I wandered aimlessly alone on cobbled paving stones
Cracked streets of years gone by gray shaded overtones
As I walked into the night the sounds of breezy moans
The darkness of a stormy night those windy rainy groans
Swirling winds behind my soul went through my aching bones
Trees that swayed the fallen leaves pieces of broken cones
Sky's black with clouded memories cold and icy tones
I wandered aimlessly alone rowed houses of bricked clones

Endless streets before my eyes each corner turned in vain
Dampened footsteps on glistened shoes in the pouring rain
A man alone in a doorway bent hat torn clothes and cane
With distress He beckoned me I knew I could not refrain
His friend was lost he told me my trust he had to gain
In the coldness of the night I could sense his mental strain
His dog got free on that night anguish he could not retain
I said I would search for his friend I wandered aimlessly again

A shadow in the distance a glimpse of black and tanned
There was a German Shepard who stood there proud and grand
Within the mist it seemed to be the place where she did stand
And as I moved towards her I reached out my trembling hand
A sudden blink in my minds eye from that place she did disband
Puddles shimmered and lit the way on that eerie land
Following the litten mist a place so cold and bland
I wandered aimlessly alone a beach with fettered sand

Clashing waves of angry seas the darkness and the light
Movements in between the waves a figure pale and white
A strangeness I could not explain I knew things wasn't right
As I ran towards the sea I could see the struggling fight
A dog trying to save a drowning man is what I saw that night
I tried to rescue the man but I felt the water bite
Swept away he was gone I pulled with all my might
The dog was safe we walked together an old house came in Sight

An abandoned house by the beach all furniture in place
Dusty shelves and photographs and a chair with tattered lace
A picture of a man and his dog on the old bookcase
A familiar feeling came over me my heart began to pace
As I looked more closely I recognized the face
Memories of my past life now fallen far from grace
A cold nose nudged my arm then vanished without trace
My grave was then walked over my house with empty space

I felt a ghostly presence when I was stood upon that shore
And when I arrived at that house but I didn't knew what for
The abandonment of agony of everything I saw
Ghosts from the past colliding with times present law
I knew from that moment death had grasped me with its claw
My dog was my salvation when she gave me her warm paw
She stood waiting at the gates outside of heavens door
She led me of this physical plane I wandered aimlessly no more

Why Is Life So Cruel And Unfair?
I Hate Being Part Of This Nightmare,
If I Could Live My Life Again’
Id Change Everything,
Who, What, Why, When And Where.
Sometimes I Wish I Wasn’t There,
Most People Wouldn’t Even Notice Or Even Care

Our friend Marty well what can I say
we're all saddened on this day.
you where one of the good ones a real good friend
a helping hand that you'll always lend.
but certain things we can not mend
so with heavy heart this message I send.
when we was in trouble you would be there
now there are things beyond repair.
you where always there when we needed you
I don't know somehow you knew what to do.
so Marty my friend I will say this
its your good heart and kindness that we shall miss.
you'll be remembered you wont really die
no matter how hard that we may try.
so it will never truly be goodbye
with songs from the riders in the sky.
when we last saw you we didn't know
that it wasn't long for you to go.
and your where worn your final flight
so rest now Marty god bless and good night

Oh Annette Tidy, what have you been up to now
Writings on the bus stop, says you've been a filthy cow
I know it's only hearsay, by the use of your meow
***** ****'s been ****** again, I wish that I knew how

A simple stroll on down the street, the shelter comes in sight
Once a **** always a ****, it seems your ****'s not tight
Poor old Den is not the one, who's getting ****** tonight
An ugly **** you maybe, that's if the text is right

Oh Annette Tidy, are you such an ugly ****
Are you fat and overweight, moist folds that crease and sag
****** ability you seem to have, to make men's *****'s wag
Maybe you are not that bad, when you always get a ****

*** has been displayed, on top of the phone box
That's only if you've been shagged, by some unsavoury *****
I can not really comment, if you've had a guy with pox
A lovely feeling had by all, when getting off your rocks

Oh Annette Tidy, you have been with a new man
You've cheated on Dennis again, just like an old **** can
It could be propaganda, or part of a malicious plan
Slaggy ***** get all the press, and I'm their biggest fan

You'll never change the word is out, for everyone to see
I am not so positive if your diseased, and you have ***
Scribbles suggest your *** is bad, but I'll just let it be
I don't know if it is true, so it doesn't bother me

Oh Annette Tidy, are you such a ***** girl
It doesn't really matter, if your not as white as pearl
Nasty girls I do not mind, with every twist and twirl
Your reputation is exposed, so give my **** a whirl

If your not that kind of girl, somebody has a grudge
Acquaintances have not been met, so who am I to judge
I can be subjective, if you let me try your fudge
Juices squeezed in ecstasy, when I give your fruit a nudge

Oh Annette Tidy, is your ***** all that good
Expose yourself in front of me, to activate my wood
If your as bad as it is said,  I don't know if I should
Your probably like all other girls, beneath your knicker hood

Are you really all that Tidy, if you've messed around so much
Is fleshy ***** still neatly tucked, or dangling on your crouch
I'd **** like a rampant rabbit, if let me in your hutch
If you like it up the ****, two guys can ******* Dutch

Oh Annette Tidy , do you have *** holes that smell
Your supposedly a ***** ****, but that's just kiss and tell
Is plunging deep inside you, equivalent to "******* hell"
Just what exactly is the status, of your *** stained well

If your on your period , then remove your ***** pad
A deep red hole is okay, with everyone you've had
I'm sure your **** is bearable, and really not that bad
**** is a great relief, a nice *** and I am glad

Oh Annette Tidy, does your wet slit really stink
With everything that's said, I don't know what to think
It probably has a **** smell, good *** and creamy pink
Just the way that it should be, a place I'd like to sink

Time has passed since ***** *****, were written on the wall
I think your ****** preferences, are not that bad at all
If what is written supposed to be, set make you fall
Then failure is inevitable, because your *** is on the ball

Oh Annette Tidy , how does your hater know your ****** perks
Is he already ******* you, in between those other jerks
Could he be bedroom stalking, who knows the place he lurks
He's probably ****** jealousy, cos you have a **** that works

Future writings I will seek, I don't know where or when
Your nemesis is bound to strike, with his vindictive pervert pen
One day they'll be more escapades, so I will wait till then
****** **** will be revealed. . .Oh Annette Tidy's back again

I hate life nothing ever goes right.
all it ever does is turn out ******* *****.
so what's the point in anything when where strangers in the night.
no ones really bothered although I thought they might.
all I ever wanted was a real good life.
but all that ever happens is so much stress and strife.
and everyone just takes the **** and laughs at all my upset.
but I suppose that's just my lot and all I'll ever get

There is a dangerous man I implore you to take heed
He will do anything to satisfy his own need
He will pretend to like you, on your soul he'll feed
When he's got your confidence your heart he'll always bleed
His persona will alter,  his greediness will breed
And he'll resort to ****** when everything's agreed
when he has got everything, he will make you plead
This man must be stopped, don't let him spread his seed
There are too many of his kind and so many of his creed
There is a need for justice, my sisters souls not freed

Praying on my sisters kindness and her vulnerabilities
knowing of my sisters illnesses her medical disabilities
Using underhanded tactics to exploit her instabilities
Relying on her personal assets without any liabilities
To get his hands on her things without any responsibilities
being part of her life to use her house and her facilities
If he didn't get what he wanted, turning to hostilities
Overpowering my sister's state of mind limiting her abilities

When he sold my sisters things his intentions where revealed
Once he bled my sister dry then her fate was sealed
when his plan came to ahead he dumped her in a field
Leaving him to ransack her house and her things he stealed
All of those missing weeks our sisters death concealed
With our sisters sad demise our hearts are never healed
He should pay for his crimes, without the authorities shield
Confess to what he's done and make the ******* yield
Don't succumb to his lies, don't let his influence wield
You better watch out for this man and keep your eyes well peeled

During our sister's inquest the evidence was curved
It was an open verdict the true facts where reserved
We suffered 9 weeks of hell, our point was not observed
Mandy's life was forfeited, her life was not conserved
he got away with ****** didn't get what he deserved
The punishment should fit the crime not anything preserved
No one was accountable justice wasn't served
Convict this man of his crimes, decisions not reversed

Our sister never had a fare chance all she had was pain
He tortured her mentally all for his own gain
Lying for his own ends he was my sister's bane
Causing her physical harm, by his hands she was slain
His part in her death is not so straight or plain
Due to his interference we'll never see her again
His presence at her inquest, his choice was to refrain
Crucifixion is to good he's humanity's biggest stain
Destruction should be performed, on society he's a drain
Justice should be served on that murderer and thief Mr **** Tustain

Stick a **** in your socket
I've got a mattress in the van
Cause if you want a large'un
And you like a hard one
Then sister I'm your man

Cos when we both *** its pretty good for me
I'd love to *** again, I guess I'll have to wait and see
Your ***** the one that's driving me berserk
Why do only ***** and wankers work
La la lala la-la la la la la-lala la la la. . . .

