Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, what the **** do we have here?
Your designation is unknown, and it isn't all that clear!
Are you a Homosexual, or some kind of a Queer?
Maybe your a powder puff, who takes it up the rear?

I'm sorry Sam I'm not quite sure, what you are meant to be!
Are you a **** or a Tom cat, or combined he and she?
Things may change, but now you say, you are none binary
Just because there's fake options, which doesn't impress me.

You look like **** but that's okay, it clearly is your goal
And it is good that your outfit, looks like a toilet roll.
Do you stash a little Sam, or is there just a hole?
Or could you be a Nancy Boy, inside a Barbie Doll?

Why don't you wear a *****, you could join the local creche
It's better than that corset, because your pressing too much flesh
The bulging is not flattering, and it really does not mesh
Even Frank 'N Furter had panache, and his sausage is still fresh

The front is just disgusting, you simple have no class
You may think your being diverse, but really your just crass
Does being dull come natural, cos your like unpolished brass
What you say, well no one cares, so blow it out your ****

Your hardly inspirational, and your clothes look like a rag
A Wooly woofer comes to mind, so does a bent gay ***
Perhaps your just a fat guy, who is terrible in drag?
I don't think you are progressive, your more like a ******* lag

For ***** sake Sam it seems your cards, are missing from the deck
But it's said you were conceived, from a creature known as shrek?
Well, well, well if that's your source, then what do we expect
No wonder people look at you, and say "what the ******* heck".

Even ******* have some brains, it isn't all that tricky
But it's entirely possible, that your mother was Queen Vicky
Fairy cakes are the results, from monarch's and green dicky
Your nothing more than just a ****, and classed as a Doohicky

You'll never be a legend, and your hardly just a myth
Because your act is wooden, and your singing voice is stiff
I think I've found the answer, so I'll never plead the fifth
Since you are a mixture, your the legion of Sam Smith

No one should have no one,
to say good morning to
No one should have no one,
to come and talk to you
No one should have no one,
you should not be alone
No one should have no one,
at the end of any phone
No one should have no one,
to bless you when you sneeze
You shouldn't have to be alone,
when you've fallen on your knees
No one to have tea with,
or whisky for that matter
Everyone should have someone there,
even for a little natter
No one to share a problem with,
or even a laugh or cake
No one should have no one,
for anybody's sake
No one to make one day,
any different to the last
No one there to turn to,
when so many years have passed
No one should have no one,
when all is said and done
No one should ever be alone,
no one should have no one

Brother Jim we'll miss you, your the best we ever had
You was more than our big brother, When life started to turn bad
We lost our loving father, you were like a second dad
Now your gone there's emptiness, and I always will feel sad

Why do life clocks falter, Why does our time unwind?
It only causes upset, for the people left behind
You were very gentle, and you always were so kind
Our feelings are being tested, and our minds are misaligned

A pendulum that does not swing, A spring that has uncoiled
Rusted cogs that have now seized, will never be well oiled
The second hand's stop ticking, and a single chime is spoiled
You can't outrun life's passages, because time cannot be foiled

Chances are against us, and life is way too short
Time itself is by your side, until we all get caught
All of us are grateful, for your love and support
Because you took care of everyone, without a second thought

Rays of hope have left us, and everything seems grim
You are our dear departed, now the sunshine has turned dim
Each time you were needed, you would go out on a limb
There'll never be a greater man, than our loving brother Jim

What we do we can't go through, without becoming quite attached
Everything is oh so good, because we are well matched
You may grab and you may claw, the surface is just scratched
I would hate to think of spoilage, and being too detached

Well let me tell you something, I always will go ooh
Especially when we get undressed, and it is just us two
If you laid down and we're exposed, then what would you do
And it revealed your intimacy, and showed us that its you

We've done so much together, after all the years we waited
It wouldn't really bother me, because I am now liberated
With everything that's out there, most of it's overrated
As long as we can carry on, and not get segregated

Exposure to the internet, well give me a bit of credit
I wouldn't care if it was there, or if someone else had said it
As long as we're both honest, then let anybody spread it
So what if pictures are undraped, on websites such as Reddit !

