Time is the biggest killer, time it makes no friends
Time is really a disease, time it never mends
Time is against us all, with pieces that time lends
all the good times that we have. .  well time then just pretends
A little piece of happiness a shred of time that bends
Time it just kills everything destruction is what time sends
Time is a dictator it destroys all life in trends
The only thing time does not ****, it's time that never ends

I wonder what's the point in life, when everything just dies
Where there's life, there is hope, that's all a load of lies
It doesn't matter about the lows or any of the highs
Or all the times we have done well, with all of our hard tries
Any good achievements,  our gains and our great buys
Because everything in the end is crushed between life's thighs
Its just a struggle living, with to many stressful sighs
And life itself is gaining ground, to many sad goodbyes

Stalking you your whole life, time's an invisible killer
Grinding pieces of your life, falling from
time's miller
Holes cutting through the ages, time's dying from life's driller
And any of the good times, that's just life's sweet filler
A predator throughout your life, time is a big blood spiller
Just a silent murderer, your life's in time's cold chiller
Time squeezes your life away like a strong rabid gorilla
Life squashed beneath time's giant foot a community's crumbling pillar

Into oblivion is where you'll go no matter how much strife
Time is your true nemesis, not an obnoxious wife
It's the same world over from England through to Fife
Time will cut away your life like a big sharp carving knife
So whatever you may do or wherever is your rife
Time will take you in the end, time kills the point of life

There is a certain lady who's the mother of them all
Although she's only 4 foot she's always standing tall
In a town called Beccles the pose is a good call
When she has a lighted *** the ashes always fall

To her son and daughter she is known as Titch
But her name is Fagioni the boss and the top *****
Her smoking is an art form a craft just like a Witch
If its Cigarettes or roll ups she doesn't mind the switch

You may not even see her through the clouds of smoke
The plumes always surrounds her like a ******* cloak
If she has run out of smokes to her it is no joke
Her **** are her companions she's not like other folk

She is big on **** just like cheese in macaroni
So what I am telling you I'm not telling you baloney
As far as smoking goes she is definitely no phoney
With her tobacco and her **** she is Titch Fagioni

if you love someone too much and they mess with your heart
then maybe you'd be better of resisting them way back at the start
but when it is too far gone and many years have gone by
well then it is all to late and your heart will surly die.
and it well hurt you so much and beat with so much pain
it will bleed your feelings out over and over again.
I wish I had not moved here as im really hurting now.
and I cannot stop crying a really wish I knew how.
a river of tears that I have cried over my lost love.
and my soul is lost up in the sky upon the wings of a dove.

At Number 20 social activities have ceased it's Peter And The Test Tube Babies with "Banned From The Pubs"
Flights and ferries are cancelled at number 19 it's Madonna with "Holiday"
In at 18 freedom has been taken it's Iron Maiden with "The prisoner"
Number 17 the situation is grim it's the Blue Oyster Cult with "Don't Fear The Reaper"
You'll be left on your own with number 16 it's Bananarama with "Cruel Summer"
Clubs are closed and the streets are empty at 15 it's The Specials with "Ghost Town"
Number 14 lives have altered drastically it's Disturbed with "Land Of Confusion"
Will normality ever return it's Duran, Duran at 13 with "Ordinary World"
At Number 12 The population is getting smaller, its Queen with "Another One Bites The Dust"
He's back but which one is he at number 11 it's Alice Cooper with " The Man Behind The Mask"
In at Number 10 it's a fare bet that you will its Gerry and the Pacemakers with "You'll Never Walk Alone"
Number 9 there isn't that many it's Pink Floyd with "Is There Anybody Out There ?"
At Number 8 ironically the Police will be watching you with "Every Breath You Take"
You may need gloves and sanitizer with Number 7 it's MC Hammer with "U Can't Touch This"
He thought you was his friend but nobody can help at Number 6 it's Black Sabbath with "Paranoid"
Something is threatening mankind but I think that's the government at Number 5 it's "Virus" by Iron Maiden
In at 4 We'll keep on fighting till the end it's Queen with "We Are The Champions"
At Number 3 on your trial again are the Police with "Don't Stand So Close To Me" or anyone else for that matter
Number 2 I think Ben E King will be afraid to "Stand By Me"
And for all you solitary brothers and sisters out there it's Seal at Number 1 with "Killer"

