner, and from a different class
Did Andrew like her freckles, did they extend down to her ***
She wasn't all that bothered, once behind the palace glass

Celebrities tolerate her majesty, they must have some endurance
Those poor ******* on that show, the Royal Variety Performance
Britain's Got Talent has it's winners, I hope they have insurance  
They're there for the prize money, not for the royals assurance

A variety of royalty, but there not all that enticing
So many bent police officers, who take small cuts from slicing
We don't want dodgy minister's, collecting and over pricing
It's a constabulary of governments with too much royal icing
kirk Dec 2018
The Christmas rush has started, and the countdown has begun
Advent doors are opened, but look what you have done
You've ridiculed the Bounty bar, and your spoiling all the fun
Why buy a Celebration, if your not happy after one ?

What's behind the cardboard doors, what did you all expect
A gold ring perhaps, or the keys for a corvette?
Why bother with an advent, when you have no respect
There's no need for chocolate genocide, or coconut neglect

You shouldn't be so outraged, with your Christmas Celebrations
I don't understand the malice, or the advent hesitations
If you don't want a bounty, buy heroes or sensations
It's hardly a matter for Interpol, or the united nations

Celebrations are your choice, there's no cause for your regret
The outcome is quite obvious, why are you so upset
Are the pictures not a clue, to what your gonna get ?
No rarity of Bounty hunters, so don't mess with Boba Fett

Are Maltesers that much lighter, in a Galaxy far away
Maybe you will find Mars, in between the Milky Way
A Twix or Galaxy Caramel, they we're for a different day
But you've dissed your celebrations, and no longer want to play

Some YouTube clips have surfaced, and I have read the blogs
I think it's just pathetic, seeing chocolate thrown down bogs
Your creating your own misery, as well as yule time logs
You won't be very happy, when your toilet blocks and clogs

On day two you still complained, and you wanted to resist
Is that because the chocolate, was not on your Christmas list
Would you be pleased with mistletoe, if you never did get kissed
Christmas spirit has been lost, with your Snickers in a twist

Some people are just morons, that's the message that they've sent
Their expectations are to high, and cruel jokes are never meant
Why is Bounty not as good, to start of an event
A Snickers in your calendar, doesn't mean a ruined advent
Following the recent reports concerning the Celebrations Advent Calendar.
It was reported to be more than a disappointment to chocolate lovers.
Behind door number one low and behold was a Bounty much to customers dismay.
To add insult to injury what did celebrations manufactures do then, they only went and put a Snickers behind the second door.
Can you believe the sheer audacity of some companies especially ones manufacturing Christmas products.
According to some people who decided to purchase these calenders their whole Christmas had been ruined because the worse two chocolates had been used first.
These being bounty and snickers what a choice to begin the Christmas countdown wouldn't you say !
I kind of understand the logic here if you think about it then would it not make sense to incorporate what is considered to be the worse choice within the Celebrations range to be included first.
Then as the countdown commences the excitement then gets better as Christmas eve approaches.
This way there isn't going to be a bigger disappointment as Christmas gets closer.
But I guess it is subjective as to what the worse chocolate choice is, personally I like bounty and snickers, in fact I would rather have those than say Twix or the out of proportion Maltesers which is unnatural to say the least.
******* imagine if these calendars started of with that oh the uproar we would have had then.
I don't know about you but if you can't spread the joy and the Christmas spirit by a simple advent calendar then maybe they should stop making them, just give up on the failure (according to certain customers) of inserting the incorrect pieces of chocolate.
Due to this end I decided to write this small piece on the peoples disappointment in their celebrations advent calendar
kirk Dec 2019
Good hearts are lost forever, why do they break and bend
An Image locked inside our minds, your journeys final end
Why have you both been taken, it's so hard to comprehend
One moment and your lives are gone, we'll never heal or mend

If only you wasn't at that place, in the darkness and the rain
Why was the timing so precise, when there is nothing to gain
To sever life so innocent, and inflict so much pain
It hurts so much to even think, we wont see you both again

Some questions are not answered, why did you have to die ?
Two precious lives have been lost, what is the reason why ?
I imagine your last moments, and the place where you may lie
And if you were cold and suffering, before you said goodbye ?

If only you had stayed at home, and you retained your health
And never even braved the storm, on the night December twelfth
There wouldn't be the horror, of cars hitting you in stealth
No red Mercedes to take away, the last of your life's wealth

Your more than my Uncle Alan, your a brother, friend and dad
Fate intervened and cut life short, a small dog and a lad
When I think of the people, and the faithful friends they've had
The loss of you and Maddie, just makes us twice as sad

If only Maddie was left behind, and you didn't ring that bell
You wouldn't have been on that bus, you'd be alive and well
Just minutes from that awful time, the place that you both fell
Will guilty party's speak the truth, will they ever kiss and tell ?

Who is held accountable, who are the one's to blame
Killing with a knife or gun, well really its the same
We don't want bad excuses, that are meaningless or lame
Are you all that innocent, if Alan's life is left in shame

If only you had been seen, why was you out of sight ?
It's hard to come to terms with, when the circumstance ain't right
We didn't know your final thoughts, on that cold and rainy night
Or that you would not survive, to see the morning light

I'll always have an open wound, when I shed my final tear
Knowing you have gone away, and wont be here next year
Both of you must have felt, the pain of your own fear
When you we're struck, all of us lost, something we hold dear
For my Uncle Alan and his dog Maddie who both died on December 12th 2019

Article as it appears in the Star and Advertiser:

A PENSIONER who died in a collision with a car on Thursday has been named as Alan Jeffs (76).

Mr Jeffs, of Rotherham, and his dog Maddie, who also died at the scene, collided with a red Mercedes SLK which had been travelling along Bawtry Road towards Wickersley roundabout at about 5.40pm, a police spokeswoman said.

The driver of the Mercedes stopped at the scene and is helping with the investigation, the spokeswoman added.

"Mr Jeffs’ family said that he had lived all his life in Rotherham, surrounded by his sisters and brother who all lived nearby," said the spokeswoman.

"They said he loved his dog dearly and enjoyed taking her for walks.

"They have also asked for privacy at what is a very difficult time, especially in the run-up to Christmas."

Enquiries are ongoing and officers are asking anyone with information to contact them on 101 quoting incident number 661 of December 12
kirk Nov 2017
All the classic adverts a lot of them are missed
Adverts that are made today the producers must be ******
They're nothing like the classic ads I'm afraid I must resist
There isn't any flare or finesse so please would you desist
The same adverts are always shown there's no surprise or twist
Adverts are not liked these days I hope you get the gist
Your all just sitting there with you ***** clutched in your fist
Messing up your nice pressed suits with a swift one of the wrist
New adverts bore you to tears but it's all that you enlist
Cos your making more backhanders it's why you still persist
Stop relying on the sponsors we know there **** is kissed
And take particular notice of the old ones on this list

A skeleton with video tapes told us how its gonna be
Re-record not fade away with Scotch's lifetime guarantee
Whiskers was the food of choice according to the stats
It was preferred by at least eight out of ten cats
Noodle Doodle twisted spaghetti into motor cars and houses
He twisted it into butterflies and eek noodle doodle mouse's
A hippo made a fruity drink way down in the Congo
He danced a dainty tango and a rhino called it Um Bongo
There was only one Tea that could make you go OO!
Sue Pollard and Frankie Howard found out with Typhoo
But those little Tetley Tea Folk know without a doubt
That 2000 perforations would let the flavour flood out
You knew what to do to put the freshness back
Every time you vacuumed and did the Shake and Vac
Don't wake up and go to town use the one all over smell
Insignia's shampoo and deodorant, aftershave and shower gel
Jeremy had a roaring toothache again he liked to many treats
he could have had a crocodile smile without eating sweets
She was the Right One she would skate to get it there
Nicollete Sheridan delivered Martini anytime anyplace anywhere
A second class ticket to Dottingham a misunderstanding caper
Tunes could make you breath more easily with its Menthol vapour
Milk in every half pound one chunk lead to another
With a glass and a half for every Dairy Milk lover
Muhammad Ali and Benny Hill knew their coming fate
They watched out with a Humphrey about, drinking Unigate

If your into protection with your Mate's or a Durex
You'd get that rubber feeling during penetrative ***
Unless your like Fred Brewster and Geronimo was there
A friend that was washable and like an inner tube to wear

A chocolate bar sang about everybody's case of the Fruit and Nut
David Rappaport could tell it was Tizer when his eyes where shut
Kia Ora's to orangey for crows, it was just for him and his dog
Spuds wanted to be Smiths Crisps and not an average Joe Blog
Bars Iron Brew from Girders the Scottish people like
A second thought at junctions think once think twice think bike
You Crossed your heart for a better figure with a Playtex Bra
The Renualt Clio had a certain flair for Nicole and Papa
Flowers delivered from Interflora making your day bright
It was a taste to make you shine ohhh ohhh Vitalite
Sainsbury's world war one solders shared and called a truce
Maynard's Wine Gums set the juice loose aboot the hoose
Why would you have cotton when Galaxy was silk?
It was cool for cats when you woke up to Milk
The man from Del Monte loved fresh fruit so he said Yes
Frosty's where Grrreat, Tony Tiger expected nothing less
But Esso was the only petrol with a tiger in the tank
A galloping black horse was the icon for Lloyds bank

Its your life with Tampax you jumped around and skated
Jack Dee had John Smiths, was his Widget overrated ?
Flowers where given on Impulse hoping the ladies dated
Mr Soft loved Trebor mints a strange world was created
Flake was the Crumbliest chocolate was that understated?
Marmite was the kind of spread you loved or even hated
Michelin Man was made of tyres he was rubber weighted
A family always had there diner, with Oxo it was plated

Castlemain Four X wouldn't give anything else, Australians would preach
Unless you where Paul Hogan and Fosters Amber Nectar he would teach
But Heineken would refresh the parts other beers could not reach
Strongbow was strong straight and true made from apple and not peach
Broad at the shoulders slim at the hips Big Bad Dom Domestos Bleach
The Jolly Green Giant loved Sweet corn with his ** ** ** speech

Please broadcast something good, instead of all your trash
There is No Cornetto's from Italy! none shown from this stash
Like Cadburys and Nestle or the robot men from Smash
You had a break with Kit Kat and convenient packet mash
No Dr Whites ***** Pads I don't mean to sound so brash
Where is Castrol GTX or Buzby there's not even a rehash
All Gambling and Insurance Ads tying to get our cash
No concern about the national debt or any loan backlash

Rolf Harris teaching kids to swim in the water they did love it
I bet if they where around today they'd tell old Rolf to shove it
I felt sorry for that poor Churchill dog I admired his endurance
To put up with Rolfs wobble board that isn't much insurance

Jimmy Saville talked of safety he clunked clicked every trip
But Jimmy's mind was somewhere else thinking who he'd like to strip
And British Rail where unaware when he was trying not to slip
With Jims intent with his Railcard to get you in his grip

You may think its controversial, you may think its the wrong call?
I Guarantee the companies thought they where on the ball
I bet these ads are a blot and drive them up the wall
If they'd have known about these guys they wouldn't feel so small
These companies would not have hired Jim or Rolf at all
It doesn't matter if they're the ones who are not standing tall

Why cant new adverts be like the old ones that we had?
What's happened to production why are they so bad?
They are all so boring and there really rather sad
None of them are out there that make you feel so glad
Why do you insist on showing ones that drive us mad
Your viewers are so ******* board more than just a tad
everyone is getting annoyed even our mum and dad
stop showing the new adverts stop ruining our pad