I really feel that life isn't so good
Things never go the way that they should
As the years go by things get worse
I think getting older is just a curse
But things wasn't good when I was young
Thats what time for me has always sung
I just don't like what the future holds
And how things always fits to moulds
Only short periods of time when your happy
The rest of the time is just so ******
I wish that things where so much better
And things where good and to the letter
But I just feel that I'm just to yucky
I never seem to get too lucky
There was lady's in my younger days
That I liked but it was just kid plays
It was never anything more than that
Maybe I was not nice just an ugly ****
When I went out it was a mistake
Cos my friends always got the brake
And as time went on it's just the same
Except its more extent and so lame
I just feel that lifes such a bore
things are wasting there should be more
But it doesn't matter how hard I've tried
It ends in tears and I have cried
Every time I think things are okay
Something always goes astray
So I just guess that that's my lot
And that's all that I have ever got
I feel to fat and I'm getting to old
I'm loosing my looks and going bald
And not many people are interested
And there time in me is not invested
So I'll just have to put up with it
And that lifes no good and really ****
At least that's how it's always been for me
I guess that's how things will always be

Have you ever had that feeling, when frustration is let loose?
Or an awkward moment, that has really cooked your goose?
You cannot save my Bacon, if my hands are full of juice
My heart sinks when butting heads, are too close to the noose

When your waiting for your breakfast, and you're driven to the brink
Just because there are those minds, that hardly ever think
Do I have to sit and fester, cos my digits ******* stink
I'm being blocked from running taps, and every ****** sink

There wouldn't be a problem, if there were no kitchen clinger
What the hell there is no chance, when certain parties linger
Never mind my sopping palms, or my little pinky finger
The lavvy's always occupied, and the bathroom's a dead ringer

Greasy paws are not ideal, when all taps are obscured
And my plight to being clean, is simply being ignored
Out of three there seems no way, that one sink is secured
Don't mind me it's just my house, but even that is flawed

Why do you have to dawdle, like a sunken ocean liner?
And use the kitchen like it is, a ****** all night diner
Don't mess with me and I promise, I won't become a whiner
There are some chairs and I can't think, of anything that's finer

It's not as though there is no room, and you're stuck on the ceiling
Why are you standing in the way, like you are Dolly Dealing?
I'm sorry but I don't find, my dripping hands appealing
That's when I abruptly realised, that I had that sinking feeling

Shopping's no longer simple, it has turned into a chore
Queuing up two meters apart, before you go through the door
The waiting times are longer, than selecting things in store
Not many take much notice, of the sections on the floor

The spacing may be necessary, it might be with good intention
You can't avoid some people, they don't pay enough attention
A free for all's unwanted, so is waiting for your pension
It's pointless having areas taped, if your lacking in retention

Some stores have one way systems, arrows that point the way
But people just ignore the rules, and always seem to stray
You become more apprehensive, when they walk inside your bay
I'm sorry if your in a rush, and It's causing you delay !

You try buying your groceries, so don't be a selfish swine
Why doesn't common sense tell everyone, to stay behind the line ?
No one keeps their distance, even though I'm keeping mine
Trying fast to get away, breaks my bottle of wine

It's not really all that viable, if any bag should rip
Damages are hard to replace, it's not easy if things slip
The waiting is the equivalent, to yet another shopping trip
Wasting time while I'm outside, is something I would skip

A single shop is bad enough, but I'll lend a helping hand
Certain things I can not get, not even shops own brand
Flour is now limited, and the choice is getting bland
Gaps where simple things should be, large spaces on the stand

Helping those who can't get out, many others on the make
Is harder due to panic buys, when there's no give or take
No wonder there is nothing left, their just buying for pure sake
Their need for more like "Oliver", is fictional and fake

Is selfishness your driving force, for the amount your gonna get ?
Are you emptying the supermarkets, to increase your product net ?
It's not as though you overbuy, so you can complete a set
Hording items is your goal, of that it's a fare bet

Why do people purchase things, that they don't normally buy ?
Leaving empty barren shelves, do they think the end is nigh ?
Is it to gain one upmanship, would they spit in your eye ?
Even leaches would not ****, the entire food stock dry

When supplies are getting low, it makes me want to frown
I know I'll have to wait outside when I go onto town
The distancing is bound to fail, and I feel like I will drown
Life is so much harder now, ever since we were locked down

Your capable of being nice, so there's no need for you to nag
Constant whining gets me down, please shut up you *******
Don't ruin the nice atmosphere, stop being such a drag
Is there any reason, why your acting like a **** ?