You've been washing them frequently it's Alanis Morissette at 40 with "Hands Clean"
Is there any sign of life at Number 39 it's Duran Duran with "Planet Earth"
Education facilities are shut it's Alice Cooper at 38 with "Schools Out"
In at 37 The question on everybody's lips is "When Will I See You Again" by The Three Degrees
Number 36 The government would definitely approve it's Fever Ray with "Keep The Streets Empty For Me"
Hanging out with all the boys is no longer fun at 35 It's the Village People with "Y.M.C.A"
At Number 34 It might be too late for Michael Jackson to "Heal the world"
They should have dropped them earlier at 33 it's T'pau with "China In Your Hand"
Will the lockdown ever end or is it "The Day That Never Comes" its Metallica at Number 32
In at 31 We're just one out of many it's Culture Club with "Victims"
Touching and kissing could prove fatal at 30 it's Alice Cooper with "Poison"
Don't slip into reclusiveness it's Gotye at Number 29 with "Somebody That I Used To Know"
At 28 Respiratory systems are affected it's Berlin with "Take My Breath Away"
Number 27 Everyone's warned to stay away it's Patty Loveless with "Keep Your Distance"
The contagion is spreading rapidly at 26 it's Killing Joke with "I Am The Virus"
At Number 25 The average age of a Vietnam Combat Soldier is the same as Covid It's Paul Hardcaslte with "19"
We've been cooped up for weeks it's Alter Bridge at Number 24 with "Isolation"
At 23 Our towns and city's are infected it's System Of A Down with "Toxicity
Number 22 If enough protective equipment is not supplied it's "Blood On The Words Hands" by Iron Maiden
I can see you but only from afar it's Alice Cooper at Number 21 with "Might As Well Be On Mars"

I hate being in rotherham I just don't like it anymore.
simply living in this town it is such a bore.
Most of the people in it are rotten to the Core.
And daily life is terrible it is just a chore.
At first I thought that it was great many years ago.
But I wasn't aware of the nastyness how was I to know.
Now all I do is get upset and I just want to go.
People that where friendly once are bent just like a bow.
If you put your trust in them and open up your soul.
They'll pretend to like you but their hearts as black as coal
When your no longer useful they'll chuck you in a hole
Thier true colours are revealed they Treat you like a troll  
So if your thinking of coming here its really up to you.
But do not stop here too long or you'll not know whos who.
With people being nasty that's what most of them want to do.
Pretending to be nice your mind is what they *****.
And people being heartless and their heart is made of stone.
Even when you have been nice they alter their good tone
Their attitude just changes and curved just like a cone.
People being horrible it hurts right to the bone.
So speaking from experience its not the place to be.
Because people who where nice once are now nasty towards me.
I wouldn't really bother some people just take the ***.
With all the nasty people there's nothing to ******* see.

I really feel that life isn't so good
Things never go the way that they should
As the years go by things get worse
I think getting older is just a curse
But things wasn't good when I was young
Thats what time for me has always sung
I just don't like what the future holds
And how things always fits to moulds
Only short periods of time when your happy
The rest of the time is just so ******
I wish that things where so much better
And things where good and to the letter
But I just feel that I'm just to yucky
I never seem to get too lucky
There was lady's in my younger days
That I liked but it was just kid plays
It was never anything more than that
Maybe I was not nice just an ugly ****
When I went out it was a mistake
Cos my friends always got the brake
And as time went on it's just the same
Except its more extent and so lame
I just feel that lifes such a bore
things are wasting there should be more
But it doesn't matter how hard I've tried
It ends in tears and I have cried
Every time I think things are okay
Something always goes astray
So I just guess that that's my lot
And that's all that I have ever got
I feel to fat and I'm getting to old
I'm loosing my looks and going bald
And not many people are interested
And there time in me is not invested
So I'll just have to put up with it
And that lifes no good and really ****
At least that's how it's always been for me
I guess that's how things will always be

******-man, ******-man
Does whatever a ****** can
Wanks a **** any size,
He'll undo your trouser flies
Watch Out!
Here **** the ******-man.

Does he ***?
listen bud
When he **** its like a flood
he **** from his ***** head
Take a look at his bed
Hey, there
There goes the ******-man

When his suit is to tight
His bulge starts to slime
He wanks through the night
and spunks all the time

******-man, ******-man
Friendly neighborhood ******-man
**** and *****
He's ignored
Tossing is his reward
To him, life is a monkey spank up
Whenever there's **** up
You'll find the ******-man

Being called a ****** is something I don’t mind
In fact it's really okay and it's rather kind
I don't think it is offensive or even a sick joke
What’s a man supposed to do without a **** to poke
Okay he could stick his **** between two bits of Spam
But he really needs a hot moist **** to be a real man
If her *****'s on the blob he could settle for an ****
The ******* of both these holes simply is pure class

There are guys who prefer a **** and like a manly ***
A tighter hole maybe prefered to make those fellows ***
To **** a bloke if you're straight is an equivalent to a slum
Or even a taboo ****** act like ******* your own mum.