Ive got a hard ***** thats nice
And I'll lick your lovley carpet slice
Easy deep squeeze when your on your ******* knees
*** games, whips chains, wosnames that you can push
Wear your rubber cat-suit
Makes you gush between your bush, bush, bush
Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush

I'll *** inside, it's agreed
on your back, it's guaranteed
Black or white, both I'll stroke
All ***** are nice to stoke

God bless ****** street
Come on spread your feet
I'll always be discrete
C'est magnifique **** your ****
Magnifique ***** treat,
Tastes so sweet,
**** my meat,
Feel the heat
In the backseat. . . .

There are girls none of them call me
In their bed, is where I want to be
Every time I try, I go round the bend
It's not so wrong, if you will be my ****** friend

Maybe tomorrow, you'll sit on my baton
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep wanking on

Down the road there's a guy that's bent
That's the place where I am usually sent
So if I want to **** him for a while
I'll grab his ****, and ease it in
That's **** style

Maybe tomorrow, I'll bend the other way
Untill Tomorrow, I'm not going to turn gay

So if I have to have a **** for a while
I'll grab my ****, pull it tight
That's Solo style

Maybe tomorrow, You'll let me have a feel
Until tommorow, I'll pull down my own peel

Maybe tomorrow, I'll get my **** chance
Until tomorrow, I'll look on with a glance

There are gilrs thats waiting to undress,
A chance for a ****...Well thats anybody's guess
If you offered *** you know I wont be long
I'll be there, lets just be fair and I'll play along

Maybe tommorow, I'll find what I'm looking for,
Until tomorrow, I'll peer through your room door

So if you want to **** me for a while,
I'll grab your ring, come round tonight
That's polo style

Maybe tomorrow, You will **** with me
Untill tomorrow, I'll have to wait and see

I don't know why football has been dubbed the beautiful game
Who the hell has named it that who the ***** to blame
When I think of something beautiful football is not what I would claim
Wearing their stupid football kits there ugly in my frame
Every boring football game to me looks the ******* same
A bunch of guys in a field looking for a piece of fame
The exorbitant amount cash their paid is why they really came
Trying to impress the wags or bag themselves a dame
If your a fan that's up to you but please would you be tame
Don't be a ******* hooligan forget the opposition maim

Drinking to excess before the match well that is just pathetic
If you have to go to the game why go drunk and paralytic
Is hours of getting tanked up automatic or is it cybernetic
It's hardly surprising your personality isn't charismatic or magnetic
Don't act like a ******* ***** don't be so synthetic
Are they trained to be wankers or is it just genetic
What's beautiful about the drunkenness we're not so sympathetic
Football kits are not day wear or a fashionable cosmetic
Why waste your time and energy when your ****** and energetic
Endorsing violence with cops and fans justice is not poetic

What's the point of the police force when real crime is on latch
All the cops are wasting time trying to bust the football batch
If football matches are that bad then close the ******* hatch
And for a change why don't the cops protect a different patch
We don't want police on horseback or on motorway dispatch
Is it easier to stop coaches cos it's criminals they can catch
Ban all the ******* hooligans enforce a ticket ******
Revoke their rights to seasoned games with a stadium detach
What about the real crime, coppers don't make a scratch
Why should my taxes go to the cops to patrol the match

What's beautiful about Hillsborough when there's no safe place to hide
The disaster of 96 football fans they all got crushed and died
Where was the protection of the innocent when the gates where open wide
There's nothing beautiful about never walking alone when no ones by your side
Riots break out in stadiums when the football fans collide
328 deaths at Estadio Nacional that's their beauty set aside
What's beautiful about Bradford city 56 fans burned and fried
Is it really all worth dying for to protect your personal pride
How many people have died due to this game this isn't in the guide
How many more disasters, what will it take to turn the tide

Football is not the beautiful game with all the tragedies and rage
Football players should not be awarded such an extortionate wage
Getting paid a huge amount just to play one season
Why are they paid so much what is the ******* reason
Bending it like Beckham does that mean that he his gay
As he is married to Victoria he could have turned that way
The word cups 10 million dollar price tag its shamefully unlawful
Does the FA in the FA cup stand for ******* awful
All the death and disasters its an ugly truth and fact
The hooliganism and violence, well there's nothing beautiful about that

You are loved so very much, too much for words to say
So many times you cross my mind, ever since you went away
Your face is etched within my thoughts, that's were you'll always stay
I can't describe the way I feel, not even day by day

My heart aches to see your face, I miss your lovely smile
I want to hold you in my arms, even for a little while
You are placed inside my heart, cracked like a broken tile
Living is not easy now, it's harder mile by mile

Just remember that your loved, you are deep within my soul
Hearts will break now your not there, and  never will be whole
I wish I could see you again, along my life's long stroll
A cry in my own heartache, tears fall and they take toll

Every day your in my mind, I don't know what to do
I hope you don't forget me, because my love is alway true
I'll remember you forever, and I hope that you will too
Because your always in my heart, and I'm always missing you

If I get up the crack of dawn, it's cos my cockerel crows
Egg yoke running over me, starts sliding down my nose
When dawn breaks problems arise, my appetite just grows
My old pan is getting hot, oil's dripping on my toes

So I will toss my sausage, but that's only when dawn goes
I've always got the taste for it, that's when my sausage shows
Salty bacon tasty fat, some highs but mainly lows
Juicy fruits already squeezed, I love the way it flows

I like to smell the coffee, but I'd rather have the cream
The taste of it upon my tongue, is really quite supreme
Old sweet sugar's what I need, it makes me smile and scream
Pure delight and ecstasy, mixed in with kettle steam

I can wet the whistle, cos this will make it gleam
After I've had bacon, I'll go down on the stream
My hot sausage shriveled up, I'm in need of a redeem
Weakened prospects I don't want, splitting at the seam

My **** is a reclusive, and he's hardly fully grown
A lady hen is what I need, to get my **** well shown
She can do the laying, cos I'd like to hear her moan
Instead of omelettes sticking, and tossing on my own

Riding bikes is so much fun, my helmet is on loan
My bell ends always ringing, polished to a shinny tone
All the dogs are in the park, their ******* on my bone
Bottles my get broken, but at least the glass gets blown

Residues left over, a deposit from a heap of slags
Why don't you recycle, it's good to use old bags
Old Cronies or witch women, are they really ugly hags
Donkeys hung may just be fine, a huge *** often drags

I'm ******* on my melons, there juicy big large gags
Bunt cigarettes don't seem fair, because smokers get the shags
Do you feel a little horse, or is it a bunch of nags
Is your clothing fashionable, or are you wearing rags

I'm sorry if your homeless, you can have some of my meat
Raw and smelly it could be, but your still in for a treat
Up your alley I would go, but that's only if it's neat
It really comes to something, having a *** out on the street

You can swallow my whole whopper, but this isn't no mean feat
I'm hoping for your doughnut, cos the jams so good to eat
If you want my hot sauce, then you'll have to feel the heat
But we don't want coppers truncheons, swinging on our beat

Sparkling sensations are achieved, it's your warm champagne I'll sup
If I'm caught enjoying it, then we can definitely Hookup
Releasing your bazookas, when your drinking from my cup
I would lick your cherries, just like a little pup
You can **** my lollipop, a sweet tasting chupa chup
And if your wanting group activities, we can have a 7up

When you come round to my gaff you know what to expect
All I'm really asking is you treat us with respect
I know that you have your kids and that's okay by us
We don't expect the critics or all that kind of fuss
Your welcome to come round it's really all quite fine
We know you like our company or is it just our wine
Don't criticize our garden through the lack of toys and trains
We don't want all that clutter or any of the strains
Don't keep ****** going on with what Shazza has got
Just because Shazza seems to have the ******* lot
We've heard what you have said so don't treat us like ******* spazzas
If you prefer toys to wine then ******* to ******* Shazza's