I suppose you think your clever, when you call me a fat slob
You haven't really room to talk, for eff sake shut your gob
Lap dancing ain't that innocent, when you grind a strangers ****
Your the one who's sitting down, on the ******* job

Wriggling your hips is seedy, and it's no way to behave
You've got a cheek wearing a thong, half naked in your cave
Why do you treat me so bad, or like I am your slave
Don't rabbit on all the time, like Chaz and ****** Dave

You say that I'm a ******, are you just being blunt
Whenever you converse with me, I hear you sigh and grunt
Rubbing your **** in someone's face, you really have some front
No wonder I'm a ******, when you treat me like a ****

Sometimes your very nice and kind, but those you quickly ditch
In favour of some nastiness, from a first class *****
Theres nothing like the quiet life, but that you want to switch
It's easier to get on, without the seven year itch

Intimacy would be quite nice, but you always make me wait
I'm being dangle like a fish, a rod without the bait
Do I have to book a session, so I can get a date
You start on me when you arrive, walking through the garden gate

What's the point in misery, cos it just makes me stagger
You look at me with piercing eyes, staring with an unsheathed dagger
A voice like yours is grating, and you can't stand my swagger
Can you not just leave me be, you evil ******* nagger

Little miss muffet sat on a tuffet up her *** hole all day.
Along came a spider, put two legs inside her.
Because he wanted a roll in the hay.
Little miss muffet, told the spider to **** it and to have his wicked way.
She spread her legs wide with a matter of pride.
And the spider had a ******* good lay

I love you my dear sister, I don't want to say goodbye.
Why did you have to leave us, why do the good things die?
Your in my thoughts you'll always be, a glint in my minds eye
A single tear I can't contain, so I won't even try

Whenever I feel lonely, I will search for the brightest Star
I will feel you near me, and I'll know just where you are
Although you are no longer hear, you just won't seem so far
Open wounds will never heal, and always leave a scar

A wilting rose is beautiful, even with a fallen petal
Thorns may scratch a jaded heart, and never will it settle
Jagged edges peirce my soul, they sting just like a nettle
Life is far too fragile, when our health begins to fettle

Mum and Dad are waiting, to take you by the hand.
They'll beckon you to follow them, towards the promised land
I'll think of you in every place, between the sea and sand
But you will have to wait for me, I hope you understand

Tell them both I love them, and I'm sorry to be late
But I will still be with you, as you walk beyond the gate
You will need their guidance, as they know you should not wait
And we will cry the lonely tears, of everlasting fate

One sun has set forever, tears hidden in the rain.
I know one day I'll be with you, and sun's will rise again
Until such time I will endue, cries of my inner pain
We will reforge our broken links, and reconnect the chain

We're fighting for survival, in a battle we can't win
Our journey's end as closer, to the point where we begin
I'll find you at the crossroads, where the road is running thin
We'll join hands and you will know, I love you Sister Lynn

Do you get a "buzz" from "bingo", or do you need something more?
A "full house" can be a strain, and sometimes it's a bore
You dont want a "chicken basket", uncooked and almost raw
Send it back and clear the room, then lock up your front door

Excitement comes to a "full house", when the fat lady sings
It's tastier with fleshy thighs, that wobble like oiled springs
Her "chicken basket " I would grab, as well as other things?
You'll get a "buzz" from succulent *******, beneath her "bingo" wings

There was once a thriving colony,  of staff to clean your school
But that is all but over,  cos you've acted like a fool.
You know that "Duel Toe Urges" only make us lose our cool
If we "Let Sour Greed" take hold, then it's braking your own rule

"Our Geese ****" were cackling once, when we used to have a laugh
All that has been ruined now, with sections on the graph
Why "Steel Our Edge" why alienate and ridicule the staff?
The sad demise is obvious, with the workforce cut in half?

I'm only trying to pay my dues, by earning a few bob
But having a "Rude Leg To Use" is something I would lob
I'd rather chuck the "Sealed Rug Out"  if I am on the job
No one needs a " Used Leg Route",  if you act like a ****

You don't realise what the problem is, why don't you let things be
It's known "Ogle Deture Us ", if that's all that you can see
When it's a "True Log Used" you're completely off your tree
But since I am resigning, then it doesn't effect me

Birthdays come and swiftly go, which doesn't seem that fair
Regrets are often prominent, when none of us are there
Saddness is a factor, but that's something we all share
But nowerdays its nothing new, and unfortunately not rare

So try to have a better day, then ones that went before
Cos life gets so much harder, and emotions are too raw
Years are passing quickly, then there're lost forevermore
A birthday wish could easily mean, age is our biggest flaw!