We don't want life insurance or sponsors for every show
We don't want Go Compare adverts, the Gtech can surely go
There are no Classic overtones they've lost that certain glow
Its boring seeing the same adverts shown in the same row
Phone commercials are not wanted it may be quite a blow
Loans and expensive Sky packages the people should say no
Please would you take some advice stop keeping these in tow
And bring back all the classic ads and stop going with the flow
kirk Aug 2017
Lowestoft was that small town the window crisis hit
Smudgy smears always appeared mixed with grubby grit
Filthy stains on dingy pains and ***** birdie ****
Cob webs spread like Spider-Man an attic window pit

The anguish of the people, through all their daily strains
Townsfolk getting upset with not seeing through the pains
Because of ***** windows and because of all the stains
Glass windows needed washing to remove the gritty grains

Many a small window and so many sheets of glass
Simple and posh leaded, no matter what the class
Awkward windows out of sight, you'd really rather pass
Reaching them is such a stretch, a real pain in the ****
They will be all shiny just like newly polished brass
When we stick our ladders down on your drive or grass

If you want your windows cleaned then just give us a call
Every smeared, smudged surface, we're equip to clean them all
Two savvy ladies on the case, arriving with a run not crawl
So if your in a ***** crises then don't you ever stall

We'll investigate your sheets of glass inserted in your wall
Giving them a good rub down before your windows fall
Even in a stately home, manor or great hall
Nothing is to high or low neither short or tall

All residential areas houses in your neighbourhood
Bungalows to tower blocks, we polish pretty good
Conservatories and porches, plastic through to wood
Industrial estates and caravans, cleaned the way they should
Wherever they are situated and wherever they are stood
Shops and local businesses, we'll turn up in a flood

If your windows are not clean and you've reached your tether
We'll grab all of our equipment and get everything together
Buckets, blades and applicators we're always window clever
Getting there before your despair and in any kind of weather
As long as we can make you smile with our cleaning endeavour
Make sure you call the best the girls of " All Weather Leather"
kirk Oct 2018
A man after midnight you can have, you know I'm always keen
Things go bump in the darkness, doesn't matter if it's seen
The Nakedness in the shadows, hot wetness when I've been
Would you like a feel tonight, and a **** Halloween ?

I will turn up after dark, way into the time of night
Do you want me in the night, do you want a ****** bite
It doesn't matter if things aren't seen, or if they're out of sight
I'm sure our peaks can be reached, before it gets too light

So lay temptation in my way, sexuality is your lure
I can not resist the dark, when my thoughts are so impure
I'll always want the ecstasy, I am so very sure
You can take me anywhere, if you let me through the door
kirk Feb 2016
It's our anniversary well at least it would have been.
If we were still together and this day we would have seen.
With laughter, love and specialness between the two of us.
It's a shame we can not do that now we’re on a different bus .
I would love to hold you close and make pure love with you.
But now that is just my fantasy because there's nothing I can do.
The feeling of your body and touch are now within my mind.
Your lovely nakedness and beauty are simply one of a kind.
My heart bleeds every night as the tears role down my face
I will always love you even though your out of place.

My thoughts are always of you now that you have gone away.
I really do so miss you more than words can ever say.
You will always be on my mind it will always be this way.
And I truly do belong to you more so on this special day.

Every moment belongs to you your always in my thought
Now I can not see your face it's your image that is caught
So I am just a wanderer in a void of darkness in the night.
Nothing will ever be the same again it will never be just right.
I shall wonder forever alone to you nothing is compared.
Because I do not have you and the love that we both shared.
It doesn't matter whether we are apart and its for an eternity
No on will replace you no one else is good enough for me.
Only ever one person touches me I think that you know who.
And my whole body and soul will always belong to you
kirk May 2018
A miracle of meetings, one chance that life presents
Lost souls of a poets heart, within your own contents
Is it a dream of muses, drifting between events
Or mystic forces influences, inside their own segments

Poets are forever lost, when they've fallen from life's tree
Lonesome wanderers in the night, but to a high degree
Luna's fate awaited her, a muse that's known as Ste
A smitten world created, set between two lovers plea

Poets who will take the chance, is more than just a rumour
Songs are sung within our words, a touch of written humour
Captured hearts are worth the world, if only they'd met sooner
Floating seas of tranquil bliss, Ste found his lovely Luna

Chances seldom come along, so take them while you can
Fate intervened when Luna came, and found her poet man
Distant stars that are found, life sometimes has a plan
The Muse of Ste's completed heart, when her and Ste began

There's nothing more prolific, than muses hearts combined
Especially if your soul is lost, and your hearts confined
The love of a true poet's words, will sometimes be aligned
One chance fate has taken, two hearts are now entwined

Nothing is as truthful, when lovers have to wait
A void of words are mingled, infused as they create
Two souls are united, chances are not too late
Even lovers can be found, if you choose a poets fate
A small dedication for two special people who met through the art of poetry
kirk Aug 2017
Ground floor: pulsators,
**** beads and penal briefs
****** and vibrators
Rubbers and **** sheaths.
Going up!..

First floor: Pheromones,
Gents blow up dolls
Whips, clamps, tassels, peephole bras
Crotchless ******* and body oils. Going up!..

Second floor: **** rings,
Adult films and ***** books
Edible knickers and realistic vaginas
Naked massage and Brothel.
Going down!..
Life at 'Dis-grace Brothers'
kirk Mar 2019
A razor is my nemesis, because the blades do not behave
Gouging cuts into my skin, that is the path they pave
But it is unavoidable, I have become a bathroom slave
To rid myself of excess hair, from a shave that I don't crave

Ever since the birth of man, it goes back many years
A growth around your lip and chin, extending to your ears
It may go down particularly well, among the bents and queers !
I'd rather have a smoother face, to avoid Ducky's and Dears

Why do men want ****** hair, why do they want a beard
Bits of stubble sticking out, a design that's rough and weird
A Goatee isn't very good, it's cattle that's not reared
You wouldn't get tickled or scratched, if beards had not appeared

Okay some guys might look alright, when they are neat and trim
Scruffy ones they just look bad, and some are rather grim
I don't want hairs growing on my legs, or any other limb
Nice smooth skin is my preference, and it's not a passing whim

There is just one problem, something I would love to ditch
Hair removal is a pain, and it's an evolution glitch
When the morning comes along, I have that same old itch
Having to shave is immanent, and a *******

How many ****** shaves, does a man have to endure
Eventually your skin goes dry, from this old daily chore
You get cut far too often, I don't want it anymore
Razor blades no longer work, and that's a shaving flaw

Girls complain about their periods, it must be so frustrating
With all that blood just seeping out, when you are menstruating
You wouldn't like it daily, there is a period of waiting
It only happens once a month, so it's not as irritating

I'd rather shave twelve times a year, without anymore hair traces
No cuts and grazes for a month, in many different places
Unscrupulous razor companies, would have no more hairs and graces
Hairy smiles would be wiped off, from their stupid corporate faces

A close shave does not exist, I think it's a fare bet
That manufactures cut your throat, with electric dry and wet
All the claims of the best, that a man can get
Sharp shavers are a fabrication, and that includes Gillette

The cheaper brands are just as bad, shops own brand or BIC
You may as well tape a knife, to a piece of stick
Are potato peelers any sharper, would they be a valid pick
Would chipped skin be as bad, or just get on your wick

One shave is not sufficient, you have to do it twice
There's always bits left behind, which isn't very nice
I would've tried the No No, an expensive hair device
Razor blades and shavers, have such a high tagged price

It makes me cross and angry, because there is no reward
When buying beauty products, which they say you can afford
Why cant you have a body switch, or a desired level cord
So you can turn of your hair, and sod Wilkinson Sword

Excess hair I do not want, except for on my head
Is stress the cause of going thin, when it begins to shed
Would it not be better, coming of your face instead
Shaving would then be reduced, and not something to dread

Many men go through the curse, of losing it on top
The older that you become, your head hairs for the chop
A full crown is all I want, why take away my mop
I didn't want a bad harvest, by losing half my crop

The only place I wanted it, I've lost my style and flair
Why does a bald patch appear, why does your bonce go bare
Is it my comeuppance, with the creation of a glare
All I want from follicles, is my head full of hair

If you want to have a beard, then that is fare enough
Don't be mistaken for a *****, by looking like a scruff
I don't want a hairy face, or stubble that is rough
Or a weird beard with scraggy parts, or any yuk *** fluff

Some men just let beards grow, and maybe that's just crazy
It's not as though they look sweet, or as pretty as a daisy
Personal hygiene may not count, if they are always lazy
To me it isn't fashionable, it makes you look old and hazy

Who wants to be a yeti, but perhaps it is too late
And wild men roaming in the woods, is evolutions own cruel fate
No matter how much I shave, it's the scratchy bits I hate
Wasted shaves when hair returns, why does it lay in wait

How much has man evolved, how much as man progressed
Personally I think the state of hair, has radically regressed
It's based on my own experience, so perhaps I am obsessed ?
Who wants a hairy monkey, when your naked and undressed ?

There is a smooth advantage, when you are misbehaving
A kiss feels much more sensual, without the crazy paving
This is all that drives me, although it is enslaving
Even with the nice things, I'm not craving for a shaving
kirk Oct 2018
To impregnate a women, you have to feel the horn
Being soft is not much good, or if your ***** is worn
Many men they want a ****, but don't want babies born
It's best to avoid men like Boyd, because he's low on corn

If you have unprotected ***, and your cocktails on the prawn
Then pregnancy is immanent, unless a line is drawn
Wearing a sheaf is sensible, that's if it isn't torn
Make sure your rubbers in one piece, or watch some ******* ****

****** stimulation can be achieved, when there is a certain need
You soon had some excuses, when your rubber tore at speed
There's no need to lie, because it's just for your own greed
Suddenly your low on ***** after you had your ****** feed

You didn't mind your pleasure, when you layed and did the deed
Some consequences matter, when you know where things may lead
No mention of low ***** counts, you came and spread your seed
Pregnancies have happened, because low ***** counts can still breed

Hay now Boyd I wonder how, your ***** count is so low ?
It seems to me your capable, but you don't want to know
If you can break a ******, then it just goes to show
The only thing you can count, is a free cash money flow

Counting *****'s not easy, was it sitting in a row
Low ***** count is an excuse, for just another ***
Responsibility is not your thing, you want to ***** and go
You don't care you've had your ***, instead of going slow

Avoid Boyd because I think, his low count is a lie
It can get through rubber sheafs, and it doesn't even try
Destroying morning after pills, it looks like his counts sky high
His Low count cant be so low, to kiss pregnancy goodbye

He's implied the kids not his, its enough to make you cry
It didn't bother him before, when he layed in the pie
Now that pregnancies occurred, he's now done up his fly
Suddenly his ***** is low, and that's the reason why

Isn't Boyd just a boy, but with an added D
The laziness of proper names, at least to a degree
What's his parent's thinking of, are they completely of their tree
What's wrong with naming a boy, ben or pete or lee

Is it a bit like catchphrase, where you say what you see
Was there born a baby boy, holding brook bond tea
I don't think Boyd is a real name, but you may disagree
A better name I could supply, and I wouldn't charge a fee

Poor old Boyd his ***** is low, they must be quite annoyed
Their waiting for orders to go, but now there unemployed
Most of them are killed off, and the rest just get destroyed
Not one of those *****'s hanging high, unlike Harold Lloyd