Manly ***** and dangly parts are really not for me
I don't bend to hairy **** it's not where I would be
Girly ***** and smoother bums is what I want to see
I'd rather **** my own **** than **** a guys jacksy

Pulling a huge Horses Plonker only fools like Rodney Trotter
Or Blind Wizards with broken glasses like Harry ******* Potter
Don't **** on your **** to hard you may just *** a cropper
Especially if you ***** up in a helmet belonging to a copper.

I would never bash the bishop what would the churches say
To find me with a spunky hat and that their faiths turned gay
We don't want ***** clergymen who **** on the silver tray
Vicars ******* choir boys keep those cassock fanciers at bay

I would'nt choke the chicken because I don't think I could
But the staff at Kentucky Fried Chicken they probably would.
They would lick your ***** up because its finger licking good.
And use their special wipe up towel to clean up your manhood.
With its lemon fragrance you will have good smelling wood.
Around your shaft and helmet and beneath your ******* hood.

Would I ever yank my plank like the pirates of the seas
The extention of my log when I'm on my ******* knees
My hand around my fishing rod and giving it a squeeze
Using a hand action to squeeze out my cream cheese
*** is flowing down my shaft like honey from the bees
I'll keep pumping on my rod and creaming in the breeze

Have you ever seen those fellows praying down at the synagogue ?
From their own expressions they've been flogging their own log
Take a look at their robes the bottom stained with their eggnog
Either that or they have been ******* some old scruffy dog
I don't think that they bothered their heads are in a fog
With all that ******* worship they would **** a big fat hog

So I'm slowly warming to it but maybe when I'm ******
And I can't get no ***** and its the last thing on my list
I may take myself in hand my **** clutched in my fist
Then I may consider having a swift one of the wrist
If you end up watching then please excuse the mist
I'll carry on with the hope that my **** gets kissed

Because Wanking is an activity that in all honesty all men do
Something that comes to hand when you can't get a good *****
When your **** gets harder and we think of god knows who
We grab our piece of man meat and imagine that *** stew

I'll  have to keep on wanking I can never get enough
Off all that lovely ***** because finding it is tough
Nothing is more satisfying than diving in the ****
Legs open wide will always be something I will stuff
Instead of wanking I would rather stick it up your chuff
But I'll probably end up looking  a bit scraggy and ruff

So I will keep on going until my **** is old and worn
With all that ******* wanking whenever I get the horn
Popping my sweet cornels just like children of the corn
Watching ****'s and ******* or granny ******* ****

When you decide to wash the car, make sure of your stability
Don't lose your footing, or any form of your own credibility
Some driveways are a dangerous place, they can be a liability
Knees get grazed through carelessness, but that's your responsibility

You've slipped down the embankment, you wasn't banking on a stumble
Coming into contact with the concrete, giving you good cause to grumble
Is it possible that your garden, has got loose parts that crumble
Or was it due to clumsiness, that made you fall and tumble

Water splashing on the car, but it wasn't that translucent
You ended up with ****** knees, from your unruly movement
Bucket dropping did not help, with your clean car improvement
I can't say that your actions, didn't cause us some amusement

We had a laugh at your expense, because your knees got scuffed
Spilling water on the path, is when your legs we're stuffed
You didn't look too happy, so I guess you wasn't chuffed
Because you fell, it'll be some time before the car gets buffed

One thing I will mention, we would not have seen you fall
If you didn't have that camera, that you wanted to install
But it has served it's purpose, cos we have seen it all
You was not completely focused, and you wasn't on the ball

Security has now been viewed, splashed water not in stealth
Is it worth the hassle, when you clean the car yourself
You don't want to trip and fall, and damage your leg health
Take it to the car wash, cos it doesn't cost much wealth

Your unfortunate leg scrapping, we hope it was not deep
But we nearly ****** ourselves, when you fell in a heap
We laughed at your misfortune, it almost made us weep
Cleaning cars come at a price, when it's done on the cheep  

Some Ideas are valid, and most of them go far
Set backs are not wanted, make sure that your on par
Be aware of your surroundings, if your washing the car
Trips around the garden could result, in a blooded scar

Lets have a good time for a while, dear,
It will make us both smile, dear,
with your legs apart.
Keep those legs wide, while I get inside you and we'll both feel each other's heart.

