Because I thought I needed you,
I thought that I loved you.

I never thought I could be someone
Who would become so entrapped by the mind of another.
I considered myself to be strong. Independent. Able.

No matter how far we were in distance,
You managed to push me further and further into a mold I'd never fit;
A mold I came to believe I needed to embody.
Because you'd leave me if I didn't, I thought.
And I thought I needed you.

But it was impossible to share myself with you
When I was constantly forced into that mold,
Impossible to feel safe when I was told, "I love you" after you hit me.
It is impossible that I was really loved by a person whose touch caused me to sneak into the shower to clean myself,
and cry.
But still, I always came crawling back.
"I'm sorry," I'd say.
"It's my fault."

Two years later, I know.
It was never my fault you asked me to kiss the floor.
It was never my fault you needed me to tell you,

"You own me."

It was never my fault you forced yourself on me,
And it was never my fault you couldn't take "no" for an answer.
It will never be my fault.

I should not have let you take my dignity, my body, or my person.
But then again, you shouldn't have tried to take it.

Because I thought I needed you,
I know I never loved you.

Hidden in the warmth of the night,
Hidden by facade,
Pain lies in the dark.

I saw the darkness in your eyes;
Their immediate longing, followed soon, their inability to control.
You didn't stop,
You didn't stop.
Sadness, silence, and pain, finally,
In the darkness of your eyes;

But by then, the darkness had spread into mine.

The light in the darkness of that room,
that unforgiving light.
How it illuminated the darkness of your body,
How it dimmed the light in my heart.

And when you left, that darkness stayed behind.
You don't stop,
You don't stop,
You'll never stop.