Regardless of my mental state, I will send my thoughts your way
I often think about you, when my lifes in disarray
Your there at night when I'm alone, and when we used to play
Our childhood dreams were better than, another lost birthday

You have a look about you, that is far beyond compare
I love your skin complexion, and I love your silver hair
The fact of your maturity, you know that I don't care
A certain kind of beauty, is so wonderful and rare

Is beauty on the surface, or a shallow point of view
Attractiveness is what I see, every time that I see you
I can never get enough, but that I think you knew
There isn't anybody, that can do the things you do

Age it doesn't matter, and to me it's no red flag
Your a golden oldie, and you've never been a hag
I class myself as lucky, so I hope I'm not a drag
Who cares what other people think, when their fingers start to wag

You may think that your haggard, but you always look so fine
I think your rather ****, and your body is devine
Much tastier than mature cheese, and better than red wine
There's nothing wrong with older girls, their better by design

The whole world is in lockdown, no country is immune
We're all told to stay indoors, and not come out too soon
Like being in a chrysalis, cooped up in a cocoon
Social structure has broke down, burst like a flat balloon

We can't go out to party's, or be in a crowd
Pubs and cinema's have closed doors, locked behind a Covid cloud
Restaurants are out of bounds, because that is not allowed
Our enjoyment has been obscured, and covered in a shroud

Forget whatever we once knew, because there is a different law
Our freedom is now compromised, and large gatherings are no more
Perhaps we were over populated, when they opened the flood door
Thousands of people have now died, and that's without a war !

Everything has turned to ****, why didn't we take a stand ?
Barriers could have been raised, before it got out of hand
We might have stopped contagion, and the infection on our land
Acting sooner may have helped, but perhaps it was all planned ?

We should have closed our boarders, to lock out China's beast
Extend the quarantine abroad, to prevent our own deceased
Could homecoming pleaders, be why the death toll has increased ?
It makes me wonder, if this virus wasn't purposely released

Why speed up the outbreak, and bring our county to it's knees ?
It seems to me it has spread, with a sense of ease
The planet is now suffering, from a huge deadly disease
People think that your infected, if you just cough and sneeze !

The fears of our fellow man, and the entire human race
Drastic changes to our lives, we shouldn't have to face
We don't want people coming near, to invade our personal space
Is two metres far enough, with social distancing in place ?

Gloves and masks are being worn, and the public are annoyed
We're all anti socialists, because our life is now devoid
Most of us are scared to death, since Covid Nineteen was deployed
Ever since they let it loose, we have become more paranoid

Some people they are selfish, their far from being noble
Panic buying in the midst, of a pandemic that is global
It maybe worse than nine eleven, or the disaster of Chernobyl
Just think about the vulnerable, the elderly and immobile

No need to empty supermarkets, until there's nothing on the shelf
Stop buying an excessive amount, and only thinking of yourself
It's bad enough as it is, with the infection of world's health
Huge stockpiles should not be, the abundance of your wealth

Businesses have shut up shop, now the virus has been casted
Their efforts are most honourable, for however long they lasted
Do you need more sanitizer, is greed something you have mastered
Why purchase two hundred toilet rolls, don't be a selfish *******

Paracetamol is now scarce, with all of you go getters
It doesn't stop the disease, or being treated like we're lepers
Scaredy cats are even worse, than all the known bed wetters
How do we protect ourselves, cover the planet in French letters ?

The thought of even going out, causes so much apprehension
A short walk is excruciating, due to extra increased tension
Bus services have diminished, and most shops are in suspension
Some limited essential stores, but we're still held in detention

Holidays have been stopped, most of the planes are grounded
It's unfortunate your stranded abroad, why are you so astounded ?
Ignoring warnings not to go, so no one should be hounded
Staying would be preferable, soon as the alarm was sounded

A sudden interest in the homeless, they must think their on vacation
They only got them off the street, in case of contamination
We haven't had another war, now we're placed in isolation
Is this a way they can reduce, the surplus population ?