We'll *** again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll *** again
One *** filled day.

Keep ******* through
It's what you usually do
'Till your used and full and
Your *****'s flowing away

And I will go down below
To the **** that I know
I'll lick it out it wont take long.
******* all the guys that you know,
But I'll still have a go,
Even if it may seem wrong

We'll **** again
don't know where
not sure when
but I know we'll **** again
And we'll have it away.

And I hope that you know
If you wanted to blow
that I would help you along.
I'll be happy you know.
That your having a go
At ******* on my ****.

We'll *** again
Not sure where
Not sure when
But I know we'll **** again
One **** day

Too many good kind people, we should never take for granted
Joyful times will always end, tears of the broken hearted
loved ones have been taken, ever since our time first started
No one knows the time or place, of our Dearly Departed

Precious lives lost in a dream, something you can not repair
Who decides a persons fate, who decides the when and where ?
We don't want to say goodbye, our hearts will bleed and tare
Nothing can prepare us, for the time when your not there

I'm tired of loved ones dying, so Death give it a rest
You take away our living hope, when you demand your final test
The legacy of one more soul, a diminished family crest
Your presence is unwanted, no one wants to be your guest

Time is short for us all, and none of us are spared
Everything will then be lost, when every heart is tared
Our times become a memory, with all that we have shared
It's the relentlessness of Death itself, with everyone who cared

Among the angels is our place, too many of us dying
The day will come when we are gone, and we're no longer flying
A wing that's clipped before it's time, without us even trying
We're left alone with loneliness, and the sadness of us crying

A living soul that fades away, why doesn't time relent ?
Looking back into the past, I wonder where it went
Why take the kind and pure of heart, why take the innocent
I will always think of, all the good times that we spent

A life that's touched a thousand souls, which everyone shall miss
We never wanted you to leave, now your lost in times abyss
Tears will fall for our auntie, our mother and big sis
Kind hearts won't be forgotten, because we love you our Mavis

Being a Tampax might be fun stuffed up a **** all day
It may not be that creamy but a bit of reds okay
If you're on your monthly you haven't got much say
At least you wouldn't have someone's ***** getting in the way

White and fluffy I would be soft upon my *******
I would start expanding when you begin your *******
Forcing me to press on your sides much to your frustration.
Because you would be on the blob causing my inflation.

You would probably be upset with that ****** infestation
It may not be much fun for you, the lack of stimulation
If your *****'s full of jam there could be a consolation
Strawberry juice is soaking up not much chance of impregnation

Maybe you could see things from the tampons point of view
It's the only time they get chance to have a **** good *****.
They can't wait to fly of the shelves and go inside of you.
Hurry up that time of month you know what you must do.

But there's definitely a downside to being a jam rag
Even though you'd be up a **** longer than a ****
Like the red and white menstrual show, or a red tipped ***
You'd get too wet and taken out, a used up ***** gag
Mid period you'd get replaced that is the biggest snag
You would smell and get thrown away in a sanitary bag

Christmas time is here again, but it's lost part of it's cheer.
It's not how it's supposed to be, or like it was last year
Some families are being kept apart, Some people are alone
Outside dinings not ideal, when you freeze to the bone !

Catching a chill must be allowed, no matter if your old
Government's they just don't care, if you die from the cold
Days reduced from five to one, there's no standing by convictions
The ones in charge just cannot help, enforcing new restrictions

Authorities can bend the rules, but we can't compromise
Scare tactics are always used, mixed in with all their lies
The Christmas spirits calling you, our festivities are broken
I don't believe a single word, that Downing Street has spoken

What happened to humanity, amongst the policies of blindness
Even Scrooge he was redeemed, from the milk of human kindness
Past Christmases they seemed so good, compared to the Christmas present
The future doesn't have a place, if lifes forced into unpleasant

Sat alone can not be grand, for a person's mental health
No love for forgotten hearts, lonley on a dusty shelf
I'd rather take my chances, and extend a helping hand
Because that is so much better, than a devisitated land

So pour yourself another drink, and then raise up your glass
Toast old Boris with this chant, Hay Johnson kiss my ****.
Take a sip of pure contempt, signed with one mighty pen.
"Boris Johnson **** right off", please vacate number ten

You are no longer needed, we're sick of your ******* face
All you have done is to condemn, the entire human race
So take your stupid hair cut, this is something we all yern
Tied to a stake where witches stand.
And we'll all watch you burn