It's okay when I'm being kind and your borrowing my tools
The agreement is that you then stick to the lending rules
There comes a time when it's done and I need the item back
Instead of time elapsing and your losing lending track
Please return my items I am only being reasonable
Don't forget about the favour when its easily redeemable
You don't need to take the **** but too much time has passed
Its getting a bit too much now and now I can't be arsed
I can't wait for too much longer not meaning to be brash
What I want returning is from my own ******* stash
So take particular notice this is only a reminder
What I'm really asking is where's my ******* grinder

Lowestoft was that small town the window crisis hit
Smudgy smears always appeared mixed with grubby grit
Filthy stains on dingy pains and ***** birdie ****
Cob webs spread like Spider-Man an attic window pit

The anguish of the people, through all their daily strains
Townsfolk getting upset with not seeing through the pains
Because of ***** windows and because of all the stains
Glass windows needed washing to remove the gritty grains

Many a small window and so many sheets of glass
Simple and posh leaded, no matter what the class
Awkward windows out of sight, you'd really rather pass
Reaching them is such a stretch, a real pain in the ****
They will be all shiny just like newly polished brass
When we stick our ladders down on your drive or grass

If you want your windows cleaned then just give us a call
Every smeared, smudged surface, we're equip to clean them all
Two savvy ladies on the case, arriving with a run not crawl
So if your in a ***** crises then don't you ever stall

We'll investigate your sheets of glass inserted in your wall
Giving them a good rub down before your windows fall
Even in a stately home, manor or great hall
Nothing is to high or low neither short or tall

All residential areas houses in your neighbourhood
Bungalows to tower blocks, we polish pretty good
Conservatories and porches, plastic through to wood
Industrial estates and caravans, cleaned the way they should
Wherever they are situated and wherever they are stood
Shops and local businesses, we'll turn up in a flood

If your windows are not clean and you've reached your tether
We'll grab all of our equipment and get everything together
Buckets, blades and applicators we're always window clever
Getting there before your despair and in any kind of weather
As long as we can make you smile with our cleaning endeavour
Make sure you call the best the girls of " All Weather Leather"

What's the point in loving, when it always turns too sour
When you have found the one you want, attracted by loves power
Love blossoms between two souls, like a new born open flower
Elevating your true feelings, on loves affectionate tower
Love washed away with every storm and every raining shower
Why does it all diminish by the day and even hour by hour?

They always say they love you when everything is new
Way back at the time when both your loves first grew
So very comforting knowing their loves there to turn too
Forever their your life long love there is no other view
They say their loves forever, why does it always go askew?
You can not help who you love what are you supposed to do?

They always seem to tell you that their love is forever?
And your the one they have searched for, no one else no never
With our feelings for each other, love bonding us together
Surviving all life's problems, love always will endeavour
No matter how hard I've tried, love seems to always sever
Without the love that we have. there is nothing whatsoever

Those lost loves maybe gone but they are not forgotten
Pining for those lost times, in my mind so very often
Through times gone by feelings and love they will never soften
Everything then starts to fall, loves sweet fruit turns rotten
Why does Love always turn from silk to fraying broken cotton
Sun's go down on the love we had, our life is misbegotten

There is no need to be like this, if you let me through the door
Without any animosities, love doesn't have to be a chore
Why cant things be the way, like the way they where before?
Things that are lost can be regained I'm hoping there's a cure
It really is not your fault who you have feelings for
Thinking of what should have been and always wanting more

They say your part of their life, when your hearts where both embossed
A shadow of my former self now our hearts are no longer crossed
Heart's frozen in cold feelings, loves shattered in the frost
Sadness pain and heartache, times and feelings tossed
Remembering the good times, those times come at a cost
Because even with the small things, to many loves are lost

If your hearing these words well then I must be dead
I don't mean to cause you upset or mess with anybody's head
But take comfort in what I say even though I'm no longer there
That's if your there to listen to the words that I now share
I maybe laid before you while your sat in a row of pews
It's okay I know that you will have all of your own views
Perhaps you are religious you may not believe such things
But we all share the same fate and what our future brings
All of our achievements are lost and everything is gone
We are asleep forevermore so there is nothing that goes on
Unless we are reunited with friends and family that have passed
And we are therefore happy when we've reached our death at last
I hope that you can carry on and strength that you can find
But it's still upsetting for all those loved ones left behind
I don't know what is beyond this point but then nobody will
Except for the small detail when we climb up that last hill
Wherever we may go or whatever happens to our soul
Maybe you'll remember me after I have paid my final toll
And don't forget the times we shared try not to be too sad  
I may come back and visit you someday and relive those times we had
Just think of me from time to time that's all I ask of you
And maybe you will smile at all the things that we used to do
Well I guess I must be going now and I'm sorry I must leave
But I may see you again one day so please try not to grieve

We didn't get to know you, you died before your birth
The devastation my sister felt the lose of all her worth
Pain was felt by all of us when you left this mortal earth
Hurting Heart's are torn away now your laid beneath the turf

Life's not fair or perfect when we can not climb the wall
You never got the chance to live or be with us at all
Sadness of your baby boy his living heart beats fall
My sister we're so sorry at the lose of your John Paul

If you had the chance to live heart's wouldn't be in pain
Our sister's short forfeited life we could then regain
Why we're you both taken you we're not taken in vain
Wounded heart's are healed if we could see you both again

Chained event's in motion from the day you died
The consoling of my sister, impossible though we tried
So many upsets pending hurting off my sister's pride
Everyone's the loser when we couldn't turn the tide

If only I could alter time I would have you back
But I can't perform a miracle or get our life on track
I know it's just a fantasy but I wish time I could crack
Why must life be so cruel and always be so black

My sister we all miss you John Paul we wish we knew
Your both gone we're left behind not knowing what to do
Always in the back of my mind your always right on cue
The pain remains but always will without the both of you

Feelings felt of loved ones gone life is not the same
Both of you we're taken who is it that's to blame
Incompetence of doctors or someone's bad love game
Neglected ****** different ways no room for their acclaim

Mandy we are sorry for all the pain you felt
What life was like for you, the cards that you we're dealt
Pieces of life falling when yours began to melt
Missing dreams from broken hearts burning through life's belt

Hope comes in small pieces daughter Holley was then born
A short while you we're happy with a brand new dawn
An unstable element was foreseen for which we tried to warn
Love is blind or so they say a life taken and then torn

My sister left wide open her vulnerability and lost stern
Her daughter's unfair removal my sister left alone to yearn
No one cared when she had no where left to turn
All too late life's destroyed no lessons left to learn

Too many of life's upsets when people leave and die
It happened with my father too late for deaths imply
Regretting year's of fall outs of not seeing eye to eye
Enhanced pain of none resolve when we have to say goodbye

Wasted years are such a shame it's time we could have had
I should have said so much more to my sister and my dad
Our time has passed years gone by nothing was iron clad
We shouldn't waste the time we have and end up being sad

During Mandy's funeral after all of those lost years
One reconciliation that wasn't falling on death ears
We we're brought together through all our family tears
Communications we're regained after many misplaced fears

Every year that passes with every heart that's crossed
Diminishing and dullness a brightness no longer glossed
Passing off your loved ones why does time come at a cost
Why must we endure the pain of all the lives that's lost

I've walked with Ice by my side, for so many years
When you were a young dog, to days that bring sad tears
I can't escape my feelings, and I can't escape my fears
Hearts are scorched and burnt away, and flaking in the sears

With Ice by my side, it was only a small slice
Life is cruel as times progress, with rolls of the dice
My happiness is taken, and it comes at a high price
Now my heart has melted, just like the life of Ice

I see your spirit everywhere, because I can not release my bond
You are there inside the house, and laying by the pond
My Ice has left, she had to leave, and physically abscond
A part of me is missing, and my mind does not respond

It hurts to know you are gone, but it's the cards we're dealt
A moment of time that's lost, and nothing else is felt
I used to call you Woolly, now your part of the mystic belt
A comet amongst the stars, but it's hearts that begin to melt

You have been my faithful friend, and I have been your guide
There is a void of emptiness, across my life's divide
I will see you again, but it's when the fates decide
And I'll wander in the afterlife, with Ice by my side

