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 Aug 2013 Kimberly
Alison
Tomorrow
 Aug 2013 Kimberly
Alison
Tomorrow I'm going to the lighthouse
And I'm going to draw all the beautiful things I see
Because people don't take enough time to see it

They don't see the ocean as an enormous creature
They see it as a place to lounge and capture food

They don't see clouds as beutiful gigantic structures
They see a shield from their precious sun

People don't understand the beauty around them
People are so indulged in luxury and technology
That all they see are things they want to see
And the beautiful things are trapped behind the selfish human mind
 Aug 2013 Kimberly
Natasha
There once was a girl
Blonde, with a southern drawl
Told by many
She was the fairest of them all

But all too soon
Her face seemed all but alive
And she said to me
"Things as fair as me, are not allowed to survive"

She became dependant
And lost the light that once sparkled in her eyes
And as fast as the world had spit her out
She let it **** her back in, and died.
 Aug 2013 Kimberly
Sonia T
Showers
 Aug 2013 Kimberly
Sonia T
I stare at myself in the mirror
Bloodshot eyes
I laugh, a familiar lump
Rising in my throat

Showers
Always the best time and place to cry
Why?
Maybe it's because the water falls to the ground, together with your tears

I step in
The cold water shocks me and I immediately relate
Cold, just like my empty, bare soul

Sometimes in the shower,
You never know if you've stopped crying
As your face is always damp

Slowly the water heats up and
The tears let loose
Ragged breathing, choked by the steam filling the bathroom

Lonely.
Helpless.
Disappointed.
Am I loved? Not anymore I think
But there is some warmth left
Only from the hot water running down my back

I know what you're thinking
'What an emotional kid", right?
But you can't hide the truth
That you were once finding comfort from your shower
 Aug 2013 Kimberly
manicsurvival
I worry that the only reason I have to write is because no one will listen to me
I can't leak my thoughts to my psychologist or psychiatrist or parent because I know that my words aren't safe and that legality triumphs anything I say
I know that I'm like lava at its boiling point, about to erupt
I know that I'm self destructive and that things are only getting worse
I have so much to say, maybe if I told the entirety of the truth, I could be helped
But I fear the corrupt system too much
And I don't want to say anything to my parents because they have watched my prolonged mental distress and they have seen my breakdowns and hysterical fits and they've heard my screams
I've been medicated
SSRIs and Xanax and Ativan and Prozac and Klonopin and Lexapro
I've spent hours in a therapist's office, only to censor my life and hear a psychology major regurgitate everything I already know
I can't stand it anymore
I want to be high on **** forever and laugh at nothingness
I want to be drunk to the point where I forget that life is even a thing
I want to kiss his lips and touch him every moment of the day because I'd feel loved even if I wasn't
I hate what has happened
I hate what is happening
I hate that I've changed
I hate how hard I try because the payoff never seems to pay off
And that I try to keep changing but everything isn't enough and everything won't ever cut it
I don't know what to do
I need endorphins and serotonin and beta-blockers and benzos
I need to know that this isn't a never ending cycle
I need to know that what I'm feeling is temporary and that this isn't what my life will be like
I need to tell my therapist and my doctor and my psychiatrist that I don't know what to do anymore and that the thoughts that control me are no longer bearable because I know that I want to live
I know however, that if I say the wrong thing, my words will be reported to DCFS and I could be baker acted and I don't want that to happen
So all I have in the end are my thoughts, killing me inside every moment of everyday
Tearing me apart like my lungs can no longer expand
Like my heart can no longer pump
Because my mind controls everything, and everything is in flames
 Aug 2013 Kimberly
manicsurvival
I have felt abandoned ever since you left me sitting alone after school on my birthday
So when I woke up after my surgery, it wasn't surprising that you weren't there
You broke me on that day
My thirteenth birthday is representative of the disdain I feel toward you
And I sit here, at 6:15, you said you'd be home at 4:00
Although I'm angry at you, I'm angrier at myself...for thinking that you could keep your word
I've felt neglected for 5 years
People really never change
Thanks, Mom
Broken
Is not being shattered
Into a million pieces
Broken
Is not being suicidal
Though that certainly is a part
Broken
Isn't when the pieces don't fit
Or you keep trying
But it keeps falling apart
Broken
Means not knowing what to do
With those pieces
Broken
Is being unable to meet people's eyes
Because you don't know what the hell
You're doing there either