It's okay when I'm being kind and your borrowing my tools
The agreement is that you then stick to the lending rules
There comes a time when it's done and I need the item back
Instead of time elapsing and your losing lending track
Please return my items I am only being reasonable
Don't forget about the favour when its easily redeemable
You don't need to take the **** but too much time has passed
Its getting a bit too much now and now I can't be arsed
I can't wait for too much longer not meaning to be brash
What I want returning is from my own ******* stash
So take particular notice this is only a reminder
What I'm really asking is where's my ******* grinder

Who do you want to be ******* Mr ******
We hope you like up the ***

We are the boys who will play an ******* game
We are the boys who will make you *** again

So why don't you come and **** us Mr ******
If your into ******* bums

Mr. Brown, he's in town he's only 21
He's bumming in the ally and he's ready with his ***

So come on Mr ******, you can stick your **** in us
If you want to *** us, get on the ******* bus

So please put your **** up our arses Mr ******
We really want it up our bums

There always seems to be plenty ladies of the night
Some of them are black girls and some of them are white
A few of them will kiss you a few of them may bite
There are ones that **** you those ones are quite alright
All of them will ******* their ***** are not that tight
A lot are quite good looking but lots look ******* *****

All have well used *****'s but that's just what you'd expect
But it doesn't really matter as long as your *****
You may be into **** their ***** you don't neglect
A request to use a rubber their wishes you respect.
Enough cash is needed both holes you can inject
But the price for extra services is higher I suspect

You have to be quite wary there are some well used pro's.
They've been around for years, ***** worn from lots of goes
Their naked body's have been seen in lots of pervy shows.
Just how many ***** they've ******, no one really knows.
So many fellows gobbled off ***** ****** and ***** blows
Some are old and past it but their just ***** hoes

There was one such lady back in my home town.
Her salty ****** was waiting beneath her smelly gown
The guys that she's been ******* had a disconcerting frown
This is why that ugly ***** was always ****** facedown.
Deep inside her crusty **** their ***** would surely drown.
Especially now her **** juices have turned to a dark brown

Why **** a **** that's manky with such a smelly pong.
It isn't good if that filthy stench smells so ****** strong
Stupid fellows ****** that hole using their desperate ****
But Surely ******* that ugly hag must have been so wrong.
I guess it was a testament for her being a ***** so long
And that's why all the locals are singing her this song

And...
Ten-Bob-Annie
Had a manky *****
But still the wankers paid
She was an ugly ***,
Should have just said no
So desperate to get laid.
She didn't charge much,
For her smelly crotch.
It was definitely decayed.
Never used a rubber,
Just a ***** scrubber.
If your willing to downgrade.
She lived down Abbey road
Smells like a commode
A wonder anybody stayed.
Just so that you know,
Her name is Audrey stowe
And she didn't make the grade

When her grandchildren went to school they got teased and ragged.
Because of all the ***** men that Audrey ****** and shagged.
***** got stuck with stickiness some got caught and snagged
That ***** smelly **** of hers should be bound and gagged.
The usage needs preventing it could be sealed and bagged
OR her disgusting antics monitored and electronically tagged

Ten-Bob-Annie was painted on the wall above of Audrey's door
I don't know why she got so upset because it attracted more.
Stupid guys just wanting *** at least there where three or four
Take my advice and steer clear of that worn out ******* *****.
Her daughter Debbie was the same they'll make your shaft so sore
Those two infested well used ***** are nothing to adore

Now Audrey's daughter Debbie she was just as bad.
She ****** just as many men as her ***** mother had.
They wasn't really bothered they would have any lad
Just a couple of fat slags they'd even **** your dad.
But they never got there hands on me of that I was so glad
If I had even gone there well I would have been quite mad

Who owns Jack Jones, is he part of your clan?
Does Mr Jones actually exist, is he a real live man
Why does he resemble Boyd, is this part of his plan
Jack is such a manly name, but so is Phil and Stan

Don't use "Boy" within your name, you'll impose an adult ban
Boyish names are not much good, there not like John or Dan
You wouldn't call grandfathers boys, or say girl to your nan
Stop abusing ol' Jack Jones, and avoid Boyd if you can

Boyd is easy to avoid, its easier than we thought
An alteration has took place, but that's what Boyd has sought
Elusiveness is not too smart, because already you've been caught
We've worked out who Jack Jones is, and it accounts to nought

Your lacking iron clad alibis, nothing is set in wrought
It's criminal to own Jack Jones, so please would you abort
No rights to use another name, your being a bad sport
Is Boyd considered as a name, or is it "boy" for short

Intellect is not too strong, that's only what you think
Using an alias is unwise, if you show a photo link
Why bother changing to Jack Jones, how low you gonna sink
Your mother's been kept in the dark, about releasing your white ink

