I'd forgotten for a little while
But it's hard not to miss
The simpleness and little things
Like the moments when we had kissed
It wasn't long and you were gone
But swing sets and certain songs
Remind me about who we are
And where we were right then
And if the best of days could be named
Then surely they'd be after you

You keep me up all night
And race with me through the day
Swirling clouds of wonderment
Things I dare not say

Playing games of "what" and "if"
For things that shall never be
I find myself my future
What I want to touch and taste and see

All figments of coarse, but still
The longing I can not hide
Fears of failure, faded memories
All bundled up inside

He's playing the harmonica,
Drums and cymbals too,
An accordion between his hands,
Bells upon each shoe.

He entertains the passers-by,
Coins land in his cap,
They gasp to see so many things,
Done by just one chap.

A mother watches, unimpressed,
I think with good cause.
For though she's doing more than him,
She gets no applause.

I am scared. I am scared of failing, of never prevailing; of being let down and being let go. I'm scared of you hurting, of never really learning, of not being here to get to watch you grow. And tomorrow: who knows what it brings; thousands of things, that seem to sing, and scream, and claw at my head. Making my eyesight swallowed in red. And it's  said; I won't forget you I know that it's true. But the days pass by and I'm almost through. Why can't you, just come with me when I go? Just drop everything and come and hit the road. But I'm selfish, for even thinking such things. The emptiness consumes me and I want to just scream; your name, my anchor, my truth. The one one who made me believe, that's you. And I know, I overwhelm you and put the stress in your back. And I say things I shouldn't and I never relax. And you get quiet or maybe don't reply; and sometimes I sit here just waiting and die. It's not your fault.. I know I'm too much. I guess I just have an issue with trust. I have an issue with forgetting, with just letting go. Especially when I remember everything you don't know. I'm okay with being loved how I am now. Of sometimes hitting cold shoulders and frowns. Of watching you drown; even when I throw you a rope. Even when I try to give you some hope; a smile, my shoulders to lean. But I don't know if you listen to me or anything. I tell you I love you, that you're my whole world. I don't just say this to you to give you a whirl. To hear something back; though I admit it'd be nice. I haven't heard it for awhile; maybe once or twice. See the truth is, I'm pathetic. But it's the way that I am. Holding onto your words with both of my hands. I'm terrified, to ever let you go. Though I have a friend similar and she says she knows; that when I go, it'll never be the same. That you'll forget my name and from where I came. From who I am, and how I act. She said that all I'll see is your back; as it turns from me and walks out the door. I think if that happens I'll just sit on the floor. Give me a jacket to hug myself and a pinwheel to blow, spin round and round and see where it goes. Because that's what I'd be like; just spinning round and round. Waiting for you to come back around. To visit, to text me, to call me goodnight. I'm not gonna hold you back from your life. I want you to grow, to meet somebody new. To have a best friend who can be there with you. I want you to go on adventures and laugh in the sun. Someone to be there to let you have fun. And not be so protective as I always was. Let you lean on them and give you their love. I'm preparing for my last night to be a final goodbye. Just because what if it is, and I never got to cry? Or tell you how I love the color of your eyes; your humor.. There's so many things. So many things that I'll always sing; and keep in my heart. Together forever and never apart. Well, I guess apart. And like I said I'm scared. I know you'll see this and won't say a word; it's not how you are, of that I'm sure. Just know that I spent an hour, lying in my room. Trying not to call you and tell you I love you. Trying not to text you, just to say sweet dreams. Trying to not think of you and everything you mean; to me. I'm terrified and I have been every day. And I will be every night until I go away. And I'll probably sit in my room there, a few hours up the state. And write about the way you are on another hundred page.

She had seen him there
At the party
Dark eyes watching her
From the corner
As she danced

He had not been there
When she left
Dark skies blanketed her
And stars lit the way
As she began her walk home

She had not taken this path before
To get home
A glowing field allured her
With nearly fluorescent flowers
So she took this shortcut

He had seen her approaching
Full of new memories
Then stopping
Hesitating to make the decision
To go left through the field

She had soon felt him
Among the treacherous flowers
His dark presence in the wind
His words soon blended in
As he moved in closer

He had not lingered
To see her awaken
On the grass outside the field
Red mixed in yellow
**** seed dust