He's claiming that his count is low, he must be paranoid
******* that rips rubber, that's some ***** you should avoid
Combating morning after pills, once his ***** has been deployed
If you value your own dignity, for **** sake avoid Boyd
kirk Jul 2017
What I would not do With a 30 stone fat lass
She'd have big bouncing **** and a ******* ******* ***
Sniffing round her *** crack and her flabby knicker stash
Lapping at her bucket **** her hot wet sweaty ****
******* up her *******, two in her creamy mash
If your not sure where that is, its where she takes a slash

When I pull her knickers off like tents without the poles
then I will have access to her ***** ******* holes
and when I'm up inside her Between those fatty rolls
I'd release those mammoth mounds out of their Playtex Bowls

When it comes to fatty ***** your in for a BIG surprise
There's plenty to grab onto when you squeeze those hippo thighs
It is so delightful you just won't believe your eye's
Cos when you **** a fat girl there's more room for compromise

And While I'm riding on the waves of her belly ripples
Her fleshy thighs around me, surrounding fat that triples
She'd wrap me in her tree trunk legs while I **** her strawberry *******
And she can have a go on top of me even if it cripples

Once her juice is flowing Her **** I'd like to pound
But I would do it ******* just like a rampant hound
Her ***** slapping together her stomach resting on the ground.
And I'd enjoy squeezing her fat bits while ******* that huge mound

I suppose It would be like bonking a king size waterbed
when I finished up her **** I'll **** her **** instead
After I have spunked up and my pencils out of led
I'll stick my fish stained rod in her mouth and she can **** my fishy head

It doesn't matter how fat she is it really isn't valid
Or if she isn't all that healthy, pale faced and a bit pallid
it's probably due to fatty foods and not much in the way of a salad
But after all so ****** what this is a fat woman's ballad

Just because she may not be thin and you may laugh and smirk
Your obviously a closed minded pre- programed Pox doctors clerk
Because I'd rather **** a fat girl than have a **** or ****
So what's the difference how big you are as long as your rude bits work

So if your big and fat, obese or overweight
Let us get together I'm sure it will be great
If you want *** give me a call and we can make a date
come on get your knickers off no matter if its late

And when your sat there naked with your **** upon my middle digit
Knelt in the floor beside you ready with my ridged widget
I hope your not uncomfortable and you don't begin to fidget
Well never mind, its okay I can always **** a **** little ******
kirk Dec 2019
Be careful of the darkness, be careful of the night
Don't you ever walk alone, beneath the full moonlight
Lurking in the shadows, could be victims first blood bite
The luna cycle is complete, now the moon is fully bright

Hiking across the countryside, it may turn into a sham
Don't get lost and find yourself, inside the Slaughtered Lamb
What exactly is the meaning, of the five point pentagram ?
A star to warn of evil, or an ancient symbol scam !

If you find yourself alone, and your walking in the dark
Don't ever vere of the roads, and don't go in the park
Be weary of the shadows, and beware of
full moons bark
Stay out of the subways, or you'll be the lupins mark

Traveling on the underground, well this would be your choosing
Empty platforms late at night, could turn out quite confusing
A jagged tooth's awaiting you, your life you may be losing
Claws severing your mortal soul, and you wont find it amusing

You will know the moon is full, when the werewolf roars
A soft throat is easily torn, if you stroll on the Moore's
I don't know if you'll be safe, being locked behind closed doors
The wolfs curse is haunting you, a scratch from blooded claws

You'll suffer an unnatural death, if you don't watch where you tread
Condemned to walk in limbo, and be part of the undead
Decaying flesh on rotted bones, untill the last bloodline is bled
A silver bullet should be used, to sever the cursed thread

So don't dismiss the wolf-man, as a convict or a loon
With supernatural forces, it means that no one is immune
Cycles of the werewolf, well they come round all too soon
The Lycanthrope is watching you, so beware the moon
Well I started to write this quite some time ago hoping for a Halloween release however it took longer than I thought but finally it is here in time for Christmas, wrong season I know but the werewolf does appears every month according to folklore and the luna cycle which occurs every 29.5 days so it's still relevant
kirk May 2016
Its another blooming birthday and things are still the same
For my birthday wishes I would like a ****** game
I don't mean just a quickie nothing so ****** lame
When I blow my candles out my wishes wont be tame

Just for once it would be nice to lap a hot wet slot
Between a pair of girly legs and getting oh so hot
I would get all naked and show you what I've got
With my erected 9 Inch I'll give you the whole lot

Lapping up her juices with my fingers up her ***
As I get more turned on I will **** my loaded Gun
The chambers fully loaded full up with my creamy ***.
And I cant wait to fire it up inside a ladies Bun

But I suppose it will be just like any other day
And I wont have a **** time, no ***** wants to play
So I'll just keep on dreaming of those ladies in the hay
I'll have to have a **** instead for my own birthday

Maybe for my birthday now that I am forty three
I think you know what I would like and the place I want to be
Undressed with a lady, but I will have to wait and see.
I'll keep wishing for a **** time but hay baby that's just me
kirk Feb 2016
The love we have between us was there right from the start
Now that things have turned bad it’s torn apart my heart
I hate this empty feeling it is you that makes me whole
I need your love and feelings you are my heart and sole

The pain my heart is feeling nothing ever will endeavour
It is only you I love this is always and forever
No one else is good enough no one can compare
I am so lost right now without you being there

How could this have happened when our love was strong
When we had our special names and our own special song
Our love is so worth saving we both should hold on tight
And never let our love go because our love is right

I became your spongy when you looked into my eyes
And I fell in love with you, which came as a surprise
A love that grew inside of me knowing you where mine
I loved you from that moment and for the rest of time

Our love was there already but we just did not know
Until our first loving touch I didn’t want to let you go
You asked me if your cheeky you where cheeky enough
You where so very cheeky ever time that we made love

I really loved your body I don't know why you hid
You asked if I wanted to see you again I definitely did
Your body was so **** there was no need to hide
Now I can not see you my heart has bled and died

You had the perfect body I love the way you are
Your kiss your face your beauty are sexier by far
So much I really miss you and what we used to do
Because it's really simple I will always love just you
kirk Oct 2017
What the hell has happened to the adverts on our TV screens?
When Our teeth shined with Sensodine, Colgate and Mccleans
Kinder made surprising eggs and Heinz Meanz tinned Baked Beans
Fairy Liquid lasted longer, houses cleaned with Mr Sheens
Daz Automatic, Surf and Ariel washed clothes in our machines
Which brings me to that buff hunky guy washing Levi jeans

Winalot and Pedagree where good food for our dogs
Robinson's Jam old icon was mascot Golly wogs
Fudge fingers where just enough to give our kids a treat
Not even a Black Hole could eat three Shredded Wheat
Gillette was the best shave, that a man could get
Happiness was achieved, with a cigar called Hamlet
Surfing was the mark of a man, the fragrance of Old Spice
Brut had an unbeatable smell even Henry Cooper smelt quite nice
You know when where Tangoed when your slapped in the chop
Magic begun when we heard the fun of Snap Crackle and Pop
"Hey I'd love a Babycham" in that cool smooth cocktail pub
Biscuits had a lot of chocolate when you joined their Club
The Honey Monster told his mummy to tell us about the Honey
Taking it easy with a Caramel from that **** Cadburys Bunny
Leonard Rossiter and Joan Collins had Cinzano on a plane
The secret lemonade drinker sneaked downstairs for R Whites again
If you know what's good for you, you would eat Weetabix
Chimpanzees did all kinds things for the taste of PG tips
Turkish Delight had eastern promise her hair he had to stroke
You where in love for the very first time when you drank a Coke
If you had a Mars a day we where helped to work, rest and play
A secret agent risked everything because the lady loved Milk Tray

The quest of a silent messenger in case you had forgot
Seeking for the timeless taste of the larger of Lamot
Carling had the three in one with the cowboy in the west
From love songs to soap powder Black Label was the best
Searching for Fly Fishing  J R Hartley got downhearted
Good old Yellow Pages is where he should have started
Garath Hunt had Nescafe he shook the coffee bean
With Una Stubbs and Sarah Green and even Diane Keen
The cute Kid with the glasses he was strong and tough
The Milky Bars are on him, the best where good enough

What do we get on our screens in our modern time
All of the ads are terrible their broadcast is a crime
All you are providing is the same old ******* grime
Ramming the same thing down our throat like an hourly chime
Its the same as TV programming there's nothing that is prime
With all the cheap reality shows there boring and just slime

What is it with the crap Go Compare to many in this set
The PPI's and Clear Score there all a public social threat
Too many online Bingo sites it seems they took all they could get
All these loans and gambling its no wonder people are in debt

Cillit Bang it sounded good when used by Barry Scott
Boy that stuff can't really work cos he had a ****** lot
I don't think it was all that good and not so very hot
If its in the cheep shop I may give it a small shot

The Gtech cordless vacuum it simply has no class
With its 40 minuet run time I think id rather pass
It doesn't seem that powerful I know this may seem harsh
Break free from the Gtech Air Ram and ram it up your ****

And all those crap insurance ads I really do despair
Especially that ******* opera singer singing Go Compare
With his stupid ****** false moustache, Tuxedo and black hair
Get rid of this obnoxious guy and nobody cares where

All those ****** ******* adverts they have on nowadays
nothing like the larger ads or the man with the milk trays.
all you get is insurance ads none of which that pays
or loans that you don't ******* want or any of their strays

Get rid of all these ****** ads put them on the shelf
I don't mean to appear arrogant, I could do better myself
Stop melting our minds, we cant shield our minds in stealth
To many poor folks sat at home with messed up mental health
All you execs make millions your only interested in wealth
And reinstate some proper ads stop thinking of yourself

So bring back all the old ads they where more amusing
Inventive and informative more things for the choosing
Not like they are today all boring, some confusing
Monotonous and self obsessed you only end up snoozing
Always going with the flow with all the same ads cruising
Come on all you ad execs its the public that your losing
kirk Feb 2016
How do I mend a broken heart
My entire world has fallen apart

How do I find hope in a brand new day
When the one I love has gone away

My mind overflows with memories of you
Of all that we've shared, all that we knew

I long for your touch and your warm embrace
The look in your eyes, the smile on your face

My dreams are filled with your gentle kiss
I wake and cry for all that I miss

How do I mend a broken heart
When our love is so far apart

My heart knows to love only you
It won't let you go, what do I do

Our moments together were precious and few
But I cherished them all more than you knew

I love you my angel and always will
I loved you then and I love you still
kirk Aug 2017
If I could go back to my childhood
I tell you that I definitely would
Things were better in those days
Simplistic in many different ways
It was alright when I was a kid
Not many worries nothing was hid
And family life was really okay
Not like things are today
A few old times that I did like
Family holidays, my first bike
In the garden with my two sisters
Ones now gone I really miss-her
Happy times its not the same
Childish things playing games
In the sandpit our dad made
Outside when we all played
And our mum in her chair
by the fire when she sat there
All of the dogs that we had
Some where timid, some where mad
They made us happy, brought us joy
So soft and lovely like a toy
We used to love are life together
But nothing ever lasts forever
as time went on things then changed
People altered things rearranged
Some people left and moved on
Things where lost forever gone
Sadness and pain after a time
Nothing more then a distant mime
Trials and tribulations years gone by
And lots of things that made us cry
I liked it better when things where fine
Times gone by now memories of mine
Nowadays there's not much to say
I don't much like things this way
Okay there are a few good things
But I still don't like what the future brings
If only I could return, I was happier then
Relive the good times, be happy again
It would be lovely but so very far
Back where all my memories are
kirk Nov 2017
The world is such a cruel place due to corrupt world leaders
1000's of innocent people have died because of those fat bleeders
Enforced False Flags and Cover ups all are rich men feeders
Fake terrorism and illegal wars corruption for war breeders
People believe in what they're shown coming from false pleaders
The public duped with news edits, paid actors and news readers
A life long race for world ******* for competing speeders
Those paying close attention the loyal followers and heeders

Roswell and Area 51:
For years its existence was denied they didn't want you to know
Did a flying saucer crash in 1947 in Roswell New Mexico ?
Where's the debris and Alien Bodies gone, just where did they go ?
Was there a Disc recovered by a ranch has it gone with the flow
Military Announcements of a flying saucer crash was this their woe?
Why was it suddenly a weather balloon was this all done for show?