Is Jack Jones the one, who's been sinking in the pink?
Wasn't it Boyd's low ***** count, that went inside the mink?
You are skating on thin ice, when there's cracks in the rink
Just who owns Jack Jones, when Boyd's back from the brink

Identities are broken, just what did you think you'd gain
Your just a ******* imbecile, to think you'd relieve the strain
You can't hide yourself away, you must be quite insane
It's not as though your mother lives, in germany or Spain

Everyone knows who you are, it's in your face and plain
It is just pathetic to make Jack Jones the main
Jack Jones is just too common, you should try a name like shane
Just don't **** about with names, or Jack Jones will be jocks Jane

Your ashamed of what you've done, you try to skulk and hide
You didn't mind the ******, or having your fun ride
Be a man and not a "Boyd", it's time to turn the tide
Come on Boyd you did not avoid, legs that were astride

Morality is in pursuit, but you have no sense of pride
Who's Jack Jones supposed to be, now  sperms slid down the slide
Other aliases may exist, do you have bits on the side
Or are you only interested, when things are open wide

Is Jack Jones the father, or is he born from rubber clones
Boyd is the spitting image, he's been seen on mobile phones
Hostile namesake takeovers, do you have *** slaves and drones
There's no sense in your deception, because this isn't Game of Thrones

We don't want identities stolen, you borrow names like loans
Jack's already being used, it's a name that someone owns
Maybe names can hurt you, as well as sticks and stones
So cease in your activities , you don't know who owns Jack Jones

Who is in charge of broadcasting who's in charge of the TV?
Is it an escaped mental patient or a convicted escapee?
Where sick of recycled programs where sick of reality
Your ripping of the public for your own personal payee
We're still paying for repeats these programs should be free
Why the **** are we still paying for the TV license fee?
Stop showing the same programs and hear the publics plea
It is just an insult to our arses sat on our settee
The people who are in charge their all just a wannabe
Commissioning old programs from all the left over debris
You may support your schedules I really don't agree
Cos all that we get are repeats from Dave to ITV

The stations are atrocious the programs are mundane
No more reality or repeats please would you refrain
Stop with all the same shows stop showing them again
A thousand times we've seen them its driving us insane
Consider scrapping most shows throw them down the drain
And spare the paying public from constant program strain
We don't want no more game shows I hope I'm being plain
Too much focussed on reality your making these the main
Stop conning all your viewers and causing so much pain
With in show competitions for your own financial gain
And ****** TV voting the contestants are too vain
All of the public phone calls are nothing but a stain

We don't want to turn to boredom with all of those Big Brothers
Not interested in One Born Every Minuet or expectant mothers
Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen Gordon Ramsey's foul mouth smothers
The Great British Bake Off and Masterchef the same as all the others
Pawn Stars was misleading it had no *** or scrubbers
Don't want people on Love Island selecting different lovers

Who cares about the rounded lives of bearded Mountain Men?
No interest in crap inventions or rich Dragons in the Den
Wife Swap and ******* Pawn nothing to do with ***** hoes
Loose Women and 4 in a Bed I was expecting different shows?
The Wright Stuff with Mathew Wright well really its just wrong
The same as This Morning and Lorraine they've been on far too long
Apparently your a fat ******* if You Are What You Eat
If I want to see Nightmare Neighbours I'll look out on the street
Make your ******* mind up and Say Yes To The Dress
Stop buying so much food so you can Eat Well For Less
Hoarders houses are not wanted, don't show us the inside
Is it really such a secret if you Don't Tell The Bride?

How To Look Good Naked what kind of purv is Gok Wan?
Ogling middle aged naked ladies well. . . just because he can!
*** Pod may have been good but we never saw a thing
What's the point in a *** program without the ****** zing?
Lord Sugar fire's Apprentices he doesn't make much sense
When contestants are not hired yet there is no real suspense
People risking their own lives driving Ice Road Truckers
I've really got no sympathy for those stupid mother *******
Pierce Morgan talked Life Stories why is he such a *****?
Or is he just an arrogant ****** you can take your pick
The Crocodile Hunter Steve Erwin his fate was a stingray
If he'd been a bit more careful he'd still be here today
We where shown full frontal nakedness in Naked Attraction
It could have had more potential with it bit more interaction
The Only Way Is Essex well that simply is not true
If I don't want to go to Essex then what will they do?
There was never any Cash In The Attic if this was the case
There would be no need to sell their things in the first place
Who do You Think You Are I'm surprised there on this show
What kind of mindless people are they if they don't ******* know
I don't want crap singers on the X Factor or hear The Voice
Sod those ****** Pop Stars your not giving us much choice

If celebrities wanted to get out of the jungle then why even appear?
Is it because they are not main stream and its good for their career?
Its a boost for run down minor celebs, well what the heck
Instead of voting them off cant we vote off Ant and Dec?

