My cigar awakes my sanity ...
I take a puff and I start to see,
I begin to think ,
I start to smile alone,
I regain my subconscious being .

The irony of talking to people not with me start,
I write to the dead,
They almost immediately reply,
And I begin  to own what I lack,
This makes me feel so good.

When my packet is left with two,
I begin to stress,
I see a hard time,
I regret my inabilities,
I call for more,just because i cannot live without.
I am addicted to cigarettes.

I don't know why.........
Perhaps i am yet to know,
But the people i love
Always dont seem to reply me love
Dont feel what i do,
They assume my internal emotion,
They drive me crazy,
They make me hate myself,
Perhaps i set quite big bars,
They cant make to climb...
Perhaps i look too ugly,
Perhaps i am never romantic,
But i have true emmotion!!!!!
Should i cheat to win?
Should i buy all of it?
No i dont know...
It just provokes alot anger
To be in love!!

Mere fore letter word punnish me,
Not a big deal to utter ,
But the reception pains....
No time,
No peace,
No anything ,
Just hate for love ,
Just pain for trust,
Just unkindness for patience and goodness...
I value not color,
Not size,
Not material ,
But charracter and appealing to the invisible
spirit and force...
I hate loving.
I will love no more.

I got my pen to write,
After long hours of thoughts,imagination and inspiration,
All I could write was,
"Oh my God,I got nothing better to write"
I ended my day there,feeling satisfied and okay.

My pen is pale
My pencil is blunt
My ego talks to me,
"Kirui Write anything-
As long as you paint."
I got to my notebook,
To write;
But it is tasteless......
It has no salts,
No sugar,
No not at all....
But my soul felt happy,
At least i tried.

i must be growing
day and night
because i am foolish evryday,
but
in different dimension everytime,,,,

I went before a mirror to check my aching eye,
I never saw my face,
Instead I saw my brain.
It had a very ***** thoughts of the past,
My sinful youthy character was conspicuous!
Mountains and valleys I climbed and rolled ....
I saw money I wasted in grave arrogance and ignorance,
The abject poverty I created was vast,
Debts I owe the world,in my wreckage friendship that made me a living corpse,
I am withdrawn and I lost sense.
......................
Very fast I withdrew from the mirror ,
And took my gun to shoot my brain!?,
But oh ****!!!!
I just used the last bullet to shoot my ****** past!