What are the events surrounding Area 51 and the Roswell crash ?
Was there a second crash site, was there an alien body stash ?
Why did RaaF report a captured Saucer then its gone in a flash ?
Did the Deputy sheriff see a 100ft wide craft or was his claim to rash ?
Was an alien autopsy performed we're the Grays pulled from the ash ?
Maybe there's an alien conspiracy or is it political propaganda trash ?

1963 in Dealy Plaza 22nd of November was the day
Shots struck John F Kennedy the President of the USA
An open top limo in Dallas is how they Murdered JFK
Gunmen and the Grassy Knoll was it a government betray ?
The Texas School Book Depository a scapegoat had to pay
Lee Harvey Oswald set to fall, could it have been the CIA ?

Moon Landings:
Where the moon landings faked in 1969 due to the space race ?
Was it really one giant step for mankind or was it a disgrace ?
If there was a lunar landing then why are there no stars in place ?
No crater was created upon touchdown in fact there was no trace
If there is no atmosphere how does the flag flutter in that case ?
Maybe it was a smaller step for man and filmed in a NASA base ?

September the 11th 2001 was the day America cried
Innocent citizens where killed nearly 3000 of them died
The fall of the Twin Towers, where there ever planes inside?
Aluminium planes couldn't penetrate steel structures even if they tried
Is there more than meets the eye how much did they really hide?
Was this another false flag event when your own government lied ?

The attack of the World Trade Centre in god we did trust
How did 1,000,000 tons of concrete and steel just turn to dust?
Building 7 fell in 7 seconds a freefall with no hits or ******
Can we trust a government motivated by power greed and lust?
****** is not justified there is no need or must
Even if our world leaders think there is cause or just

Are aliens at Area 51 fake or are they specimens in zoos
I wonder if JFK was murdered for is own political views
Was the moon landings faked and filmed by TV crews
The sheer tragedy of 9/11 I wonder who lit that fuse
There are such terrible men who don't care who they use
All power hungry ******* who want to **** and abuse
The inside jobs and murderers with no regard for taboos
They don't care about the pain or any left over residues

From JFK to 9/11 is it a coincidence they where under the Bush Regime
George Bush was involved with both was it all done with Bush's team
Is George Herbert Walker Bush's memory loss really a blaspheme?
Why could he not recall his whereabouts during JFK's bullet stream?
His son George Walker Bush another from the Bush family ream
Was President on 9/11 his involvement is not what it may seem
What is it with the Bush family do they think they are supreme
Surrounding False Flags and Cover Ups that they can not redeem
It seems so strange that these events are based upon a certain theme
The death of the innocent and cover ups are all done to the extreme
Are False flag operations a rich mans trick to gain political esteem
Why are men aloud to rule the world when ****** is there dream
Are events manipulated to conform with the rich mans scheme
I'm not sure about how you feel but its enough to make me scream

Whether you believe the official reports or draw your own conclusions
There will always be conspiracies some doubts and also some confusions
Shadow governments and inside jobs are they just unjust solutions
False flag events and cover ups are they all government delusions  
Conspiracies and theories do you really think these are illusions
Is fiction mixed with fact so it looks different with inclusions
Do you believe in what you're shown even with edited exclusions
Are there False flags and conspiracies to create conflicting revolutions
kirk Jan 2019
A starship is in orbit, around an unknown planet.
Science officer Mr Spock, is just about to scan it.
Lieutenant Uhura's on the bridge, she's on communications.
Unscrambling the garbled messages, from different alien nations.

At the weapons station, Pavel Chekov's a good aim.
Birds of Prey and battle ships, torpedoes locked on again.
Helmsman Hikaru Sulu, he will take evasive action.
Avoiding fleets of enemy ships, with his fast reaction.

Bio beds are operational, report to the sick bay.
Doctor McCoy's ready to heal, with his hypospray.
Christine chapel will assist, she is the ships top nurse.
Helping with the medi scan, if anything gets worse.

Way down in engineering, you will find Montgomery Scott.
Tending to his engines, he's giving it all he's got.
The captains personal Yeoman, will always lend a hand.
She's versatile and beautiful, and known as Janice Rand.

A planets cultural Interference, this directive is our prime.
Is Kevin Reilly going to sing, "Kathleen" one more time.
This is Starfleet's finest crew, it comes as no surprise.
Captain James T Kirk's in command of the Enterprise.

Tricorders at the ready, step of the turbo lift.
The Galileo Seven needs Dilithium, the shuttle's set adrift.
Let's look in the engine room, there's an Enemy Within.
Transporters are malfunctioning, creating an evil twin.

The Changeling Nomad got destroyed, a classic computer error.
They matched the Romulans ship exact, in Balance Of Terror.
Tomorrow is Yesterday, with a sling shot around the sun.
Phantom bullets will not ****, The Spectre of the Gun.

A shape shifting monster is aboard, a Man Trap to revolt.
Just give it what it desires, a large amount of salt.
Young men like Mr Evans, shouldn't be all that complex.
He can **** with just a look, that's why he's Charlie X.

Wasn't it the Deadly Years, when the crew got old.
Jack the ripper then returned, in Wolf In The Fold.
Pon Far fighting to the death, this was a Time Amok.
Believing captain Kirk was dead, and killed by Mr Spock.

McCoy had to heal the creature, before they could Embark.
The Horter was protecting her young, in The Devil in the Dark.
Vampire clouds smell sickly sweet, It was a valuable lesson.
Firing sooner makes no difference, cos it was a pure Obsession.

Kirk used the Corbomite Manoeuvre, Balok was just a boy.
Captain Garf took over the asylum, in Whom Gods Destroy.
A parent's death, no remorse, And The Children Shall now Lead.
Kahn's a genetically engineered superman, found frozen in Space Seed.

They had Trouble with Tribbles, too fast in reproduction.
Light In Operation Annihilate, caused the parasites destruction.
Caught in the Tholian Web, lost in between dimensions.
Mudd's Women had an agenda, and their own hidden intentions.

An Arena was selected, so Kirk could fight the Gorn.
It's guaranteed when Kirk fights, his shirt is always torn.
On a Journey to Babel, Sarek hadn't seen his son for years.
Him and Spock are logical, and both have pointed ears.

What are Little Girls Made Of, was replaced by robotic law.
Three Witches sent a warning, to beware of the Catspaw.
You will be accelerated, within the Wink Of An Eye.
Doctor McCoy will say " he's dead Jim" if anyone should Die.

United planets quest for piece, the federations ultimate desire.
The Klingon war, a warriors way, to create their own empire.
Phasers charged and set to stun, grab your communicators.
Save the ship, protect the crew from all war instigators.

The final frontier is out there, turn over treks first page.
Captain Pike was in command, and captured in The Cage.
Number one was female, but she didn't take the glory.
Pike relived The Menagerie, but it's still the same first story.

We've scanned for alien life forms, and stepped through the Guardians door.
We have been to Vulcan, and Where No Man One Has Gone Before.
So live long and prosper, the captain is on deck.
Beam up the landing party, to continue our star trek.
As many Trek fans will realise many episodes have been referenced in this poem about the original and in my opinion the best Star Trek Series.
For those of you that are not as familiar with the series here is a list of the episodes mentioned.

Season 1:

The Cage
Where No Man Has Gone Before
The Man Trap
Charlie X
The Enemy Within
Mudd's Women
What Are Little Girls Made Of ?
The Corbomite Manoeuvre
The Menagerie
Balance Of Terror
The Galileo Seven
Tomorrow Is Yesterday
Space Seed
The Devil In The Dark
Operation Annihilate

Season 2:

Amok Time
The Changeling
Journey To Babel
The Deadly Years
Wolf In The Fold
The Trouble With Tribbles

Season 3:

And The Children Shall Lead
Spectre Of The Gun
The Tholian Web
Wink Of An Eye
Whom Gods Destroy

I hope that if this is read that it will give you
a slight insight into some of the situations encountered by the crew of the Enterprise and what happened during their five year mission.
Of course if you want more detail you will have to consult Starfleet records which come on DVD discs and see for yourselves.
Is there more to come well who knows, space is of course infinite and there are always possibilities.
kirk Feb 2016
Why Is Life So Cruel And Unfair?
I Hate Being Part Of This Nightmare,
If I Could Live My Life Again’
Id Change Everything,
Who, What, Why, When And Where.
Sometimes I Wish I Wasn’t There,
Most People Wouldn’t Even Notice Or Even Care
kirk Mar 2018
If your hearing these words well then I must be dead
I don't mean to cause you upset or mess with anybody's head
But take comfort in what I say even though I'm no longer there
That's if your there to listen to the words that I now share
I maybe laid before you while your sat in a row of pews
It's okay I know that you will have all of your own views
Perhaps you are religious you may not believe such things
But we all share the same fate and what our future brings
All of our achievements are lost and everything is gone
We are asleep forevermore so there is nothing that goes on
Unless we are reunited with friends and family that have passed
And we are therefore happy when we've reached our death at last
I hope that you can carry on and strength that you can find
But it's still upsetting for all those loved ones left behind
I don't know what is beyond this point but then nobody will
Except for the small detail when we climb up that last hill
Wherever we may go or whatever happens to our soul
Maybe you'll remember me after I have paid my final toll
And don't forget the times we shared try not to be too sad  
I may come back and visit you someday and relive those times we had
Just think of me from time to time that's all I ask of you
And maybe you will smile at all the things that we used to do
Well I guess I must be going now and I'm sorry I must leave
But I may see you again one day so please try not to grieve
kirk Aug 2017
Some people often ask me,
why am I so perverted?
Was there a point when things changed,
when I got converted.
I really don't remember,
was it the first time that I flirted?
Or was it when I saw a naked lady,
no knickers and un-skirted
Maybe it was when I had a ****,
when my *** first squirted
or was it the time of my first ****,
and had my **** inserted.
could it have been an ******,
when her **** sprayed and blurted
If its a combination then...
I don't want to be reverted

I believe most people have got the same *******
its from their own point of view just a different version
they've had similar experiences and gone through the same conversation
They would rather be stripped naked with a hard **** insertion
Unclothed and getting ****** a deep wet **** immersion
It is not an attack of character there is no forced incursion
Its just an observation without casting an aspersion
Just admit that you would rather be on a *** excursion
Instead of acting with disgust without making an aversion
So come and get your fannys out and have some **** dispersion
have more ***** than your used to without any more diversion
Once your in that frame of mind don't think of a reversion

So If a lady wanted *** I probably wouldn't stop her
Even if she was all la-de-da and oh so prim and proper
I'll drop my trousers and introduced her to my 9 inch chopper
And hopefully she would think it was a lovely whopper
Slipping her my shinny helmet like a pervy copper
I'd bounce up and down imagining I'm on a posh space hopper
I would love to squirt inside her **** an exploding party popper
she'd get on top and warm me up a tasty toasty topper
I would want us both to ***, I wouldn't want to *** a cropper
She can **** my ***** wonker an everlasting gob stopper
Then we'll do it all again just like a teeny bopper
And when we've finished I hope she'd be a happy shopper.