Judge Judy and Judge Rinder are basically the same
Just a rehash of the Peoples Court isn't  that quite lame
Stop using the same format for shows that you can tame
I suppose that's all we'll ever get stop playing the same game

Top Gear and Fifth Gear are almost the Same Wheel
Say no to the House Doctor her designs are too unreal
get rid of The Hotel Inspector and Dickinson's Real Deal
We don't want Dancing On Ice there is no real appeal

Why Escape To The Country where they prisoners before?
The Kardashians and Osborne's we don't want them anymore
Strictly Come Dancing we're sick of that dance floor
Don't want to see Grand Designs there no good if your poor
Cant Pay Well Take It Away what are we paying for?
It's the same as paying the licence fee it's nothing to adore

Sixty Minuet Makeover it's enough to make you weep
Impossible to achieved do you think we're mindless sheep?
Homes Under The Hammer, it's not what I would keep
Antiques Trip and Road Show will send you right to sleep
A large percentage that are made are made on the cheep
But I've noticed that the licence fee is still so ******* steep

There are to many senseless channels with program limitations
What happened to the good shows the ones with good creations
Better programs years ago when we only had five stations
It's only my own opinion and own personal observations
Maybe it was a time when producers took their medications
When writers admired their work and had more dedications
More devotion for the programs, no love for abominations
So re-evaluate your programming and stop these infestations

There are many cowboys who are said to be the best
However there is one fellow that is better than the rest
Feared in every county and throughout the old Wild West
He'll face you in a duel and put you to the test

This man is the fastest he simply can't be beat
He is the man that other gunfighters never want to meet
You never will outgun him he'll just turn up the heat
Hunting you from the saloon to the dusty open street

You may think you can beat him he'd like to see you try
His slinging skills are so fast its in a blink of an eye
If you ever cross his path I’m afraid it’s Goodnight And Goodbye
And you'll end up swinging from a noose when he hangs em high

Don't ever get in a brawl cos this man can be bad
You will regret a bar room fight if whiskey shots he's had
This Man Is The Original This Man Is The Lad
I Guess your asking who he is, well this man is my Dad

I've walked with Ice by my side, for so many years
When you were a young dog, to days that bring sad tears
I can't escape my feelings, and I can't escape my fears
Hearts are scorched and burnt away, and flaking in the sears

With Ice by my side, it was only a small slice
Life is cruel as times progress, with rolls of the dice
My happiness is taken, and it comes at a high price
Now my heart has melted, just like the life of Ice

I see your spirit everywhere, because I can not release my bond
You are there inside the house, and laying by the pond
My Ice has left, she had to leave, and physically abscond
A part of me is missing, and my mind does not respond

It hurts to know you are gone, but it's the cards we're dealt
A moment of time that's lost, and nothing else is felt
I used to call you Woolly, now your part of the mystic belt
A comet amongst the stars, but it's hearts that begin to melt

You have been my faithful friend, and I have been your guide
There is a void of emptiness, across my life's divide
I will see you again, but it's when the fates decide
And I'll wander in the afterlife, with Ice by my side

Wow what a night we have had, with your **** on show
I'm partial to your lovely cheeks, but that I think you know
It didn't really take too long, I'm glad we crossed that line
The bottom of the stairs is great, but anywhere is fine

You turned me on with your nice ***, there wasn't any Doubt
Such an exciting decision, when you got your great **** out
Leant on the stairs was lovely, I knew that we would jell
We got as far as the front door, before our clothing fell

Wow what a night we have had, I enjoyed squeezing your ****
I'm glad it is quite ample, and nice and big and sparse
It's good that we got naked, I hadn't been there long
To get undressed as soon as we can, is definitely not wrong

I loved the feeling that we had, it doesn't matter where
Whether it is on a bed, or bent down on a stair
We could try it in a field, or behind a wall
You can do anything you like, with no limits at all

Wow what a night we have had, with our inhibitions shed
It's just as good going upstairs, and continuing on the bed
We both got so excited, cos we knew what we would get
A different position felt so nice, when both of us got wet

What a lovely feeling, when our legs were in a tangle
When we layed down and our bodies, were at a different angle
I didn't really want to stop, because the feeling was amazing
We got so hot forget the heating, and the double glazing