What would I do in a certain area, how far would I go?
I'm not sure you'd be interested or you really want to know
I would try almost anything if it really took my fancy
But I would not be interested in a male or a nice boy nancy
Okay I would go round the back and enter through the rear
But I draw the line if it's a man because I am not that queer
The ladies are most welcome weather thin or fat
Extra body weight is good so I'll have a bit of that
An overweight fat heffer or a gal that's a bit thin
I'd be very family friendly if I could meet your female kin
It doesn't matter if your old or even a bit younger
As long as it's consensual and it feeds your desired hunger
If your not up for it yourself then maybe your mum is
Or if your mums not ready I can give your gran a kiss
Have you got a sister that may want to get on board
Or a handy cousin that can strike up a good cord
I'd consider female offsprings but I don't know if I aughter
But a slender touch would be nice if you have a **** daughter
Does your mum have a friend that may need servicing
Or your grans old folksy friends well just give me a ring
Any legal age is fine there are not many limitations
I'll wait and see if I get any offers or any invitations
If I don't get any invites well really that's okay
But anything could happen if things would go my way
I know it's quite unlikely to bag a minor star
If I had the slightest chance but I'd never get that far
I could really spice things up with Rosemary and Thyme
So I guess Felicity Kendal and Pam Ferris would be fine
Thing's could get exciting if you really want it to
Everything is possible we can do what you want to do
I don't mind if your not that **** or even a big faker
It makes no difference if your a *** kitten or a bad love maker
Michael Jackson said it don't matter if your black or white!
Cos you can't see colours in the dark and if your doing it at night
Certain thoughts I must convey that I just don't care to mention
I hope you catch what's in my mind my meanings full intention
I won't divulge my fantasies this is not the time or place
I'll only get into that if I meet you face to face
If we where to get together then it could be quite a hit
And if you want to get rude well I just wont mention it

We used to know a fellow a happy sort of chap
A stocky short black gentleman with an accent and a cap
He'd come around to our house with bottles in a bag
He'd arrive ****** up sometimes that was the only snag
We'd open the door and he'd say "I'm not stopping long"
But he could be there a week so that statement would be wrong
He'd have a drink with our dad they'd both be on the whisky
My dad would then fall asleep but he would get too frisky
Dancing about and laughing he would utter "gizz a kiss"
He would always try it on when he was on the ****
The trouble was he was the kind who was always on the lash
I guess that's why when he got paid he never got the cash
Cos at the Duke of Wellington he had drinks on the slate
And his wages their diminished at an alarming rate
If we where out when he turned up I guess he didn't think
Instead of leaving it round the back he'd throw away the drink
We'd say "leave the bag on the bench under the window ledge"
But every time he would dump the bottles in some ******* hedge
He could be a pain sometimes but not the nasty type of drunk
My sister named an item after him something that was shrunk
Gizz a kiss was the name given to my sisters shrunken head
That thing really resembled him except it was small and dead
He had a little catchphrase when things would start to wain
But it would be amusing to hear him say "ooh da pain"
We had a bonfire one night and he danced around the flames
Like a red indian chief it was one of his drunk games
An argument with our neighbours outside our house one night
He took a swing and missed his punch during that stupid fight
He fell in a drunken stupor but he just laughed out loud
He landed in the gutter with a smile all black and proud
The case of the fight was decided by the justice crown
It was in the Guardian the local paper of the town
He was the unknown black man which was ridiculously absurd
That's what the newspaper's reported the funniest thing we've heard
Coz few people didn't know him well only one or two
He was a well known gentleman that a lot of people knew
From the cops to local publicans the news statement was just silly
Because the unknown black man was mr yen known as old Black Billy

I recall the early days, my childhood I remembered
distant and so far away many things that are dismembered  
I remember all those times that we all had together
it was so much fun wishing it would last forever
playing in our own rooms with all our many toys
in a house full of sounds with lots of background noise
hearing my sisters in their room not far across the landing
sometimes they would argue over a small misunderstanding
and I would lay there in my room a box with a small bed
thinking I would rather be in my sisters room instead
sometimes we would play together silly little games
they would dress me up and make up different names
as we played in our rooms, mum and dads downstairs
With all our silly antics without any worldly cares
and our dad would make the dinner Sundays was his specialty
pleased with what he made us kids a really nice reality
and of course our mum who used to make such a fuss
so loving and caring she would do everything for us
we may not have had everything that other children had
but that really wasn't important in some ways I was glad
Thing's never really mattered as long as we all bonded
cos we really had most things that us kids ever wanted
I remember some of the Christmases with all the gifts and food
it was a time of happiness and when our toys got renewed
we had such great times when we where all so young
So many happy memories and many songs were sung
with all our beautiful pets around us all those cats and dogs
bundles of lovely fluff and fur those little odds and sods
times where so much better then I wish I could go back
we where so much happier, things then weren't so black
but we're all stuck in this reality all very pessimistic
so I guess I will just have to be a bit more realistic  
but I would rather be back there with my family of old
in a distant place and not somewhere that's so cold
with my sisters, mum and dad such a lovely place to be
having the fun that we used to have, all together them and me

My mum I love you dearly, if only you could stay
Life is far to painful now that, you have gone away
The emptiness my heart is felt. my feelings are astray
How am I going to cope, now the sun has turned to grey

Please forgive the way I feel, I know it will surely show
But that's because I love you mum, I don't want you to go
If I could see you one more time, things wouldn't seem so low
I'd tell you that I love you, just so that you would know

If I could have just one thing, I'd pray for that one wish
The timeless wonder of your soul, I would hug and kiss
Your in my thoughts forever more, within my dreams abyss
I will forever love you mum, and your kind heart I'll miss

An academic of high proportions is sweeping across the nation
Chicken restaurants have closed doors no ones at their frying station
If you want chicken that is fried I'd advise you of hesitation
And don't make Kentucky your port of call choose a different destination
Don't be upset with Colonel Sanders with his limited creation
Just because you can't get your fix of chicken spiced sensation
I know that you're not happy but its not worth the frustration
It doesn't make much difference with no chicken designation

Okay I can understand the disappointment that you may feel
When you can't obtain a Bargain Bucket or a Zinger Meal
With chicken stuck in warehouses due to D.H.L's stuck wheel
But the lack of chicken delivery is really no big deal
What's the point in calling the cops come on folks get real
What do you expect them to do go on a chicken steel
There meant to be the boys in blue it's not for them to heal
The restaurants will be open soon there's no need for you to keel

I don't know why your so upset with the closer of KFC
With restaurants closing in the U.K. and across the whole country
Their only shut for a few days so there's no need for your plea
Fried chicken will be back soon at least to a degree
The lack of chicken shouldn't ruin your night why don't you let it be
There are other places you can eat so it doesn't bother me
The fryers will be fired up again just you wait and see
So there is no reason for this outcry I hope you will agree

Why are people driving miles just for the taste of a finger licking
There's more to life than spicy wings or pieces of fried chicken
Don't waste time on closed chicken shops your launch times are just ticking
Give Pizza Hut or Macdonald's a chance there's more restaurants for the picking
People trying to charge large amounts with Bargain Bucket tricking
Don't try and rip people off with fried chicken Ebay clicking
Isn't there more to worry about than Kentucky chicken sticking
Don't be a silly Turkey or Bernard Matthews will come back kicking

Is there any more to life than the loneliness I feel
When walls fall down around your soul within a broken seal
Lost fragments start to fall apart when your life begins to peel
And complex layers are torn away high emotions they reveal
The pieces that are left behind those ones that never heal
Are brushed away forever lost when time decides to steal
There's always parts of your life when everything was real
But the goodness that you always had ends in a raw deal

The loneliness of a man who always walks alone
You can't help the way you feel when your on your own
Feelings remain even ones that are left under every stone
It doesn't ever go away although there's a change in tone
The love that's lost a desperate struggle is cut right to the bone
That's the way that love will go when its already been sown
The wanderings of a lonely man true feelings fully grown
all hope is lost when love migrates inside a different zone

Why do lovers become enemy's why do hearts and feelings drift
So many desperations when love begins to shift
Is there any reason for the pain or why love creates a rift
It should be your salvation and natures loving gift
when love is right and things are good it gives your mind a lift
But it always has to veer off coarse and sets your soul adrift
The loneliness of a man is bitter sweet and swift
Is there any reconciliation when broken hearts are miffed  

The loneliness of a man hurt suffered when hearts die
Nothing compares to the pain when your forced to say goodbye
If I could change the outcome if I thought chances where high
Opportunities are there to take so it's always worth a try
Maybe there's a fragment of hope until you ask me why
Time is wasting away and there are bonds that we can tie
Don't waste the time that is left so lets see eye to eye
Instead of the upset of life's loneliness heart's suffered and bled dry

Money makes the world go round, i think it's more complex
A mutual attraction plays a part, with people having ***
It's not really all that sordid, or a perverted mind
There wouldn't even be a world, without the bump and grind