If this is what you have in mind it proves that your the same
All you're really doing is playing a socialistic game
Your just pretending to be innocent and so ****** tame.
Not admitting to ****** feelings to avoid any kind of blame
Stop acting so refined and prudish it's nothing proud to claim
You should just indulge yourself and don't be so ******* lame
So pull your **** ******* down, reignite your ****** flame
Just stick your fingers up your **** there is no sense of shame

You may be of the opinion it isn't everyone's normality
And **** and **** and ******* **** are the centre of depravity
I think that your just delusional about your own sexuality
and **** what's classed as morals I'm not talking of morality
If you think your less perverse then **** your own tenacity
Your capable of the same thoughts your mind has the capacity
****** acts always take place it's not a matter of mendacity
It's happening world over no matter what your nationality
You may dispute my state of mind no question of insanity
I would rather have a **** and ****, to me it's a formality
And licking a nice wet **** its not just my own mentality
Well **** it I don't care if you think its immoral Immorality
kirk May 2016
I want to meet a lady and to get my **** well shown
Instead of being a ****** and tossing on my own.
With her lips around my shaft to make me ******* moan.
******* on my bell end like a dog with a big bone.
Polishing my helmet to a shiny glossy tone.
So come on girls fat or thin even glass gets blown.
Even if its an older lass or any big fat slags
An old lady with a trolley or one with shopping bags.
A huge woman with hippo thighs a fat **** that ******* drags.
Big juicy melons to **** on like two large fleshy gags
an ugly toothless ***** or any old *** hags
So lets be fair and **** like ***** even smokers get the shags.
even if your homeless then we can surely meet.
And you have smelly clothing your in for a good treat.
I will get my **** out so you can ******* meat.
I'll ******* in an alleyway so we can be discrete.
I will *** inside your **** so you will feel the heat.
But It really comes something when you can have a *** out in the street.
If you want a bit of sparkle then its your **** i will sup.
And your *** is good then we'll definitely Hookup.
I'll release your big ***** from there double D size Cup
Licking on your cherrys just like a little pup.
I'll **** them like a lolly pop a sweet chuppa chupp.
If you want to have ******* then we'll have a 7up.
kirk Feb 2016
Many houses have been cleaned on ***** window routes
Terraced rows and bungelows and other glass recruits
Customers of differant types some casual, some suits
Pleasent ones and lovely ones, some of them fun hoots

One window shined, revealed behind someones bathroom door
An awful sight giving us a fright, more than we bargained for
We went to clean it was abscene, that horrible thing we saw
Showing his snake was it a mistake, or was he just a *****

Every time we went to clean situations would get worse
We didn't want to catch a glimps, of his ****** immerse
A naked burden it bacame, why was he so perverse
***** windows should remain to conceal that bathroom curse

The anxiousness we both felt, how low he always sank
Unwanted sightings of body flesh and yanking on his plank
Disgusting ways of a deprived mind, so very dark and dank
***** windows are one thing, but not when you ******* ****

We did not want to ascend, with each ladder run to climb
knowing what awaited us we didn't want to see his slime
That bathroom window was regular, he did it every time
His kind of antics should be re-classed as a life of grime

We're not interested in plonker pulling a real discusting stunt
Nakedness we don't want to see, or a nasty shiveled front
Your ***** windows are to much so we will both be blunt
Keep your wanking to yourself and ******* your ***** ****

We don't care how many times, or how much you try
There is no necessitation to see your small **** eye
Confess your sins and tell your wife and don't you effing lie
That you've been bathroom wanking and flashing your cream pie

We told him we're not cleaning, when he dosent wear a stitch
And because he had to ******* **** and treat us like his *****
We're not your pleasure ******, when you've got that certain itch
Your ***** windows we wont clean when your mind is in a ditch

It's time us girls said goodbye you've made us ******* cross
Window cleaners we may be but your not our wanking boss
So now we're gone and you know why, my friend it's adios
And all because you had to flash and have a bathroom toss
A true story about a man on a window cleaning round
kirk Aug 2017
Always remembering my younger days
so much better in so many ways
Childhood dreams I always find
Distance thoughts locked in my mind
All those good times way back when
things where so much better then
And all the fun times that we had
With my sisters, mum and dad
family members those that cared
long ago those times we shared
Happy feelings so far away
Memories of a better day
We can't get back I wish we could
Back to that small neighbourhood
In the place where we all played
Where those memories all got made
Those childhood years are now so far
Just golden dreams on a distant star
That's the place I want to go
So far away and long ago
The memories of my younger life
Joy and happiness, tears and strife
Many thoughts of times lost
but time does come at a cost
Things diminish as time goes by
Especially when our loved ones die
So many loses through the years
Ending in sadness, pain and tears
People leave us some have died
No matter how hard we have tried
Future time brings so much pain
I would go back and start again
But We've had our time, those times are gone  
And only our memories will live on
kirk Apr 2018
There should be toy devices, of dog's noses on a stick
Different breeds there could be, so you could take your pick
Dog's noses are so nice to feel, in eye's it's just the trick
The start of your day when you awake, it'll give you such a kick

They could be rechargeable, and moist pouches you could buy
Just the job when you feel down, to moisten your tired eye
It may sound strange, but don't knock it until you've had a try
If you have a furry friend, their nose should not be shy

There's nothing more refreshing than dog's noses that are wet
It's one thing that they can do, being your loving pet
Much better than an Optrex, or any eye moister set
Because with doggie noses, you know what you will get

It's the perfect accessory, to brighten up your day
Every eye is different, so dog's noses are okay
They come in different sizes, so come on what'd say
Dog's noses are the business, their nose is here to stay

You will love the feeling, of that wet doggie nose
There easier than watering cans, or a garden hose
Their wetness is quite subtle, it's good the way it goes
You could have different noses, lined up in doggie rows

Imagine going to the shops, and they had nose of the dog
From Pointers to Alsatians, theirs loads that they could flog
Picking out the ones you want, dog's noses you could hog
The dog noses brand could expand, to include nose of the mog
kirk Nov 2017
Days turn to months, months turn to years
It's too much to take, without your heart here

Hurt from the loss, and hurt from pain
I can't cope without you again

I've been waiting. . . for you for so very long.
And I am hoping. . .we can put things right that went wrong

Don't close your heart, let me in again
Don't lose our love, don't break the chain
I've missed you so much, my mind can not cope
When two hearts are open, there is always hope

And I've been waiting. . . For you for far too long
and I am hoping, For our hearts again to be one

Don't let us lose it all. . .
Don't let us lose it all

(instrumental interlude)

Don't close your heart, let me in again
Don't close your heart, don't break the chain
I've missed you so much, my mind can not cope,
With two open hearts, there is always hope

We've missed to much life, life is to short
There is nothing wrong with hearts that are caught

The hurt is too much, I can't cope with my heart
I need your love,  like it was at the start

And I've been waiting. . . for you for so very long.
and I am hoping, For our hearts again to be one

And I've been waiting. . . For you for far too long
and I am hoping. . .we can put things right that went wrong

Don't let us lose it all. . . No don't let us lose it all
A rock ballad I wrote for the love's that are lost
kirk Aug 2017
Dreaming of those good times even though my dreams are shattered
Memories of the years with you, now my dreams are scattered
Tears of our dreams ripped away with everything that mattered
Dreams of the feelings that we shared, our love all torn and battered
Happy with the love you gave, my bleeding hearts now tattered
Petals fall from a weeping rose, seeping blood that's splattered

How did it get this way, how did it all go wrong ?
Why are thing's as bad as this, when our love was strong ?
Life's to short before we die and sing our final song
Feelings of this nature I've had for far too long
Many time's are wasted, so much forever gone
A lovers heart in a dream lay waiting all along

When I truly love you, my feelings are not lent
My dreams are forever, sentiments are meant
Forever means forever, love is no accident
Broken hearts bring so much pain with every lost segment
dreams are always shattered love's your own torment
With the feeling of the lose of a love's sweet scent

So listen to your heart don't ignore your own fate
hold onto your lovers dreams before it is to late
Don't **** what love you have, don't turn love to hate  
it really isn't worth all the pain of a lost soul mate
Open up your own heart, there's no need to desecrate
Let all your love flood through and open up the gate

Too many tears have flowed, all washed away in streams
Scorching hearts are burning, ashes falling on sun beams
Shattered dreams are always there, my mind plagued to extremes
nothing ever stays to long, even love looses it's strong seams
Bleeding hearts are torn away with distant lovers screams
A lovers heart is broken On all those shattered dreams
kirk Feb 2016
There Is A Famous Detective Who Lives On Baker Street
He Is The Only Detective That You’ll Ever Need To Meet
Solving The Case Of The Ferocious Baskervillain Hound
On The Moors Near Baskerville Hall The Curse Kept Underground
He Looked Into A Portrait The Clues Where In His Eyes
What He Saw Looking Back At Him Came As No Surprise
Piecing Together The Evidence Like Only His Mind Can
He Deduced That Stapleton Was The Culprit And Their Man
So At Last Our Henry Was Free Of The Baskervillian Curse
How Did He Solve The Mystery Elementary Of Course
kirk Apr 2020
Shopping's no longer simple, it has turned into a chore
Queuing up two meters apart, before you go through the door
The waiting times are longer, than selecting things in store
Not many take much notice, of the sections on the floor

The spacing may be necessary, it might be with good intention
You can't avoid some people, they don't pay enough attention
A free for all's unwanted, so is waiting for your pension
It's pointless having areas taped, if your lacking in retention

Some stores have one way systems, arrows that point the way
But people just ignore the rules, and always seem to stray
You become more apprehensive, when they walk inside your bay
I'm sorry if your in a rush, and It's causing you delay !