Ten people at a funeral, how are you supposed to grieve ?
A congregation cannot mourn, if their hearts not on their sleeve
The dead deserve much better, more respect for when they leave
Our family comfort is denied, it's an evil web they weave

You may clap for the carers, but upon closer inspection
They would prefer equipment, for their own personal protection
Some can't get the Covid test, it's an unnatural selection
People risking their own life, should be a health exception

Stay at home to save lives and protect the NHS !
A national emergency is declared, and the earth is in distress
Washing hands is paramount, but now it's in excess
Where is Coronavirus from, why did we grant access ?

China keep your viruses, don't be a whole world donor
We're ******* with isolation, and being our own loner
All of us are victims, but I am first class moaner
Everyone unite with me, and say ******* To Corona

Too many good kind people, we should never take for granted
Joyful times will always end, tears of the broken hearted
loved ones have been taken, ever since our time first started
No one knows the time or place, of our Dearly Departed

Precious lives lost in a dream, something you can not repair
Who decides a persons fate, who decides the when and where ?
We don't want to say goodbye, our hearts will bleed and tare
Nothing can prepare us, for the time when your not there

I'm tired of loved ones dying, so Death give it a rest
You take away our living hope, when you demand your final test
The legacy of one more soul, a diminished family crest
Your presence is unwanted, no one wants to be your guest

Time is short for us all, and none of us are spared
Everything will then be lost, when every heart is tared
Our times become a memory, with all that we have shared
It's the relentlessness of Death itself, with everyone who cared

Among the angels is our place, too many of us dying
The day will come when we are gone, and we're no longer flying
A wing that's clipped before it's time, without us even trying
We're left alone with loneliness, and the sadness of us crying

A living soul that fades away, why doesn't time relent ?
Looking back into the past, I wonder where it went
Why take the kind and pure of heart, why take the innocent
I will always think of, all the good times that we spent

A life that's touched a thousand souls, which everyone shall miss
We never wanted you to leave, now your lost in times abyss
Tears will fall for our auntie, our mother and big sis
Kind hearts won't be forgotten, because we love you our Mavis

Old king Cole was an unpleasant soul.
And a ******* ******* was he.
He fiddled with his pipe until it was ripe.
And he went on a fiddling spree.

Receiving a left hook, when he fiddled with the cook,
she said "your not getting it from me".
wanting to get laid, he tried it with the maid,
in his ******* she did knee.

No cash for a *****, showing him the door,
because he wanted it for free.
Down on his luck, cos He couldn't get a ****,
so he ****** the trunk of a tree.

Old king Cole was a miserable old sole
who ****** an Infested tree.
Dutch Elm Diseased ****, Well what a ******* *****.
so a poxy ****** he will always be.

Hush you ******* your just a ****.
Mama's going to bring you a big fat bird.

And If that big fat bird is a hag.
Mama's going give you her ring to ****.

And if that tight rings nice to ****
Mama's going to give you her **** to ****

And if those ******* start to choke
Mama's going to give you her **** to stroke.

And if that hot **** is bald as brass
Mama's going to let you lick her ****.

And if that pert **** gets to wet
Mama's going ******* and make you sweat.

And if you *** and sweat to much.
Mama's going to let you sniff her crotch.

And if that warm crouch is to full.
Mama's going get your **** to pull.

And if that **** pull makes you smile.
Mama's going to **** it *******.

And if ******* is so good
Mama's going **** on your manhood.

And if your manhood should go down
Your still the Dirtiest ****** in this town

So hush you ******* don't you cry.
I can always get that fat bird for you to try

When your trying to hook up and your told your not their type
I'm not quite sure what this means it's just pretentious tripe
I really do not understand what is everybody's gripe
The concept of a certain type its all contentious hype
What's the difference when your frisky and your sexually ripe
And all you want to do is get between that  furry stripe
Licking your moist *** bits, fingered with a rub and wipe
To achieve the height of ecstasy and excite your fleshy pipe.