Don't dismiss the theory, and be part of the gang
The Earth and all creation, was born from the big bang
If we didn't have the urges, then populations would diminish
Wouldn't people just die out, and that would be our finish

It's not so much a ***** world, that's filled with obscene words
Nature can be wonderful, if you embrace the bees and birds
Some people maybe reserved, but they still like feely plays
They'll fornicate and that is fine, in many different ways

Shamefulness is in the mind, but mainly in your thoughts
Even things deemed of disgust, like golden water sports
Attractiveness will always work, if the chemistry is right
Loosen up your prudish side, and never be too tight

Release your thoughts upon the world, it can be liberating
A closed mind needs opening, to stop it hibernating
In pursuit of money and wealth, is nothing too imperial
There are other riches to behold, that aren't so immaterial

Embrace your human instincts, you can stand up tall and proud
It's all to do with attitude, no matter quiet or loud
Repeal masses of pettiness, amend laws of your legislature
Indulge in all your fantasies, become one with Human Nature

if you love someone too much and they mess with your heart
then maybe you'd be better of resisting them way back at the start
but when it is too far gone and many years have gone by
well then it is all to late and your heart will surly die.
and it well hurt you so much and beat with so much pain
it will bleed your feelings out over and over again.
I wish I had not moved here as im really hurting now.
and I cannot stop crying a really wish I knew how.
a river of tears that I have cried over my lost love.
and my soul is lost up in the sky upon the wings of a dove.

Prostitutes charge six pence,
just to show a bit of thigh
20 *** starved black birds,
offering their **** pie.

When there legs are open
More money you should bring.
They will give you *****,
That's fit for a king.

The king was in the ***** house,
Spending all his money.
Hoping if he gives them more,
He will get more honey.

The maidens show their gardens,
When taking of their clothes.
licking their wet *****'s,
*** dripping down your nose.

The Madame's in the parlour,
Looking after all the girls.
Half of them are busy,
When they **** the Earls

There was a commotion,
When there was only ten.
That they wouldn't get any,
more wealthy paying men.

Who needs a box of Sandwiches, who needs a plump Pork Pie
Snap those flimsy plastic Knifes, and bleed your Hip Flask dry
***** up your Paper Serviettes, kiss Plates and Cups goodbye
The War on Picnics has begun, and Coffee Beans will die

Bar B Q's will let them burn, checked Blankets can be ripped
Don't squeeze those juicy Oranges, all Bananas must stay zipped
Lock away your Wicker Baskets, cos Yogi's post is piped
The average bear has had his day, and smartness will be stripped

Cobs of Corn are wilting; they can't believe their ears
Asparagus has now been thrown, along with all the spears
Fresh Cream is left to curdle, Milk shaking through the fears
Too many Hops have been deflowered, so stick your crate of Beers

Who wants your Cheese and Onion, spin on my Sausage Roll
The march of Walkers has commenced, and Crisps have gone Awol
Let Iceberg Lettuce melt away, toss out that Salad Bowl
Tuna Fish has just got canned, so has the Dover Soul

Vanilla in an Ice Cream Cone, that's frozen to the scoop
Hard Boiled Eggs are going soft, so they've all flown the coop
A ****** on a Cocktail Stick, one ***** that's on the droop
Ripe Tomatoes are now squashed, pack up your Cup a' Soup

Chicken has turned rather fowl, Ham is now wafer thin
Kitchen Roll has given up, their towels have been thrown in
Farmhouse Loafs caught Cottaging, will take it on the chin
Candy Floss is so confused, and gone into a spin

Pizzas have fell like Domino's, they refuse to leave the Hut
Oyster shells are clamming up, so they are staying shut
Quarter Pounders lost their purposes, now they can't bust a gut
The bluntness of cheep Meat Cleavers, just didn't make the cut

The revolution of French Fries, cos they've all had their Chips
Slavery has come to pass, amongst the Walnut Whips
All Smoothies have had it rough, no blend without the Pips
Escargot are much to slow, so they can't pass my lips

Spaghetti tried to slip away, because it doesn't give a Fork
It's hairy for the Coconuts, but they're too shy to talk
Pepsi has been smoking Coke, as well as pulled Roast Pork
The Battering of the northern Puds, has forced them back to York

All the Grapes are souring; they have good cause to Wine
Nuts are turning to bad Seeds, upon the lonesome Pine
Pigs say that Bacon rationing, "is really just a swine"
We've grounded our Black Pepper, and of coarse it's now too fine

Fallen Fruits are badly bruised, too hard for any healings
A Jacket that once was snug, lost in Potato Peelings
Jelly has thrown a wobbler, why Trifle with its feelings
Biscuits forced into a Jam, so no more Dodgy dealings

Those Chillies are so lazy, Watercress will stay in bed
It's as easy as a piece of Cake, but the Beetroots seeing red
Margarine has hardened up, and the news has not been spread
Beef Wellington has had the boot, and there's nowhere else to tread

Apples are forbidden fruit, and Ribs are going spare
The Pastry has flaked away, from my sweet Chocolate Éclair
Will Lady Godiva ride again, to show off her lovely Pear?
Pringles popped and cannot stop, but they decline to share

Salad Dressing that gets caught, well isn't that just rude?
All the Kebabs are angry, because their Vegetables are skewed
Bottles are remaining corked; it looks like we are *******
Food unwrapped will go to waste, now that its in the ****

My Candelabra's round the twist, and it's getting on my wick
Pineapple Chunks and Silver Skins, are sliding down the stick
Unsliced Bread on your doorstep, I'm afraid it's much too thick
Fields of Crops aren't dusted off, so you can't take your pick

Peperami was an animal, but now he's just a yob
Gourmet food has lost its class, and turned into a slob
My Butter has now melted, Lurpak has got no ****
Donut holes are being filled, so ******* PC Plod

The Salt is in the Cellar, Sugar has got the Cane
Lollipops have all been licked, Crackers have gone insane
Soufflés refuse to even rise, and Tea has felt the strain
Frankfurter has to face Riff Raff, and won't be sweet again

Tarts who've lost their Cherries, are no longer sat on top
Unlucky Scones have been let go, so they've all felt the drop
Beans have done a Runner; fizzy drinks have all gone Pop
Cops are giving us a fine, cos they want Picnics to stop

Now here's a ****** story.
I'll tell it if I must.
About an effing ******
A **** with a cheesy crust
Some people have got nice wives
in their eyes a glint
But my old mans misses
Is just an awful ****

My old man's a ******.
He wanks in his ******* hat.
He's got **** stained trousers.
Cos he cant get no ******* ****.

He plays with his banana
While wearing high healed boots
He tried to pull up his small ****
So he yanked it by the roots

Some girls flash their **** at Christmas
Which makes the ****** cough
And when he tries to pick them up
They tell him to *******.
Now one father he got angry.
For squeezing the girls buts
Don't ever dare come back round here
And kicked my old man in the nuts.

Oh, my old man's a ******
He tosses on the mat
He doesn't wear no trousers
When he's trying to **** the cat

my old man's a wrinkly codger.
He's just to ******* old.
Mum wore him out in their younger days
Now he's toothless and he's bald.
Now she's just a fat cow way past her ******* prime.
That's why my old man has ended up wanking all the time.

Oh, my old man's a ***** ******
He groped our friend next door
He pulled down her knickers
Even though she's 84'

Now one day when he saw her
He kissed her by the bin
He hadn't got all that far when she kicked him in the shin.
When her husband came home he shouted "What's your ******* game"
My old man just grabbed his **** and told him " I'll treat you just the same"

Oh, my old man's a gay ****
He touched our neighbours ****
He peeled away his *******
And gave it a good lick

He ****** on our neighbours **** one day it felt so ****** good.
His misses sat there watching But I knew she ******* would
Just from out of nowhere she said " Don't you make him ***"
My old man said "why not" she said "I want to watch you **** my husband's ***"

Oh, my old man's had *******
He ****** the guy next door
His wife was there watching
While he ****** him on the floor

So Next time you see my old man
Looking all pale and spent
Don't you get to close to him
Because he is old and definitely bent

I can not help the sadness, my heart's now in my throat
A single tear lost in a stream, that never stays afloat
We will meet again someday, when we're called to life's great moat
And you'll be sailing on a wave, in a randy milkman boat

Our memories wont fade away, you are never truly gone
Your always there inside our thoughts, your legend will live on
We'll miss the laughter and the joy, you are the only one
The cheeky risque sometimes frisky, Randy Milkman John

Would you tell me something, please don't keep me in suspense
I don't mean any upset, or make anyone feel tense
Usually I'm not bothered, I'll stay sitting on the fence
But for once, I just thought, I'd offer my two cents

I'm curious if you're aware, we're driven up the wall
Every time that you decide, to slow down to a crawl
Your almost paralytic, and you're never on the ball
We've seen slow moving objects, but you easily beat them all

Perhaps you are not conscious, and you aren't even awake?
Have you run out of petrol, have your pads seized on the brake?
There's nothing left in Staniforths, you've taken too much cake
Don't even get me started, on that stupid noise you make

I thought it was the Bisto Kids, who's come to join the party
The gravy's done, but just hold on, you need to be a smarty
We all know you will be first, because you're arty-farty
Your goal is a supper bowl, that's usually quite hearty

Let me tell you something, and I'll try to be precise
It's just a little peice of mind, a small piece of advice
Never hold your horses, if your sinking through thin ice
You'd only come a cropper, when it's us you sacrifice

You have this annoying habit, of just getting in the way
It's not even on occasion, because it happens every day
Do you have two broken ankles, are your feet stuck in set clay?
What exactly is the problem, what is causing the delay?