You try buying your groceries, so don't be a selfish swine
Why doesn't common sense tell everyone, to stay behind the line ?
No one keeps their distance, even though I'm keeping mine
Trying fast to get away, breaks my bottle of wine

It's not really all that viable, if any bag should rip
Damages are hard to replace, it's not easy if things slip
The waiting is the equivalent, to yet another shopping trip
Wasting time while I'm outside, is something I would skip

A single shop is bad enough, but I'll lend a helping hand
Certain things I can not get, not even shops own brand
Flour is now limited, and the choice is getting bland
Gaps where simple things should be, large spaces on the stand

Helping those who can't get out, many others on the make
Is harder due to panic buys, when there's no give or take
No wonder there is nothing left, their just buying for pure sake
Their need for more like "Oliver", is fictional and fake

Is selfishness your driving force, for the amount your gonna get ?
Are you emptying the supermarkets, to increase your product net ?
It's not as though you overbuy, so you can complete a set
Hording items is your goal, of that it's a fare bet

Why do people purchase things, that they don't normally buy ?
Leaving empty barren shelves, do they think the end is nigh ?
Is it to gain one upmanship, would they spit in your eye ?
Even leaches would not ****, the entire food stock dry

When supplies are getting low, it makes me want to frown
I know I'll have to wait outside when I go onto town
The distancing is bound to fail, and I feel like I will drown
Life is so much harder now, ever since we were locked down
kirk Oct 2017
The world is full of misery with all our failed relations
Mixed feelings and emotions in my mind's hallucinations
The love of a derailed heart in clouded stipulations
When two lover's are forced apart, alone in different station's
Don't succumb to the seven year itch or feelings of flirtatious
Illicit thoughts invade your mind with paranoid creations
Loving seems to turn to hate with harsh eliminations
There is a sense of numbness without any good sensations
The depths of beauty are denied without any realisations  
lover's heart's are always lost in hopeless situations
The misery of loneliness gets worse with desperations  
Maybe it's because we have too many expectations

Life's to short for broken heart's waiting to be mended
Especially when your lover's gone and your heart is blended
It doesn't have to be this way or completely ended
Stop wasting time for love that's lost this can be amended
A limbo living state of mind is not really recommended
Being with the one you love should always be defended
Soul mate's that are separated can never be contented
Because their heart's are aching and love is not attended
A heart sent gift with feelings there's no need to be offended
It's the way I've always been a characteristic I have tended
Everything can work out fine our life and love extended
If you really want them too then this will be commended

There is no need to be unhappy all you need are chances
A lover's dream can come true not just distant glances
All you need is faith of the heart within your own expanses
Don't lose the love that you once had in falling avalanches
Losing a friend and lover, your feelings are in trances
The bleeding of a broken heart seeping through snapped branches
If your lover's left you, there is no more advances
The grass is not that greener it's only different dances
Maybe your the loser, lost looks are not young stances
True love's supposed to conquer all I'm not sure if it enhances
Kindness is forgotten and the good time's fled in prances
And people will always suffer from all life's failed romances
kirk Jul 2018
Fallen angels eternal sleep, broken hearts that rip and tare
All our lives are harder now, now your no longer there
You are loved by all of us, because your soul is rare
lost friends will always suffer, when so many people care

The world was such a better place, since our paths first crossed
Summers turned to bitter cold, now that you've been lost
Flakes of snow forever falls, life comes at a high cost
The happiness that we once felt, has turned to bitter frost

Too many fallen angels, there is no sense of hope
Flights of beauties crippled wing, down life's long slippery *****
A sense of lose always remains, knots in a fraying rope
Tangled feelings always last, as we all try to cope

Blackness falls upon our soul, twinkles fade in the night sky
Fallen stars no longer shine, tears of the Sun will cry
Unanswered questions plague my mind, what is the reason why
Broken hearts forever bleed, when you have to say goodbye

Cries of fallen angels echoing, beneath heavens golden cross
Tears of our desperations, when you suffer a great loss
Life's too short for all of us, to gather too much moss
Everything that once was bright , no longer shines like gloss

Why was beauty taken, life will never be the same
Your lost presence will be felt, with every burnt out flame
You touched everybody's hearts, from the day that you first came
Life's not fare now you are gone, is life itself to blame
A tribute to a beautiful poet Rock-A-Little a fallen angel, fell too soon
kirk Nov 2018
Fat arses are so squeezable, big bums I rather like
So amplify your cellulite, and step up to my mic
Pins may shake and quiver, if I can score a strike
A Fat **** has more stability, to park my mountain bike

You may prefer a slender girl, with a bottom that is sleek
And fatter girls are not for you, or not what you would seek
Some little arses can be cute, but I want that extra cheek
I need some chunky piece of ****, to reach my ****** peak

I don't want a boney lass, who wears a leather mini
A larger girl I'd rather have, than a woman that is skinny
Imagine a great big ****, bulging out from a tight pinny
Bear arses are acceptable, just look at that Pooh Winnie

Size twenty dress would be fine, but better times by four
With Something to grab hold of, that would thrill me even more
Bigger bums and fatter thighs, that take up the whole floor
Squelching fat I would enjoy, I don't want a thin girl cure

Thin sticks maybe preferable, those girls shaped like a rake
Stupid ****** I don't want, or **** that could be fake
Fat ladies have more bounce, and they will never brake
I don't mind some extra skin, that's sweating like Swan Lake

Larger woman are more fun, they have a wetter gape
There's more to love per square inch, WOW what a body shape
Smother me with all you've got, a complete body ****
I wouldn't be like Steve McQueen, and try The Great Escape

I'm interested in BIG thrills, but I don't want silk or lace
It's certainly a worthwhile trip, if it's shoved in the right place
Delving into the unknown, well I'm not sure that's the case
You know exactly what you'll get, with fat arses in your face

A nice thin *** is okay, but sometimes they're quite drab
Even if your figure's slim, I'd want more **** to grab
I'd rather have a bit more fat, which includes dimples and flab
If your offering your fat ****, call me a mini cab

Excursions during twilight hours, to avoid the daylight sun
I prefer to be in stealth, I'll be on the midnight run
It doesn't matter how large you are, even if you weight a ton
Fat arses I will always grab, now wouldn't that be fun

There's nothing wrong with pertness, so this I will announce
But doesn't a nice fat ****, have extra pounds per ounce
With more to grab and more to squeeze, and definitely more bounce
Big cats scratching for more meat, will always make me pounce

If you are not good looking, and you look like a pig
I'll forgo your outward looks, as long as you are big
Bare your *** in front of me, and give me the gig
You can reach your Top Gear, with a helmet like the Stig

With a *** like the Grand Canyon, I wouldn't want to pass
Mammoth mountains of pure fun, as i lay in the grass
A women laid across the world, with a big fat ****
I'd try extreme obesity, if it's open wide and sparse

So take advantage of me, and let your **** end loose
I'm a man who likes em big, without being too obtuse
Use your fat for basting, and I'll give your **** a goose
We could do well with a good game, according to old Bruce

You may like slimmer ladies, but come on now you gents
A bums a *** after all, so stop sitting in the fence
If you would try a fatter ****, you wouldn't be so tense
Don't be a ******* plonker, you know that it makes sense

Thinner lovers may change their mind, and not think fat is vile
It's just a different point of view, depends on your own style
For that deeper piece of crack, I'd go that extra mile
I don't think a fatter ****, is bottom of the pile

Maybe you don't share my views, but there's something I can teach
A plumper *** would be great, that is within your reach
Succulent cheeks that you can grasp, your hands could have one each
Even James gave it a go, because he had a Giant peach

The perspective of a chunky ****, an amazing smile and crack
That's the exciting view you'll get, when your stood round the back
Its great to feel you way around, when everything's pitch black
You'll find it an experience, if you are right on track

A nice *** I wouldn't mind, so come on where's your *****
Bigger cheeks I can't resist, theres no need to get me drunk
I wonder if the girl next door, has some lovely feeling chunk
Enticement is my spice of life, cos I'm not a ******* monk

To like a larger lady, well It's not classed as a sin
Shallow men may only like, a girl that's really thin
Just because our clientele, are not shaped like a pin
Fatter girls have twice to give, it's like loving the same twin

Some fellows might think I'm blind, and need a pair of glasses
You can leave the lights on, cos I don't think fat is classless
Flash your **** at the back door, and you won't get any passes
Tables and sofa's can be used, to display your great fat arses
kirk Feb 2016
Lots of ladies there may be, but I haven't had that many
My **** is always active, and I think I would have any
In the past I could have been, just a bit too picky
The art of wanking I did try, but that left my pants all sticky

Some nice **** I would love, or an **** or three
The fairer *** is preferable, cos there's nothing strange about me
It really doesn't seem that fare, when there are many slags
And lots of ugly fat ******, that say they all want shags

But I can not locate any, I wish there was a way
That I could find a nice gal, and not someone that is gay
Nothing against the Lezzers, I'm just not that way inclined
But I'm fed up with wanking, and I don't want to go blind

I would ***** an old gal, with a big fat rounded ****
A squeezable amount of flesh, inside an **** ****
Big fat ****** are welcome, who want it up their bucket
I would like **** your ****, and I'd really love to **** it

An **** I could really try, if only the girls would
******* lots of ***** *****, that could be quite good
A large obese girl I would ****, with lots of rolls of fat
I'd stuff my **** inside there ****, cos there's nothing wrong with that

Ideal worlds would be good, if you could **** the girls you like
But I will settle for a *****, or a well used ridden bike
Even in a ******* they could be a real good ****
If *****'s are full of *****, I'd still **** your *** filled bag

Maybe I could find an old gal who is a real life *****
I would just think so what, and **** her well used *****
After I have loosened up, her tight old ******* hole
I could have a tighter ****, with her **** upon my pole

******* the ladies *******, this is always such a dream
Arses will be filled up, and the cat would get the cream
If you want to get ******, and you find any of this thrilling
Get your ***** and arseholes out, ready for a creamy filling

Come on all you fat slags, I'd like to see you naked
And even you wrinkly old bags, to me nothing is sacred
Your ***** cats are required, and your arses are inclined
Fat slags and old bags are still quite hard to find
kirk Feb 2016
Id love a big fat ****
Or a wrinkled up *******
An ugly looking hag
Who wants a ******* ****

If I had a big fat *****, with a big fat bucket
I'd lay between her fleshy thighs, and definitely **** it
My thrusting **** inside her ****, is where I'd like to tuck it
Spunking up would be sublime, when I lick and **** it

When your about to **** the fat, it takes a certain knack
Stuffed up fishy **** *****, or **** ******* round the back
A nice piece of chunky ****, with a big long sweaty crack
Fatty *** holes make you hard ,my **** would not be slack

I would ride a big large Gal, just like a waterbed
Bathroom ******* would be fun, as well as in the shed
Spunking up between her legs, cream cheese would then be spread
When both holes are full of ***, she can **** my **** instead

And after I have finished, with all of those fat *******
Something different I would want, maybe some old wrinkled witches
All wearing apple gatherers, and big large ******* britches
Older ***** long overdue, scratching long lost itches

A lot of fun I could have, in an old folks place
Disrobed willing grannies *****, stuffed right in my face
At least eight bits of gristle ******, a display of my disgrace
With each granny ****** in turn, if they can stand the pace

As I lift their skirts up their knickers I would sniff
I'm hoping that old fannies good, and they don't smell or whiff
The smell of old used granny ****, is probably just a myth
But I won't let it bother me, as long as I get stiff

I wouldn't even care, if they wore crap NHS glasses
As long as I could **** and ***, inside there wrinkled arses
I would **** them old ****** , all from different classes
Some of them in wheelchairs and some with heart bypasses.