Wow what a night we have had, and still it wasn't over
Your **** is just fantastic, you came like a super nova
We went downstairs for a while, and had a little rest
The sofa was the next place, where we did what we do best

I love to feel your moisture, I fingered you until you came
You were even wetter, and I know that I'm to blame
But I wanted your body, and I just can't get enough
Biting and scratching I don't mind, or being a bit rough

Wow what a night we have had, it is such a fantasy
If I had the choice it's where, I would like to be
It was so enjoyable, and I would do it all again
My mind is always thinking, of what night and where or when

I know it can be slippy, and it can be quite surprising
Especially when it's very damp, because we have been moisturising
Five times is achievable, your glistening body's a nice sight
A Pity it had to finish, but boy Wow What A Night

In this life one thing counts
*** filled *****, large amounts
You've got to squeeze between their knees.
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

You've got to ****-a-***** or two, boys
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

[Boys]
Large amounts between the knees.
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

(spoken)
Let me show you how it's done, shall we, my dears.

It is great on their backs
Better get up their cracks
Its good fun so nice to ***.
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

You've got to ****-a-***** or two, boys
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

[Boys]
on their backs and up their cracks
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

(spoken)
Who says you have to do it that way?

In the hood take a look
All the girls like to ****
******* is fine, so try mine
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

You've got to ****-a-***** or two, boys
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

[Boys]
All the girls they like to ****
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

You can strip who you like
Ride those girls like a bike
If their to tall, try someone small
You have to ****-a-***** or two.

You've got to ****-a-***** or two, boys
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

[Boys]
We can ride them like a bike
If we ****-a-***** or two.

(spoken)
Don't Stop!

Dear old gal walking by
I think shes giving me the eye
If its not clear, take her up the rear
You've got to ****-an-******* or two.

You've got to ****-an-******* or two, boys
You've got to ****-an-******* or two.

[Boys]
If it's not clear, **** the rear
Get in and ****-an-areshole or two.

When I see some fat *****,
Both my ***** start to twitch
If I grind, hope she don't mind
I've got to ****-a-***** or two.

You've got to ****-a-***** or two, boys
You've got to ****-a-***** or two.

[Boys]
If you grind, hope she don't mind.

We have to have-a-***** or two...

There's nothing more upsetting,
when our loved ones get too frail
You've been with them through their life,
sharing their long trail
We usually feel quite helpless,
seeing their health begin to fail
And can't do much but to observe,
the hurt beneath the vail

It hurts us both to go through,
even if their the one that's pail
Seeing the struggle they have,
and knowing they can't bail
Witnessing the pain their in,
and falling from the rail
It really is quite a scare,
when it's on a massive scale

We try to hold back the tears,
but we really want to wail
Their health is locked away,
in an unhealthy jail
To see them slowing down,
like a crippled snail
It's like they're trying to function,
inside a high force gail

It is so upsetting when their,
struggling to inhale
If only solutions were easy
like receiving daily mail
I really wish I could help,
health is nothing I can nail
If only they were healthier,
that would be my holy grail

It was the night of Christmas Eve when I was on my own
You came round with Chantelle lowering the festive tone
It was okay until you left and I found that big baguette
Such a time of desperation one time I will not forget
A toilet tragedy I suffered when I discovered your Yule log
Why did you leave that monstrosity inside my ******* bog

I had a drink to calm my nerves but I didn't want to tackle
In the U bend that ******* **** was caught up in the shackle
Trying hard to get rid of that thing with hot water in a bucket
It didn't move with my attempts so I thought "well **** it"
Taking the plunge with pipe unscrewed it wasn't very nice
A gloveless hand you wouldn't want to handle that thing twice

With heavy heart I manhandled that large brown log myself
The size of it I'm petty sure was detrimental to my health
I know that Chocolate logs traditional to celebrate the Yule
Did you have to leave me one made from a combined stool
You blamed Chantelle but I'm not sure if it was her or you
But whichever way you look at it, its a nasty thing to do

So come on just admit it who dealt me that crap card
Getting rid of such a thing well its really rather hard
It really isn't all that much of a Christmas appetizer
Having to disguise it for bin using the local advertiser
Yule be so disgusted if you had crap Christmas news
A real low time of my life with Yule tide log abuse

Next time you decide to call round in the festive mood
Have a **** before you come not meaning to be rude
Don't pass solids in my bog to avoid a repeat performance
I have already reached my peak concerning **** endurance
Use my bog with courtesy without Christmas block activities
I don't want your crap on my hands ruining my festivities