I suspect you may have parkinsons, or you're riddled with senility
Or are you attempting feebly, to Insult my sensibility?
Jesus Christ you've come too far, with inactive inability
The result of which is certainly, an impending liability

Why are you pacing back and forth, it's a cross contamination.
The last supper comes to mind, cos there is no explanation
If you scrutinise, I feel betrayed, with your food examination
You're like a giant tortoise, on a lazy stay vacation

We can't get to the cupboards, we can't open any door
The sideboard is a waste of time, your blocking every drawer
Sandwichs are on the move, crumbs fall down on the floor
Place your bread on porcelain, that's what the plates are for

Do I have to grow carbuncles, while I stand about and wait?
We don't need a running commentary, of what's on the buffet plate
It takes the **** at ten o'clock, when you stared out at eight
A Standing Charge should be enforced, set at the highest rate

Six eggs in a basket, what's in the cooking ***?
Tomatoes on a flat bread, thats a lovely fresh shallot
Potatoes with warm butter on, we're hoping they stay hot
I think I better call the Doc, and he will say Great Scott

Maybe you can't help yourself, and this is not your fault
But come on now it don't seem fair, when it causes a revolt
Is there any reason, why you're grinding to a halt?
You need a ******* cattle ****, or a massive lightning bolt

There doesn't seem much point to this, when everything's so slow?
You seem to be oblivious, and you don't even know
Will you collect two hundred pounds, somehow I don't think so
A Monopoly on standing still, cos you never will pass go

An arcade with all the classics, is where you ort to be
Then you could indulgence yourself, in a forgone guarantee
Mommy quick, I just can’t wait, give me a 50p
I know it will be challenging, to a very high degree

First there will be Pac-man, in a geriatric aider
Power pills will be no good, if your a ghostly masquerader
Donkey Kong will wait to long, for the dithering crusader
But your stuck and you've become, the ultimate Space Invader

Around the world in 80 days, there simply is no chance
***** Fog would just say no, without a second glance
You always appear stationary, and you're usually in a trance
If we started off from Dover, we would never get to France

The balloon would just come crashing down, because the airs gone cold
Rheumatism would set in, as Mr fog turned old
Poor Phileas would lose his hair, his head would just be bald
You'd make him wait, you'd seal his fate, his youth would be annulled

You've mastered the pure artform, of the dawdling Dilly-Dally
Good job your not a *******, in a seedy dark back ally!
I wouldn't dare to enter you. . . in our local summer rally
You'd only stop to analyse, the foliage in the valley

Don't hang around indefinitely, because we're all getting thinner
A hot meal would be nice, instead of a cold dinner
Be courteous to others, and we're onto a sure winner
It isn't very popular, when it's you that is the sinner

I sat here waiting patiently, so what's it all about?
Sunday launch took far too long, oh come on you old trout
You cannot reach a bean or pea, or a single brussel spout
**** this **** I'm off to bed, I'll ****** go without

Why are you so meticulous, cos it causes so much friction
To be frank when your a guest, it's not your jurisdiction
Its utterly ridiculous, but I will stand by my conviction
Please vacate the area, and get out my ******* kitchen

Stop hovering around the hob, and by the feeding trough
Your slower than a garden snail, your like a wingless moth
If I wasn't such a gentle soul, I'd tell you to *******
Perhaps your part Banana slug, and the slowest Three-Toed Sloth

OH The Grand Old Duke of York he had ten thousand men.
He ****** them all up the **** then he ****** them all again.
And when he was up, he would ****.
And when he was down, out of luck.
And when he was only half way up, his men would have to ****.

So it is your birthday what do you want me to do
If your expecting presents then you'll have to join the que
If you want to indulge in cake then that's entirely up to you
But don't expect a big reaction not even one or two

Is the expense of all the gifts really justifiably
Most things produced these days are highly unreliable
Is the price that you pay realistic or even viable
Especially when toys break and the games are never pliable

Pressure put on the people when your birthday comes along
To purchase expensive items well isn't that just wrong
Those ripoff manufacturers they have been around too long
Your product pricing isn't reasonable or going for a song

I don't see why I should line the pockets of the rich
I'm not going to fall for their lies or even their crap pitch
They don't care if you are broke and you haven't got a stitch
Their only interested in your cash to make their fingers itch

Once high standards where placed with products that you bought
But now it seems the standard has dropped right down to nought
I can't see why the things you buy or the things that have been sought
Can't last beyond a reasonable time but it's the purchaser that's caught

You know as a manufacturer that your products we will buy
Particularly when a birthday comes and your prices are so high
The state of the items purchased well do you even try
I believe that your standards are all based on a deceptive lie

It's the same as Christmas time when high prices are then placed
But you know with desperation that your items are embraced
Even with substandard ways that never has been faced
Items break and you don't care as long as its not traced

If you think I'm being harsh then what do you expect
When your production is substandard and there is no real respect
If you had a conscience then customers you would not neglect
Instead of which its us that lose and end up in regret

There's nothing more upsetting,
when our loved ones get too frail
You've been with them through their life,
sharing their long trail
We usually feel quite helpless,
seeing their health begin to fail
And can't do much but to observe,
the hurt beneath the vail

It hurts us both to go through,
even if their the one that's pail
Seeing the struggle they have,
and knowing they can't bail
Witnessing the pain their in,
and falling from the rail
It really is quite a scare,
when it's on a massive scale

We try to hold back the tears,
but we really want to wail
Their health is locked away,
in an unhealthy jail
To see them slowing down,
like a crippled snail
It's like they're trying to function,
inside a high force gail

It is so upsetting when their,
struggling to inhale
If only solutions were easy
like receiving daily mail
I really wish I could help,
health is nothing I can nail
If only they were healthier,
that would be my holy grail

No one should have no one,
to say good morning to
No one should have no one,
to come and talk to you
No one should have no one,
you should not be alone
No one should have no one,
at the end of any phone
No one should have no one,
to bless you when you sneeze
You shouldn't have to be alone,
when you've fallen on your knees
No one to have tea with,
or whisky for that matter
Everyone should have someone there,
even for a little natter
No one to share a problem with,
or even a laugh or cake
No one should have no one,
for anybody's sake
No one to make one day,
any different to the last
No one there to turn to,
when so many years have passed
No one should have no one,
when all is said and done
No one should ever be alone,
no one should have no one

At Number 20 social activities have ceased it's Peter And The Test Tube Babies with "Banned From The Pubs"
Flights and ferries are cancelled at number 19 it's Madonna with "Holiday"
In at 18 freedom has been taken it's Iron Maiden with "The prisoner"
Number 17 the situation is grim it's the Blue Oyster Cult with "Don't Fear The Reaper"
You'll be left on your own with number 16 it's Bananarama with "Cruel Summer"
Clubs are closed and the streets are empty at 15 it's The Specials with "Ghost Town"
Number 14 lives have altered drastically it's Disturbed with "Land Of Confusion"
Will normality ever return it's Duran, Duran at 13 with "Ordinary World"
At Number 12 The population is getting smaller, its Queen with "Another One Bites The Dust"
He's back but which one is he at number 11 it's Alice Cooper with " The Man Behind The Mask"
In at Number 10 it's a fare bet that you will its Gerry and the Pacemakers with "You'll Never Walk Alone"
Number 9 there isn't that many it's Pink Floyd with "Is There Anybody Out There ?"
At Number 8 ironically the Police will be watching you with "Every Breath You Take"
You may need gloves and sanitizer with Number 7 it's MC Hammer with "U Can't Touch This"
He thought you was his friend but nobody can help at Number 6 it's Black Sabbath with "Paranoid"
Something is threatening mankind but I think that's the government at Number 5 it's "Virus" by Iron Maiden
In at 4 We'll keep on fighting till the end it's Queen with "We Are The Champions"
At Number 3 on your trial again are the Police with "Don't Stand So Close To Me" or anyone else for that matter
Number 2 I think Ben E King will be afraid to "Stand By Me"
And for all you solitary brothers and sisters out there it's Seal at Number 1 with "Killer"