If your logically minded then surely there's just two
Ones with inner **** holes, and cocky ones that *****
There is just men and women isn't this just true
It's a simple concept I thought that everybody knew
As far as I'm aware there's no one green or blue
But maybe if your on the ball then you'll be right on cue
Unless you're simple minded and you don't have ******* a clue
Or am I just not seeing it like that old Mr Magoo

Okay you could argue that some fellows like a ****
Or certain ladies prefer their *** underneath a girlie frock
Some people that swing both ways both sexes they don't block
And people who like old and mature this I would not mock.
Maybe you like sleek body's and your mind is in a lock
Or fat obese and overweight, an old fat saggy sock
Personally I go one way Like the hands on a straight clock
But I don't really see the difference this may come as a great shock

So next time someone fancy's you then just you stop and think
If you really want a **** then you give them a wink.
If you want a nice stiff one inside your **** mink
Open your legs apart and they'll **** the bit that's pink
If your into arses then that's the place they'll sink
Its really all the same when you release your ****** ink
So don't be single minded or you will probably stink
There's truly only two types, just don't be the weakest link

Age isn't kind to most of us, but Pete you know we care
When quality of life is lost, it doesn't seem that fair
It hurts to see you struggling, and it's more than we can bare
Especially with diminished souls, and the lives that we all share

We suffer from lifes cruelty, fate has a broken seal
Failing health that's far too frail, will fall away and peel
Maybe we are selfish, but as people that's the deal
And dignity is highly priced, when body's do not heal

Time isn't a great healer, it takes as it ticks on
Eventually you will all see, when everything is gone
Where darkness is, it used to be, the place where lightness shone
Life was so much better when, our stars were wished upon

I can't bare to see you suffering, life's one thing you can't cheat
We don't want to let you go, it would make us incomplete
Broken hearts they stay that way, it's something you can't beat
We love you dad you are the best, and loyal husband Pete

Who do you want to be ******* Mr ******
We hope you like up the ***

We are the boys who will play an ******* game
We are the boys who will make you *** again

So why don't you come and **** us Mr ******
If your into ******* bums

Mr. Brown, he's in town he's only 21
He's bumming in the ally and he's ready with his ***

So come on Mr ******, you can stick your **** in us
If you want to *** us, get on the ******* bus

So please put your **** up our arses Mr ******
We really want it up our bums

I'd like something **** tonight.
So how about some angel delight?
If you get undressed.
cos your naked is best.
I hope your knickers are loose and not tight.
When you do that, I'll stroke your wet cat, and when my ***** at its height.
I'll slip it inside and go in and out, we'll cream a few times before it gets light.
So if you want a good time I'll come round tonight and you can show me your ***.
I'll give you a kiss and a bit of a feel and I'll even have a go with your mum.
And we'll get naked and  both get wet and have some ****** fun.
And hopefully when the end comes, you will have a hot hole, full of creamy wet ***.

Lets have a good time for a while, dear,
It will make us both smile, dear,
with your legs apart.
Keep those legs wide, while I get inside you and we'll both feel each other's heart.

We'll *** again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll *** again
One *** filled day.

Keep ******* through
It's what you usually do
'Till your used and full and
Your *****'s flowing away

And I will go down below
To the **** that I know
I'll lick it out it wont take long.
******* all the guys that you know,
But I'll still have a go,
Even if it may seem wrong

We'll **** again
don't know where
not sure when
but I know we'll **** again
And we'll have it away.

And I hope that you know
If you wanted to blow
that I would help you along.
I'll be happy you know.
That your having a go
At ******* on my ****.

We'll *** again
Not sure where
Not sure when
But I know we'll **** again
One **** day

What has happened to assassins, why have they gone downhill?
Every target they aim for, they don't seem to fulfill!
Don't hire a bad marksman, don't ever foot the bill
They couldn't hit a pain of glass, stood on a windowsill

There is no rhyme or reason, why their not a slinging ace
Ironically a bleeding ear, improves your stupid face
A splash of red is excellent, with you it's no disgrace
The only thing that bothers me, it's in the wrong **** place!

Poor Donald may have earache, but no one gives a ****
This is a man who talks *******, who has no charm or wit
He should have bit the bullet, cos he is a *** head ***
Or dowse himself in flammables, and jump in a fire pit

What was the motivation, it's not really all that clear?
It should have been between your *****, instead of your fat ear
The reasoning I understand, cos we wish you'd dissappear
A successful hit would work the crowd, and everyone would cheer

Since gunners cannot do the job, they need a real good kick
Why did they miss that shredded wheat, on top of that blonde *****?
He must of been in earshot range, it really makes me sick
That he escapes from this ordeal, with only a small nik

Aim for that ****** comb over, with a steady arm and fist
Rheumatism is no good, nor is a broken wrist!
Knuckle down and fire your gun, don't act like you are ******
More practice would be better, to a gunman that has missed?