It's irrelevant how fat you are, I really do not mind
As long as you are willing, and your *****'s wet and kind
And if you like it up the ****, then I'm that way inclined
******* ***** is quite fine, so is ******* from behind

So come on girls fat or old, all slags are a possibility
Your sexuality can flood out, there's no need for negativity
I'm willing to **** who comes along, to the best of my ability
Just make sure that I stay stiff, and maintain my agility
kirk May 2018
The breeziness of gentle winds, leafs rustle as trees sway
Sunlight rays a partial light, that shine across the bay
Summers warmth an evening sky, are setting on the day
Dusk approaches through the trees, as the daylight goes away

Flowered tracks along the gorge, a gentle mountain breeze
Dusty valleys lead the way, past the old oak trees
Down to flowing waterfalls, the beauty that one sees
Flowered tracks floating beside, are following with ease

Deep inside the canyon walls, the water hits the stream
Shimmers from the waters edge, upon a golden gleam
The beauty of a secret place, waters merged with a sun beam
Is this a true reality, or flowered tracks last dream

Between the hills on golden ponds, lies colours of tracks flowers
Where the rocky crescent forms, and where the sunlight cowers
Moon light shadows visible, only after sunlight hours
The beauty of a litten dusk, the light the moon devours

A wolf howls above the rocks, high upon the glade
One heart beat I can hear, I am feeling so afraid
Full moons light upon my soul, the wolfs cursed life is paid
Wolf's blood bite on flowered tracks, a glistened moonlight trade

Wolfs eyes glare standing alone, no hunters and no packs
Were wolfs fangs on shadows moon, blood seeping through the cracks
A man once stood is now transformed, his humanity life lacks
The werewolf curse is fulfilled, complete on flowered tracks
kirk Feb 2016
Hears a little rhyme its for your valentine
About being naked, ******* and having a good time

I hope you will like it I think you will do
Because you love *** and people ******* you

Whether it’s a girl or if it’s a man
You can **** them all like only you can

You make my **** hard and turn me on
Especially when your naked and your knickers are gone

I love your *** hole and hot **** when they’re creamy and wet
When they have been ****** with as many ***** as they can get

I want to lick your hot wet **** and slide my tongue inside your ***
I will **** your **** and ******* until I squirt them full of ***

When I have ****** both of your holes and *** inside you
I would like to get your mums knickers of and do the same to her too
kirk Sep 2017
The future is not bright at all it's an abysmal place
It's a world full of the dead, the dying human race
where everything you care about all falling far from grace
And the ashes of all past events are burning without trace
There's nothing in your future there is no silk or lace
Full of demonic forces wearing future's disguised face
A demon lay in waiting to beat you with it's mace
The future is time's henchmen there's nothing to embrace

If you think about the future it's something that It's not
Your future is ahead of you, that's not what you have got
Your life is getting shorter and it's over in a shot
Your own death is there waiting, the end is future's plot
You can't outrun the future, It'll block you in a clot
Waiting for your last moments, the future's where you'll rot
The outlook of the future is not really all that hot
I'm afraid your goose is cooked in future's cooking ***

So be very careful and don't believe your eye's
Don't ever trust the future it's based on pretentious lies
The future will just ****** you before your next sunrise
And you'll be lost in history it should come as no surprise
Heading towards the future that's something to despise
Because everything diminishes it does not compromise
As you reach your own end, there isn't any highs
Don't you know that Death is just the future in disguise

The future it destroys your past the moment you are born
It doesn't care how young you are or if your old and worn
Or if your laying in your bed or sitting on a lawn
The future rips your time away your life's blood will be torn
Your whole past will be destroyed, that is future's scorn
a very nasty piece of work with celestial strength and brawn
It is unavoidable it's the place you will be drawn
Future's end is waiting, it is your future's dawn

I know that I'll be future's pray, I really do despair
Knowing that eventually I will end up in future's lair
But unfortunately for every race it's something we all share
We all end up in the same place ascending future's stair
Future's revenge on humanity, we all sit in future's chair
No point trying to survive the occasion is not rare
It makes me go out of my mind it's something I can't bare
plagued with devastation because the future doesn't care

The future kills the past it's what the future is creating
The death of all humanity is all within it's making
There is no point just sitting there and anticipating
All the future wants to do is cold blood eliminating
The future is sadistic it's you that it is baiting
It strikes its fear into all things and everything relating
You can not get away from the end even with migrating
After all your end will come where future's end is waiting
kirk Apr 2018
Within the depths of my mind, I'm in need of a redemption
I'm hoping to console myself, and pay myself attention
Futures fate I can not see, my life is in suspension
I can't explain the way I feel, or even my intention
Why are futures so unclear, beneath my past's retention
If only past event's could change, dark futures own prevention

Lost dimensions in my soul, life's ever constant fight
Life it never seems to work, it doesn't turn out right
If I could chase lost spirits, from an ever lasting plight
Fallen souls forever found, and never out of sight
Guide me to a better place, I will pray for the light
Turn dark places into good, and take me from the night

Hurtful thoughts invade my soul, feelings of desperation
Never knowing what to do, I've lost my inspiration
Why is life so full of woe, deep pain and devastation
Smothered with the sense of lose, in my minds asphyxiation
Hoping to ascend the heights, of life's own aspiration
Nothing seems to matter, when there's no more admiration

I can't help but to wonder, why is life so suffocating
Is it we expect to much, with everything relating
The past is left diminishing, our futures are migrating
My Life decisions haunt me, wrong choices are inflating
The flight of life's ascension, lost soles are always waiting
This mortal coil we can't outrun, time's life is left creating
kirk Mar 2017
Never mind watching your P's and ****** Q's.
There are far more obscenities that anyone can use.
Worse letters than Q or P not meaning to confuse.
Many different meanings something you'll have to choose.
So choose your letters wisely there's some you can reuse
And some that are used for insults or a form of abuse
But it doesn't really bother me so I ain't making an excuse
Just use the ones that come to mind and you cannot ******* lose

So you can **** my big fat 'B's' and I can **** yours too
Fingers up my ******* 'A' something we can both do
I will lick your lovley 'C' and mine is like bamboo
Or maybe its a 'D' in my pocket or is it a canoe
If you squeeze on my two 'N's' similar to cashew
Then i will **** your Salty 'S' or the other avenue
And eat all of that juicy 'J' like a **** barbeque
Making all your 'H's' wet so both can get a *****
Allowing me to enter and 'F' you through and through
Slipping in my big hot 'R' deep inside a fishy stew
******* on your succulent 'T's' but none of them are Blue
Not talking of our feathered friends because that's a different crew
And neither is it other birds not parrots or cuckoos
Its a mound of fleshy 'M's' glands that I would chew
So stick your effing Protocols just stuff them down loo
Use the letters that you wish its your own point of view
Once the eggshells are broken its nothing to undo
And **** all that ******-ness don't watch your 'P's' and 'Q's'
kirk Nov 2017
The television is getting worse, I have noticed on its viewing
What the **** is going on, what do you think your doing ?
Maybe its ungrateful, but our minds are just left stewing
Why must people endure repeats, through years of program queuing?
An example is the game shows, there on every side just brewing
We're paying for the privilege, its the public that your *******

We don't want Deal Or No Deal, with all those crap crisp boxes
Q.I. is not that interesting, it has too many paradoxes
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire ? is that just a stupid question?
I would love to Strike It Lucky, so what is your suggestion?

Pointless has the correct name, cos that's exactly what it is
Has Jasper Carrot got Golden *****, or is he *******
Why is there ***** Money, did they ran out of toilet tissues
Julian Clary had Sticky Moments, and outrageous camping issues

Whenever Opportunity Knocks, well just open the door
If your going to Take Me Out, then what are you waiting for?
Don't Name That Tune In One, I'd rather hear it all
A Question Of Sport is so boring, its hardly on the ball

Is it the Weakest Link, because the chain is full of rust?
Didn't Blockbusters close down, and the video shop go bust ?
Why Should I Supermarket Sweep, Dale can sweep it himself
The pyramid Game is just, an apex polyhedron triangular shelf

I Don't want to go on Mastermind, and look like a ******* fool
If I went Through The Keyhole, then I must be minuscule
Why Would I Lie To You? wouldn't that be a bit two faced
I'm not sure if Celebrity Squares, are really all straight laced?
Could you please repeat yourself, I did not Catch that Phrase
Just how many crystals where there, in the Crystal Maze?

Was Spin Star cancelled, because celebrities where break dancing
Or was it Bradley Walsh's giant fruit, that needed some enhancing?
Why is it called The Chase, when there's no chasing involved?
The Chasers are sat on there arses, so The Chase is never solved

I don't think it is the Wheel Of Fortune, even if you do
You don't really get much fortune, till you solve the final clue
Paul Daniels said Every Second Counts, so forget the introductions
Just get on with the game play, don't even bother with instructions

Philip Schofield played with Five Gold Rings, isn't that just wrong
I thought that Five Gold Rings, belonged to a Christmas song
Ted Rogers read such stupid clues, it made it hard to win
No wonder 3.2.1 contestants, usually won poor Dusty Bin

I would really love to drink, some of that Celebrity Juice
But first I'll have to find out, which ones are tight or loose
I'm not lucky enough to have 300 Blanks, with a lovely lady in a bed
I'll have to hand it to myself, and have a Blankety Blank instead

Mr & Mrs is outdated, most Marriages are not enforced
Those couples who where happy once, are probably divorced
Treasure Hunt used a Helicopter, clues found by Anneka Rice
She ran around quite frantically, but her **** was rather nice

Isn't Ann Widdecombe a dark horse, she liked a Cleverdick
I Suspect if she had the chance, she'd like a **** that's thick
There used to be Telly Addicts, but now they are history
We no longer want Noel Edmunds, or crap games on our TV

Poor Bully tried to play Darts, but his aim was far to high
It isn't all that great or Super, missing the Bullseye
Come on now Jim its not fare, making the contestants cry
To look at what you could have won, and kiss the prize goodbye

Naked Jungle was a one off, Keith Chegwin in the buff
I'm glad it did not continue, so please don't Call My Bluff
Countdown has been on for years, we've had a ****** enough
Only Connect and 15 to 1, are hard and far too tough

Family fortunes and Eggheads, we don't want all this stuff
Fort Boyard and Mock The Week, stick them up you chuff
Going For Gold and Gladiators, too old and looking rough
University Challenge and Impossible, there really dull and duff

Never Mind The Buzzcocks, it's a forgotten piece of Fluff
Crosswits and Chain Letters, should be dragged of by the scuff
Hole in the wall and Alphabetical, are so right of the cuff
The Cube and The Million Pound Drop, I'd walk of in a huff

Many game shows throughout the years, all needed a good host
But there isn't any spontaneity, so none of them can boast
Instead of reading from a script,and acting liked their dosed
Take the plunge make it your own, don't be a mindless ghost
Why don't hosts try to be their best, and try to be their most
Wouldn't it make more sense, to keep your audience engrossed

Ben Shepherd comes to mind, he doesn't seem all there
With his ****** expressions, weird smile and stupid stare
How did he become a host, was it all based on a dare
Why is his act robotic, its more than we can bare

Its like watching a recording, this isn't really fare
If we are subjected to this crap, then we deserve a share
I guess its our misfortune, its enough to make you swear
We're already at our Tipping Point, so we no longer care

Now I'm not saying that every host, is as bad as old Ben Shep
In fact there is at least one guy,who has a better Rep
He may not be a large man, in fact he played a Lep
But at least he isn't wooden, and he's with you every step

Warwick Davis's Act is Tenable, and he has not compromised
With good hosting skills, jokes and quips Warwick has realized
Although I'm not a game show fan, I am pleasantly surprised
He stands tall over the other hosts, even though he is pintsized

Why keep making game shows, was there a voting pole?
I believe there are too many, they are so ******* droll
As bad as all reality, the schedules they both stole
Axe the ******* lot of them, and chuck them down a hole

Just take a look at Brucie, may god rest his soul
He was around for decades, and hosting was role
Taking over all the shows, seemed to be old Brucie's goal
The years weren't kind to old Bruce, they definitely took there toll

There is a Brucie Bonus, available for every Generation
All you really needed, was the right kind of motivation
Nice to see you to see you nice, was Bruce's obligation
Life was the name of the game, in a family situation

A cuddly toy on a conveyer belt, in a prize observation
Didn't he do well all, depends on your own determination
If You Play Your Cards Right, Dollies Dealing a sensation
You don't get anything for a pair, maybe its infatuation

You can freeze but you cant stick, all dealt in isolation
Do you want to bet on it, was a gambling invitation
The price was always right, just use your imagination
Come on down to old Bruce, win a car and a vacation

Maybe he's a legend, with Bruce's game show graduation
A chance to host a new show, a Good Game realization
What's on the board miss ford, moving on to a new creation
It turned camp when they shut that door, and hired Larry Grayson

What was it with Bruce Forsyth, he was far too keen
He monopolised the hosting, on the game show scene
Seizing every opportunity, ever since he was fourteen
Just like Command and Conqueror, on the TV screen
He took on all the game shows, maybe he's just mean
But I cant help but to wander, where else has he been?