I do not enjoy New Years Day well what a ******* bore
Its meant to be a brand new start but I am not so sure
A beginning of another year its still the same old tour
Everything is​ the same you know what is in store
It is just another day there isn't nothing more
No difference from the previous year same as the one before

Valentine's day is for lovers at least that's what is said
But maybe its for people who want you in thier bed
Sending cards with the intent and they say romance is dead
I don't mean to sound a rotter but its all in your head
it usually ends up in tears so be careful where you tread
Dreams and hopes are always dashed so **** those roses red

Easter is a ******* joke it's never the same day
How can it be historical when its always been this way?
What's good about good Friday when the people had their say
If there was a crucifixion then wasn't it fare play
If he died for our sins it's satanic keeping death at bay
And then being resurrected without the need to pray

What's the point in Halloween with all those ghosts and ghouls
If your not going to dress appropriately then why dress up as fools
Don't bother even dressing up if your breaking ghoulish rules
And going out into the night looking like a bunch if tools
I don't want people begging at my door trying to get my jewels
So say no to trick or treat and lit lantern pumpkin pools

Bonfire night don't make much sense when its a none event
Why celebrate the gunpowder plot or a destroyed parliament
Guy Fawkes had it all planned out and he never made a dent
Bonfires had nothing to do with the death of this high treason gent
So stick penny for the guy and don't you spend a cent
Bonfires and fireworks should be banned and nothing should be spent

Santa does not come down the chimney on Christmas Eve
Cos he is such a fat ******* if that's what you believe?
One night isn't long enough parents do all the heave
There's no magical deliveries Its just a web they weave
There are no flying Raindeer so don't be so naive
Presents don't come from Santa Claus please kids don't you grieve

Christmas day's commercialised which everybody knows
With all of the toy advertisements in between the shows
Christmas carols in the shops months before the Christmas woes
The toy expense the start of the ***** is when the pressure flows
We don't want ****** fairy lights when the bulb always blows
Bah humbug to the turkey and **** the Christmas snows

it's a waste of time singing the new year's eve goodbye
Old acquaintances should not be forgotten it makes me want to cry
What's the point in celebrations when there is no realistic high
False people you don't ******* know they are no longer shy
Wishing you a happy new year why do they even try?
Why do we sing Auld Lang Syne they don't care if you live or die?
  
Everything in the calender there all of my pet hates
This is what happens when its left up to the fates
Why do we have all this crap, there are no real good traits
All of it is designed for interaction and socialistic baits
Come on you Gregorians your not making any mates
Don't let all this flood out please close the ******* gates
They say that all good things comes to he who waits
But I don't know if I really want all of these crap dates

I really feel that life isn't so good
Things never go the way that they should
As the years go by things get worse
I think getting older is just a curse
But things wasn't good when I was young
Thats what time for me has always sung
I just don't like what the future holds
And how things always fits to moulds
Only short periods of time when your happy
The rest of the time is just so ******
I wish that things where so much better
And things where good and to the letter
But I just feel that I'm just to yucky
I never seem to get too lucky
There was lady's in my younger days
That I liked but it was just kid plays
It was never anything more than that
Maybe I was not nice just an ugly ****
When I went out it was a mistake
Cos my friends always got the brake
And as time went on it's just the same
Except its more extent and so lame
I just feel that lifes such a bore
things are wasting there should be more
But it doesn't matter how hard I've tried
It ends in tears and I have cried
Every time I think things are okay
Something always goes astray
So I just guess that that's my lot
And that's all that I have ever got
I feel to fat and I'm getting to old
I'm loosing my looks and going bald
And not many people are interested
And there time in me is not invested
So I'll just have to put up with it
And that lifes no good and really ****
At least that's how it's always been for me
I guess that's how things will always be

Ground floor: pulsators,
**** beads and penal briefs
****** and vibrators
Rubbers and **** sheaths.
Going up!..

First floor: Pheromones,
Gents blow up dolls
Whips, clamps, tassels, peephole bras
Crotchless ******* and body oils. Going up!..

Second floor: **** rings,
Adult films and ***** books
Edible knickers and realistic vaginas
Naked massage and Brothel.
Going down!..

I noticed on social media there was something not quite right
A small piece of information that was taken out of sight
I know your trying to hide your status for your own approval
But it isn't all that subtle with your date of birth removal
Your only drawing attention to yourself by removing your true age
When your friends and family are viewing your social page
Maybe it's because your approaching an age you want to hide
Because it is significant with protecting your own pride
Perhaps it's banners and the glitter that your trying to avoid
But isn't it your own mind that is getting paranoid
It really is not that bad and the removal is just naughty
Just because you nearing middle age and your nearly forty

the farmer always smells
he's always drinking bells
hi ** the derelict
the farmer always smells

the farmer ****** his wife
it was the **** of his life
hi ** the ***** ****
the farmer ****** his wife

the wife ****** the help
she made the butler yelp
hi ** it must be good
the wife ****** the help

the butler shagged the nurse
it was the butlers curse
hi ** the nurse was old
the butler ****** the nurse

the nurse shagged the horse
he had a big **** of course
hi ** her **** was wide
the nurse shagged the horse

the horse it had the cow
I'm not quite sure how
hi ** nice udders
the horse had a cow

the cow it had the dog
it was a real hard slog
hi ** the stupid cow
the cow had the dog

the dog ******* the cat
it had a tiny ****
hi ** the ***** was nice
the dog ******* the cat

the cat ******* the mouse
it ran inside the house
hi ** the mouse was ******
the cat ******* the mouse

the mouse was covered in cheese
out of the cat it was a squeeze
hi ** all ****** on
the mouse was covered in cheese

the cheese was on their *****
that stuff really sticks
hi ** everyone was spunked
the cheese was on their *****

I'm sorry to hear of your distress when you decided to go out
When the wind took hold of the door giving your hand a clout
I know that you'll be ******* with this whole situation
And it's not what you expected for a night of stimulation
It really comes to something when your trying to wind down
And you end up getting injured when your going on the town
It's strange the way it works out so **** the hand of fate
Especially when it's not your fault and what you can't anticipate
You would have had a nice time if it wasn't for that wind
I think that you'll agree that this weather should be binned
I don't know what to suggest maybe next time just stay in
Then you can avoid the pain and at least the gails wont win
There are things that go wrong and things that go astray
But it always seems to happen when it's you that has to pay
Why is life so cruel sometimes it's already full of stress
Now because of the wind its your hand you have to dress
Take more care on your next outing make sure your fates not sealed
Or maybe have a drink at home when your hand has healed
I know it is annoying and your thinking that winds a ****
And how upsetting it must be with making your hand blunt
Please keep up your optimism I know sometimes it's not easy
And **** the ****** stupid wind for making you feel queasy
You'll be back in action and soon your hand will begin to bend
And at least you are recovering and your hand is on the mend

Be careful of the darkness, be careful of the night
Don't you ever walk alone, beneath the full moonlight
Lurking in the shadows, could be victims first blood bite
The luna cycle is complete, now the moon is fully bright

Hiking across the countryside, it may turn into a sham
Don't get lost and find yourself, inside the Slaughtered Lamb
What exactly is the meaning, of the five point pentagram ?
A star to warn of evil, or an ancient symbol scam !

If you find yourself alone, and your walking in the dark
Don't ever vere of the roads, and don't go in the park
Be weary of the shadows, and beware of
full moons bark
Stay out of the subways, or you'll be the lupins mark

Traveling on the underground, well this would be your choosing
Empty platforms late at night, could turn out quite confusing
A jagged tooth's awaiting you, your life you may be losing
Claws severing your mortal soul, and you wont find it amusing

You will know the moon is full, when the werewolf roars
A soft throat is easily torn, if you stroll on the Moore's
I don't know if you'll be safe, being locked behind closed doors
The wolfs curse is haunting you, a scratch from blooded claws

You'll suffer an unnatural death, if you don't watch where you tread
Condemned to walk in limbo, and be part of the undead
Decaying flesh on rotted bones, untill the last bloodline is bled
A silver bullet should be used, to sever the cursed thread

So don't dismiss the wolf-man, as a convict or a loon
With supernatural forces, it means that no one is immune
Cycles of the werewolf, well they come round all too soon
The Lycanthrope is watching you, so beware the moon

It is really ******
When you don't get any *****
Especially when there's plenty
Some big and
Some small
With some imaginations,
The is no limitations.
You'll be pretty lucky if you get any at all.