Take a note from Disney, don't try your useless luck
Classics are the way to go, you should've "Donald Duck"
Fall to your knees and kiss some ****, before you pass the buck
You're just a **** I guarantee, that no one wants to ****

You could've spared the bloodshed, but perhaps it was all for show?
It's a pity it weren't Robin Hood, he's a master with a bow
Instead of which you'll hear us chant, "ear we ******* go"
A wicked man will always reap, whatever he may sow

For all we know this blood letting, could be a public stunt?
Cos we all know you're nothing more, than a lying ******* ****
You're unscrupulous and self obsessed, and you pretend to be upfront
A little man with a large head, the size of an elephant!

Bad Assassins are among us, so let's try another plan
If you want to get up close, pretend that you're a fan
Ask him for an autograph, so you can reach your man
Whack that sucker with a conch, and a jagged frying pan

Remember when your president, you're just a Whitehouse lodger
Unfortunately we wasn't spared, the artful *******
Harassment gains the title of, a ****** Jolly Roger
No one wants advances from, a ***** balding codger

The assassins guild has gone to seed, they've really gone to ***
Why can't they fire a bullet straight, why aren't they a crack shot?
Who trains these individuals, because they seem to miss the lot?
Could it be David Blunkett, or a trigger happy tot?

Mike Tyson wants to bite your ear, because you're nothing but a chump
It's good to talk with old B.T. but Buzby's got the ****
Listen-ear when Arthur says, your a great stupid lump
We have no time or sympathy, for Gumpy Skunk Haired Trump

Before our time slips away, we lose what we hold dear
Little peices of our lives, diminish year by year
Occasionally we may feel joy, with sprinkles of good cheer
You loved us through the ages, but you are no longer here

They say the dead can't hurt you, perhaps that is misplaced pride?
Cos at this current moment, there's a hollow space inside
I'll always feel a deeper pain, just knowing that you've died
You can't replace a missing link, wounds open and untied

I will remember all those times, that you and I have shared
And even if it is not shown, you know I always cared
Love it comes in many forms, worn hearts are easily teared
We cannot escape the emptiness, as none of us are spared

No matter what your destiny, no ego you will bruise
There is a path that we all walk, that nobody can choose
Life's like a melting iceberg, it drips and then we lose
We may all weep as puddles form, on rivers we all cruise

My thoughts will sometimes wonder, to the place where you may lay
And you won't be forgotten, I will think of you each day
If I could only tell you, if I could only find a way
To say that we all love you, before our time slips away

The day that you were taken, I don't mean to sound so callous
But just for once when you arrive, beyond that golden Palace
Saint Peter please lock up the gates, no drinks left in the chalice
You could then come back to us, our dearest Mother Alice

One final night I'll spend with you, my loyal faithful friend
I'll lay with you my precious one, until the bitter end
My heart is carved with memories, as the hours tick away
You know I would do anything, to hold you one more day

Your bowl will now stay empty, your ball a lonely toy
I'll miss you my Dear Darwin, my beloved special
Boy
You'll be there when I'm lonely, and in all my shedding tears
I will think of all those happy times, throughout the many years

We don't have long before the dawn, your presence we shall miss
And you won't be forgotten, as we share one final kiss
You've been with me for 14 years, now I'm waiting for the light
Until we're reunited, for at least one final night

I am a concert lover, I do enjoy a gig
Every time the music starts, it's something that I dig
The groups and solo artists, the singers and their rig
Impressive lights and instruments, amped speakers loud and big

A ticket to a live event, well it maybe far away
It doesn't matter if its New York, or the outskirts of Bombay!
There is no better feeling, as the band begins to play
And Just like Lady Gaga, I was born to be this way

Precious ink's I'll have for life, is something that I do
Well let me tell you bluntly, that I love a good tattoo
Pictures of a wolf and webs, or maybe a "Ghost of You"
How many tattoo's do I have? Well let's say one or two!

I may have expensive hobbies, they're worth every hard earned cent
At least I'll have the memories, of the places where I went
The pictures on my body, are for everything that's meant
I don't regret a single pound, of what I might have spent

Life's too short to squander, do whatever makes you smile
Everything that brings me joy, well please turn up that dial
Far and wide I've traveled, I will go that extra mile
I'm really just a good time girl, I'm a Tattooed Melophile