With all of his catchphrases, and a chin that was obscene
A wig that was like shredded wheat, it never should be seen
I don't know if I'm being harsh, it maybe his routine
And its all in his makeup, and part of Bruce's gene
Perhaps he liked the studio, and had too much caffeine
Along with the all dodgy food, in the BBC canteen

Now Challenge screens the game shows, but there all so ******* old
We've already seen all these games, they've already all been sold
I do not mean to sound too flippant, but why wont you be told
Your sending your viewers up the wall, and your audiences cold
Now let me state what's obvious, I hope I am not too bold
We don't want all these rehashed games, there hardly TV gold
kirk Feb 2016
Earlier time's my younger days when I was about sixteen
Awareness of the fairer *** when I was sexually keen
**** time's that I did crave why were the girls so mean
When it came to getting ****** my **** was never seen
I thought about their naked ***** whether fat or lean
Activities in **** arts who cares where thier **** had been

If you get your ******* off making sure your **** is bare
Bending over the bed with your cheeks up in the air
Or knelt upon the sofa with my fingers through your hair
I will stuff my hotdog up inside your Derryair

Too many benders coming out and lots of ugly lags
Never enough willing girls and I could never find no slags
There wasn't any nice girls just ******* ***** bags
All I could attract we're bendy boys and horrible *** hags

Getting blow jobs really ****** my **** was never blown
Lots of *****'s I would poke but none of them were shown
I didn't get no ***** and my seeds were never sown
Just left pulling on my plonker and wanking on my own

I could have had a ******* from all of those Gay boys
Or offered ******* ******* from dried up hobbledy hoys
But I didn't want a crap **** or play with those boys toys
So I never got to **** to much or make that **** noise

Now I am mid forties and I want the same thing now
I still want to stick my **** in some nice meow.
There's only skanky sourpuss or some old stupid cow
I am still in the same boat I have nothing to plough

I still want some nice ***** I'm still in that same phase
Lots of naked ladies ****** in lots of different ways
I'll have to keep on searching until to my dying days
The line is drawn at hobbledy hoys and most definitely gays
kirk Apr 2019
Way back in my younger days, I joined the male voice choir
I was unaware of lurking gents, or **** men for hire
Praying on the innocent, might invoke brimstone and fire
Old and dark back passage ways, are not what I desire

There were boys and there were men, all singing at Saint Mary's
What I didn't realise is, ****** orientation sometimes varies
Just how many church goers, are gay high flying fairies
I didn't know I was amongst, a bunch of Julian Clary's

I may not be religious, I only came along to sing
And participate in ceremonies, and to hear the church bells ring
Gay gentleman I did not expect, I did not suspect a thing
Particularly the disgusting type, that want to slip you Black Pudding

I like a nice hot chocolate, but your type I do not search
Should you be in a religious place, like Saint Mary's church ?
Ogling all the younger boys, sat behind them on your perch
Your singing is a false front, because your just on the lurch

It creeps me out to even think, your in a house of god
The only thing your worshiping, is young arses to sod
Underage *** is blasphemy, but you don't think that is od
Your willing to commit sinful acts, to satisfy your stinking rod

Innocence gives you an excuse, and your sense to stalk and pray
You invited me for a coffee, I didn't realise you were gay
I saw you in White Lion Walk, and you lead my astray
What happened to the coffee shop, cos it wasn't far away

I ended up at your flat, not knowing you were bent
And you fancied a piece of ****, from an underaged pure gent
Because I like my coffee strong, didn't mean I was for rent
You came out in a dressing gown, and asked "are you confident"

I wasn't sure on what you meant, I know I was naive
You had nothing on except your gown,  and something up your sleeve
My comfort zone was compromised, and I wanted bad to leave
I'm not into male on male, it makes me want to heave

Could I have read the signs wrong, are you just being camp
Maybe your just friendly, and your don't want to clasp and clamp
Or stretch any of my sockets, or plug in your black lamp
It could be pretty dangerous, if your making dry things damp

The conversation took an unusual turn, I wish it was just babble
Mixing with the gay crowd, is not my kind of rabble
When I said "no" you then asked, "well surely don't you dabble"
I refuse to play your games, because your hardly into scrabble

I had to go once I knew, you was just a queer
You wanted to **** my ****, and take me up the rear
This is what I realised, so I left out of fear
Disappointed you may have been, but it's not the way I steer

You earned the name Black Dicky, it is just what you deserve
For you are so perverted, and By gum you've got a nerve
I am just a straight guy, I wont go the way you curve
The trouble is you try to persuade, the innocent to serve

I saw you some time later, in a toilet at the end
Peering over cubicles, but that's not the way I bend
Cottaging in public loos, well it is a gay mans trend
Walking out you even said, "I thought you was my friend"

Be careful in the White Lion Walk, the situation may turn sticky
A Black Man maybe waiting there, who isn't all that picky
Hanging around Saint Mary's church, he might try and grab a ******
Remember to tell this gentleman, "Please Go Away Black Dicky"
Based on actual events that took place in Banbury Oxfordshire

This is dedicated to Charlotte who suggested I write this poem
kirk Jun 2020
A good man has been taken, you are a real good friend
Threads of life will always break, those rules we can not bend
Your resting in eternal sleep, why do the good things end
And Life itself gets torn away, chipped pieces that won't mend

Another friend has left us, like the sunshine leaves the rain
Our only comfort's your at piece, and your free from your pain
Heavens gates will open, and you will walk a mystic lane
Your memory will live on, until we all meet again

Why did you have to leave us, why did you have to fall
Everyone will mourn your loss, as your called to the great hall
Now that your no longer here, it will effect us all
Goodbye my man, my old mucker, goodbye our old friend Paul
For another friend who has died
kirk Feb 2016
I love naked bodies a lot them I would love to handle.
but I'm not so sure if your skin was dripping like a melted candle.
I would feel you up  if your bodies nice and cute.
but maybe not if you have a wrinkled birthday suit.
I know as we get older our bodies seem to sag.
and it gets ever harder to get a decent ****.
if your old or young lets not be to picky.
even if you have a dripping ***** or your body is a bit ****** .
it really doesn't matter if its a bit more sticky.
because getting inside a floppy **** its just a bit more tricky.
so I don't care or even mind if your a bit more waxy.
then what the hell I would just flip you over it stick it up your jacksy. with each year we get a little older. and it seems our bodies begin to smoulder.
if only we could cool down and be a little colder.
then our bodies would be fine without wax upon our shoulder.
would I **** a wrinkled **** yes I probably would.
hay who knows with a bit of wax it could be really good.
I just hope that when I get older I would love to dip my wick .
even if it was soggy and I had a candle for a ****
kirk Feb 2016
I hate life nothing ever goes right.
all it ever does is turn out ******* *****.
so what's the point in anything when where strangers in the night.
no ones really bothered although I thought they might.
all I ever wanted was a real good life.
but all that ever happens is so much stress and strife.
and everyone just takes the **** and laughs at all my upset.
but I suppose that's just my lot and all I'll ever get
kirk Oct 2018
I came along to your garden, to see your chillies growing
Unaware of what laid in wait, or what was really showing
There stood a glass a lidded drink, familiarity of knowing
If that's what I think it is, I don't want it overflowing

Do my eyes forsake me, is that a fluid from the body
Is that froth of a good beer, or from a head that's shoddy
Does it look like what it is, a very dodgy toddy!
Ghoulish drinks will turn you green, like Goblins are in Noddy

What the hell you thinking off, with water that's distilled
It smells like the local gents, so it should not be spilled
I don't mind a special brew, but this time I'm not thrilled
Unusual cocktails are okay, but not ones you have filled

Aren't beverages supposed to be, refreshing and thirst quenching ?
You say that it's good to drink, but really it's gut wrenching
An endless supply you may have, but it should be toilet drenching
Don't ever make a wankers drink, by using a fist clenching

You wouldn't want this drink on tap, it defies imagination
It's just the same as a lady, drinking her own *******
It maybe the water of life, but it's just urination
Aqua vitae is not my idea, of a real drink designation

Even just the thought of it, makes me feel sick and hazy
To drink a glass of this stuff, you must be ******* crazy
Well talk about recycling, or are you just bog lazy
Is Harvey Denton related, or do you live in Royston Vasey

People like to drink sometimes, is there something I have missed
You seem to have your own ideas, but with a certain twist
A brand new meaning you have brought, to getting yourself ******
Golden showers are one thing, but that's when your sexually kissed

There's one thing I'd like to know, so what do you say
Why do you think that drinking ****, will keep the germs away
It cant be very good for you, it's an inside body spray
Your just drinking toilet water, hay Jay are you ****** today ?
This is a response my sister sent I thought it to be a worthy mention:

Ha ha ha he he he , a poem about a man that drinks his own wee , I should have guessed I should have known, because when I told you the seed was sown , so very funny, I think it's great , for all the laughs , well done mate
kirk Feb 2016
Is he the Arrow or is he the Flame ?
could my Dad and Dardo
be one in the same ?
Dardo is handsome,
dashing and true
Wait for a second
Dads like that too
Could he be Dardo,
just believe your eyes
Maybe my Dads
a maser of disguise
I know what your thinking
Dardo he cannot be
But hay my Dad is my Dad
And he’s Dardo to me
Part One Of " My Dads A Master Of Disguise "Part Two (The Crimson Pirate He May Be?)
kirk Feb 2019
Money makes the world go round, i think it's more complex
A mutual attraction plays a part, with people having ***
It's not really all that sordid, or a perverted mind
There wouldn't even be a world, without the bump and grind

Don't dismiss the theory, and be part of the gang
The Earth and all creation, was born from the big bang
If we didn't have the urges, then populations would diminish
Wouldn't people just die out, and that would be our finish

It's not so much a ***** world, that's filled with obscene words
Nature can be wonderful, if you embrace the bees and birds
Some people maybe reserved, but they still like feely plays
They'll fornicate and that is fine, in many different ways

Shamefulness is in the mind, but mainly in your thoughts
Even things deemed of disgust, like golden water sports
Attractiveness will always work, if the chemistry is right
Loosen up your prudish side, and never be too tight

Release your thoughts upon the world, it can be liberating
A closed mind needs opening, to stop it hibernating
In pursuit of money and wealth, is nothing too imperial
There are other riches to behold, that aren't so immaterial

Embrace your human instincts, you can stand up tall and proud
It's all to do with attitude, no matter quiet or loud
Repeal masses of pettiness, amend laws of your legislature
Indulge in all your fantasies, become one with Human Nature
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