Broken
Is 3:40 AM
Looking into the eyes
In the mirror
What do you see?
 Aug 2013 Kimberly
manicsurvival
Lolled into slumber
The leather of my headphones hug my tired ears
My eyes can't focus anymore
I hear notes and words and melodies
Lolled into slumber
I know that I'll finally be at peace
Alone
Finally away from everything I hate
And everything I love
Lolled into slumber
I'm thankful
Thankful that I made it through
Lolled into slumber
I wonder what I'll dream of
Sometimes I pray that I'll dream of the perfect future
Other times I pray that I'll dream of the man I once loved
Lolled into slumber
I don't want to sleep
Because with sleep comes the commitment to wake up
And I don't want to commit to that
Because REM is so much better than whatever comes my way
Lolled into slumber
I can't control anything
And I need to control things
Lolled into slumber
But I turn the lights on and go berserk
I start reading and researching and cutting and pasting and eating and not eating and it's a mess
Lolled into slumber
I stare at the screen of my phone
Hopeful that I'll receive a text that will change something
Lolled into slumber
I have no choice but to fall asleep
 Aug 2013 Kimberly
Jake Backlund
Julie steps off the bus Friday night before 10 pm.  She has had a long week at the store and wants to get home to relax.  Julie manages a franchise jewelry story and needs some down time in order to maintain her fragile sanity.

Friday is casual day at the mall, so Julie is relaxed in her designer blue  jeans and black sweater jacket over her blouse.  She is also wearing her signature black and gold baseball cap that she likes to wear when it’s cool outside.

Julie lives in a busy and congested neighborhood and isn’t crazy about the two block walk to her house from the bus stop. She doesn’t think its necessary to own a car as she likes the exercise of walking, and of being outdoors often.  However, as the bus drives away an eerie feeling creeps into her mind.

Her eyes begin to dart from the shadows of the trees as they rake in the cool night.  The tall timber sway back and forth in the breeze. A creaking sound crawls throughout her mind as the acute awareness of her surroundings increases. Julie stiffens as she continues her steady pace. Her shoulders raise from the tension, she shakes her head and attempts to steady her breathing into a calm pattern.

Stop! You're fine, just like every other night, she tells herself. This city isn't known for violent crime.  Julie shakes her head as she tries to focus on just walking home without incident. Things seem to be getting quieter in the night.   Perhaps too quiet?  Until a rustle from behind her unearths her terror once again.

Julie turns around suddenly at the new sound.  Her heart is beating so fast that she can now hear it.  She stares at what is only apparently a bush in the dark, but she notices that the bush seems to be moving!

Her mouth gapes open in realization. Something,  something is wrong. A dark figure seems to be within the bush. Paralyzed by her fear, she can't move and stands perfectly still.  Only the light breeze lifts her hair as the only sign of life in her body.

Julie stares at the shadowy figure intently for several agonizing seconds before she begins to see what the figure actually is.  A large branch with its leaves still on it has fallen onto the sidewalk from a large nearby white pine tree.    Oh my God!  What a relief!  Julie gasps and puts both hands on her face as she starts to feel the sweat pour down her neck from the terror.

At that exact moment in time,

A man from directly behind her lumbers toward her.  One quick step at a time. Julie freezes in terror as his shadow from the dim street light behind her reaches her feet. The man reaches her just as she is able to partially turn around at his sound.

Julie blacks out as her head is brutally forced into a collision with the concrete.  Warm, red, blood paints the sidewalk as life leaves her permanently.

An hour later Detective Olson calmly tells his partner Detective Reynolds, “I can only surmise that this young lady fell to her death from a freak accident.  There doesn’t appear to have been any struggle or foul play.  I will try and get ahold of her mother in Binghamton, but this seriously looks to be an accidental death.”
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