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Where's all the hoes
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Nobody knows...

They may impose if your member grows
They will go...oom-pah-pah!!

If you've had the odd glass
You'll end up in the long grass
Hopefully with a nice gal but you'll just have to see.
Secretly you'd try it,
And **** her on the quiet,
And If she was a fat girl,
Then that's what she'd be.

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
It really shows
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
What may transpose...

Where's he been putting his red ended hose?
Maybe it's...oom-pah-pah!?

There's a girl called Sally
Who's waiting in the valley,
Flashing her pink love hole to all of the men.
They can see her **** *****,
Those tasty little fish traps,
she would want a few men, at least nine or ten

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Everyone goes.
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Queuing in rows...

Whether she's dressed, or not wearing clothes --
They'll all get...oom-pah-pah!

She had a very wet ****,
Now she's on another a **** hunt.
She's let the fellows ***** up, and *** along.
It was so good trying
With so much ***** flying
She's glad to get their ***** in
And she's still going strong.

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Her **** always flows
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
She's one of the pro's...

She used to be such a sweet blushing rose
Until she had...oom-pah-pah!

It was such a pity
When she moved to the city
Especially when she's ****** men
Some short and
Some tall
She's had her temptations
With all the variations,
When she's in the country she's having a ball

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
There's highs and there's lows.
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
It's how the wind Blows

They all propose to her naked expose
When they want...oom-pah-pah!

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
She wares pretty bows
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
On her naked toes.

They all suppose its her lucky pose
When she's had...oom-pah-pah!!

Oom-pah-pah!

Juicy goosey gander where shall my hands wander?
up skirts and down shirts and in a ladies chamber.
Many a fair maiden nakedness they'd ponder.
Some with dark ***** hair, some where light and blonder.
Men that they have taken some weak and some much stronger.
And young and agile ridged men those ones would last much longer.

There I saw some old men waiting for their shares
Pulling on their plonkers in their *** strained flairs.
Looking at the naked maidens sitting in their chairs.
Some of them flat chested and some with quite nice pairs.
Some young and beautiful and some of them old mares.
I'm sure that you'd get lucky by showing them your wares.
You can be the chosen one If you can say your prayers
and they'll take you by the middle leg and pull you up the stairs.

My Dad Bert I love you so
Please stay with me please don't go
I need you there it may not show
Without you here there is no glow
I need your heart I hope you know
My feelings are from deep below

My Dad Bert you are so kind
A nicer man you'll never find
If I'm upset please don't mind
it's hard to cope without the bined
Sometimes life is such a grind
With our loved ones left behind

I Want you here I love your smile
I need you for a longer while
Your in my mind a life long file
I always remember your profile
I can't imagine your hard mile
My Dad Bert you are worthwhile

I've written letters of complaint, and I've made it crystal clear
That constant life insurance adds, are an insult to the ear
A thousand pounds near minimum, I still think that's quite dear
We resent your death reminders, every day and year by year

I'd much prefer an answer, but I'm simply being ignored
Your only interest seems to be, is we all get insured!
We're offered bribes to temp us, if a policy is scored
Vouchers for our honored dead, well that is no reward

A collaboration with the reaper, do you have to get so close?
It doesn't matter if its pure, or if it is grandiose
Biologically it's necessary, but from a certain point it's gross
We cannot deny we've had our fill, and now we're comatose

Larynxes are beyond sore, our throats are stuffed and rammed
Why do the brakes in programming, have to be so crammed?
Material that destroys your soul, should be condemned and ******
Pure profit over sympathy, with the public that you've scammed

Stop praying on vulnerable, stop banking on the needy
The volume of competitors, are getting far too greedy
Cash grabing is hardly fair, it's bordering on seedy
Would we like these adverts purged, the answers "yes indeedy"

Bleak broadcasting is of the scale, it's something we detest
Everyone is sick to death, and I really must protest
Don't you know that your campaign, is making us depressed?
We won't take this lying down, so please lay it to rest

Poor undertakers don't exist, their service price is shocking
Tailored suits don't justify, the dying that their mocking
A sordid quest for your demise, as heavens door is knocking
Caskets and a hired hurse, an expense that sure needs blocking

The pretence of the smarmy gent, his mannerisms are just fake
Pretending that they feel your pain, but their just on the make
Business deals are organised, and its not for heavens sake
Why don't we concentrate on life, instead of hearts that brake

Low cost funerals that's a laugh, who are you trying to kid
You even charge us for the nails, that seals the coffin lid
Twenty companies in excess, touting for your hard earned quid
Con artist's are in your face, waiting for the poor man's bid

It takes more than a few pennies, so don't raise your expectations
Cos in the end your still relying, on family and Relations
Don't waste your time on searching, through the mass of tv stations
It's impossible to get away, from funerals and cremations

Christmas time is here again, but it's lost part of it's cheer.
It's not how it's supposed to be, or like it was last year
Some families are being kept apart, Some people are alone
Outside dinings not ideal, when you freeze to the bone !

Catching a chill must be allowed, no matter if your old
Government's they just don't care, if you die from the cold
Days reduced from five to one, there's no standing by convictions
The ones in charge just cannot help, enforcing new restrictions

Authorities can bend the rules, but we can't compromise
Scare tactics are always used, mixed in with all their lies
The Christmas spirits calling you, our festivities are broken
I don't believe a single word, that Downing Street has spoken

What happened to humanity, amongst the policies of blindness
Even Scrooge he was redeemed, from the milk of human kindness
Past Christmases they seemed so good, compared to the Christmas present
The future doesn't have a place, if lifes forced into unpleasant

Sat alone can not be grand, for a person's mental health
No love for forgotten hearts, lonley on a dusty shelf
I'd rather take my chances, and extend a helping hand
Because that is so much better, than a devisitated land

So pour yourself another drink, and then raise up your glass
Toast old Boris with this chant, Hay Johnson kiss my ****.
Take a sip of pure contempt, signed with one mighty pen.
"Boris Johnson **** right off", please vacate number ten

You are no longer needed, we're sick of your ******* face
All you have done is to condemn, the entire human race
So take your stupid hair cut, this is something we all yern
Tied to a stake where witches stand.
And we'll all watch you burn

Little miss muffet sat on a tuffet up her *** hole all day.
Along came a spider, put two legs inside her.
Because he wanted a roll in the hay.
Little miss muffet, told the spider to **** it and to have his wicked way.
She spread her legs wide with a matter of pride.
And the spider had a ******* good lay

You'll always be my precious one, you know I really cared
I think about the times we had, and all the love we shared
Why does our health diminish, why could you not be spared?
I hope there wasn't any pain, I hope you wasn't scared

You seemed to age quite rapidly, I watched you go downhill
The struggle of the last few weeks, I knew you were quite ill
You fell into eternal sleep, it was such a bitter pill
And I would do most anything, for you to be here still

Why is life so hurtful, why do loved ones have to leave?
Most of the time feelings suppressed, but all the time we grieve
Another peice is torn away, which pain cannot deceive
Lonely feelings cloud my mind, but that's all I can achieve

My precious one I'll miss you, I wish you were still here
Losing you is deeply felt, with all that I hold dear
Since you left, your in my mind, with every single tear
You would lay right by your side, and I would feel you near

You're no longer on the sofa, or waiting by the door
The bowls will leave an empty space, upon the kitchen floor
A wagging tail I will not hear, and chews will be no more
No barking at the passers-by, or shaking of your Paw

Cupboards will be empty, they'll be no treats or bones
No more early morning walks, no turning of life's stones
A disused toy neglected, that a dog no longer owns
Time is hash on those you love, it only lends and loans

All I feel is emptiness, because I knew you would depart
You'll always be remembered, cos you're locked inside my heart
I'll keep you in my memories, so we'll never be apart
What I really want to do, is go back to the start

I know I'm being selfish, but I am far from done
There are more precious moments, and more days left in the sun
Another jumped in window, and more lengths to be run
So I will never be quite whole, without my precious one