Wasted breaths caught on my fingertips as I count the hours
Flickering stars twinkle like lights slightly low on power
And I wish I was sleeping but sleeping is a luxury
And it seems it cannot be afforded by me

I have wasted too much time with my eyes shut closed
Being foolish enough to think as I slept, time froze
Only to wake and see my day had turned to twinkling stars
And from today, now yesterday, I was so very far

If I asked politely for these hours to be returned to me
Would I expect my precious day to come back again freely
Or should I find a way to waken once more to sunlight
By closing my eyes once more tonight

When you look at her,
You crack a smile.
When you look at me,
You look right through.
I'm sure you know,
How I feel.
But when she comes by,
I mustn't be real.
Do I mean a single thing?
In your heart do I have a place?

I wish I knew.

How does one know when they are in love?
To find that one special person
And to complete the other
Fully one,
together.

But when you look at her,
I disappear.
I wasn't ever real
Am I at all?

I wish I knew.

Saw your pictures, Mom
the sadness in your eyes so calm
There was a minute when
I barely recognized your face
Shame on me
look in the mirror and see
your features have left a trace

Well your pictures look great
March 20th, 2013 was the date
An obituary photo shoot
how fabulously like you
Preparing for sad days ahead
planning like you’re already dead
Morningside Cemetery plot number six
another family member to add to the mix
Tombstone of granite
grapevine wrapped cross engraved on it
These conversations are sad but true
you only want less for me to do
I’m sorry because you love me so much
while I’m here in Chicago far out of touch
Call as much as you please
hearing your voice is the worst tease
I want to see your face now, hold you tight
please just know I'm doing alright.

mad, bad and dangerous to grow,
fed and sativa both,
the two I want to smoke,
and hang high on that green rope.

I see you dangling from the Christmas tree/
blowing minty kisses to me/
my eye is caught by your red and white/
twisting in bower of forever-green height/
let me express my love to thee/
by singing you some lovely karokee/
please take my bow, and hook my finger/
I am better dancer than I singer
oh the snow drift must have made your skin/
with a sunset blush of red crimson.
I shall draw us in the windows fog/
and reveal that heart in breath of nog/
and even tho other candy might get jeolous/
we will still hug and kiss and let no one tell us/
that our love will be of short duration/
because man and candycane is only a tasting/
our love will always last I implore/
like your minty taste and striped contour/
oh how cute you look in my palm/
jiving to these christmas psalms/
oh but now you look so pallid/
you look all white like iceberg salad/
the sunset has left your cheeks,
snowblind, my eyes that could not see.
oh the pain my heart revealed/
that I should have kept your plastic sealed/
the kisses and licks that I have gave/
are sending you to an early grave/
oh my heart breaks seeing you so brittle/
my darling love is the size of a skittle/
so with one last kiss we will depart /
oh sweet candy cane you have broke my heart.

i find it hard
to turn inwards
when all my life has
been outwards, forwards, new words
but i hardly know why.

gravity pulls my body silently,
effortlessly to earth, as i
begin to drift in the stratosphere
a bird's eye view, i see everything
except nothing, which i know im
looking for.
yet, i hardly know why

i hardly know why
i feel betrayed.
so alone in this vacuum.
will i cry into the blackness, or
must i just light it on fire.
send smoke signals, call the doctor,
she's lying here dead. her visions went unanswered
unjustified, unsaid.

i hardly know why
i landed on earth.
i'm calling out loud, but im getting
the reverse.

i hardly know why
my emotions seem scattered
so invasive, agressive, and frankly too many
i can't stop, can't see, overload
help me.

but i hardly know why

and i hardly know me.